With the Heart and Underwear of Fire
by Diamond Avatar
Summary: Naruto wanted recognition, but not as a boxer shorts superninja! With challengers, girls, and women all hunting down Naruto's new alterego, he's going to have trouble making the real Naruto known! ActionRomanceHumor NARUXLOTTAGIRLSXBOXER
1. Who Owns those Boxers?

**With the Heart and Underwear of Fire **

**By Diamond Avatar**

**Chapter 1 – Who owns Those Boxers?**

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Naruto, or any of their terms, but I guess you couldn't consider Jutsu a Naruto term, since it's an actual term that is used to refer to actual ninjas at the time…. Something like that.

This is a story about Naruto's estranged recognition with the village earnt through strange means. A little bit of action, romance, and humor spliced together in this story. Romance with whom is the question. Hinata, Sakura…Maybe someone unexpected? Hell, maybe all of them? But it's going to be because they won't know that they're falling for Naruto! How does this work? Find out by reading.

Words in _italics_ are Japanese phrases, Jutsu, or inner thought.

* * *

As usual, two frantic ninjas that were well known for quarrelling could be heard throughout the park. People stepped around them, sighing, praying for the two to stop being so noisy every day.

"I'm twice the ninja you'll ever be, Naruto!" Sasuke yelled in rage.

"Oh yeah, well I'm three times the ninja you'll ever be, Sasuke!" Naruto retorted.

"I'm five times the ninja you are!"

"Ten times!"

"Twenty times!"

"Five hundred times you, Sasuke!"

"Well then I'm infinite times you!"

"Oh yeah! Well I'm…" Naruto squinted in thought. "Infinite you…plus three!"

"That's not even a real number, idiot," Sasuke said coolly.

"…Shut up!" Naruto puffed. "People call me the 'most surprising' ninja! Everyone knows that surprise is a ninja's strongest quality!"

"That's not the kind of surprise they meant when they dubbed you that, you noisy idiot!" Sasuke yelled in annoyance. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes. Then he grinned wickedly. "Okay, you want to prove you can surprise people? Surprise me. If you can keep out of my sight for twenty-four hours, I'll admit that you are the most surprising ninja."

"Ha! Is that all?" Naruto smirked heavily. "That's too easy! Maybe you should give me a handicap or something! Come on, pick anything!"

Sasuke's grin grew. _'Gotcha,'_ he thought to himself. "Okay, if that's what you want. You have to stay hidden from me, wearing only your boxer shorts and undershirt."

Naruto stared at him blankly. "What? Naked?"

Sasuke nodded, then looked at his watch. He closed his eyes. "Okay, we'll start…now. _Undressing no Jutsu!_"

Naruto blew up in a puff of smoke. When everything cleared, he found himself in his heart patterned boxers and white shirt, with his orange outfit in Sasuke's hands. "W-W-What the hell kind of stupid _jutsu_ is that, you crazy moron!"

"_Undressing no Jutsu_, it's academy stuff," he shrugged. He kept his eyes closed, not wanting to see Naruto naked, fearing it would burn his eyeballs, and he'd lose his precious Sharingan.

"No it isn't!" he cried angrily. He froze, feeling eyes staring at him. "Gah, you could've at least given me a chance to run, you ass!" he yelled as he flipped away, leaping for the nearest rooftop and dashing off. Sasuke just looked up, and when he was certain he left, he started dancing, humming out music.

"Oh yeah, twenty-four hours without that peanut-brained loudmouth!"

He noticed people had begun to stare at him. He slowed down to a halt, clearing his throat.

"Um, my, uh, _Dance no Jutsu_, from the academy, um, sure is effective. Indeed," he nodded to himself. He walked away quietly, confused stares creeping on his back.

* * *

"_Yoush!_ I'll just sit tight here!" Naruto said confidently to himself. "I won't let Sasuke find me for twenty-four hours and make him admit I'm the better ninja!" he stopped and thought. "Was that what he said he'd do…Ha, of course it is!"

Naruto had 'cleverly' disguised himself onto the roof of a local twenty-four hour general store, filling his hands and feet with chakra to grip the roof as well as donning camouflage to look like the roof's texture. He smirked, chuckling to himself. "You're mine, Sasuke!"

* * *

Twenty-three hours had passed. Needless to say, any ordinary person would have grown tired of holding the ceiling long ago. In Naruto's case, his limbs were all cramped, his face squished in pain and fatigue. His arms and legs were shaking, eager to let go.

"Not yet… Almost won…" he muttered. "Then again… Maybe if I get off for _just_ a minute…"

At that moment, he heard the doorbell chime and saw Sasuke walk in. Tears formed in his eyes. "What the hell kind of timing is this?" he whispered in exasperation.

"Hey, Sasuke-kun!" the manager greeted him. He was a burly man with a bushy moustache. Sasuke nodded in acknowledgement.

"Just milk," Sasuke said, placing the bottle on the table along with some cash. The door chimed again. Naruto glanced to see Hinata walking in, carrying a purse in her hand.

"Ah, g-good morning, Sasuke-kun," Hinata said with a bow.

"Mm," Sasuke grunted back. He pointed at his milk. "Getting milk."

"Ah, yes, I see," Hinata answered shyly. "That's good…"

"Yes it is," Sasuke said coldly. Naruto looked at the two in wonder.

"Man, what a dull conversation topic," he murmured.

The door chime went off yet again. This time, a strange man Naruto had never seen before walked in. He was roughly as big as the storekeeper. His jacket, which had a tall collar, shielded his face. Naruto tried to check for a forehead protector, but couldn't see one. On his back, he carried a menacingly large metal club.

"Welcome sir!" the store manager said. "Can I help you?"

"That depends," the man's voice was rude, ticking Naruto off. With incredible speed, the man whipped up his club hammered the manager, sending him to the wall. "I didn't use my full strength that time," he cautioned. "and if you put all your money into a bag and give it to me, I won't have to."

The storekeeper nervously got to his feet, taking out a bag and opening the register. "I-I don't want no trouble…"

"You!" Sasuke jumped up attempting to kick him, but he was easily flicked away by the man's club, sending him down the aisle and into the back wall, dizzying him. Hinata was about to check on Sasuke, but was grabbed by the man.

"Hmm," he glanced at her purse, "You seem to be loaded today. Care to spare some money for a poor man?" he threatened.

"G-Get away!" Hinata tried to attack him, but he had already grabbed her arms with only one of his hands. He was much bigger than Hinata, and much more powerful.

"Nobody is stronger than me!" he bellowed, snatching her purse. He rose her higher into the air, then threw her down the aisle towards Sasuke. But her flight was cut short, as she was caught by a ninja who masked his face and hair with a roll of camouflage that resembled the roof, and wore heart-patterned boxers and a white shirt. The only distinguishable features were his red eyes and forehead protector.

'_I have to be careful, or Sasuke will recognize me! Just gotta maintain the Fox's chakra for a little while…'_ he thought in a panic. He looked down at Hinata and said with a strain, trying not to lose himself in the Nine-tailed Fox. "Hey, are you okay, or what?"

"Ah…" Hinata looked up in confusion, feeling as though she knew this person, but couldn't recognize his eyes. He felt like someone she found important. Naruto looked up again and stared angrily at the thief.

"You!" he said, altering his voice to a deeper tone. "How dare you attack these people! I'll show you that I'm the strongest!"

The thief looked at the masked ninja with squinted eyes, before bursting out in laughter. "Some guy in heart-patterned boxers thinks he's stronger than me? Come on," he spread his arms and shut his eyes. "I'll give you a free shot!"

Nobody could see, but the masked ninja smiled underneath his mask. "Big mistake, big boy!"

The ninja set down Hinata, and raised his left arm. Red chakra began to swirl in it, static bolts flying out of it now and then. Naruto roared, the Fox's energy bursting inside him, seeping into his ball of chakra. The thief opened his eyes, noticing the powerful chakra. But he was too late. The masked ninja had begun his charge, and before the thief could react, he felt a massive force press into his stomach. The force would've flung him away had the ninja not grabbed him and held him down in front of him. "This is for hurting Hinata and Sasuke and the storekeeper man!"

The thief groaned in pain as the masked ninja carried him outside of the store. He then concentrated more energy, raising the thief above his head while still holding him into his ball of chakra.

"_RASENGAN!"_

The ninja let him go, and the thief flew up into the air at mach speeds. The ninja looked up as the man flew right out of the village. Naruto took a deep breath and relaxed. Until he noticed that everyone in the street was looking at him. He glanced around at the people. They looked at him in awe. Sasuke and Hinata had appeared at the store's doorway.

"Who are you?" Sasuke asked with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"Thank you…" Hinata said softly to him, but was drowned out by the townspeople's cheers.

"Woah, you rock, whoever you are!"

"You're one strong guy!"

"I love your boxers, man! LOVE 'EM!"

Naruto would've enjoyed the praise, had he not remembered Sasuke's challenge. _'I can't let anyone find out it's me!'_ he thought. _'Or Sasuke won't say I'm better than him!'_

Naruto jumped into the air, landing on the building's roof and jumping away. Sasuke jumped up after him. "Who are you!" he yelled, throwing a kunai at him. Naruto dodged by mere inches.

'_Not good, he'll catch me at this rate!'_ Naruto thought hard. _'Okay!'_

Naruto whipped around and ran straight at Sasuke. In surprise, Sasuke tried to reach a ready stance as soon as possible, planting his feet onto the ground with chakra and raising his arms to block any incoming attacks, which is what Naruto hoped for.

"_Kage Bunshin no Jutsu_!" he yelled quietly, hoping Sasuke wouldn't recognize his voice. Before Naruto could make contact with Sasuke, he burst into twenty copies, which ran in every direction.

Sasuke turned his head around, trying to work out which was the real one, but before he could activate his Sharingan, all the copies had gotten away. He cursed under his breath. "Who is that guy? If he took down that other guy where I failed, then he's probably much stronger than I am…Dammit."

* * *

Naruto dashed into his room through the window and ripped off the mask, breathing heavily. "_Mou…_Too close!" he panted. He took a deep breath, then cheered to himself. "Alright! Sasuke has to acknowledge me now! Yes!"

* * *

Within minutes, word of the masked ninja had spread throughout the village.

"Did you hear about him too? The strong Konoha ninja?"

"Yeah! Yeah! The really strong ninja who doesn't even need armor when he fights!"

"Heard he saved Uchiha Sasuke's butt! _The _Uchiha Sasuke! He must be tough!"

"I heard he uses super strong techniques!"

"I heard he's a really good looking guy!"

"I heard he wears amazing boxers!"

"Man, who could possibly own those boxers?"

Townspeople were going crazy for the masked heart-patterned boxer ninja. Everyone, that is, but Sasuke. He sulked in the park where he had fought with Naruto yesterday.

"Grr, who could this guy be?"

**END CHAPTER 1**

Reviews are appreciated and taken into account. Meaning, if I make any errors, please point them out to me, but I'd also like positive comments!


	2. Screw the Boxers!

**Chapter 2 – Screw The Boxers!**

**A/N: **Wow! I can't believe how much input I got on just the first chapter! Thanks for the support guys, and I'm glad that you find my story interesting! I really was aiming for something that's never been done before, and I hope that I can continue to entertain you all! Reviews as always are appreciated! Oh yeah, and as garretPI had kindly suggested to me, I'll be naming Naruto's new, yet unwanted, alter-ego in this chapter.

BTW, to Rook and anyone who missed it, the reason Sasuke doesn't know it's Naruto is because he had shut his eyes conveniently every time Naruto's boxers were exposed, so he doesn't even know that Naruto has heart-patterned boxers. Unless I miswrote it, which I hope I didn't.

* * *

"Nn…" Naruto groggily gained consciousness, his eyes squinting open, blinded by the rays of sunlight pouring through his window. He thought for a moment as to why he was tired, and remembered he had invoked the Fox's energy for a prolonged period of time the day before in his determination to beat Sasuke. He sat up, stretching his arms and yawning loudly, the blanket moving to reveal he was still in his heart-patterned boxers and shirt. Suddenly, his eyes shot open in realization.

"Sasuke's gonna acknowledge me today!" he yelled in joy, shooting up and running for the fridge. He grabbed a bottle of milk, ripped the cap off and slammed it down, only to find it was empty, as he usually found it.

"Oh well! I'm too happy to care!" he said with a grin, this time reaching for his orange juice. Once more he unscrewed the lid and tossed it down, only to find it was also empty. His eyebrow twitched slightly. "W-Well, this… This is nothing…" he said, forcing a smile.

He picked up a cup and stood in front of his tap, smiling eagerly. However, when he turned the knob, found that his water wasn't running. He stared at it with blank eyes. "Well… It's okay… Because… Sasuke will…"

He was interrupted by a horrendously loud growl emanating from his stomach. "OH MY GOD, I'M JUST WAY TOO HUNGRY!" he yelled, throwing on his orange jumpsuit in blinding speed and heading for his door, only to find he couldn't open it. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON TODAY?"

"Sorry sir," a voice called from the outside. "Moving furniture. Give us a minute?"

"Gah! I don't have a minute!" his stomach grumbled louder. "Ah! Screw this!" he yelled, dashing for his window. He threw it open and hurled himself outside, hopping buildings at breakneck speed for his favorite ramen stand.

Along the way, Naruto looked down at the people walking about and noticed that strangely, everyone had their eyes glued to a newspaper. "Huh? That's weird," Naruto noted. "Guess something big must've happened last night. But it couldn't have been as big as Sasuke having to acknowledge me!" he grinned broadly, continuing his trek for the ramen stand.

* * *

"Hey, old man!" Naruto said weakly. He finally arrived at the ramen stand, and looked as though all the fat and muscle had left his body, wrinkles covering his face and making him look like an old man. He didn't even have the energy to raise his head. "Three bowls of ramen on the double! And I swear I'll pay you back!" he begged, half knowing that the old man would just kick him out.

"Sure," came a dull reply, tossing three bowls onto the table casually. Naruto stopped panting for a moment to ponder this situation.

'_Did he just put three bowls of ramen, for me, without question?'_ Naruto rubbed his chin in wonder, then looked up at the old man.

Not only the old man, but even his assistant had her eyes glued to a newspaper, holding the paper in one hand and making noodles with the other. Naruto scrunched his face in thought, before shrugging and sitting at the table. "Hey, at least I get my ramen!" he said happily. "_Itadakimasu!_"

Naruto hammered into his meal like a monkey on steroids. During his meal, someone sat by him, a man with eyes also glued to a paper. "Morning, Naruto!" he said with a familiar voice. "At the ramen stand as usual, I see!"

"Iruka-sensei!" Naruto blabbered through stands of noodles, which flung outwards as he talked. "Eh? You're reading the paper too?"

"You mean you haven't heard?"

"Heard what?"

Iruka turned his newspaper around, showing Naruto the headline. It read 'Hero with Heart-patterned Boxers Defeats Famous Renegade Ninja!'

Naruto spat out a mouthful of ramen in surprise, before hurriedly picking it up with his chopsticks and swallowing it once more. "Wha-wha-wha-what's this?" Naruto said in surprise.

"Last night, a powerful ninja wearing boxer shorts, dubbed 'Boxer-sama' by the media, apparently beat up a world famous high priority runaway ninja, known for targeting numerous general stores, and robbing them without fail. While the runaway was attempting to rob a store Boxer-sama arrived and beat him up!" Iruka said happily.

"R-REALLY?" Naruto said, needlessly loud. "That's just… Great!"

Naruto felt himself getting really sweaty. _'This isn't good. If Sasuke finds out about this…'_ he gulped. _'Then… HE ISN'T GOING TO ACKNOWLEDGE ME! He'll know that I didn't stay out of sight for twenty-four hours!'_

"Anyway, this 'superninja' is the talk of the village! Maybe if he keeps popping up, he'll become world famous!"

"But I want to be the world famous one!" Naruto demanded. "I don't wanna make him famous!"

"What? Make him famous?" Iruka repeated in confusion. Naruto broke out in a stupid laughter.

"Uh, I mean… I don't want him to be more famous than me! Yeah!" Naruto huffed out, laughing even more. Iruka looked at him strangely.

"Don't worry Naruto!" he said, patting him on the back. "Someday, you'll be famous, just like Boxer-sama!" he said, as he pointed at a caricature of Boxer-sama, as described by witnesses. Apart from Naruto's attire, he was also drawn with more muscle and much taller. Naruto looked at it nervously.

"Of…Of course I will, Iruka-sensei…" he said with a sigh.

* * *

Naruto sat in the park on one of the trees, his face frowning.

"Gah! How did this happen?" Naruto mumbled to himself. "If Sasuke finds out, he won't let me hear the end of it, and he'll never say I'm better than him! I've gotta find a way to make people stop thinking about me as some boxer-short-wearing freak!"

He looked down and noticed Sakura walking with Tenten, Ino, and Hinata. At the notice of Sakura, he hopped down to greet them, taking his mind off his Boxer-sama problem for a moment. He landed right in front of them, making a flashy entrance as he was inclined to do.

"Hey girls!" he greeted them ecstatically. "Hey Sakura, how've you been?" he said happily.

"Yeah, hi, Naruto," Sakura responded dully, showing how little attention she was paying him. Hinata however, waved shyly to Naruto, her face flushed. Naruto saw that Sakura was in a deep conversation with Tenten and Ino. "Anyway, so I heard that he's a total hunk of a guy! They said he's as strong as a Hokage!"

"No way!" Tenten gasped. "But still, he did supposedly beat someone Sasuke couldn't, and also the guy that he beat was a really famous criminal!"

"He must be totally dreamy!" Ino said with a flutter, her eyes shining.

"Uh, who are you girls talking about? Me?" he said with a grin, posing. He was answered with a sharp blow to the face from Sakura's fist.

"Of course not, idiot! As if you could be anything great!" she sighed. "We're talking about Boxer-sama."

"He's totally awesome!" Tenten squealed. Naruto looked up at them from the floor, his nose bleeding slightly.

"But that _is_ me…" he mumbled. Hinata went over to Naruto in a worry, taking out another container, similar to the one she had given Naruto during the Chuunin exam.

"Um, if you want, you can have this," she said shyly, presenting the salve to Naruto. "It should help ease the pain in your face."

"Hehe, thanks as always, Hinata!" he said, accepting the medicine and dabbing it on his nose. "Man, I wish these girls wouldn't be such brutes and be more like you!" he commented with a smile. A smile, which was promptly wiped off by Sakura's foot.

"Who's a brute?" she said, her face burning with anger. "Come on, let's go somewhere else, where people will appreciate a great person like Boxer-sama!"

As they trudged off with a huff, a red-faced Hinata who was glancing at Naruto following behind them, Naruto pouted and squinted his eyes. "I've gotta do something about this Boxer-sama crap," he muttered.

Almost answering his need, he saw a small band of ninjas, roughly ten of them, hop out of nowhere. They had no forehead protectors on, and they quickly fenced off the park, with Sakura and the girls still within it. Four of them hopped to the corners of the park and began forming seals. Their comrades ran about the park during this time, knocking out all the male ninjas in the area, and capturing all the females and children, herding them to the park's center. Naruto himself was hit hard from behind, falling to the ground, and noticing a ninja's shadow jumping over him. He rolled out towards a tree and leapt up into the branches, peeking out through the leaves at the crowd of women and children formed, along with the six remaining ninjas.

A large barrier building around the park interrupted Naruto's gaze. Naruto realized that this came from the four ninjas that were forming seals. He looked around. All the males were either mere genins or townsfolk, nobody around who could stand up to the strength of six ninjas, who from Naruto's point of view seemed fairly strong.

"People of Konoha!" one of the ninjas, which Naruto presumed to be the leader, called out, using a jutsu to amplify his voice around the entire village. "One of your annoying ninjas has beaten up a good friend of ours, named Bashuma! We want this ninja! This ninja named Boxer-sama! And if he is unable to get past this barrier and beat us," he pointed at the crowd of women and children. "These people will all face… TERRIBLY EMBARASSING THINGS!"

Naruto looked out blankly. "…Riiiight."

From outside the barrier, crowds were beginning to build up, high-level Jounins and Chuunins being called for. Naruto already formed something of a plan. "Okay," he whispered to himself. "If I go out there, and get my butt kicked, they'll think that Boxer-sama is just a loser! Then I'll change back to Naruto and kick their asses, and I'll be recognized!"

Naruto quickly began stripping into his boxers.

"Prove how great you are, Boxer-sama!" the lead ninja challenged. "If you don't get here in three seconds, I'll start undressing the girls!"

"No! Yuck!" all the girls wailed. The ninjas giggled in a girly manner, their faces going red. "Oh my gosh, these ninjas are total perverts!"

"Hey!" a deep, strong voice called out. "Leave them alone!"

The ninjas stopped giggling, and turned towards the voice's direction. There stood the red-eyed Konoha superninja Boxer-sama, clad in his famous boxers and his Konoha forehead protector, this time having a scarf that Naruto 'borrowed' from a nearby unconscious genin. He pointed at them. "I'll show you what happens when you hurt the people of this village!" he announced.

'_Perfect! Now I'll just let them beat me up!'_ He thought to himself. _'But I better be quick, using the Fox's energy is no walk in the park… even though I am in a park…'_

"Wow," one of the ninjas muttered to his comrades. "He got through the barrier without us even seeing him!" They noticeably began to sweat nervously.

"Don't be afraid!" the leader called, pointing back at Boxer-sama. "Attack him with all your might!"

The ninjas uncertainly moved to engage Boxer-sama, all forming various seals. Boxer-sama prepared for their attacks. One by one, the ninjas began finishing their seal formations.

"Fire Ball!"

"Water Bomb!"

"Dirt Clump!"

"Air Thrust!"

"Gravity Push!"

"Sheep Rampage!"

"Sheep Rampage?" Naruto mumbled before a crapload of attacks hit him directly, smoke filling up the barrier, followed by a rampage of chakra formed sheep trampling across him. When the smoke cleared, Naruto was lying in a heap, in the middle of a large crater.

"Ha! This guy's nothing!" one of them said. "Let's finish him already!"

"Wait!" the leader exclaimed. "This can only mean one thing… He's playing us!"

The other ninjas looked at him in confusion. "What do you mean, sir?"

"He took out Bashuma in one shot. He _must_ be playing us!"

Naruto looked up, wondering if his plan worked. Due to the previous attack, not only was Naruto in no condition to move, his ears were ringing with the sound of 'baa'ing. He couldn't make out what they were discussing. Suddenly he saw four of the ninjas head for the group of women and children they had captured, and each grabbed one. To Naruto's horror, they had grabbed Sakura, Hinata, Tenten, and Ino. The leader stepped in front of them and faced Naruto.

"Boxer-sama! I know you're just hiding your strength to surprise attack us! But I won't let that happen! If you even move funny, we're going to start undressing these girls!"

Naruto, still unable to hear, had no idea what they were up to. But noticing that his friends had been grabbed, stood up in pure anger, letting the red chakra seep from his body, making him burn red. "OI! LET THEM GO!" he yelled with a voice of rage, intimidating his opponents. He yelled, partly from rage, but mainly because he couldn't hear himself to control the moral of his voice.

"I-I said don't move!" the ninja repeated, signaling the other ninjas to grab the girls' clothes. The girls shrieked in embarrassment, much to the pleasure of their captives. "We'll rip their clothes off, I swear!"

"I CAN'T HEAR A DAMN THING YOU SAY, BUT I'M STILL GONNA KICK YOUR ASSES!"

He dashed at them in anger, scaring them even more. "DO IT! RIP THEIR CLOTHES OFF! HE'LL STOP IF WE RIP THEIR CLOTHES OFF!" the lead ninja called in fear.

The ninjas frantically tried to rip their clothes, but the girls struggled a lot, making the task difficult. Naruto had already begun his onslaught, completely forgetting his plans to make Boxer-sama look bad. He had turned into a red ball of fury, jumping onto each of them and belting the crap out of them with his bare hands. Within minutes of Naruto's frustration, all six ninjas were on the ground in a writhing pit of pain. Naruto's hearing had returned to normal, the ringing of sheep leaving him. Naruto headed over to the girls.

"Sakura, Tenten, Ino, Hinata, you all okay?" he asked, before slapping himself inside. _'Gah! I shouldn't use their names! They might know it's me and tell Sasuke, and then it's all over!'_

In a panic, he ran before the girls could answer, leaving them in awe that the famous Boxer-sama knew their names. He dashed right at one of the ninjas holding the barrier. "Break the barrier before I beat you up!" he yelled in despair. The ninja's face went pale as he hurriedly complied. The barrier fell at the loss of one of the ninjas, and Naruto dashed off over the hordes of people who began clapping in awe of Boxer-sama.

Had Naruto looked down, he would've seen Sasuke in the crowd, staring up at Boxer-sama with hard eyes.

"Who are you…?"

* * *

Naruto had changed back into a spare orange jumpsuit he had at home, and returned to the scene in order to pick up the clothes he left behind at the park. He saw the ninja band in binds, most of them badly bruised and wounded. Naruto walked past the group of girls on his path to the tree with his clothes, and overheard them talking.

"He's so amazing! He saved us! What a great guy!"

"Omigosh! I love him! _I love Boxer-sama!"_

"Goodness, his boxers, they're just so _awesome!_"

Naruto's eyes felt slightly teary.

"They finally like me…" he whimpered. "But it isn't me? This sucks!"

He saw Sasuke, and finally remembered he was meaning to get his acknowledgement. He strode up with pride, forgetting his worries.

"Sasuke!" Naruto called out. "I beat your challenge! You have to acknowledge me now!"

Sasuke didn't even look at him. "What challenge? I don't remember. Leave me alone, I'm busy," he mumbled to him with angst in his voice.

"…OI!" Naruto wailed. "I've been waiting for this all freaking day! You have to say I'm better than you!"

"Better than me?" Sasuke said sarcastically. "You're not even able to compete with that Boxers-idiot. Let alone me, idiot. You're an idiot, idiot."

"DON'T USE IDIOT SO MANY TIMES IN ONE GO! AND STOP CALLING ME AN IDIOT YOU…IDIOTIC IDIOT!" Naruto cried out in despair. "Man, now you're making me say 'idiot' a lot, you idiot!" more whining ensued from Naruto's mouth, heard by all, yet listened to by nobody. Naruto finally sighed and calmed down. "Man, this couldn't get any worse."

Suddenly, numerous ninjas from the various villages were arriving, all carrying notebooks or tape recorders or cameras. "We want to hear about Boxer-sama!" they explained. "He'll be famous throughout all the villages! It's a great scoop!"

Naruto sulked even harder. "Why, when I say it won't get worse, it does?" tears flowed from his eyes like waterfalls. "Someone make it stop, it sucks!"

Today, nothing seemed to go Naruto's way.

**END CHAPTER 2**


	3. Men and Women : Oil and Hot Spring Water

**Chapter 3 – Men and Women : Oil and Hot Spring Water**

**A/N: **Due to many past experiences, I'll state this now. WARNING! SUGGESTIVE SCENES IN THIS CHAPTER! IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY NUDITY, RISQUE JOKES OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT…WELL, PREPARE TO BE OFFENDED.

* * *

A week had passed since the incident at Konoha Village's park, and the name Boxer-sama was known throughout the many hidden ninja villages, even Sound. Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke were on a mission with Kakashi, in which they were taking care of one of the school's classes. Konohamaru's class to be precise.

"Man, I wish people would shut up about this Boxer-sama crap," Naruto complained as he watched the class run their 499th lap from the sidelines.

"For once, I could almost agree with you," Sasuke grumbled under his breath. Sakura was unimpressed.

"You two should feel honored that such a cool hunk of a ninja could be found in _our_ village," she scolded. Naruto looked at her in surprise.

"Did you… Did you just scold Sasuke too?" Naruto said in awe. Sakura's face went red.

"Wha… I… No! No, of course not, stupid Naruto!" she yelled, punching him in the face. However, inside, she too was very surprised that she was actually talking back against Sasuke. Boxer-sama was really getting to her.

Konohamaru and his class stopped in front of them, panting slightly.

"Were you guys just talking about Boxer-sama?" Konohamaru asked angrily. "I hate that guy! He thinks he's so great just because he beat up some guys. Naruto! Beat Boxer-sama up!"

"What? Beat myself up?" Naruto asked in confusion before hitting himself. "I mean… Yeah! Boxer-sama is a loser, I'll beat the crap out of him if I see him!"

'_Although I don't want to beat myself up…'_ he thought.

"You can't even beat me, idiot," Sasuke taunted. "If he's really as strong as a Hokage, you don't stand a chance."

"Shut up, you!" Naruto yelled at him in anger. Naruto's mood was becoming crummy, so he took it out on the class. "All of you! Five hundred more laps!"

"Eh?"

* * *

In the Hokage's office, Tsunade was frantically shuffling around numerous bundles of paper, made up of mission offers, notices, wanted posters, love letters, and newspaper articles. The one thing they had in common: they were all related to the one and only Boxer-sama. There was even a weird manga with him on the front, called "Boxer-sama no Boxers!"

"Dammit, this Boxer-baka is really making my life hell!" she yelled, throwing in a good amount of obscenities. Shizune, attempting to assist her on her own desk, tried to calm her down.

"Come now, Tsunade-sama, Boxer-sama has helped the villagers twice. You should think better of him."

"Better of him?" Tsunade said sarcastically. "He walks around in bloody boxer shorts!" She raised some of the papers to further prove her point. "And he's effectively quadrupled my workload! I've been working like a dog for a whole week, and I'm lucky if I get to sleep!"

Shizune smiled nervously. Unknown to Tsunade, she was also smitten by Boxer-sama's heroic persona, but didn't dare tell Tsunade; afraid she might try to 'beat the love out of her'.

A knock on the door was heard. Without waiting for a reply, a rough, white-haired man walked in casually. It was the famous Sannin Jiraiya.

"Yo, Tsunade!" he bellowed. "I see you're exactly the same as when I was here last week! Buried in work!"

"If you've come just to taunt me, I'll beat the crap out of you," Tsunade grumbled back at him. Jiraiya walked up, taking a seat in front of her table. He was about to put his feet up, but the death glare from Tsunade made him think otherwise.

"So you must really hate this Boxer-sama character," Jiraiya said, flicking through a notebook, mostly filled with the vital statistics of the many women of Konoha. "After all, knowing you, anyone who gives you work is as good as dead."

Tsunade arranged a few more papers before sighing and leaning back, deciding to take a short break. "Goodness, this guy… All of a sudden, everyone wants to hire this guy on all kinds of jobs. Look at this one," she picked up one of the recent mission requests she had recently filed. "A jailhouse in the Sand village was busted open, and they want him to catch all thirty escaped prisoners! That's just absurd!"

Jiraiya's face went red as he continued flicking through his book. "Ah, such beautiful numbers on you, dear…" he said, smiling like a pervert.

"PAY ATTENTION TO ME, YOU ASS!" Tsunade yelled, standing up, leaning forward, and flicking him on the forehead, sending him flying back to the door.

"I was! Really!" Jiraiya said in defense. He dizzily went back to his chair, rubbing his forehead sadly. "You know, if we're going to receive missions for him, we should try to get him to do them. After all, we can't just turn down requests, right?"

Tsunade sat down again, looking at Jiraiya. "It would help if we knew who this guy was…" Tsunade said. A smile slowly crept to her face, and she looked up at Jiraiya. Jiraiya looked back at her uncertainly, then realized what she was planning.

"No, ohhhh no, no!" Jiraiya said, waving his arms frantically. "No! I refuse! I have other things to do! Come on, Tsunade-san" he begged. "Did I ever tell you how beautiful you are?"

Tsunade cracked her knuckles before Jiraiya finally caved in. "Anyway, why don't you take some Genins or Chuunins to help you? Perhaps Naruto would help you out. Naruto's the kind of cute kid that will help you out for food," Tsunade said with a girlish giggle. Jiraiya smirked at her.

"'Cute Naruto' eh?" he said with a chuckle. Tsunade froze on the spot. "I didn't notice, but whenever Naruto's the subject, you sure do become a bit of a schoolgirl!" he said with a laugh.

"W-What are you talking about?" Tsunade screamed with a red face. "I just think Naruto's impressive for having such a strong goal."

"Oh, so now he's impressive?" Jiraiya said with a snicker. "Oh, sometimes it's so easy to see through the tough old lady!"

Shizune, who was eavesdropping quietly, had also noticed that Tsunade seemed to have a special place in her heart for Naruto, but didn't dare confront her about it. But it was obvious to her that Tsunade had in fact fallen in love with Naruto's strong personality.

"L-Let's just get back to the problem at hand!" Tsunade said, her cheeks red. "I want you to find out who Boxer-sama is, so I can go public about it and make everyone send his work to him directly. That way, I won't have so much damn paperwork!"

"Sure thing, sure thing!" Jiraiya smirked, standing up to leave. As he reached the door, he turned around once more and added. "And just for you, I'll try to get Naruto to come around so you can mother him for awhile! I bet you'd love that, eh, Tsunade?"

"Get out, you idiot!" Tsunade groaned in embarrassment.

Jiraiya dashed out, laughing heartily. As he exited the building, he took out another notebook, this one, while made up mainly of his sketches of female anatomy, also had a detailed section about Boxer-sama. It had all the descriptive information he could gather, for he too had become interested in whom this person was. Lucky for Naruto, nobody could recall what kind of move Naruto used to deal with the general store thief Bashuma, but it did contain information on his appearance.

"Boxer-sama, huh…" he thought out aloud. "What an interesting person."

* * *

Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke were sitting outside the school, waiting for Kakashi to come and complete the paperwork.

"That guy, late as always," Sasuke said in annoyance. The three of them sighed simultaneously. An hour had passed since the time Kakashi was meant to arrive, but they were growing used to his late-coming habit.

"Yo!" Kakashi's voice was heard as he dropped down from the sky in front of them.

"You took your time, dammit!" Naruto wailed. "What took you?"

"I got lost," Kakashi explained casually.

"That's a lie!" they yelled back in frustration.

"Well, anyway, here are your pays," he said, revealing three envelopes, with their names written on them. He handed them out to them. "Oh yeah, and I met Jiraiya on the way here. Naruto, Sasuke, he's looking for you two. Something about Boxer-sama."

Sasuke nodded, but Naruto almost had a heart attack. "Wha-wha-what does he want from us? And what about Boxer-sama? It's not like he thinks I'm Boxer-sama or anything, 'cos that's just _crazy!_" Naruto exclaimed.

Everyone stared at him in wonder for a moment.

"I don't know about that," Kakashi said to him. "And besides, Boxer-sama is supposed to be as strong as a Hokage, so I doubt he thinks it's you."

"ARE YOU SAYING I'M WEAK?" Naruto yelled in disbelief.

"I'm not saying you're super strong, let's just say that," Kakashi said with smiling eyes. "Another mission tomorrow, so we'll meet at the same place, same time."

Before Naruto could yell at him more, Kakashi burst in a puff of smoke and disappeared. The three of them looked at each other.

"What does Jiraiya-sama want with you two?" Sakura asked.

"Who cares, let's just get it over with," Sasuke grumbled. "Naruto! Let's go, idiot!" he yelled as he jumped off. Naruto chased him in annoyance.

"Why'd you call me an idiot?"

"Because you're an idiot!"

"NO I BLOODY AM NOT!"

* * *

After realizing they didn't know where Jiraiya was, quarrelling about whether or not to stop and ask around, _stopping_ to ask around, and complaining about who didn't want to ask around, and eventually beating the crap out of each other, they finally managed to find Jiraiya, who was sitting by a river, along with Neji, Lee (We'll consider him completely able-bodied, I haven't seen past that part yet), Kiba, Chouji, Shikamaru, and Shino.

"You guys took your time," Kiba growled, followed by a bark from Akamaru.

"Who cares, not like this is incredibly important," Shikamaru grumbled, lazy as always.

"What's going on, Ero-sennin? (Perverted hermit, hopefully spelt properly)" Naruto asked. Jiraiya grumbled.

"Don't call me that all the time!" he yelled. After clearing his throat, he prepared to explain what was happening.

"Now that _everyone_ has finally arrived, I will tell you all what is happening. I'm sure you've all heard of Boxer-sama?"

Everyone responded, showing hints of jealousy, hatred, or disgust at his underwear-inclined outfit. Naruto shivered nervously.

"Well, we have been ordered to find out whom this guy is."

Naruto laughed nervously. "A-Are you serious, Ero-sennin? You want us to chase some boxer-short wearing freak? No way these guys want to-"

"Let's do it!" the others yelled enthusiastically. Even Sasuke showed some spirit.

Naruto looked up in surprise. The others, even Shikamaru, looked up at Jiraiya, smirking evilly, desperately wanting to catch this guy and beat the crap out of him. He had made them all look weak, and they were especially annoyed that all the girls talked about him relentlessly. Naruto laughed out nervously again.

"Now, now. We're only trying to find out who it is. It's not like we're going to _kill _him or anything!" Jiraiya explained. The others sighed in disappointment. Except Naruto, who felt a bit safer.

"Well, we can at least beat him up, right?" Lee asked, greatly enraged that yet another person was taking Sakura's heart away from him. His eyes lit on fire, and he jumped to his feet and posed like his teacher, Gai. "I'll show him the power of my way of the ninja!"

"Yes…" Jiraiya murmured as they all stared at him. "Anyway!" he yelled, returning everyone's attention to him. "We will now begin planning on how we're going to catch him, and to do this, I've prepared a special exercise!"

"What kind of exercise?" Chouji asked, fearing it was some form of physical activity.

* * *

"Ah, the water's so nice…"

"Hey, let's play ball here!"

"Eh? This is a hot spring, silly!"

Naruto looked at Jiraiya in disgust. "This is your… exercise?"

Jiraiya didn't look at him, his eyes glued to the women in the hot spring. They were sitting in some shrubs, the others also finding it difficult to look away. Even Sasuke had a bit of a stare, but tried desperately to hide it.

"This is very important! I'm sure it will help us greatly to be here!" he said, chuckling.

"But this has nothing to do with catching him!" Naruto whispered loudly.

"Oh yeah… get up a little more…" a smile slowly broke into his face, as blood slowly broke out of his nose. "Oh yeah… That's the stuff, right there… Oh my love!"

Naruto was just about to punch him, when they suddenly heard the door to the hot spring open.

"Oh… My… God…" Kiba mumbled, followed by a perverted, soft bark from his canine companion. Naruto saw everyone staring more intently. Sasuke didn't even try to hide it. All of their noses had even begun to bleed slightly.

Naruto turned his attention to the hot spring, and would've screamed out if Jiraiya hadn't grabbed his mouth. Naruto watched in a combination of surprise, arousal, and horror, as Sakura, Hinata, Tenten, and Ino all walked in, covering themselves with towels. Even Naruto, who was very much against this kind of stuff, had a glowing face.

Their stares grew stronger as they began to unravel their towels, getting ready to clean themselves before entering the hot spring. But just as they were about to take their towels off, four more people came in. At their entrance, _every one_ of the observers, excluding Naruto, had burst into an enormous nosebleed, Jiraiya especially.

"Well, if it isn't four of the best busts in town," Jiraiya huffed, his breathing becoming faster as he jabbed tissue after tissue up his nose, causing his breathing to sound more nasal, like a bull. Tsunade, Shizune, Anko, and Kurenai had all entered, also covered with towels. The genin girls bowed and greeted the four. Tsunade and her company waved happily, joining them at the cleaning area, locked in conversation together.

"_Mou,_ having such a large chest is always a pain! It's hard keeping the towel wrapped!" Tsunade bawled.

"I agree completely!" Kurenai said with a sigh, pushing her pair inwards. "It's also a pain on my back and shoulders…"

"I quite like them like this," Anko said with a grin, grabbing hers roughly. "They're nice and juicy"

"Hehe, it's good mine aren't as big as your ones are!" Shizune giggled. "But still, mine are a big enough to hurt my back also!"

Naruto's face began to burn, as he tried to shove Jiraiya's hand off his face so he could leave. But Jiraiya, in all the excitement, had tightened his grip, beginning to choke Naruto. Naruto began fighting and struggling for air, but was completely ignored by everyone. Finally in desperation, he opened his mouth, sucked in some of Jiraiya's hand's meat, and bit down hard.

"YIIOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!" Jiraiya yelped in agony. All the boys looked up in surprise, as well as all the occupants in the hot spring.

"Who's there? Show yourself, pervert!" Tsunade ordered. All the girls looked up in surprise, glad they had yet to remove their towels.

"Quick, run, run!" Jiraiya ordered. The boys disbanded in a hurry, fearing for their lives, wanting to escape the clutches of girls like Tsunade, Sakura, and Ino. Jiraiya ran off after them.

"H-Hey! Wait for me!" Naruto yelped, clambering to his feet. But to his dismay, he lost his footing, slipping, and falling straight for the hot spring. He hit the water with a splash, the girls shrieking and climbing out of the hot spring, wrapping towels on.

Naruto burst out of the water, panting in air. "Too hot! Too hot!" he complained, wiping his eyes. As he opened them again, he looked out in surprise and horror. All the girls looked at him with surprised eyes. Especially the ones who knew him – Sakura, Ino, Tenten, Hinata, Kurenai, Anko, Shizune, and Tsunade. They stared at him, some showing embarrassment, namely Hinata and Tsunade, some showing plain surprise, Shizune, Kurenai, and Anko, but the one thing they all showed was pure anger.

"Naruto…" Sakura said, her voice rising slowly. "You…"

"IDIOT!" they all yelled, as they ran at him and trampled him. Apart from Hinata and Tsunade, of course, who were more concerned of hiding their naked bodies from Naruto's 'cute' eyes.

However, that doesn't mean he received any less of a beating. Jiraiya returned, looking down at the scene. He sniffled sadly, tears in his eyes.

"Naruto, you lucky bastard… What a beautiful harem…" he whimpered, obviously misinterpreting what was happening.

* * *

When Naruto finally managed to run out of the hot spring, chased by half dressed women, Jiraiya appeared and pulled Naruto away to safety. He brought Naruto to one of his old shacks in the outskirts of town.

"You okay, Naruto?" Jiraiya asked with a chuckle. "You looked like you were having fun."

A beaten, bruised, black-eyed Naruto stared at him, his eyebrow twitching. "If that looked like fun to you, then you are an idiot, Ero-sennin."

"Come on, come on," he bellowed. "Well, you may as well change your clothes, you'll catch a cold."

Naruto hadn't noticed that Jiraiya, throughout the time they had known each other, had begun to treat Naruto like something of a son, often finding himself worried about the little blond-haired child.

"Yeah, yeah…" Naruto mumbled, too fatigued to think. He began to remove his jumpsuit, zipping it down, revealing his white shirt, soaked and see-through, followed by…

That's when Jiraiya saw something that almost made him yell out.

"Naruto…You…You…." He stuttered. Naruto looked at him drowsily.

"What?"

"You… _You're covered in marks of love!"_

"THOSE ARE BRUISES, YOU STUPID HERMIT! BRUISES!" Naruto yelled, finally pulling his jumpsuit down past his stomach, to reveal his heart-shaped boxers, which he had, by chance, chosen to wear on this day.

Jiraiya looked up at him with a serious face.

"Naruto… _You're Boxer-sama?_"

Naruto jumped, his mind fully waking up one minute to late. He whipped around, standing in his shirt and heart-patterned boxers, looking for an excuse.

"Umm… Well…" he thought for a moment.

'_I know! Reverse psychology!'_

"Yes! I am Boxer-sama," Naruto said casually. From Jiraiya's surprised reaction, Naruto put two and two together.

"That… didn't work as well as I hoped."

Once again, Naruto proves that he is quite unique, being one of the few, if not the only, superninja around to lose his hidden identity within one week.

**END CHAPTER 3**


	4. I Hate Boxers! Part I

**Chapter 3.5 – I Hate Boxers! Part I**

**A/N:** Again, I have to thank GarretPI, who gave me an idea on how to show why everyone hates/loves Boxer-sama so much. I'll be using sub-chapters to add extra stories if the need comes. I felt bad being unable to add everyone's reasons for liking or disliking Boxer-sama, so if I need to, I'll just add on side chapters like this one.

Of course, I'm also very thankful to the reviewers, who make me feel like writing more often! Enough talk, on with it!

**Note**: this chapter won't affect the story much; it's just for reader's curiosity. This chapter will feature the stories of Shino, Kiba, and Lee. I'll write the stories for Neji, Shikamaru, and Chouji in Chapter 4.5. Sasuke's hate is going to be important in the story, so it'll be seen throughout the main chapters.

* * *

**Shino's Story**

Shino, staying at home with his father, suddenly began to feel ill a few minutes ago. Believing it was just gas or something of the sort, he tried to ignore it, but found the pain to grow to a point that it was unbearable.

"Is something the matter, son?" Shino's father, Aburame Shibi asked with concern, lowering his newspaper. As people had been doing for the past few days, he was reading one of the many columns of Boxer-sama, a gossip column just about him and his 'romantic escapades'. "You've been clutching at your stomach for some time."

Shino cringed from the pain in his stomach. "It feels as though I ate something bad. Strange, I haven't eaten anything particularly strange, just the usual fertilizer for my bugs (GOD)."

"Hmm," Shibi asked. "There is _one _other possibility, something that _only_ ever happens to people of the Aburame Clan. However, it's a very… rare occurrence."

Shino looked in interest. "And what kind of occurrence is it?"

"Well," Shibi got up and picked a book out of a nearby shelf and flicked through the pages, looking for something. "It is believed that the insects that we house in our bodies will slowly but surely gain an intellect of their own. Of course, they won't peak at our level, but they reach a point when they can independantly do things, such as attacking, harvesting, and collecting, without the need to be ordered by their master. They instantly seek out what they believe to be necessary for themselves or for you."

"And how does this relate to my stomach ache?" Shino asked, unable to find resemblance of the two.

Shibi finally found the page he wanted, and turned the book around to show Shino. In it was a picture of one of their ancestors. Or at least what used to be one of their ancestors. Instead there was a pile of their ancestor's body parts, combined with blood, guts, and a massive pile of vegetables. Where normal people would've puked like mad, Shino stared at it with a raised eyebrow, almost indifferent.

"What does this mean?"

"This is your great, great grandfather's cousin's aunt's sister's…" it went on for a bit. "…Cousin's husband's stepdaughter's…" Okay, so it had a little bit more. "…Estranged twin brother's unborn son's mother's father. I can't remember his name, however."

'_Yet he remembered all that,'_ Shino thought to himself with a sigh.

"The bugs in his body were convinced by their host's mother that he wasn't getting enough vegetables in his diet. So the bugs, using their small amount of intelligence, would gather vegetables, shoving them into his body any way they could."

"_Any way?_" Shino asked, shivering at the thoughts it gave him.

"Indeed. They shoved them, not only through the holes meant for the bugs, but also through his mouth, his nose, into his ears…" his father shuddered. "I think they even forced some through his chakra holes. Crazy little bugs."

Shino started to sweat uncertainly. "So you think this is happening to me?"

"Well, maybe," his father replied calmly. "Let's find out. Tell them to remove anything they had in your body… oh, and you better specify through where. You wouldn't want it coming out… you know…" Shibi pointed at his behind with a face of agony.

"Uh, right…" Shino said. He channeled his energy, telling them to bring out everything they brought in, through the holes in his hands. Immediately, the bugs complied, bringing out item after item. But it was what the items _were_, that shocked Shino.

"W-WHAT THE HELL?" Shino yelled uncharacteristically, his voice actually becoming much louder than a whisper. Laid out in front of him by his bugs was merchandise. Fan books, posters, action figures, even underwear. And yes, they were all from one certain celebrity.

"Uh, son, I don't normally ask you about your hobbies," his father asked nervously. "But… You're not a fanboy for Boxer-sama, are you? I mean, it's not like I'm questioning your sexuality or anything, it's just…"

Shino eyed his father with an ice-cold face. "Dad, shut up."

Shibi smiled, patting his son on the head. "There's my Shino! You're a real manly badass!" he said with a sigh of relief.

Shino thought back to the day he was with his team, a few days ago that week. It was the day after the incident at the park.

* * *

**FLASHBACK**

"Boxer-sama?" Hinata asked curiously.

"Tsk, they're talking about that moron that wears underwear and runs all over the place," Kiba scowled angrily. As usual, Shino was fairly silent, but his ears perked at the sound of this strange news.

"He was the one that saved that general store," Kurenai explained, reading the newspaper article. "You were, there, weren't you, Hinata?" she asked, looking at Hinata, who responded with a shy nod.

"Bah, I could care less about that guy," Kiba shrugged. "He's probably just some idiot out for attention."

"Now, now, Kiba," Kurenai scolded, folding her newspaper. "Boxer-sama would be a good role model for all of you. As ninjas should be, he's out there for the better of the village."

"He's also breaking laws running around naked," Kiba murmured. Shino was still listening intently. He hadn't known that Boxer-sama would become _this_ famous, be spoken about _this_ highly. However, he did read the first article on him when it was written, but hadn't known that practically everyone in the town had read it.

"Anyway, I'll just say this." Kurenai said, calling their attention. "It would be very good for your growth as ninjas to 'take in as much of Boxer-sama as possible'. It'll be very healthy for all of you to learn from his ways."

* * *

Shino sighed, realizing that Kurenai's words had almost made him blow up, showering boxer shorts and merchandise all over the place among his limbs. He whistled with a low pitch, relieved he wouldn't have to die in such a stupid way. 

But the thing that stung him the most, his little bugs were apparently fans of Boxer-sama. And it wasn't the merchandise that told him that, it was the fact that they were all wearing miniature boxers, which he immediately ordered them to take off and burn, then contain the ashes and lock it up forever. They murmured quietly, saying things in Bug language like 'man, Shino's tight', 'he's just jealous because we've got awesome boxers', and 'Shino's being a bitch'.

Boxer-sama had made Shino's bugs think he was an ass, and almost inadvertently killed him, and Shino didn't like that sort of thing.

"Hey, dad." Shino said, his normal calm tone returning. "I think I want to kill Boxer-sama."

Shino's dad sat back down, flipping through his newspaper once more casually. "That's terrific, son."

* * *

**Kiba's Story**

Kiba was busy training with his dog Akamaru in the forest he trained in many times before. He set up two duffel bag figures, tying them up with rope.

"Okay, ready, Akamaru?" Kiba said with an evil grin.

"Bark!" Akamaru responded with energy. They faced the two targets.

"Time to test out our new super trump card!" Kiba yelled in excitement. "Ready? Let's go!"

They ran up to the targets, yelling out. The leaped, flying through the air, their mouths beginning to open up, and then…

CHOMP.

The two latched onto the puppets, biting down hard. This would've been a very plain attack, had they not bitten where they did.

"That's it, Akamaru! Rip them off!" Kiba yelled between bites, straw inside the puppet beginning to pour out of the hole he was ripping out.

It was a quite an intimidating scene to watch, a boy and a dog latched onto the groin region of two straw men. Men especially would find this technique gruesome and worse than death.

After they were satisfied that the technique was a success, meaning the hole in the groin region was massive, they sat down to have a snack, which was of course dog biscuits.

"Mm! Nothing like our family dog biscuits!" Kiba said, chomping down on them.

A sound in the bushes caught their attention. They stopped eating, sniffing violently. "Who's there?" Kiba demanded. "Show yourselves!"

"Arf!" Akamaru barked out menacingly.

"H-Hold on, we'll come out!" a girl's voice called. When Kiba saw the girl, he was taken aback. Her features seemed surprisingly rough, much like Kiba, with an animalistic feel about herself. Yet she was still fairly attractive, especially in Kiba's eyes. She even had a female dog in her hands, who caught Akamaru's attention completely.

"Sorry for the disturbance!" she said with a grin. "We smelt the dog treats and well, we couldn't help ourselves!"

Kiba grinned back at her. "Why don't you two join us then?" he said, patting the ground.

"Really? Great!" the girl said, her ears seeming to perk about, which totally turned Kiba on. She hopped over, sitting in the fashion of a dog, and began picking up and energetically eating the biscuits. "Mmm! They're great!" she squealed happily.

"Aren't they?" Kiba said, chewing down more.

"Arf!" Akamaru called nicely, shoving a dog biscuit towards the female dog.

"Bark!" she replied happily, accepting the biscuit. What a cute scene.

After finishing most of the treats, there was only one left.

"You can have that one!" Kiba said, offering it to the girl.

"Oh, I couldn't! You should have it!" she replied with a smile.

"Okay, how about this…" Kiba said, breaking it in half and handing her one bit. "Fifty-fifty?"

The girl smiled and took the piece. Simultaneously, they broke it in half and handed the quarter piece to their dogs. They stared at each other, realizing they did the same thing, and laughed.

"Haha! It's almost like we were, I dunno, meant to be!" Kiba said enthusiastically. He was surprisingly forward. "I think I like you, we've got a lot in common! Wanna go out with me?"

The girl smiled apologetically. "I'm flattered, but I'm sorry, my heart belongs to someone else…"

"W-What?" Kiba said in surprise. "Tell me who it is, I'll beat him up and prove I'm better!"

"I don't think you can, he's meant to be quite strong. Have you heard of Boxer-sama? He's so incredible! I want to marry him someday!"

Kiba's jaw dropped open. First the papers, then Kurenai, and now the girl of his dreams? Kiba fumed, steam coming out of his ears.

"Arf arf?" Akamaru asked. Translation: "Will you be my dog, you sexy beast, you?"

"Bow wow…" the female dog replied. Translation: "I'm sorry, but I'm in love with Boxer-sama's boxers."

The girls bowed goodbye, leaving the two there, heartbroken, and very pissed.

"ARGH!" Kiba yelled out at the top of his lungs, scaring the birds away. "Boxer-sama not only broke my heart, but his goddamn boxers broke Akamaru's!"

"I'LL KILL YOU BOXER-SAMA!" the yelled, except Akamaru was more like "Rawr rir you Roxer-rara!"

* * *

**Lee's Story**

"But Sakura!" Lee yelled. "I can protect you better than anyone!"

"I know you're strong, Lee, but you're just.." Sakura looked at his face and shuddered. "Not my type. Besides, Boxer-sama is totally awesome! He saved all of us single-handedly!"

"I-I could've done that!" Lee moaned, posing in Gai's 'nice guy' pose. Sakura stared at him nervously.

"Of course…" Sakura said, rolling her eyes. She playfully glanced at her wrist. "Oh! Gee, look at the time! I've gotta go, uh… Eat!" she said, dashing off.

"B-But you don't have a watch!" he called out to Sakura's figure as it disappeared in the distance. Lee sighed sadly.

* * *

He ran, streams of tears following after him, to his favorite teacher's favorite training area, where he saw him doing push-ups with only his head and neck, bobbing his head forwards and backwards to lift his body. 

"Gai-_Sensei_!" Lee called out in agony.

"One minute, my excellent student!" Gai said, panting. "Kakashi just beat me in a staring contest, which is funny, because he only has one eye! ISN'T THAT FUNNY, MY CUTE STUDENT!"

Lee laughed out instinctively. "That is utterly, outrageously funny, _Sensei_!"

When Gai finally stopped, having sprained his neck and swearing to instead do five thousands pumps of a large boulder with his tongue, he sat down beside Lee, who was looking down sullenly.

"What's the matter, Lee?" he said, smiling broadly, causing his teeth to sparkle. When his sparkle wasn't returned, he tried to be a bit more serious.

"Am I not impressive enough?" Lee wondered out aloud. "Am I not strong enough?"

"Lee," his teacher said, putting his arm on his shoulder. He stared at Lee intently, with caring eyes. "You're not strong enough."

Lee's eyes went dead from what he heard. Tears began to form in his eyes. "S-_Sensei_, that's cruel!"

Lee received a prompt backhand slap to the face, sending him flying. "You idiot! I said that so that you would want to be stronger!"

Lee rubbed his cheek, tears running loose. "Really, _Sensei_? Wow, you really care about me!" he yelled in joy, running up to him. Gai stood up to return his incoming hug, as the ocean appeared behind them and splashed up against the rocks that they were suddenly standing on.

After their scene, Lee asked strongly. "Sensei, how do I become stronger? There is a certain person I want to overpower!"

Gai grinned strongly. "I have been preparing for this. Many have recently wanted to top a certain somebody of their own, and for that, I was asked to prepare something that could help everyone, and I had the best idea!"

"Really?" Lee asked, overjoyed. Gai grinned, giving him a thumbs-up.

Suddenly, with a 'Gai' grin, he grabbed his green suit by the legs, and with a mighty cry, ripped it off, causing Lee's eyes to become even more rounded in surprise. But Lee gasped when he saw what was underneath.

"GAI-SENSEI, YOU'RE BOXER-SAMA!" he screamed out in horror. Gai once again backhanded him in the mouth.

"Boxer-sama's attitude is too hip!" he exclaimed. "But his fashion sense is as surprising and outrageous as my own! THIS IS MY PLAN!" he yelled out, pointing at a shabbily made shack, with a big picture of Gai wearing boxers and grinning with a thumbs-up. "MY GYM! I will train people to have the strength of Boxer-sama! And we'll all wear boxers, and fight crime, and do all sorts of things! Who better to show kids today how to beat their rivals than the ultimate Boxer-sama! Even you could learn from him and his way of the ninja! And check out my new pose and facemask!"

Gai threw on a balaclava, which didn't even have holes for his eyes, looking more like a big sock on his head. It also covered all of his famous 'Gai' features, which could be good or bad. He fanned out his boxers, causing them to ride with the wind as he stood there heroically. Somehow he even made the boxers sparkle like his teeth.

Lee had tears in his eyes.

"BOXER-SAMA, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY GAI-SENSEI?"

**END CHAPTER 3.5**


	5. Accept the Boxers!

**Chapter 4 – Accept the Boxers!**

**A/N:** Beware of speech impediment jokes as well as more sexual stuff! Oh yeah, and GarretPI, you asked if I've got a Beta reader. Yes and no, he only checks when he has time, and usually he doesn't, so I try to quickly check it over myself. That's probably why there's always a few errors here and there, but I don't want to diss my friend and get someone else to beta it for me, so I'll try to coax him to work harder.And besides, I don't want even _one_ person to know what's going to happen before anyone else! As usual, reviews are good.

* * *

Naruto stared at Jiraiya, uncertainly, who stared back, still in disbelief. Inside Naruto's head, he was instinctively thinking of excuses, but none seemed appropriate. Naruto decided to try his trump card. He started to form seals, then punched his palms together. 

"_Sexy no Jutsu!"_

In a puff of smoke, Naruto transformed to his female form, posing sexily in front of Jiraiya.

"_Mou,_ Jiraiya-sama! Don't tell anyone that I'm Boxer-sama, _o-ne-ga-i_?" he said with a cute, high-pitched girl voice. Jiraiya's face instantly melted into his perverted look, drooling insatiably. However, a sudden recollection of Tsunade's fist made him snap out of it.

"Sorry Naruto, that's not going to cut it this time," he said with a hint of regret at passing down a chance to play around with 'sexy' Naruto.

"Hey, what's that on the ground? Let me bend over and pick it up..." Naruto said, bending down sexily, causing Jiraiya to blow a vein. However, Tsuande's fist once again scared the bejeezus out of him, bringing him back.

"Quit it, Naruto." Jiraiya said beggingly.

Naruto transformed back, running out of ideas.

"Please, Ero-sennin, don't tell anyone who I am! If you do, Sasuke won't acknowledge me!" he pleaded. Jiraiya looked at him in confusion.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, but our Hokage asked me to find out who Boxer-sama is. It was an order, Naruto. I'm going to have to tell her."

"Ero-sennin, please?" he whined, latching onto his leg. Jiraiya looked at him in surprise, shaking him about in irritation.

"Why the hell are you so attached to this Boxer-sama thing for?" he groaned.

"I can't let anyone know!" he yelled out. "I don't want to be known as some idiot that accidentally showed up in boxers and beat up some famous guy! I want people to know me because I'm Uzumaki Naruto!"

Naruto calmed down and let go of Jiraiya's leg, sitting on the ground with a determined face. "I don't like being Boxer-sama. I tried to get rid of him. But it didn't work. Now it'll be even worse if people find out it's me!"

Naruto imagined everyone laughing at him. Sakura thinking he was idiot for running around in boxers. Sasuke telling him he failed his challenge. People being serious when they say 'I've seen Paris, I've seen France, I've seen Naruto's underpants". He knew that Boxer-sama was the one they loved, and definitely _not _Naruto, the fox-beast of a boy. Every village would find out, and he'd never become Hokage.

"You really don't get it, do you?" Jiraiya murmured under his breath.

"What? I didn't hear you," Naruto asked.

"Nothing," Jiraiya said, thinking to himself. He was surprised that Naruto hadn't realized what good Boxer-sama could do him.

Jiraiya had in fact taken an interest in Boxer-sama's activities fairly early, thinking that Boxer-sama had carried some heroic traits. A warrior who protected people, someone who fought for the sake of protecting, not for fame. He saw valuable characteristics for a position such as Hokage. Which is why he was surprised greatly to know that Naruto, the boy who seeked recognition, and Boxer-sama, a mysterious warrior who fought without identity, were one and the same.

Jiraiya took a deep breath and sat by him, twiddling his thumbs. "What to do, what to do… Look, Naruto, I'll make a deal with you. I won't tell anyone…"

"Really?" Naruto shot up in joy. "Thank you, Ero-sennin!" he yelled, hugging him.

"W-Wait a minute, dammit! I said it's a deal!" Jiraiya said in surprise from Naruto's sudden attack. "You've got to do something for me. By not telling Tsunade, she's going to be _mighty_ pissed off with me. God knows what she'll do when she gets me."

"I'll do anything, anything at all!" Naruto said with bright eyes. Jiraiya replied with a smirk.

"Hey Naruto, can you meet me tomorrow…"

* * *

The next day, Boxer-sama, dressed in his heart-patterned boxers, stood in front of the hot springs, carrying a bucket and towel. A long, deep red ninja balaclava masked his face: a present from Jiraiya (the kind you see in old school ninja movies, the name of the headgear escapes me). He squinted in wonder. 

"Strange, why does he want to meet me in the baths? He even said that if I meet him as Boxer-sama, he won't tell Tsunade-obaasan (old lady, again hoping I spelt it correctly)," he shrugged with a smile. "Oh well, as long as he doesn't tell her. Let's go!"

Boxer-sama waltzed in and up to the counter, where a bored man was skimming through a magazine. "Excuse me," Boxer-sama said in his altered voice. "I'd like to use the bath. How much?"

The man, a skinny guy with a massive mole near his lip, a comb over, and heavy eyeliner on his eyes, grumbled, annoyed that he was being disturbed, and looked up. After noticing his face was covered he looked down and noticed the boxers.

"B-B-B-B-BOKTHER-THAMA!" he squealed in surprise with a silly voice. Apparently he also had a lisp, completing his 'unique' character traits. "It'th really you! The one and only! It's thuch an honor!" the man said, jumping out of his booth to shake Boxer-sama's hand. "I feel tho blethed!"

"Um, right," Boxer-sama said blandly. "So how much to use the baths?"

"For you, thir?" he said politely. "Nothing! For a thuper thelebrity thuch ath yourthelf, you're coming here ith payment enough! Oh I can't wait to tell everyone, I'll have the motht popular hot thpring ever! Er," the man slid towards Boxer-sama, whispering to him. "You haven't gone to any other hot thpringth, have you?"

"Uh… No."

"Yeth!" he squealed in delight. Boxer-sama glared at him with impatient eyes. "Ah, yeth! I'm tho tho thorry for holding you, pleathe! Thep inthide!"

Boxer-sama sighed, pushing aside the curtain and stepping into the male side. Nobody was around, and Jiraiya apparently hadn't arrived yet. He was about to remove his mask when his discussion with Jiraiya flashed in his head.

* * *

**FLASHBACK**

"You want me to meet you at that hot springs as Boxer-sama?" Naruto asked curiously. "Why?"

"The only thing you have to know is that if you do this, I won't tell Tsunade. But you have to follow my rules completely."

Naruto nodded exuberantly, unable to believe how easy it would be for him to get off the hook.

"Number One: When you are at the hot springs, under no circumstances will you leave until I get there. _No matter what!_" he emphasized. "Number Two: Don't tell anyone who you are, no matter what. And finally…"

"Yeah?" Naruto asked impatiently.

"Rule Number Three: You must _not _remove your mask, or let anyone remove it for you."

Naruto blinked at him blankly. "Is that it?" he laughed out. "This'll be a cinch!"

Naruto got up and waved goodbye after they confirmed when to meet. Jiraiya wasted no time in preparing his plan, pulling out a stack of paper and a pen.

"We'll see if it's a cinch, eh, Naruto?" he smirked.

* * *

Naruto's hand slid away from his facemask, intent on following Jiraiya's rules. He sat by the cleaning area and quickly washed himself up. He then jumped into the springs with a splash. 

"Oops, gotta maintain Boxer-sama…" he thought out aloud. He sat in the springs, trying to look composed, but due to his fussy nature, fiddled and splashed about a lot. "_Mou_, that damn Ero-sennin's late! He's becoming like Kakashi!"

* * *

"Eh? You got one too?" Sakura asked Ino in front of the bathhouse. They had 'incidentally' bumped into one another. 

"The free bath ticket? Yeah," Ino said, looking at Sakura's one. "You've got the same one too! Do you know who sent it?"

"No idea," Sakura replied, staring at her ticket. It said 'Free Bath use from xx:xx - xx:xx. Specially reserved for you! –A Friend'. At the sound of footsteps, they turned to see Hinata, Tenten, Tsunade, Kurenai, Shizune, and Anko approaching as well, also holding the same ticket.

"Eh? You two as well?" Tsunade remarked.

"What a coincidence," Tenten remarked slyly. "A bit _too_ coincidental."

"Perhaps…" Hinata started, playing with her hands. "This is Naruto's way of saying sorry for yesterday."

'_I guess that's possible…'_ Tsunade thought to herself, then blushed slightly.

"Naruto?" Sakura started. "That guy? Ha! That'll be the day."

"Who cares why we got them?" Anko said with a smirk. "Let's go enjoy 'em!"

They walked in and headed for the ladies' side. Unknown to them outside, at the _very _same spot as he was in yesterday, was Jiraiya, glaring intently, this time bringing binoculars to better enjoy the show. But for once, and he hoped the only time in his lifetime, he wasn't there for the girls.

"Oh, great God of Perversion," he prayed to his imaginary God. "Please forgive me for this unsightly deed. Overlook that I didn't arrive for the girls…"

However, as he saw the girls walk in, his mind was completely disrupted once more. "Ah… Then again, I think I can peek for a _little _while to keep you happy, O great Perverted One."

* * *

Boxer-sama sat in the springs, the heat getting to him. He had waiting for two hours, and still Jiraiya hadn't shown up. He heard people entering on the other side, but couldn't care less, more worried about his temperature. 

"Dammit, if I stay here for too long, I'm gonna get cooked…" he panted. He tried to get up, but found himself unable to. "Huh?" he yanked again, but his backside felt like it was glued to the ground.

* * *

Jiraiya, watching from a distance, held his hands together in concentration. "Bare with my _'Stick Ass On Floor no jutsu'_ for now, Naruto…" he said, smiling. "You'll be in heaven soon." (I utterly refuse to find the Japanese equivalent of this jutsu)

* * *

Boxer-sama was starting to feel dizzy, his consciousness leaving him. Finally he could take no more, and felt his eyes become heavy. He slowly passed out, sliding under the water like a dead fish, bubbles gurgling after him.

* * *

"Finally," Jiraiya exclaimed. He released his hands, breaking the seal he had placed on the Hot Springs floor. Forming more seals, he once more returned his hands together, using a technique he invented for 'reasearch' purposes. 

"_Hot Spring Divider Breaker no Jutsu!"_ (I utterly refuse to try and find a Japanese equivalent of this also)

In a flash of chakra, the dividing wall on the springs shattered to nothingness, breaking the only barrier between the male and female side. The girls screamed in shock, covering themselves frantically. Only to find one person on the other side, and he was knocked out.

"T-That's…!" Ino stuttered in surprise.

"Boxer-sama!" Sakura said in delight.

They gathered over to his side, looking at him in surprise. "Is he okay?"

"He's unconscious. The heat must've got him," Tsunade diagnosed. She smirked. "I guess I can finally find out who to blame for all my paperwork."

She reached for his mask and gave it a tug, only to find it was stuck on, hard. She pulled harder, but it still didn't budge. She put all her strength into it, but to no avail.

"Forget that!" Shizune said, trying to hide her feelings. "He needs medical attention. Let's take him to my place."

"No, my place!"

"My place!"

"No, mine!"

"Um, he's not looking very good…" Hinata said softly, noticing water flooded in his mouth. "I think he's choking."

"My place!" they continued to argue.

"Mine!"

"Okay, that's it, we'll settle this with some _janken_!" (rock paper scissors)

* * *

Jiraiya was sweating heavily in the distance, holding his palms together once again. He had to hold it until he was sure Tsunade would stop trying to pull off Naruto's mask. 

"Jeez, that woman's too strong! She almost broke my technique with those devilish hands!" he said with a sigh. "You better appreciate this, Naruto."

* * *

Boxer-sama awoke to find himself in a bed. It wasn't the hospital, which he judged from the ceiling. The breeze told him that his shirt had been taken off, but thankfully his boxers remained. He looked around, and found himself surrounded by very familiar girls and women. He quickly shut his eyes, calling on the fox's chakra once more before opening them again. 

"Sakura! Ino! Hinata! Tenten! Anko! Kurenai! Shizune! And Tsunade too!" he yelled in surprise, his eyes darting to each of them as he said their names, barely managing to hold his fake voice. Tsunade eyed him angrily.

"Grr, who are you? And how do you know our names? If only you hadn't sealed your mask with chakra, I'd have you…"

Boxer-sama felt around his face in relief. The mask was still there. He made to get up, but his body ached, causing him to moan in agony. The girls, other than Tsunade, grabbed him and lowered him down gently.

"You shouldn't move too much! You were burned pretty bad from the hot spring!" Shizune said, with worry in her voice. She was overjoyed that she could wait on Boxer-sama like this. "Do you need anything, perhaps a drink?"

"I'll get you a drink!" Tenten said, jumping up.

"Oh no! _I'll_ get it!" Sakura said, running for the tap.

Ino and Shizune also got up, squeezing into the doorway with them as they fought for the tap and glass.

"Ha, t-these kids!" Kurenai said, giggling nervously, but she showed signs of wanting to get up and fight to get him a drink too, twitching and fidgeting. Apparently, meeting Boxer-sama this close, and noticing his toned, youth-filled body had gotten her heart racing for the one and only.

Anko laughed out loud. "Must be nice to have so many girls wanting to please you, huh?" she taunted Boxer-sama with sharp eyes and a sexy smile.

Boxer-sama stared at her, then looked away, feeling she could see his red face.

"But you know, they're not the only ones who find you impressive," Anko said seductively, getting up and leaning over his face. "I find strong men very… attractive." (Explains Orochimaru, eh?)

"A-Anko? You too?" Kurenai said with surprise. Inside, she was dying to shove Anko away and jump on Boxer-sama herself.

Boxer-sama pushed his head down in embarrassment, trying to stay away from her. She was suddenly pushed away by a barrage of four girls, all holding glasses of water.

"Keep away from him!" they yelled.

"Hey, I can't help it if I've got the goods for him," Anko smiled, licking her lips. "Like all strong men, I'm sure Boxer-sama likes them big."

"You're not the only one with big breasts!" Kurenai said, clutching at her chest, and surprising all the others.

"Hey! Mine are big, too!" Shizune shouted without thinking.

Tsunade looked at Shizune with a puckered mouth. "Shizune, what are you getting all worked up for?"

Shizune froze in surprise. "I uh… Well…"

Anko took this chance to throw herself onto Boxer-sama again, her chest squeezing into his face. Boxer-sama's face went red in surprise, feeling as though he was going to go unconscious again.

"Get off him!" they yelled again, pulling her off. All hell broke loose as a massive and sexy catfight ensued, filled with ninja techniques, nails, and the like. Tsunade had gotten up to try and calm everyone down, but after getting punched by a random fist decided to join the fray. Eventually someone used _'Mudpit no Jutsu'_, turning the room into one big wrestling ring, complete with muddy, beautiful girls tackling one another. Man's Heaven on Earth.

Boxer-sama decided this would be a good chance to sneak off. But as he was about to reach the door, someone tapped him on the back. He spun around and saw Hinata, the only spectator of the fight, who was once again holding medicine for him.

"This will… Help for the burns. It's to say thank you... For last week," she said shyly, looking down. Boxer-sama accepted it, smiling underneath his mask.

"Thanks again, Hinata," Boxer-sama said happily, Naruto almost losing his fake voice. "You always seem to help me a lot at these times!"

'_Uh oh, shouldn't have said that,'_ Naruto thought to himself. _'Why do I keep screwing up?_'

"These times?" Hinata repeated. She thought back to people she'd given medicine to before, and one special person stood out grandly. "Are you…?"

Before she could finish, Boxer-sama had darted out of the door, running away as fast as he could. Hinata stared at the door, then looked at her hand.

"Could it be…?"

* * *

Naruto dashed back to Jiraiya's hut, ripping off his facemask. He saw Jiraiya sitting there, casually having a cup of tea. 

"Jiraiya! What the hell was that about? Why didn't you show up!" Naruto asked in anger.

"Calm down, Naruto. Everything went as I had hoped," he took a sip of his tea, then smirked at Naruto with perverted eyes. "Did you enjoy their attention?"

"S-Shut up! I'm not a pervert like you!" Naruto yelled in defense. His face slowly began to glow red.

"Hehe, your face tells me otherwise," Jiraiya commented smugly.

Naruto wouldn't admit it, but he did enjoy the attention, something he got very rarely. On a plus, they were all beautiful girls. Naruto had been maturing unknowingly, starting to think about girls in a more romantic way. Past the puppy love he had for Sakura, anyway.

"Anyway, what do you mean, 'as you had hoped'?" Naruto asked impatiently.

Jiraiya set his cup down and looked at Naruto seriously. "Naruto, remember what happened when you toppled into the hot springs last time with me?"

Naruto shuddered. "Of course I do. They pounded the crap out of me."

Jiraiya stared at him. "Compare that to what happened today."

Naruto opened his mouth to say something, then shut it again. He sighed, a tinge of sadness in his eyes. "That's only because it was Boxer-sama. They didn't even ask me if I was okay, and for crying out loud I toppled over a small cliff! Everyone loves Boxer-sama, though. _His_ well-being is important."

Jiraiya frowned at him. "Isn't that the same as saying everyone loves _you_ and cares for _your_ well-being, Naruto?"

Naruto laughed out uncertainly. "Of course not. Boxer-sama and I are totally different."

"Is that so?" Jiraiya asked. "From what I see, you two are exactly the same. Boxer-sama fights for the people, and is a very kind person," he motioned towards Naruto. "And deep down, you are the exact same. Boxer-sama is just Naruto with boxers on. Don't you get it?"

Naruto squinted at him. "Get what?"

Jiraiya reached out and smacked Naruto across the head.

"OW! What the hell was that for?" Naruto asked, rubbing his head.

"You're an idiot!" Jiraiya said in annoyance. "It's harsh, but as Naruto, nobody will even give you a chance! But with Boxer-sama, you have an opportunity to make the name Uzumaki Naruto known! As Boxer-sama, you've finally got a chance to show everyone what you've got, and when you reveal who you really are, they'll have no choice but to accept that the person they've acknowledged is Uzumaki Naruto! That the person they've seen to be a strong, dependable person is you!"

Naruto squinted at Jiraiya. "I don't get it…"

Jiraiya sighed and hit him again.

"Ow! Jeez!" Naruto whined.

"I'll spell it out for you, Naruto. Don't be ashamed of Boxer-sama!" Jiraiya said with a smile. "Because he's you!" He smirked. "He even looks like a clown, just like you!" he added with a laugh.

"Oi! Shut up, Ero-sennin!" Naruto said with a smirk, jumping on him. "I don't care, I still think Boxer-sama is nothing compared to me!"

'_Wow, Ero-sennin set all this up, just for me! Even if i don't get it...'_ Naruto thought to himself with a smile. _'Oh well. I think a little better of him now…'_

"Oh, by the way, you left the springs and broke one of my rules, so I've got to tell Tsunade!" he exclaimed.

Naruto stopped attacking, looking at him blankly.

"W-WHAT?" Naruto gasped in horror.

"I'm kidding! I'm kidding!" Jiraiya bellowed. "But you've gotta do me another favor."

'_Grr, I was wrong! This guy is bad! Very bad!'_ Naruto yelled inside.

"What is it this time, Ero-sennin?" Naruto asked.

* * *

Jiraiya laughed rowdily, his face beet red, as he swung his mug in the air. 

"Whoo! Yeah!" he called out in intoxicated joy, as he watched the numerous Narutos in 'sexy' form, dancing to the song "Whip It" by Devo. They were dressed in kinky cowboy outfits, cracking their whips to the music.

"I hate you, you perverted old fart." Naruto growled, but his voice was drowned out by the music.

* * *

**END CHAPTER 4**

God it's disturbing, but face it, 'sexy' Naruto is pretty damn sexy. Crack that whip...


	6. I Hate Boxers! Part II

**Chapter 4.5 – I Hate Boxers! Part II**

More stories on why people don't like Boxer-sama. This includes Shikamaru, Neji, and Chouji! Chapter 5 is almost finished too, so in a few days time it should be done! The reviews have been unbelievably helpful, some even giving me ideas for new plots and jokes, so thank you everyone! As for coupling... well, we'll just have to wait and see who's going to be the lucky girl... Don't worry, there is a main girl, and you'll find out soon enough!

* * *

**Shikamaru's Story**

Shikamaru lay down on the roof, as he had always enjoyed doing, but something about today had thrown him off. It wasn't as relaxing as usual, and he realized it was because the streets were much louder today. He took a moment to listen in.

"… So cool… Saved Uchiha… Handsome… Boxers…"

Shikamaru's eyes rolled up in annoyance. "What the hell is everyone so noisy about…" he grumbled. "It's pissing me off. Boxers… Hmm…" he thought, and seemed to vaguely recall hearing Ino talking enthusiastically about boxers. But he wasn't really paying attention to her at the time. Not that there ever was a time when he did.

After trying for a few minutes, he finally gave in, the chatter constantly growing louder. With a groan, he headed back downstairs, where his family was at the table with newspapers. His mother, Yoshino, was pouring coffee into his father's cup, which was already filled to the top, the coffee spluttering everywhere. His dad didn't even notice when the coffee fell onto his crotch, steam sizzling from his pants.

"Ahem, guys," Shikamaru started. They continued to read, obviously engrossed in something. "…Hello?"

"Oh, hello, sweetie!" his mother replied, surprised. "Didn't notice you there!"

"No kidding," Shikamaru grumbled. "What's wrong with you two?" he asked, grabbing a packet of potato chips and sitting at the table, minding the coffee, which his mother was still pouring.

"Haven't you heard? Boxer-sama, dear! Boxer-sama!" she squealed happily, turning the paper to show him. "He's a mysterious Konoha superninja! They say he's even stronger than that boy you know… What's his name…?"

"Uchiha?"

"That's it! Uchiha!" she replied. "I forgot his name! Silly me!"

'_Well, that's a first,'_ Shikamaru said with shock. _'My mom used to love Sasuke.'_

Shikamaru ate the second last chip in his packet, then nervously glanced around for a minute. When nothing happened, he thought to himself curiously.

'_Did something happen to Chouji?' _he frowned. _'It must've been serious. He didn't crash through my window for the last chip like he did last time…God, that was a messy affair…'_

"You know what, Shikamaru?" his mother said with a smile.

'_Oh no…" _Shikamaru thought to himself_. 'She said that phrase. That phrase she uses when she's about to lecture me…'_ he sighed. _'This would be a good chance to try that jutsu I've been practicing…'_

As his mother was about to begin lecturing him, his hands moved at lightning speed, making seal after seal under the table. Trying his best to look as though he wasn't doing anything, he mumbled out of the side of his mouth as he held his hands in position.

"_Blockout no Jutsu!"_

"That Boxer-sama really is some guy. He's smart, and brave, and handsome! Don't you think he's handsome son? Why, I bet he's a hit with all the ladies in town. My, even I'm starting to find him slightly attractive! And don't you dare say I'm too old! You know, Shikamaru, you should learn a thing or two from the great Boxer-sama! You've been lazing about too much. You know, I think you've been gaining a pound here and there. You should look at the sketches of Boxer-sama I've seen: he's so toned! Such a sexy body on a young boy, it's a girl's dream come true! Why can't you be more like that, Shikamaru? You should be…"

Shikamaru stared at his mother, occasionally nodding. His _jutsu_ wasn't working as well as he hoped, as his mother proved to be stronger than any _jutsu _that could stop her speeches. It wasn't completely useless, though. With the help of his technique, he managed to bring the ringing in his head to a chant of 'Bitch, bitch, bitch! Whine, whine, whine!'

An hour later, Shikamaru gulped nervously, sweat trickling down his forehead. His mother was still going, the technique was dying, and the damn coffee was still pouring. Shikamaru would've used his high IQ to determine how the coffee could pour out of a container for a good hour, but all his brainpower was issued to holding onto his technique as though his life depended on it. But even with his effort, words were beginning to break through.

"… Boxer-sama… Workout… Maito's new gym…"

Finally, Shikamaru could hold it no more. His hands broke apart, the words once more becoming clear. He panted, breathing deeply. All of his chakra had depleted, and he couldn't move. He swore silently. Not only did he have to listen, but also he couldn't run away. He would've cried, but he couldn't be bothered.

"And so that's why I signed you up to join Maito-sensei's gym!" his mother finally finished. Shikamaru froze, creakily turning his head up to face her.

"You… Signed me up for a gym? Maito-sensei… Gai-sensei has a gym" he asked nervously.

"Weren't you listening to me?" his mom said hotly. "I told you he opened a gym to train people into becoming like Boxer-sama!"

Shikamaru gulped nervously. "There's no way I can get out of this, is there?"

His mother caressed Shikamaru's cheek with a smile, then gave him the look that said 'If you don't do it, you'll regret it. "You don't mind doing it, right Shikamaru?"

Shikamaru looked at her lazily, then turned to his father. "Dad, tell mom to take me off the program."

His father Shikaku looked up from his paper suddenly. "Huh? What's going on? When did you get in, Shikamaru?" He looked down at his pants, and jumped up. "Oh God! There's coffee my groin! It's still hot!"

His father jumped around, patting out his groin. Shikamaru groaned as his father tried shadow binding his pants and mentally make them rip themselves off him.

"Damn Boxer-sama…" he mumbled, as his dad slipped on the coffee and hit the floor.

"It's cooking it! Oh Lord, it's cooking it!" Shikaku groaned.

* * *

**Neji's Story**

Neji bowed silently in front of Hinata's father and head of the Hyuugas, Hyuuga Hiashi. He looked at Neji, and took a long breath.

"Neji, do you know why I have called you here?" he began. Neji responded, his eyes glued to the tatami mats.

"No, Hyuuga-sama."

"Sit up, Neji," he commanded. Neji moved to an upright position as he was told, and Hyuuga reached into his robes and pulled out a folded newspaper. How he managed to fit it and keep it there without people noticing it sticking is unknown. He flicked it open professionally, mystically flipping the paper around to face Neji. "Look."

Neji examined the picture in front of him. It was a flimsy drawing of Hyuuga Hinata, his cousin, and Uchiha Sasuke sitting on the floor covered in injuries, and standing in front of them protectively was…

"Who is that?" Neji asked. Hiashi almost fell over in surprise, but quickly composed himself. He sighed, speaking to Neji informally for a moment.

"Neji, don't you read the paper or anything? Or talk to people? Anything?" Hiashi asked with a hint of desperation.

"It's a waste of time, I don't really care about what's going on," he replied with a straight face. Hiashi sighed, and decided not to delve into Neji's loner habits.

"This guy here…" he pointed to the picture.

"The muscular one with boxer shorts on?" Neji asked casually.

"Er… Yes, the muscular one with boxer shorts… Yesterday, there was an incident that put my daughter Hinata in danger. This mystery man apparently saved her," he sighed. "I'm still uncomfortable with the thought that someone as… 'Unsightly' as this person has saved Hinata."

"You're saying that it should have been me, correct?" Neji replied. He didn't show it, but inside he was slightly nervous, thinking he was going to be punished. And he knew that Hyuuga punishments were severe.

"It's not that I don't believe in your abilities," Hiashi replied. "But… How to say, I believe that you can become so much more than you are now."

"What are you talking about?" Neji asked, unable to see what Hiashi was saying. Suddenly, Hiashi had tears forming in his clear, white eyes, as he wiped them dramatically.

"It must be my fault," he cursed himself. "If only I'd trained you properly, there'd be no need for this man in boxers, this Boxer-sama…"

Upon hearing Boxer-sama's name, Neji thought back to where he heard it.

* * *

**FLASHBACK**

Neji and Tenten had been instructed by their sensei Gai to collect materials, including wood, an assortment of paint, and various building tools. He had told them he had a 'super-special-nice-guy-idea'. As expected, they had no idea whatsoever what he was planning to do.

"Neji, don't you think Boxer-sama is amazing?" Tenten remarked, hearts in her eyes.

"Nn," Neji responded, not listening as usual. He carried a stack of planks tied together with rope on his shoulder, and had a can of red paint in his other hand.

"And don't you think he's incredibly strong?"

"Nn."

"Do you think he's really stronger than Sasuke-kun?"

"Nn."

"…" Tenten eyed him, wondering if he was really listening to her.

"He might even be stronger than you."

"Nn."

"He's also much cooler than you."

"Nn."

"I totally want to make out with him."

"Nn."

"…" she huffed, wishing her alleged boyfriend would be jealous.

"Nn."

"I didn't even say anything!"

"Nn."

"…If you say 'Nn' again, it means you want to make out with me, while I imagine you are Boxer-sama."

"Nn… Wait a minute, what?"

Before Neji could move, Tenten threw herself onto him, causing them fall over the floor, the things Neji was carrying flying into the air. Everything fell onto them, covering them in paint and pinning Tenten on top of Neji with a bundle of wood. Tenten eagerly tried to plant her lips onto his, but Neji desperately held her face away, her face squishing around into his hands.

"Bokker-kama!" she squealed, her mouth shapeshifting due to Neji's hands. The planks of wood, coupled with Tenten's body prevented him from getting up, and his hands were full holding back Tenten's puckered lips. People passing by stared at them curiously at the strange couple covered in paint and wood that were making out in the streets.

"D-Don't just stand there, you morons!" Neji begged uncharacteristically, panic-stricken. "Get her off me! Somebody! Anybody!"

* * *

Neji quivered at the thought. He looked up at Hiashi, who was still teary-eyed. "Please Hyuuga-sama, do not consider yourself at fault for anything," Neji said, bowing once more. 

"No, no!" Hiashi said, lightly dabbing on his eyes. "If I had given you the love and care I should have, everything would be different."

"Hyuuga-sama, please do not think that," he bowed lower. "Please, give me the chance to show you I can become stronger than this Boxer-sama, and prove that you are not at fault."

Suddenly, Hiashi no longer had tears in his eyes, and was smiling brightly. "I'm glad you said that! And so, to ensure that you do improve, I signed you up to a special gym made by Gai-sensei, which is specifically for the purpose of becoming as strong as Boxer-sama."

Neji looked at Hiashi, suddenly understanding what had happened. He cursed under his breath. "You tricked me, didn't you? You made me feel sorry for you so I would do this gym thing!"

Tears appeared in Hiashi's eyes once again. "H-How could you think such a thing? It must be my fault. Your father must have eternal hatred for me now. He would want me to ensure that you can gain a strong body like Boxer-sama. And I thought that I could repent for my sins… How foolish…"

Neji bowed once again in a panic. "F-Forgive me, Hyuuga-sama! I will most definitely attend this program you have so generously set for me, and I will become the only protector Hinata-sama will need!"

Hiashi wiped his eyes happily. "Thank you, Neji. Show everyone the might of the Hyuuga family!"

Neji bowed and left the room. Outside, as he shut the door, he heard a slight giggling from inside. Curiously, he turned, looking at the door. Making sure nobody was around he began to concentrate.

"_Byakugan!"_

His eyes penetrated the walls, where he saw Hiashi, and his jaw dropped to the ground. Hiashi sat there, giggling with one hand covering his mouth like a Japanese old lady, and waving cheekily with his other hand in Neji's direction, as if he knew that Neji was looking at him. He was waving a bottle in his hands, which was labeled 'eye drops'. Neji burned in annoyance. Literally, Neji was so angry he caught on fire. The fire coupled with his freaky-looking eyes made him look quite intimidating.

"Damn you, Hiashi-sama…" Neji twitched. "And damn you Boxer-sama for making me look bad! I'll become stronger and defeat you… And then…" he glared evilly at Hiashi. "I'm going to rub it in Hiashi-sama's face!"

* * *

**Chouji's Story**

"D-D-D-D-DIET?" Chouji shouted in horror, feeling his heart stop as he heard his second most hated word.

"Now son," Chouji's father, Akimichi Chouza scolded. "We will not be having anyone in the Akimichi family to be fat."

He glared at his mother and father. "B-But you two are fat too!"

They glared back, then suddenly thwomped him on the head. "We're big-boned! BIG-BONED!"

His mother continued. "After we saw the picture of the great Boxer-sama, we realized that you have been gaining too much weight. I mean, have you seen that Boxer-sama's body? He seems so young, yet his body… Mmm…" his mother drooled slightly. "I could just gobble him up!"

Chouza and Chouji shivered, wondering whether she meant that literally.

"Anyway, son," his father continued. "Starting today, you're going to be eating on a strict program that we've found for you. In fact, it was made by Gai, a program that will make you as fit and strong as Boxer-sama."

"G-Gai-sensei made a program?" Chouji asked in surprise.

"Yep, and it even includes a daily gym session! You're going to be doing a lot of exercise every day from now on!"

Chouji hyperventilated uncontrollably. He had heard the word that he hated even more than the word 'diet'. 'Exercise'. Chouji suddenly screamed in horror, grabbing his face and staring upwards, feeling that he was losing his mind.

"If you thought that was exciting, just wait until you see your lunch!" his mother said brightly, mistaking his scream of agony for one of joy. She placed a plate in front of him, and Chouji looked down to see a single pea, a rice patty, and a strange vegetable he'd never seen before. He screamed and grasped his face again, this time running out of the house in fear.

"That's our Chouji!" Chouza remarked, putting his arm around his wife. "He seems ecstatic about getting into shape!"

Chouza poked his head out the window, shouting to his son who was running into the distance.

"YOU CAN DO IT SON! AND DON'T FORGET TO THANK BOXER-SAMA FOR MAKING YOU EXERCISE AND DIET!"

Gai looked up at his gym proudly, seeing a mighty Maito castle. Lee looked up at it grimly, seeing a shabbily made hut consisting of wood and nails. It didn't even have a floor. The only feature that stood out was Gai wearing heart-shaped boxers with a grin and a thumbs-up.

"Gai-sensei, I've been meaning to tell you…" Lee stammered.

"What is it, Lee, my most adorable student?" he asked dramatically.

Lee had tears streaming down his face. "Gai-sensei! You're not being the Gai-sensei I know! The man I respected, the man that showed me the importance of the green suit! Where did he go, sensei? WHERE DID HE GO!"

Gai stared at Lee, stunned. He hadn't realized that Lee was going through a hard time. He became serious for a moment.

"Lee… It must've been strange for you… Not to see me in the great green suit…" Gai said, tears beginning to form.

"G-Gai-sensei…" Lee sniffled, snot leaking out of his nose, which went up and down as he constantly tried to suck it back in.

"You're right, Lee! I shouldn't have thrown off my green suit so dramatically!" Gai said, grinning broadly. Lee looked up, a smile creeping into his face.

"S-Sensei! Does this mean…?"

"Yes, my lovely student!" he yelled out, posing in his nice-guy pose. "I will once again don my green suit, and become the sensei you always loved!"

He dashed off into the distance, leaving a stunned and relieved Lee in front of the 'gym'. He weeped happily.

"Gai-sensei is back!" he yelled in glee.

Suddenly, he noticed a green figure approaching him. Lee began crying harder, waterfalls streaming out of his eyes and surrounding him in a puddle. As he approached, Lee yelled out his name.

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

Gai was getting closer.

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

Now he was clearly in view.

"GAI-SEN…sei?"

"LEE!"

"…"

"…LEE!"

Lee stared at him. He indeed had put his green suit back on, however…

"GAI-SENSEI, YOU'RE WEARING THE BOXERS OVER YOUR SUIT!"

Gai gave him his 'nice-guy' pose. Lee gave him 'what-the-hell?' face.

"You see, Lee? Your old teacher is still here! Never fear!" Gai replied, posing some more. He obviously didn't understand what Lee had actually meant.

Before Lee had a chance to say anything, a group of individuals arrived. Shikamaru, Chouji, Shino, Kiba, and Neji were walking together, all mumbling incoherently.

"Ah! And here are my first students!"

"Guys?" Lee asked in wonder. "What are you all doing here?"

They all stared at him, eyes twitching. They all came in different circumstances, but they all knew one thing.

"WE WANT TO KILL BOXER-SAMA!"

* * *

Meanwhile, at a small ramen stand... 

"Aah-choo!" Naruto sneezed loudly, dropping his chopsticks. He sniffled, his snot smothering into the ramen that was halfway into his mouth. He looked down at it uncertainly. He reached into his pocket and removed his wallet, and turned it upside down. Unsurprisingly it was empty. His eyes jumped from his snotty ramen and his wallet, back and forth over and over. Naruto gulped nervously.

"Can't buy more…" he mumbled through noodles, sending stray bits of snot and noodles onto the table. "Oh well…" He took one deep breath, then sucked in deeply, noodles, snot, and all entering his mouth. He swallowed down, flicking his lips in wonder.

"… That didn't taste too bad…"

**END CHAPTER 4.5**


	7. Wear Boxers to Work!

**Chapter 5 – Wear Boxers to Work!**

"Look, I really don't care about this 'Boxy-sama' guy, so please, let me go home!" Kankurou moaned as his sister Temari casually dragged him along the ground, a trail of dust following him. Gaara silently followed them, staring at the ground in boredom.

"It's _Boxer-sama!_ Not Boxy! And besides," Temari pointed into the distance, at a small speck. "Konoha is right there! You want to go all the way back to the Sunagakure? You want to make that super-long trek across the desert, on your own, with no food or-"

"Okay! I get it! Jeez," Kankurou grumbled. He sighed, and turned to check on his little brother, Gaara. "But why did you force Gaara to come along? Better yet, _how? _I'm sure he doesn't want to meet Bunker-sama too."

"It's Boxer-sama!"

"I know, Banker-sama."

"Boxer-sama!"

"That's what I said. Bogus-sama"

"... You're an idiot."

"… Just answer my question!"

Temari sighed, shrugging. "Actually, Gaara just wanted to come. He didn't tell me why though. If anything, I tried to stop him, saying that the people of Konoha wouldn't be very… welcoming of him. It's a good thing we have a treaty with them, or they'd toast us!"

Kankurou wasn't listening to her anymore, instead fearing what reasons Gaara would want to go back to Konoha. _'Oh Jebus, I hope he doesn't go on a killing spree or something… Maybe he won't! Maybe he wants to go shopping for something only in Konoha!'_

He glanced at Gaara, and noticing the devilish look on his face, he shivered. _'Okay, it probably isn't shopping…'_

Gaara had indeed come of his own will. He had planned for a long time to return and exact his painful, evil, sandy vengeance onto Naruto, who humiliated and defeated him during their past assault on Konoha. He had always felt different since his encounter with Naruto, a strange feeling for the blond ninja left inside his heart, which he deduced to be hatred… But was it? Other than Naruto, however, the news of Boxer-sama had reached the village of Sand, so he felt inclined to meet him, and beat the living daylights out of him for being loved so much. He hated people who got love so easily.

"Naruto, Boxer-sama… people to kill…" he whispered, trembling. An insane grin broke into his face as the trembling became more evident. Kankurou looked at him and shivered again.

"Crap, he's getting _aroused_ again…" Kankurou joked quietly to Temari with a cheeky grin. "I'll never understand my cute little brother's turn-ons."

All of a sudden, Kankurou was thrusted into the air by a pillar of sand, engulfing his body.

"_It was a joke! I was kidding! I was kidding!"_ Kankurou gurgled, a sand-version of Gaara's body popping out of the pillar and strangling him while chanting 'I heard that. I heard that.'

* * *

"So… You're saying you know who Boxer-sama is," Tsunade said, staring at Jiraiya. He nodded affirmatively. 

"And you met him personally too," she continued.

"Yep, that's right!" Jiraiya replied, nodding some more.

"But you're not going to tell me who it is…" Tsunade said with a smile.

"Correct!" Jiraiya responded with a grin.

A brief moment of silence ensued, the two smiling at each other.

Tsunade suddenly jumped over her table and grabbed Jiraiya by the throat, strangling him mercilessly, causing Jiraiya's head flinging about like a rag doll.

"I… Knew you couldn't keep your hands… Off me…" Jiraiya said with a grin while his face went blue. Tsunade glared at him in anger.

"What the hell do you mean you can't tell me, you crazy, perverted turtle-lover? These damn papers don't stop coming! Are you saying you want to assist in me getting more work!"

"Wait, wait…" Jiraiya gasped, his face going shades of purple. "We made a deal."

Tsunade eyed him suspiciously, still clutching at his throat. "This involved something perverted, didn't it?"

Tsunade got her answer in the form of a nervous, gasped-out whistling, as Jiraiya's eyes rolled up to the ceiling, finding it suddenly interesting. Tsunade screamed out and began shaking him up again. Jiraiya's face was looking faint, and if Shizune hadn't walked in and calmed Tsunade down, Jiraiya would have been royally screwed.

Tsunade took a deep breath and returned to her seat, as Jiraiya took numerous, even deeper breaths, his face slowly returning to color. Finally, he sat down once more, and anyone who walked in at this moment wouldn't have believed that they were brawling moments ago. They looked as though nothing had happened.

"This deal," Tsunade began. "Could you explain it thoroughly for me?"

Jiraiya shuffled uncomfortably in his seat. "It's probably better if I don't tell you what I got from the deal, but you'll like what _you_ get."

Tsunade sighed. "Don't worry, I think I'd puke if I found out what _you_ got…"

Jiraiya continued. "Well, I managed to convince him to take on the jobs and notices he's been sent. But he's given me the condition that nobody else finds out who he is."

Tsunade's eye twitched slightly. "So… I can't find out who he is, but he'll take all the paperwork. I'm assuming it's through you?"

Jiraiya smiled brightly. "That's right, I'll personally be the one to send him his missions."

Tsunade took a deep breath. "While I have longed to find out who it is, and break his face in, I guess I can handle those measures. Tell Boxer-sama we have a deal."

Tsunade called for Shizune, who arrived with a massive stack of papers, which was set down in front of Jiraiya. He looked up at it nervously, noticing it was almost twice his height.

"W-What's this?" Jiraiya asked curiously. Tsunade grinned evilly.

"Boxer-sama's first set of missions and requests," Tsunade giggled girlishly. "I may not be able to beat him to a pulp, but it'll be interesting to watch him try and finish all this. And more keeps coming!" she pointed towards the door. "Come again soon, so I can give you more!"

Jiraiya chuckled nervously, lifting the papers and walking out, stepping sideways now and then to try and balance it all. He sighed.

"Naruto's not going to like this," Jiraiya gulped.

* * *

Two boys were arguing quite loudly once again, this time in the middle of a busy market street, the merchants praying they would go away. They were bad for business. 

"Acknowledge me already, dammit!" Naruto wailed. "You said you would!"

Naruto was told that they had no missions on today by a downheartened Kakashi, who was mumbling incoherently along the lines 'Movie destroyed... Boxer-sama... Kill...'. Naruto had nothing better to do, so decided to spend the day following Sasuke around to make him acknowledge that he was the greater ninja.

"I didn't say anything!" Sasuke replied angrily. "And there's nothing worth acknowledging about you, except maybe how stupid you are!"

Naruto still fought to get Sasuke's approval, and Sasuke's mind was still preoccupied with thoughts on how to get rid of Boxer-sama. He had noticed the recent decline in his popularity, and while he didn't admit it, he missed it. He hated the way Boxer-sama stole his limelight, and loathed the thought that he could be much stronger than himself. His mood had grown ever more grouchy since the first 'Boxer-sama incident', and Naruto's constant nagging wasn't exactly helping it. As for Sakura, she spent more time with girlfriends talking about Boxer-sama rather than chasing him so often. Sasuke didn't know whether to be happy that she left him alone, or pissed that Boxer-sama was beating him again.

After another hour of failed attempts, Naruto's stomach growled powerfully, even causing the ground to shake slightly. In fact, Sasuke tripped from the vibrations, falling forward onto a pink-haired girl who had her hands full with shopping bags. They crashed to the floor in a heap.

"S-Sakura?" Sasuke said, realizing whom he crashed onto.

"Oh, hello Sasuke!" she said. "Um, could you get off me now? I've got plenty of things to do."

'_What the hell…'_ Sasuke thought to himself. _'Normally she'd kill for a moment like this. Literally kill!'_

Sasuke grunted, getting back to his feet.

"Sakura-chaaan!" Naruto exclaimed, pulling her to her feet and forgetting his hunger for the moment. "What are you doing out here?"

"What does it look like? I'm shopping!" she said, raising her bags to make a point. "It's not every day we have free time, so the girls and I were arranging for a sleepover! I'm just buying some supplies."

"Sleepover?" Naruto repeated curiously. "…Is that like… a religious thing?"

Sasuke and Sakura stared at him blankly. "You… don't know what a sleepover is?"

Naruto squinted at them with a frown. "Is it something important? Can you wear it?" He grinned hopefully. "Can you eat it?"

"You know Naruto, I think I'll acknowledge you now," Sasuke said with a sigh. "You are indeed the biggest idiot ever. Congratulations."

"Hey! Stuff you! It's not my fault I've never eaten a 'sleepover' before!" Naruto yelled, raising his fist. But suddenly, he clutched his stomach again as it rumbled once more. "…Grr, I'll get you after I've had something to eat… Maybe I'll find some 'sleepover'…"

Naruto squabbled off, occasionally setting off miniature earthquakes and scaring the merchants. Sasuke and Sakura stared at him and sighed.

"What a moron. Doesn't even know what a sleepover is…" Sasuke said icily. "He's stupid beyond belief sometimes."

"Who cares about that guy? He's a loser anyway… Not like Boxer-sama!" she squealed happily, accidentally dropping one of her bags. "Oops!"

The bag hit the ground, its contents tipping onto the floor. Sasuke looked down as she picked everything up, and frowned, twitching in anger.

"Sakura… Why do you have all this Boxer-sama merchandise?" he asked, shaking in irritation.

"For the sleepover, remember?" Sakura reminded him. "We going to dedicate it to Boxer-sama, so we're all going to wear boxer shorts and shirts and surround ourselves with Boxer-sama merchandise! Don't you think that's _cool_?"

Sasuke could feel himself burning up, and Sakura noticed steam pouring out of his ears and nose.

"Um, Sasuke? Are you okay? You're steaming. I don't think it's normal for people to steam… Hey, I know! Use this 'Boxer-sama' icepack!" she said, as she reached into one of her bags and pulled out an icepack in the shape of a miniature Boxer-sama. "It's like he's hugging your wounds! Ahh!" she squealed as she hugged her icepack, instantly forgetting why she took it out to begin with.

Had she looked for Sasuke, she'd have noticed that he had somehow melted the dirt under his feet with his incredibly high temperature, and had now sunk under the ground, his spiky, raven-haired head looking like a black shrub on the track. Which was promptly run over by a rickshaw.

Twice.

* * *

Naruto raised his bowl of ramen, slobbering down the remaining soup loudly. He slammed it back down onto the table, sighing in satisfaction. 

"Sometimes Naruto, you're just too easy to find," a familiar voice said, taking a seat by him.

"Yo, Ero-sennin! What's been hap… What the heck is that _tower_?" Naruto yelped in surprise, pointing at the stack of papers that Jiraiya had set by the ramen stand. The pile managed to pass the roof of the ramen stall with considerable ease.

"Err… Well…" Jiraiya began. "I had to bargain with Tsunade so that she wouldn't rip me to pieces when I didn't tell her who you were. Remember when I said that she had loads of missions and stuff waiting for err…" he leant in and whispered. "Boxer-sama…"

Naruto looked at the stack of papers, then gulped nervously. "Are you serious? How the hell am I going to do that all on my own?"

Jiraiya grinned cheekily, patting him on the back. "You want to be a Hokage, right? So this should be _nothing_ for you! I'm going to take them back to my hut, so tonight I want you to come over and start finishing these missions!"

Naruto groaned, thinking of all the time he'd lose, all the things he loved doing that he wouldn't be able to. Which was mainly sleeping and eating for long periods of time.

"Anyway, I'm off! Remember, tonight!" Jiraiya said, picking up his stack once more and awkwardly swerving off for his hut. Naruto sighed anxiously.

"Things couldn't possibly get worse…" he said, then twitched. He looked around ominously. "…Something bad is going to happen again, huh…"

Naruto looked around for a moment, but couldn't find anything wrong. He turned back to his empty ramen bowl, laughing heartily. "I'm being paranoid! That's it!"

"Hello," a creepy voice appeared right behind him, breathing on his neck and causing a shiver to run up his spine. He swung around quickly, but lost his balance on the stool, crashing to the floor. Rubbing his back in pain, he looked up to see who it was and froze, his jaw falling to the floor.

"G-GAARA!" Naruto yelled in shock, pointing up at him meticulously from the floor. "What the hell are you doing here? Remember, we have a treaty! If you're trying to-"

"Relax, kid," Kankurou said calmly, standing behind Gaara. "We're not here to cause any trouble."

"That's hard to believe…" Naruto said, eyeing him suspiciously. "So why are you here, then?"

Kankurou frowned in embarrassment, his cheeks flushing slightly. "Temari is dead-set on meeting Baxter-sama, and she dragged me along with her. That crazy girl…" he whispered the last part under his breath. Naruto stared at him in surprise.

"You mean Boxer-sama?"

"Yeah, something like that."

"Y-You guys at Sunagakure have heard of Boxer-sama?"

"Kid, _everybody_ has heard of that creepy underwear freak. Personally he seems like a total nut to me, this Box-sama," Kankurou said with a shrug.

"Boxer-sama," Naruto corrected.

"Yeah, Bonker-sama."

"Uh, no. Boxer-sama."

"That's what I said. Banger-sama."

"…Are you even listening to me?"

Gaara was staring intently at Naruto, his eyes twitching now and then. He knew he wanted _something_ from the blond haired ninja, and he had thought he wanted to fight him. But his body didn't want to. He looked at Naruto in confusion.

'_It should be… no, HAS to be that I want to hurt him… So why can't I…?'_ Gaara thought. It was a feeling he had not felt before, or at least a feeling he couldn't remember. Little did Gaara know that what he was feeling was a want for friendship. His icy-cold heart recognized Naruto as someone who could relate to him and possible accept him. However, to Gaara, the feeling was just his usual desire to fight and kill him.

Naruto glared back at Gaara uncertainly, still lying on the floor. His stare was scaring him. "Oi, what's your problem?" he asked cautiously. Gaara tensed, trying to attack him, trying to violently decapitate his limbs and rip his face off with his teeth. But not even his sand wanted to attack. Gaara's eyes winced once again before he finally gave up, turning away and walking off without a word.

"Gaara? Hey, where you going?" Kankurou called as he chased after him. Naruto sat up on the ground, crossing his legs, watching them disappear into the distance. He frowned sourly.

"Why does it feel like things just became more complicated…?"

* * *

Sakura, Ino, Tenten, and Hinata were all heading for Ino's place, the location of their sleepover. They were carrying bags full of Boxer-sama things, except of course for Hinata, who only brought her pajamas and sleeping needs. Except she also had a small hand-knitted doll she slept with, that resembled a blond haired kid in orange, but she chose to hide that deep, _deep_ in her bag. 

Everyone, except Hinata of course, was eagerly chattering away about Boxer-sama.

"Oh my gosh, when we helped him in the springs, did you girls cop a feel of his chest?" Ino squealed cheekily.

"You didn't!" Sakura said jealously. Ino stared at her, victory in her eyes.

"Oh, it felt _fantastic!_ I'm _so_ sorry that you didn't touch it, Sakura," she teased.

"Oh yeah?" Tenten said, licking her lips lightly. "I copped a feel of his _butt_ while we were carrying him!"

The other girls stared at her, then lowered their heads in defeat. Hinata just listened quietly, but the thought of touching butt led her mind to someone else. She saw herself caressing someone on his behind, as he grabbed her tightly, hugging her, and throwing her down to make out with her like a madman and proclaim his undying love for her.

"Hey, Hinata, what's up?" the girls asked, staring at her. "Your face is all red, and you're moaning slightly…"

Hinata suddenly woke up, shaking her hands in the air hurriedly. "N-N-Nothing! Sorry!" she said, her face beet red.

The girls shrugged, continuing their discussions of Boxer-sama.

"You're all talking about Boxer-sama, aren't you?" a girl's voice said behind them. They turned around curiously, and shrieked in surprise.

"Y-You!" they all yelled, pointing at her. Except Hinata, who was edging herself slowly behind the others. Temari raised her hands in surrender.

"Don't worry, don't worry!" she said casually. "I'm not here to cause trouble… I only want one thing…"

"And what's that?" they asked carefully.

Temari suddenly whipped out a life-sized Boxer-sama pillow, and cuddled it with a 'kya!'. From where she whipped it out is questionable.

"I want to meet Boxer-sama!" she squealed girlishly, surprising all the others greatly. But what surprised them even more was…

"OMIGOSH, YOU HAVE THE LIMITED EDITION LIFE-SIZED BOXER-SAMA PILLOW!"

Temari gave them the victory sign. "I had to work like a dog to earn enough money in time, but I got it!"

The girls crowded around her, checking the pillow out excitedly. Except Hinata, who stood there in confusion.

"Wow, is the butt on this the same as the real one, Tenten?"

"Hmm, lemme have a feel and see…"

"What? You've touched his butt before? No way!"

"That's not all we did! Huhuhu…"

In the end, Temari was invited to accompany them to their sleepover, to which she gladly agreed. They had found common ground in their infatuation with the boxer-shorts superninja. The sun was beginning to set, and they saw Ino's place up ahead.

"Okay! Let the party begin!" they yelled as they cheered happily.

Except Hinata, who made a shy 'yay' noise.

* * *

Boxer-sama stood gloomily in Jiraiya's hut, observing the pile of papers. He felt exhausted just looking at it. He wore the same headgear that Jiraiya had given him, along with his trusty heart-patterned boxers and white shirt. 

"Okay, _Boxer-sama_! There were a lot of easy jobs, and a lot of hard ones, so I took the liberty of picking you a hard one because I know if I let you pick, you'll do the easy ones!"

Boxer-sama cringed, looking at Jiraiya with annoyed eyes. He had already figured out Naruto's 'master' plan.

"This came from the locals: apparently there's been a mysterious and powerful panty thief in Konoha who has been causing a ruckus every night for some time."

"…They want me to catch a panty thief?" Naruto asked quizzically. "How come the police ninjas (hehe, police ninjas) couldn't get him? He's just some crazy pervert…" he thought for a moment, then stared at Jiraiya suspiciously. "… It isn't you, is it?"

Jiraiya frowned in embarrassment. "Come on, Naruto, I'm not that low. I just want a good look now and then… for research… maybe a picture or two…" he coughed vigorously. "Anyway, the reason they couldn't catch him is because he's apparently no ordinary panty thief. They've got this mission as a B-Ranker. He's probably stronger than your average ninja. Do you think you can handle him?"

"Of course I can! I can handle anything and anyone!" Naruto said courageously. He ran out the door, jumping swiftly through the trees on his first job to catch the powerful, perverted panty thief. Jiraiya looked at the door and smiled.

"Naruto's going to become a great man…" he said with a father-like face and a heart filled with pride.

…Which was suddenly interrupted when Boxer-sama bounded back in.

"Uh, I forgot to ask about what he looks like and where I'm supposed to find him…" he chuckled, scratching the back of his head. Jiraiya sighed.

"Well, maybe not a _smart _man…" he mumbled, rolling his eyes.

**END CHAPTER 5**

**A/N:** Before anybody thinks there's going to be some kind of yaoi thing going on between Naruto and Gaara, let me just say this: NO! IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! I have special plans for Gaara… Oh my, they're special… Okay, maybe not very special, but he'll do stuff. And as for Kakashi's strange outburst, that'll be answered in the next 'I Hate Boxers' subchapter, which I'll write probably after chapter 5 or 6.


	8. Boxers VS Panties

**Chapter 6 – Boxers VS Panties**

**A/N:** Thanks for the reviews everyone, please continue to do so and tell me what you think! Alas, updates might slow down a bit because I've gone back to school. My holiday ended recently. Oh well. Panty style Jutsu galore!

* * *

The girls chatted away happily about their new hero, sitting about Ino's room dressed in heart-patterned boxers and white shirts. They had even persuaded Hinata to do it, even if there weren't any of her exact size, her shirt looking more like a skirt and her boxers slipped down to her thighs often. A good portion of their legs were bare, showing off their skin. It was indeed a needlessly sexy scene. 

However, Hinata strongly declined to hug onto any Boxer-sama merchandise, feeling it was much too embarrassing for her, and she really didn't 'admire' Boxer-sama as much as the others. The others clung onto their Boxer-sama items mercilessly, holding pillows between their legs, hugging them ecstatically.

"Come on, Hinata, you should join our conversation!" Tenten encouraged, putting her hand on her shoulder. "I'm sure you know _something_ about Boxer-sama!"

"Yeah, Hinata! It feels like you're not having a lot of fun," Ino replied, as everyone nodded in agreement.

"U-Um, well," Hinata blushed shyly from the attention, covering her mouth with her hands. "I don't really know much…"

"Well, do you have any questions about him, then?" Sakura asked. "Maybe if you knew more about him you'd be able to talk about him with us more."

Hinata thought to herself for a moment. "Well, there is _one_ thing…"

"What is it? Ask us anything!" Temari replied, slapping her chest. "I'm sure that I'll be able to answer almost anything about Boxer-sama!"

Hinata looked up at them shyly, her milky white eyes filled with a subtle hope. "Do… Do you know who Boxer-sama really is?"

The other girls stared at her for a moment, unsure of how to reply.

Tenten scratched her head. "Well, I haven't really got much of clue. We know he's a Konoha ninja because he wears the forehead protector…"

"And we know he's a male," Temari added with a sexy grin. "A very _sexy_ male."

"From his body structure, he should be around our age too," Sakura calculated, remembering his manly proportions from the hot spring incident.

Ino scratched her chin in thought. "That means it's very much possible that Boxer-sama is someone we know. Possibly one of our teammate, too."

"Maybe it's Neji-kun!" Tenten said hopefully. "He would be strong enough to be Boxer-sama!"

"Or it could be Sasuke-kun!" Ino and Sakura yelled, almost provokingly.

"Maybe it's Shikamaru…" Temari thought out aloud to herself, which resulted in blank stares from the others. "W-What?" she said in defense. "Shikamaru's pretty good… Isn't he?"

They stared at her, then suddenly burst into a fit of laughter.

"Temari loves Shikamaru!" the girls chanted playfully, causing Temari to blush.

"I bloody well do _not!_ I need someone hunky and good looking like Boxer-sama!" she huffed as the others broke into more fits of giggles, her face becoming noticeably brighter.

"Um, actually…" Hinata mumbled, playing with her fingers. "W-What if… What if it's Naruto-kun…?"

The other all slowly stopped laughing, and looked at Hinata curiously.

"Naruto?" Ino replied in disbelief. "Maybe in another universe!"

"Sure, he's pretty strong, I guess" Sakura replied. "But he couldn't possibly be strong enough to be Boxer-sama."

"What made you think it would be that guy, anyway?" Tenten asked in wonder. Unlike in Temari's case, they didn't suspect that Hinata could've liked Naruto. Rather, they didn't believe _anyone_ could like him. They could at least picture someone going for Shikamaru as he at least had redeeming qualities. In the girls' eyes, Naruto had none whatsoever.

"N-Nothing in particular… I guess…" Hinata replied, playing with her fingers quietly. She was glad they didn't catch on to her feelings.

"Well, I'm putting my money on Sasuke-kun!" Sakura proclaimed. "That means if I make Sasuke-kun mine, then I also make Boxer-sama mine!"

"Oh no you don't! Boxer-sama will be mine!" Ino fought back. "And I'll claim Sasuke to get him before you!"

Sasuke would have probably enjoyed having the attention back, until he found out why, at least.

"Hmm, that means I should go for Neji-kun then!" Tenten said, determination in her eyes.

Neji would have probably felt just as disgraced as Sasuke.

"…" Temari thought to herself quietly, devising ways to capture Shikamaru and make him show her his Boxer-sama look in the seclusion of a bedroom.

Boxer-sama had, at first, intrigued them away from their youthful crushes. But now, the mystery of his true identity was making them wonder who Boxer-sama was in reality, and if he was actually someone they knew, or even worked with on their team.

Hinata, however, returned to being sullenly quiet, her thoughts drifting. _'I guess I was imagining it…' _she thought with a sigh.

* * *

Boxer-sama hopped along the roofs, following the map that Jiraiya had given him towards the district where the panty thief was at large. Unknown to Boxer-sama, it just happened to be the district where Ino's home and flower shop was located and where a certain group of girls just _happened_ to be having a sleepover. 

He landed on top of one of the taller building's roofs looking around cautiously. A sudden gust of wind had him slowly sucking in for a sneeze.

"Ha-… Ha-…. HA-CHOO!" he yelped, snot trickling down his nose as he grabbed his arms and shivered. "_Mou,_ walking around in underwear in this cold sucks…" he moaned. However, his moaning was interrupted when he heard someone running swiftly below. He dropped to his stomach to blend in with the roof and peeked down.

"That must be the guy…" Boxer-sama muttered. He saw a fairly tubby man, clad in black fabric and carrying something resembling a laundry basket on his back. Boxer-sama's eyes, stronger than your average due to his fox-like abilities, noticed a pink piece of clothing sticking out of the basket's lid, confirming his suspicions.

The panty thief began to slow down, and Boxer-sama watched as he slowly made his way towards the front of a homely flower shop, with a lit window upstairs. The panty thief looked up eagerly, shaking in excitement. Boxer-sama rolled his eyes.

"I still don't see the fun in taking panties…" he mumbled to himself. "Why not just _buy_ some at a shop or something if you want them so bad…"

Boxer-sama obviously didn't understand the pervert's undying quest for used girl's underwear.

Boxer-sama stood up, remembering the snot on his face and wiping it off with the back of his hand. "Well, time to take him on!" he yelled, leaping down. Boxer-sama landed behind the panty thief, the street trailing off to his sides.

"Hey you!" Boxer-sama called out, pointing at him, staring him down with his red eyes. "I'm here to take you in!"

The pervert stopped shaking, turning around slowly. From this distance he could see the man was quite old, his hair thinned out and white, poking out of the sock-like balaclava covering his facial features. "Boxer-sama…" he said mockingly. "How sad. They sent a guy in underwear to take in a guy who _steals_ underwear!"

Even through the pervert's mask, Boxer-sama could clearly hear his voice – while aged and raspy, he even managed to _sound _perverted.

"Shut up, you!" Boxer-sama yelled in annoyance. "I hate perverts like you!"

"You're one to talk, running around in your undies!"

Boxer-sama was tired of talking, and leapt at him. He drew his fist back, ready to hit him, but the pervert was fast, jumping up and avoiding Boxer-sama easily. Boxer-sama landed and looked up cautiously, and had he not been wearing his headgear, his jaw would've fallen off and hit the floor. He saw the panty thief floating in the air, descending slowly like a leaf off a tree. On his back was a parachute, but it was no ordinary parachute. It was made up entirely of lingerie. Popping out of his laundry basket, it had a variety of things: bras, panties, stockings, and all different kinds. Some were for children, some for adults. He even had underwear intended for the elderly. Boxer-sama pointed at him in disgust.

"You are one _sick_ man!" he groaned, feeling like he was going to throw up. "Even kids? Hell, even grannies?"

The aging pervert stared back at him coldly. "Shut up, you! You can't understand the life of a pervert! We don't have girlfriends! A girl would rather die than sleep with us! That's why we become perverts! You don't know what it's like!" he groaned, displaying his reasons much like practically every other criminal and bad guy Naruto had ever taken on.

"Shut up, idiot! You don't have a girlfriend _because_ you're a pervert! Now get down here so I can beat your ass up!"

The pervert glared at him angrily. He quickly pulled apart his parachute, landing to the floor. They had now switched sides from where they had been initially. "I'm going to teach you not to mess with perverts, you underwear freak!"

"_You're_ the underwear freak!" Boxer-sama yelled back in exasperation, but he had more important things to worry about when the pervert began forming seals.

"Try this!" the pervert yelled as he formed his final seal.

"_Panty Shield no Jutsu!" _

The basket on the pervert's back began to shake violently, as lingerie pieces began to fly out of it and soar into the air, controlled by chakra. They began falling around him, building up like a perverted brick wall, surrounding him. Soon, he was encased in a dome made entirely of women's undergarments. Boxer-sama couldn't help but shudder in discomfort.

"You can't hurt me like this!" he yelled triumphantly.

"We'll see!" Boxer-sama yelled, running at him once again. He threw a punch at the shield, his hand sinking through. "Ha! Your shield's not as great as you thought!"

"Oh really?" he mocked. Boxer-sama suddenly noticed that the underwear had begun to grip around his wrist tightly, locking it in place.

"What the…?" Boxer-sama punched in his other hand in an attempt to free his captured hand, but only succeeding in trapping both of them.

The pervert walked up to the other side of the underwear barrier, staring at Naruto with a grin. "You can't beat a pervert! NOBODY CAN BEAT A PERVERT!"

The thief raised his arms, his hands glowing with chakra. Suddenly, the dome began to spin madly, bringing Boxer-sama along with it. It spun and spun, peeling Boxer-sama's legs off the ground as he spun with it. With a flick of the pervert's wrists, the underwear shield shattered, underwear flying all over the place, and sending Boxer-sama flying. He crashed hard into one of the town's walls, slumping to the ground.

"It's not over yet!" he yelled, motioning with his hands once more. The underwear all began floating up in the air. Boxer-sama groggily blinked up at him, seeing him finish more seals.

"_Panty Rain no Jutsu!" _

He threw his arms down, towards Boxer-sama's direction. Moving like bullets, the miscellaneous pieces of women's wear headed in Boxer-sama's direction, crashing into him with surprising force. Smoke and debris flew in the air as Boxer-sama was pummeled deeper into the wall by bra after panty after stocking.

When everything cleared, Boxer-sama was imbedded into the wall in a daze.

"_Panty Prison no Jutsu!"_

Nearby pieces of lingerie rose once again, attaching themselves around Boxer-sama's arms, securing him in place.

"I'll show you my best trick before I kill you," he smirked. "And then I'm going to head into that flower shop, where my pervert-sense (yes, perverts do have something like this… Not that I know from experience…) told me there was an all-girls party going on! And I'm going to take their panties… And do this…"

He began to slowly rub an invisible pair of panties onto his face.

"… And this…"

Then he started sniffing it in, a perverted look plastered to his face.

"… And this…"

He slowly began stuffing the invisible underwear into his mouth, before Boxer-sama finally couldn't quietly watch anymore.

"You dirty, freaky pervert!" Boxer-sama yelled with a blush. The pervert's antics were filling his mind with strange dirty things he didn't want to think about. He struggled madly, but the underwear proved too strong, holding him down easily. There were just too many panties for one man.

"Ah, I'm sorry!" he said sarcastically, looking back at Boxer-sama. "I said I'd show you my final technique…" He began to form new seals once more.

"_Panty Sword no Jutsu!" _

Boxer-sama watched in horror, and icky discomfort, as remaining pieces of underwear that weren't tasked to holding him gathered to his hand, forming a large, medieval-like broadsword. Well, other than the fact that it was made up entirely of underwear. Surprisingly, it was quite sharp.

"I'll send you to panty heaven, before I send you to hell!" he said sadistically, as he broke into a run, raising his panty sword. Boxer-sama, ignoring the fact that he was exceptionally freaked out, thought fast, and had an idea.

Just as the panty thief was about to strike, Boxer-sama kicked his feet off the back wall, flipping as though he was doing a backflip. As he did, the sword came crashing down at him. But because of his move, what would've cleaved him into two pieces instead cut him along the back, a diagonal trail of blood appeared on his back, seeping into his now ripped shirt. It wasn't lethal, but it was very deep, and Boxer-sama knew that if he didn't end this quick, the blood loss would. He cried out in pain, slumping back down to his original position in a heap, a bewildered old pervert staring at him, slightly annoyed at his resistance..

"How foolish of you," the pervert scolded. "It could've been less painful if I just finished you off. But no matter, you're done now!"

He raised his sword once more, and Boxer-sama didn't know what else to do. He shut his eyes, bracing himself for the end.

But what he heard instead, and felt, was a sudden gust of wind, blowing the pervert away, as well as blowing all the panties off his hands. He fell to the floor in surprise, wondering what had happened. That's when he turned and almost screamed out in shock.

Once again, there stood the girls he knew, except this time Temari was also there, wielding her large fan, which she obviously just used to blow the pervert away. To Boxer-sama's surprise, they were dressed in a similar fashion to himself.

It turned out that they had heard the crashing noises made during their fight.

* * *

**FLASHBACK**

A sudden crash was heard, which, unbeknownst to them, was Boxer-sama being thrown into the wall by violent pieces of panties.

"You wouldn't believe how big the rats are around here!" Ino told them. "They were probably just playing outside!"

"Playing? That was a pretty loud bang, you know," Sakura said matter-of-factly.

The other girls glared at her uncertainly. Then they heard the drum-like rhythm made by the panty bullets.

"Err… The rats had too much coffee?"

* * *

The girls, still clad in boxers and white shirts, glared at the pervert with evil eyes. 

"You perverted scumbag! How dare you hurt our Boxer-sama?" Temari yelled, pointing at him with her fan.

The panty thief clambered to his feet in a rage. "You fools! I would've just stolen your laundry and be done with it! But it looks like you want to get hurt!"

The girls smiled at him evilly. Except Hinata, who blushed furiously and hid behind the others.

"Oh, we know _exactly _how to deal with perverts…" Sakura said, cracking her knuckles. "Ready girls?"

Other than Hinata, who was lost in the matter, the other girls nodded. They all either grabbed their boxers or their shirts.

"_Flash no Jutsu!"_

They all suddenly flicked up or pulled down a piece of their clothing, 'kya'ing and 'iya'ing cutely. The girl's youth-filled, yet well-proportioned bodies, were fully exposed, their curves and build filling the eyes of the pervert. They posed in every sexy pose known, bending over seductively and caressing themselves with moans, a variety of cute and sexy expressions, using all their sex appeal to the limit. Except for Hinata, who stepped back in embarrassment, covering her eyes, but the girls didn't really expect her to do it anyway.

The pervert, caught by surprise, suddenly lost his footing, his nose spurting out substantially. Boxer-sama had looked away instinctively, but even the sounds they made, when combined with his vivid imagination, turned him on, his nose bleeding slightly behind his mask.

"Attack him now, Boxer-sama!" Temari yelled, bringing him back to reality.

"Ah! R-Right!" Boxer-sama nodded, focusing his attention on the panty thief, who was in some sort of perverted daze. He clambered to his feet, running at him while forming seals. "I won't go easy on you even if you're old! I absolutely _hate_ perverts!"

"_Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"_

A horde of Boxer-samas appeared, rushing at the pervert, who was too dazed and aroused to fight back, due to a pervert's biggest weakness previously being used against him.

"_UUOOO!"_ the Boxer-sama clones yelled in unison, as they jumped at him one after the one, punching and kicking, and basically beating the crap out of him. After a minute or two of gang-bashing, they disappeared, leaving the real one standing before the knocked out pervert, his various pieces of underwear surrounding him.

Boxer-sama walked over to the girls limply, but suddenly hit the ground, falling to one knee. The girls ran up to help him.

"B-Boxer-sama! Your back!" Sakura yelled in shock. "It looks bad! You've lost a lot of blood!"

"D-Don't worry about that, Sakura…" he swore silently, having used her name again. He finally decided it wouldn't matter so much if he used their names anymore; he had done it too often already. "Don't worry, just call the police and get them over here. I've got to go! See you all later!"

Boxer-sama forced himself onto his feet, and using the last of his willpower, dragged himself away, hopping the rooftops back towards Jiraiya's place. Sakura reluctantly did as she was told, sending for police, and the other girls stood there, smiling dreamily.

"Ahh! I finally got to see Boxer-sama!" Temari squealed. "I wish he stayed back…I'd have totally thrown him down and made out with him!"

"Ehh? He's mine!" Ino argued, pouting.

"Hey! That sexy butt and everything it's connected to belongs to me!" Tenten said, jumping into the fray.

Hinata wasn't listening, thinking more about what she just saw. "Boxer-sama used _Kage Bunshin no Jutsu…_But… _He_ uses _Kage Bunshin _too…"

Naruto had somehow managed to make it back to Jiraiya's hut, the bleeding slowing down with the Fox's healing characteristics. However, the wound was grand, and even with the Fox's powers, it would most likely leave a scar…

Jiraiya hurriedly helped Naruto in, cutting Naruto's shirt off and flipping him on his stomach onto his couch. He examined the wound carefully, and after a minute sighed out.

"You'll be fine," Jiraiya said calmly. "The Fox is doing its magic as usual. You'll be back to normal in no time. But it'll probably leave a scar. Not even the Fox would be able to heal _that_ completely."

"I…" Naruto began. "I… took care of the thief…"

Naruto slowly began to doze off, the blood loss and fatigue getting to him. Jiraiya sighed, and began closing the wound with a basic first aid technique he had picked up from Tsunade. He finished by bandaging Naruto's torso and wrapping him in some sheets. He carefully removed Naruto's headgear and set it on a nearby table, then sat on his favorite couch, watching Naruto with a grin.

"Good job, Naruto…"

Something in Naruto's pocket caught his eye. Jiraiya inspected it curiously, tugging at the pink fabric hanging out, causing it to fall into his hand. He raised it to his face, staring at it with an amused, red face.

"Oh, _very_ good job, Naruto!" he cried, hugging the panties to his face with perverted glee.

* * *

Naruto's eyes perked open slowly, a yawn accompanying his stretching, until he accidentally stretched a bit too far, causing him to fall off Jiraiya's couch. He rubbed his butt in pain. 

"Ow," he mumbled, moving into a sitting position on the floor. His head felt like it was spinning. Recently, by using the Fox's energy so often and for so long, he usually woke up feeling sick and dizzy, a tired feeling coming from inside.

He shot up suddenly, remembering what happened last night. Looking down at his torso, he noticed the crude bandaging across his chest and stomach, slinging over his right shoulder. Unwrapping it messily, he stood in front of Jiraiya's mirror, trying to check his back.

Streaking from the top of his right shoulder down to his lower back was a fairly large scar. He fingered it curiously, causing him to flinch from the speck of pain he recieved.

"I've never had a scar before…" he mumbled to himself. "Guess I've never been cut this deep before."

Naruto looked out the window and saw the sun. Glancing at Jiraiya's clock, he noted it was midday.

"… Midday…" Naruto thought for a moment, then yelled out in shock.

"I WAS SUPPOSED TO MEET KAKASHI-SENSEI AND THE OTHERS FOR OUR MISSION AT NINE! KAKASHI-SENSEI'S GONNA KILL ME!"

Naruto hurriedly threw on his pants and jacket, running out the door as fast as he could.

"Ah, crap, wrong way! Pants on your legs, Naruto! Not on your head!"

As Naruto disappeared towards the scheduled meeting place, Jiraiya had rushed home erratically.

"N-Naruto! We have a problem!" he yelled, waving a newspaper about frantically. But when he looked around, his home was empty. "…This isn't good."

Printed in large letters on the front page of Konoha's daily newspaper was a headline on Boxer-sama, which read:

'BOXER-SAMA TAKES DOWN WORLD-FAMOUS PERVERT! CLUES TO BOXER-SAMA'S TRUE IDENTITY REVEALED!'

When it came to Boxer-sama, the news spread surprisingly fast.

**END CHAPTER 6**


	9. Bigger Problems Require a Bigger Size

**Chapter 7 – Bigger Problems Require a Bigger Size**

**A/N:** Well, I decided to postpone the third 'I Hate Boxers' plot for another chapter or so to build up material. Anyway, people are becoming concerned about whether or not this will stay a harem-fest. I'm going to assure you here and now, that it will.

And to GarretPI, thank you as always for your informative and infinitely helpful feedback. I'm certain I wouldn't have gotten as far as I have without you, so thanks again for spending time to help me out. And reviewers also, thank you for your kind and motivating words! I'll do my best to continue to impress!

* * *

Naruto finally made it to their meeting point at the bridge, huffing and panting. The other three stared at him intently, and he thought they were probably very annoyed with him at the moment. Seeing Kakashi not having his face glued in one of his books only made him more nervous. Behind them were a few bundles of papers tied together with string. 

"Uh, well you see…" Naruto tried to explain, his hands flailing about nervously.

"Don't worry about it, Naruto," Kakashi said seriously. "We have something important to talk about."

"Really? Uh, okay…" Naruto said, relieved he didn't have to explain himself. "What's up?"

"Naruto," Kakashi said, Sakura and Sasuke looking at Naruto intently. "What did you do last night?"

"L-L-Last night?" Naruto said, gulping down anxiously. "W-Why do you ask?" he said, fidgeting.

Sasuke took out the top paper of one of the bundles, raising it in front of Naruto's face. He looked at it with squinting eyes. On it was a picture of heart-patterned boxers and big words saying 'Boxer-sama's Identity Challenge!"

"W-What's this about?" he asked, uncertain of what it meant.

"Last night Boxer-sama defeated a world-famous pervert and saved the girls and me," Sakura told him, sighing slightly at the memory of it. "And when we told the reporters and authorities what happened, news about Boxer-sama spread even more."

"All the genin teams have a special mission today," Kakashi told him. "First we have to put up these flyers and spread around all the information we have on Boxer-sama. Then we are to go out and check anyone who could possibly be Boxer-sama."

Naruto stiffened in surprise. _'That doesn't sound too good… They couldn't have a lot of info on me though, right? They won't think it's me, right?'_

Kakashi pointed at two of the clues on the flyer. "These two points are the most evident. 'Boxer-sama is capable of using _Kage Bunshin no Jutsu_', and 'Boxer-sama may be carrying a wound or scar on his back.'

Naruto gasped slightly, nervously loosening his collar. "R-Really? T-That'll really make it easier to find him then!" he said, his voice shaky.

"Anyway, I thought it would be a good idea to check both you and Sasuke before we head off. In fact, I was just about to check Sasuke."

"I already told you, I'm not him," Sasuke grumbled, refusing to let Kakashi near him. He wasn't comfortable with a guy asking to see him naked, even if it was only his back. "I just want to kill that weirdo."

"It's okay Sasuke, I know you have to keep it a secret!" Sakura said with glee. "I already worked out last night that you're really Boxer-sama! You're so amazing, Sasuke!"

"I told you, I'm not him!" Sasuke almost shouted, feeling grouchier than ever. When Sakura began making her unwanted approaches once again, Sasuke had thought that she finally gave up on Boxer-sama. However when he found out she thought he was Boxer-sama, he was, to say the least, annoyed.

"But Sasuke, I never knew you could use _Kage Bunshin no Jutsu_. It's so surprising! And when I saw his red eyes, it must've been your _Sharingan_!" Sakura said with amazement.

"Indeed, I am also surprised," Kakashi said, eyeing him with an aura of killing intent. "I never thought you were the one who I'd have to kill."

"Y-You have to kill Boxer-sama?" Naruto said, suddenly feeling sweaty. "Is someone giving you a mission to kill Boxer-sama?"

Kakashi didn't take his eye off Sasuke as he replied. "I have my own reasons for wanting him dead, but Hokage-sama prepared this mission herself. She really wants to find the real Boxer-sama, among other people," he said, remembering the maniacal desire she had shown in their meeting. "Anyway, if you aren't him, you have nothing against me checking your back, do you?"

Sasuke grumbled in annoyance. "Fine, I have nothing to hide," he said, as he pulled the back of his shirt up. Sakura eagerly ran up to check in Kakashi's place, feeling that there would certainly be a mark of some sort.

Sasuke stood with his shirt up in annoyance. "Well? Are you satisfied yet, or do you want me to take my pants off now?"

"Well, I guess it isn't Sasuke," Kakashi said, returning to his usual cheery self. "That's good. It wouldn't be nice to have to kill my student."

Sakura on the other hand wasn't taking it as well. "W-What? You're not really Boxer-sama?"

"Of course not, you annoying girl," Sasuke said, flaring in anger. "I would rather die than become that insane flasher," he said flatly, devastating Sakura. However she did recover fairly quickly, immediately losing all interest in Sasuke once again.

"Doesn't matter! I'll just search out on my own and find out who Boxer-sama really is! I'll check absolutely, positively _everyone_ in this village!" she announced with determination, managing to make Naruto even more nervous than he already was. Something told him everyone was going to be like this.

"Well, shall I check you now, Naruto?" Kakashi said, making it sound more like an order. "You do, after all, use _Kage Bunshin_, making you one of the more likely suspects."

Sakura glared at Kakashi. "Naruto? Yeah right! There is no way in the world that Boxer-sama is Naruto!"

Naruto felt slightly hurt at this comment, Sakura still thinking he was weak, but was, for once, grateful to have someone taking their attention off him.

"O-Of course it isn't me, Kakashi-sensei! How could it possibly be me?" Naruto agreed reassuringly.

"Of course, I also don't believe it's you," Kakashi said, making Naruto feel more heartbroken. "After all, you don't have red eyes. But I thought if I check you then at least I can tell everyone it isn't you and save them the trouble."

Naruto was sweating erratically, resisting the urge to back away. Kakashi began to walk up to him slowly, raising his hands up.

"Come on Naruto, turn around," he ordered, his hands moments away from Naruto's jacket.

"KAKASHI MY HIP RIVAL!"

Naruto never thought the day would come, but for once he was glad to hear the voice of the strange, self-proclaimed rival of Kakashi as he bounded enthusiastically in their direction. Naruto turned and noticed that he was accompanied by his team, Neji, Tenten, and of course Lee. Gai was clad in his usual green suit, and his team managed to convince him that if he wore his boxer shorts outside of his gym, he would be labeled 'hip', and Kakashi wouldn't be a fitting rival for him anymore. And thus, Gai was tricked into keeping his boxer shorts at the gym, where hopefully nobody else would ever have to see the horror.

"Ah, Gai. How goes the flyer-posting?" Kakashi said, taking his attention off Naruto, who sighed in relief.

"It is excellent as always! My team and I have already posted more than two hundred flyers all around Konoha!" Gai proclaimed with a pose.

"More like you forced us to run around and post them while you yelled at us to be 'irrationally exuberant'." Neji murmured, rolling his eyes.

"So how many have _you_ posted, Kakashi, my rival?" Gai challenged, pointing at him dramatically.

Kakashi took the flyer out of Sasuke's hand, and effortlessly stuck it onto the railing of the bridge.

"That's one," Kakashi told Gai, holding up a finger to emphasize his point. Gai flared out in dramatic surprise.

"_Uooo!_ As usual you are full of stylish, hip, 'in' surprises! You are indeed the only one worthy to be called my rival!"

Gai looked at Kakashi intently, who was staring out quietly. Gai inspected further, waving his hand in front of his face and poking him in the cheek.

"_UOOOO!_ You're asleep and not listening to me! What a unique new-world reaction!"

Naruto looked over at the other team, where he had guessed from Neji's irritated look and Tenten's lack of interest in his presence that an event similar to that of Sakura and Sasuke had ensued between them. Lee, however, was preoccupied with staring at Gai with puppy-dog eyes, cherishing every word that came out of his mouth. Lee's personality still managed to creep everyone out.

After Gai finally managed to wake Kakashi with his incessant ramblings, he eyed the stacks of paper behind him meticulously.

"Kakashi! I believe it's time for another duel!" Gai yelled out, jamming his fist in front of Kakashi's face.

"I'm in the middle of something right now. And besides, we just had a duel yesterday," Kakashi stated.

"Exactly! Twenty-four hours is much too long! My passionate body is crying for a duel with my greatest rival!" Gai said, posing in a unique 'strong-man-yet-still-nice-guy' pose, which involved flexing while giving two thumbs-up.

"And I'm assuming I can't say no?" Kakashi said, but already knew the answer. "Okay, I guess we can have one. It's your turn to pick, right?"

"Indeed! And I have the perfect idea!"

Gai picked up two piles of flyers, handing one of them to Kakashi. "Let us see who can post up the most of these within one hour!"

Kakashi just looked at Gai with a bored face. "Sure, whatever."

Gai flared up with excitement. "Excellent! We will meet back here in exactly one hour!" He looked at the students that were standing around watching them. "I suppose we should have our teams combine and work together while we are absent?"

"Sure. Sasuke, Sakura, Naruto," Kakashi said, getting their attention. "Go with Gai's team and post more flyers around, and then start searching everyone you can. We'll come back for you in an hour"

Within moments, the two Jounins were leaping away, flyers sticking onto everything they could reach, as they disappeared into the distance, leaving the six genins to finish their mission on their own.

"Hmph, I guess they really did send all the teams to find Boxer-sama," Sasuke mumbled. "Whatever. When I find out who he is, I'm going to take him down."

"I believe that's my line," Neji said, his eyes showing his rage. "That boxer shorts guy made a fool of me in front of my family. I will kill him and regain my honor."

Sasuke and Neji glared at each other menacingly, speaking with their angst-voices.

"I will kill him."

"No, I will kill him."

"It will be me."

"He will die by my hand."

It was an almighty angst-filled battle for the death of Boxer-sama. By now, Naruto was probably going crazy with fear for his life.

'_I am so screwed.'_

"I don't know what you guys don't like about him!" Sakura said in Boxer-sama's defense. "He's been running around saving people, and what have you guys done?"

"That's right!" Tenten joined in. "He stopped that pervert and saved us, even though he got hurt badly!"

"That guy is just some moron in the nude!" Sasuke yelled back. "He deserves to die!"

The four of them broke into a massive argument, yelling and screaming relentlessly. Even Sasuke and Neji, known as two of the few that could keep a cool head, were in a fit of rage, screaming and yelling obscenely. Naruto was genuinely surprised that girls that once idolized the two boys were now arguing with them with such intensity. He felt partly responsible for it, since he was, after all, the real Boxer-sama.

"H-Hey! You guys!" Naruto yelled, waving his arms about. "This isn't something you have to fight about, you know?"

"Keep out of this, idiot!" Sasuke yelled at him. "This doesn't concern you!"

Naruto twitched in annoyance. "Oi! It concerns me now!" he yelled back icily. Naruto's slightly more serious tone caught their attention. "I don't know how you all ended up arguing, but you two shouldn't be fighting with the girls!"

"You don't understand anything, Uzumaki!" Neji scoffed at him. "You don't know what it's like to be undermined by someone! To be overshadowed! To have nobody recognizing that you are strong! And some weirdo in underwear is the one outdoing us! How can you be the one to tell us off?"

Naruto snapped uncharacteristically, Neji's words pissing him off. "I have every right to be the one telling you two idiots off! I have more right than anyone in this whole village to stop you all from fighting each other!"

The girls looked at Naruto, surprised by his outbreak.

"I know damn well what it's like! If you've got the time to bitch about Boxer-sama, why don't you just become stronger and challenge him or something, rather than taking it out on other people! I hate people who can do nothing but whine about everything! If you guys want attention, why don't you try earning it on your own?"

They all stared at Naruto at a loss for words. Neji and Sasuke had nothing to counteract that with. They bit their lips in annoyance.

"…Whatever, Uzumaki," Neji groaned. "Let's just get our mission over with."

"Hmph," Sasuke muttered after him. "It's not like I want attention, idiot…" he mumbled quietly.

"N-Naruto…" Tenten was very much surprised by Naruto. Sakura at least had an idea of Naruto's hardships, but Tenten knew next to nothing about him. She just knew nobody liked him, so instinctively thought she didn't like him either. His recent speech, however, did entice Tenten's curiosity. She had never heard Naruto speak with such passionate emotion before.

Naruto took a deep breath in an attempt to calm back down. "I'm going to wash my face down by the river. When I get back, I'm going to pretend that fight didn't happen, and I want you guys to do the same. Go ahead of me if you want, it's not like I'm not used to running after someone's back… Something you two obviously suck at."

Naruto headed for the stream, walking away from the bridge because he wanted to be apart from them while he calmed down. Finding a nice, shady area that had tall, large trees blocking out the sun, he bent down and washed his face in the water, the coolness helping to calm his heated temper.

"_Mou_, I think I went too far…" Naruto said, splashing some water into his hair, soaking it out. Then something in his head clicked, and he moaned again. "_Mou_, I told them to challenge Boxer-sama! What am I, stupid?"

Naruto scooped some water, rubbing it behind his ears. He sighed loudly. "Man, I screw up too much."

Even with all the water, he still felt angry inside. Naruto glanced around suspiciously for anyone nearby. After confirming that nobody seemed to be around, he stepped onto the water, doing as Jiraiya had taught him. He walked effortlessly to the center of the river, closing his eyes.

After a short moment of silence, his eyes shot open again, his intense rage shown completely in his deep red eyes. He threw his right hand up with a powerful cry, thrusting his hand into the water, putting all of his anger and annoyance into it.

The water splashed up loudly, creating a geyser-like wall of water around Naruto. He punched with such immense strength that for a moment the water looked as though it was frozen in its place, an impossible tower of liquid. The water collapsed after a few moments, Naruto hardly drenched, his force impacting all the droplets of water away from him. He had in fact dried up his hair and face in the process.

"Kya!"

A sudden cry caught Naruto's attention, and he looked up in surprise to see a strange yet familiar person falling towards him.

"T-Tenten!"

Using his Fox-induced reflexes, Naruto managed to catch Tenten as she fell, but lost his concentration on his chakra, sending the both of them into the river. Luckily it was only roughly knee-deep. Naruto clung onto Tenten as they fell, making sure she didn't crash into the hard, rocky bottom of the river, leaving her basically on his lap. The two of them sat there, soaking.

"T-Tenten? What are you doing falling out of the sky? Are you okay?" Naruto asked in a hurry, worried. Tenten, however, was more concerned about sitting on Naruto's lap. She jumped up hurriedly, rising to her feet.

"W-Well, the thing is… I was sent back to come get you! Yeah!" she lied hurriedly, extending her hand to pull Naruto to his feet. She had in fact come of her own will, telling the others to leave ahead of her. "I just tripped off the tree up there while looking for you!"

"Ah, okay!" Naruto replied cheerfully, feeling much better after he relieved his stress with his punch. He gladly took her hand, not noticing the slight blush on her face. She helped Naruto to his feet, leaving him standing quite close to her. Tenten looked up at his eyes, and noticed something.

"N-Naruto? Y-Your eyes are…" she hesitated, thinking her eyes were playing tricks on her. "Aren't your eyes normally blue?"

"Huh?" Naruto turned around and looked at his reflection in the water and almost yelled out. His eyes were still red with the power of the demonic fox. He shut his eyes tight, hurriedly erasing all traces of the fox's chakra.

"A-Are you okay?" Tenten asked curiously.

"Y-Yeah! I'm looking at my reflection, and my eyes…" he turned back to her, looking at her with his blue eyes. "… Look like they always do. Don't they?"

Tenten looked at him in wonder, then shrugged. "Y-Yeah, of course!"

'_I'm sure his eyes were red just then… My eyes are too sharp to be wrong… They said Boxer-sama could use Kage Bunshin and had red eyes… So does Na-'_

"Hey! Hello?" Naruto called out, snapping Tenten out of her thoughts. She looked up to see Naruto had already gotten out of the water. "We going or what?"

"Ack! I'll be there in a sec!" she called, running after him.

They strolled down the streets looking for the others, who had told Tenten the general area they'd be around in. Tenten turned to Naruto to ask him something that had begun to bug her.

"Hey, Naruto," Tenten asked. "When you stopped Sasuke and Neji from fighting with Sakura and I, what did you mean you had 'more right than anyone else'?"

Naruto, in surprise, glanced at Tenten. He thought for a minute, then looked at her with a huge grin.

"Sorry, I don't remember anything about a fight happening. I have no idea what you're talking about."

Tenten looked at Naruto in bemusement, and burst out in laughter.

"O-Oi! What's so funny? Oi!"

Tenten didn't answer, she just kept laughing. _'Naruto's actually a pretty interesting guy!'_

"There you two are!"

Tenten's laughter broke off at the sound of Kakashi's voice from behind them. They turned around to see that all the genin teams and their Jounins had gathered together. Gaara and his siblings were also there, who were apparently tagging along, Gaara and Temari wanting to find Boxer-sama, and Kankurou scared of what they'd do to him if he didn't agree to go with them. The only missing one was Gai.

"H-How come everyone's gathered together?" Naruto asked, feeling somewhat nervous.

Kakashi answered him. "Well, Gai and I finished our 'duel', and he's gone to eat ten thousand rice dumplings in one go. As for everyone gathering together, we thought it'd be best to get all you guys out of the way first."

"We've all been checked already," Kiba spat out. "I still think it's offensive for someone to think I'm that whacked-out Boxer-guy."

"A-All of you have been checked?" Naruto gulped, instantly looking around for any quick escapes. "W-Well, I'll see you guys later! I'm starting to feel _really _hungry!"

"Hold on, Naruto,' Kakashi called. "I have to check you out first so I can cross you off the list."

"C-Come on, you know it's not me!" Naruto said defensively.

Everyone murmured in agreement, save Hinata, who looked at him curiously. That didn't make Naruto feel any less downtrodden though, as he sulked slightly.

"True, but if I skipped anyone, Hokage-sama wouldn't be pleased."

Kakashi began to advance on him once again, only this time, _everyone _had their eyes on him. Naruto gulped, knowing that if they saw the scar on his back, he'd have no way to convince them otherwise, and he'd be screwed. He could feel the large droplets of sweat trickling off his forehead.

Kakashi reached him, putting his hands on his shoulders and turning him around, having his back facing everyone else.

Naruto's back stiffened up, his mind racing.

'_It's all over… I'm gonna die. Everyone's gonna kill me.'_

Kakashi's hands reached onto the bottom Naruto's jacket, getting ready to pull it up. Naruto stood in horror, feeling his jacket rise slowly, until it was up to his head. His heart stopped in shock.

"Um, Kakashi…" Kurenai noted to him. "You'll have to pull his shirt up too, you know."

"Oh! Of course! How could I forget?" Kakashi said, causing Naruto to collapse to the ground in surprise and relief.

Kakashi was just about to reach for his shirt, but was interrupted by Jiraiya.

"It's good everyone's here," Jiraiya said, referring to all the Jounins in particular.

"What's going on, Jiraiya-sama?" Asuma asked, his trademark cigarette curving his words.

Jiraiya looked at them seriously. "Remember that panty thief that was caught after being beaten by Boxer-sama?"

Everyone nodded. Jiraiya glared at Naruto for a moment, then glared over at Sasuke and Neji, who were standing next to each other. "And you all know of how the Hyuuga and Uchiha families are tied together?"

"Their Bloodline Limits, _Byakugan _and _Sharingan_?" Kurenai answered.

"Yes… Well…" Jiraiya was still looking at both Sasuke and Neji.

"That old panty thief was in fact an ancestor of both clans. He's Neji's great, great uncle and Sasuke's great, great grandfather, and was working with Itachi and the Akatsuki, who are now incredibly pissed off with Boxer-sama and have asked for his head or they will wage war with Konoha." Jiraiya explained it with a surprisingly calm tone.

Everyone stared at Jiraiya with wide eyes, then slowly directed them to Neji and Sasuke.

"WHAAAAAAT?"

Naruto thought for a minute, unsure of what happened, had just been happy that they weren't looking at him anymore. However, Jiraiya saw his confusion and whispered into his ear.

"That means now Akatsuki, like every other male in Konoha, wants to kill you, Boxer-sama."

"Oh…" Naruto said, nodding his head in comprehension until he realized that it was a bad thing.

"…WHAT!"

**END CHAPTER 7**

**A/N:** Not as many jokes in this chapter, but a couple of key events that you should take note of! These little things (and big things) will be crucial to the story later on!


	10. I Hate Boxers! Part III

**I Hate Boxers! Part III**

**A/N:** Once again, more side-stories of the other characters. Next chapter will continue with the main story as usual. The following includes Kakashi, the Panty Thief, and Itachi and the Akatsuki. I'll probably have the next chapter ready by next week, which seems to be the trend for me at the moment. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

* * *

**Kakashi's Story**

Kakashi stood in front of his favorite shop after another mission well done with his young Genins. At least he called it standing - passer-bys would describe more like he was 'making out' with the glass display of the adult bookshop. He eyed the books tentatively, his mask hiding the drool that was trickling out of his mouth, as well as disguising his flushed-red face.

"I see you're here again, Kakashi-san!"

The storekeeper had popped outside for fresh air, and was not overly surprised to see his number one customer fogging up his window. While he wasn't a fan of wiping Kakashi's stains and cheek marks off the glass, he was fond of Kakashi's insatiable needs for Jiraiya's explicit works.

"_Konnichiwa!" _Kakashi greeted heartily, his eye aflutter. "How's business, Henta-san?"

Henta, first name Ii, scratched his head with a grin. "Not too bad, not too bad at all. You wouldn't believe the number of perverts around Konoha. Still, thanks to them I've got a booming business!" he said with a bellow of laughter.

"Has that order I asked for come in yet?" Kakashi asked with anticipation. Henta thought for a moment while Kakashi eyed him hopefully.

"Ah!" he clicked his fingers. "It did indeed! The package just arrived this morning. Why don't you come in and I'll get it for you?"

Kakashi leapt in the air girlishly with a triumphant _"Wai"_ and skipped in after Henta.

The store's walls were riddled with novels, videos, and video games, all covered with pictures of naked girls, young and old. They even had cosplay costumes, which included orange jumpsuits, pink dresses, and other acutely familiar costumes that certain Genins and Chuunins liked to run around in. Kakashi probably would have noticed if his mind wasn't completely preoccupied with his perverted books.

When Henta came back with Kakashi's order, he carried a rolled-up poster under his arm. Kakashi's attention, however, was centered completely on his parcel. Henta handed it to him, who grabbed it eagerly, literally ripping the box to pieces to reach his new book. He raised it into the air in triumph.

"_Super Explicit Over-the-top Fantastic-O Make-out Violence PART XIII!"_ he screamed out in joy, lowering it down and cuddling it to his chest. Henta shivered slightly.

"Even to this day, it still creeps me out when you do that," Henta said. Kakashi was indeed one of his more 'colorful' customers. He handed Kakashi the poster he was carrying with him. "Oh, I thought you'd like to see this."

Kakashi, tearing his attention away from his book for a moment, took the poster and unraveled it. He looked inside with a blank face.

Silence ensued for about a minute, Kakashi not moving an inch, not even breathing.

"…Kakashi-san? You oka-"

"OH MY BUTT-FRIGGING GOD ICHA ICHA PARADISE THE ANIMATION MOVIE!" Kakashi screamed, pointing at the poster violently as he threw himself backwards in awe.

Henta watched with a bemused face as Kakashi proceeded to pinch himself to see if it was real, then punch himself on the arm, then on the face, until he was downright kicking himself in the groin in disbelief. After a minute of beating himself stupid, he confirmed that it was real, lying on the floor bruised and battered.

"W-When is the movie being released?" Kakashi gasped to Henta, who was debating whether or not he needed to call an ambulance.

"Uh… T-Tomorrow it's going to air at Konoha cinema…" he said nervously. "A-Are you okay, Kakashi-san?"

Kakashi was no longer listening, hauling himself away with his chin, crawling out the door like a slug.

"Icha-Icha-Icha-Icha…" was heard moving down the street as Kakashi chanted all the way home, shaking with excitement. He planned to see the movie tomorrow. He wouldn't wait. He couldn't. He would see it. Nothing would stop him.

Or so he thought.

* * *

As the next day arrived, Kakashi was up bright and early. Or more accurately, Kakashi had sat awake all night chanting "Icha-Icha-Icha!" and left as he saw the sun rise. He hopped down the street energetically, his lack of sleep not even fazing him. He practically bounced his way to the cinemas, uncaring of whether or not it ran through his scheduled mission time - he'd just tell his team he discovered the meaning of life, or he accidentally joined a new religion. 

Within moments he was in front of the cinema, where many men had crowded around, shouting and yelling angrily. Kakashi smiled, thinking they were as impatient as him. He tapped one of the men at the back of the crowd.

"You guys can't wait for them to open the doors either, eh?" Kakashi said, nudging him in the ribs. The guy looked at him, his eyes full of rage.

"Not anymore! They're saying they won't be showing it anymore! They said they found something better to show!"

Kakashi's pupils shrunk in shock. "What! What do you mean? What could possibly be better than Icha Icha Paradise? NOTHING IS BETTER THAN ICHA ICHA PARADISE!"

He shuffled to the front of the crowd, where the cinema attendants were holding the men away with pitchforks. The crowd was like a pack of vicious wolves, baring their teeth menacingly, intent on biting them.

"Just play Icha Icha Paradise! We've waited for this a long time!"

"Yeah! Don't make me bite your ass, 'cause I will!"

"I needs me my Icha! Icha Icha dammit!"

"You do NOT want to know what it's like in my pants right now!"

The crowd riled and wailed uncontrollably, distraught that Icha Icha Paradise was not being shown. Kakashi moved to the front of the pack, standing before the attendants. He faced the one he deduced to be the manager.

"Why won't you show Icha Icha Paradise?" Kakashi asked, his voice calm, but his eye twitching menacingly.

"Look, it's not our fault! The men up top ordered us!" the manager said angrily. "They told us they had something better to show, and it had to be aired immediately."

"And what is this other movie?" Kakashi asked, the twitching accelerating, looking as though he was going to twitch his eyeball out of its socket.

Before the manager could answer, a rumbling was heard in the distance, closing in on them. The men turned around, searching for what the sound was. It didn't take them long to find out, as a stampede of women appeared in the horizon, running like bulls straight in their direction. They were so fast that the men didn't even have time to react, finding themselves steamrolled by the masses of women. They rushed into the cinema, screaming in excitement, pushing and shoving their way in.

When the dust cleared, the floor was littered with men, all of them covered with various shoe marks, heel marks, and strangely some of them had hand marks. Kakashi looked up in pain, towards the manager, who was also sprawled onto the ground with his attendants.

"The movie they told us to play?" the manager repeated Kakashi's question. "It's called 'Boxer Boxer Paradise'. The guys who made the 'Icha Icha Paradise' animation are the guys who made it. They apparently gathered all copies of Icha Icha Paradise and burnt them, deciding it was a waste of time, and they made a movie about Boxer-sama instead."

Kakashi felt his heart stop. He looked up into the sky, his body losing feeling. "M-My… My precious Icha Icha… No… NOOO!"

Kakashi jumped up and ran, his eyes full of anger. Hearing that Boxer-sama had effectively destroyed his happiness had driven him out of control. He ran all the way to the top of Konoha, standing on the faces of the previous Kages.

He threw his hands into the air, giving up his normal hip-ness and became something that nobody believed he would ever become. Something that only an impossibly traumatizing experience could do to him. He screamed out with flared nostrils and wide shock-filled eyes.

"IF I DON'T KILL BOXER-SAMA, I'LL NEVER READ ANOTHER DIRTY NOVEL FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE AND I'LL MAKE A VOW OF CELIBACY! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, BOXER-SAMA! I'LL KILL YOU WITH MY YOUTHFUL PASSION FOR DIRTY NOVELS AND NAKED WOMEN! UOOOO! THE FIRE IN MY HEART IS BURNING BRIGHTLY!"

He became Maito Gai.

* * *

**The Panty Thief's Story**

"Ahh, there's nothing like two-week overdue prune juice. The time really brings out the pruny flavors!"

Grandpa Uchiha sipped his prune expired fruit juice peacefully, old oriental music playing from his equally old radio. Once upon a time, Grandpa Uchiha was possibly the strongest ninja in history, being the first to inherit the _Sharingan _Bloodline Limit from the Hyuuga clan. His _Sharingan_ was extremely powerful, sporting an incredible four dots in each eye, something no other Uchiha or owner of the _Sharingan _has ever had. However, he had a nasty reputation as an uncontrollable pervert, which was influenced unto him by his brother, who happened to be the great, great grandfather of Hyuuga Neji. As if that wasn't bad enough, he would only ever use his _Sharingan_ for peeping on girls and using his mind controlling abilities for his own erotic purposes.

While Grandpa Hyuuga was much more capable of suppressing his perverted desires, Grandpa Uchiha wasn't quite as held back. He stole panties and underwear from every woman he could find, even ones related to him. It was rumored he had even stolen underwear from men a few times. Eventually, the Hyuugas decided to exile him from the Hyuuga family, which resulted in him leaving to start the Uchiha clan, which he hoped would become a clan of the greatest perverts.

However, Uchihas that came after him cleverly decided that it would be best to leave him out of the official family tree and hide their true origins from the world.

Grandpa Uchiha looked down at his juice packet, tapping it curiously.

"Aw, darn, I'm all out of prune juice."

He got up slowly, where it was revealed that he was sitting on a chair made entirely out of women's undergarments. In fact, a lot of his furniture was structured from underwear, from his tables and chairs to his mattresses and pillows. It was like a perverted version of the gingerbread house in 'Hansel and Gretel'. Grandpa Uchiha was the world's only practitioner as well as founder of the mystical and estranged _Panty no Jutsu._

He slipped on his sandals, molded out of black lacy underwear, and stepped out into the street, intent on heading for his nearest convenience store to buy more prune juice. However he stopped when he noticed his neighborhood mailwoman placing mail in his slot. He whistled to her playfully, cheekily rubbing his nipples. When the mailwoman saw him, she screamed, running off as fast as she could, grabbing her mouth in horror. Grandpa Uchiha scratched his head curiously.

"Hm, I guess girls today aren't turned on by the old 'nipple-rub' anymore... Kids these days!" he said with a sigh, picking up his mail and running through it.

"Let's see… Hate mail… Hate mail… Junk mail… Hate mail…" Grandpa Uchiha apparently received plenty of complaints, as well as the odd death threat or two, from suspicious fathers and husbands. "… Hate mail… Oh, my monthly copy of 'Kunoichis Gone Wild! Yum-yum!" he said happily, licking his lips.

He sifted through the remaining letters until one in particular caught his eye. "Hm…? This is from Itachi, my good old great, great grandson! I wonder how he's been with the other Uchihas?"

Apparently, Grandpa hadn't visited home in awhile, and was unaware of Itachi's slaughtering, which happened days after he left. Ironically, he did play a hand in Itachi's doing so.

* * *

**FLASHBACK**

"Hey, Grandfather," Itachi said monotonously. "I've been reading a certain something recently…"

'_Ah, the little guy must be talking about porno mags!'_ Grandpa Uchiha thought smugly. "I completely understand what you're talking about, Itachi!"

Itachi looked at him with a slightly surprised expression. His grandpa had somehow known that he was talking about the secrets of the _Sharingan_, and the texts telling him of how to unlock its full potential. "How did you know, Grandfather?"

"I could see it in your eyes!" he reassured his icy great, great grandson. "I always wondered how long it would take you to notice. After all, I've seen amazing potential in you to become something _incredible._"

"Really?" Itachi asked in shock. "Then that means you agree that I should do _it_?"

"_It? _Haha! You sure are in a rush, aren't you?" Grandpa Uchiha joked. "By all means! You're young and vibrant, it's always good to start young, I say! After all, I think I did it when I was your age too!"

Itachi looked at his grandpa wondrously. _'This must be what it's like to obtain the true power of the Sharingan!'_ he thought to himself. _'To be able to tell your own great, great grandson to slaughter the entire Uchiha family and my best friend must be what it's like to have all the power! That's incredible!'_

"But when you start, please, just leave that little brother of yours out of it," Grandpa Uchiha warned him. "He's not ready yet, and someday he'll become quite great himself. He just needs a few years."

"L-Leave Sasuke?" Itachi asked, surprise. "What about the other family members?"

"Oh, I think they've seen this coming a _long_ time," his great, great grandfather chuckled. "The other family members will understand. After all, you're the great Uchiha Itachi!"

"Thank you, Grandfather," Itachi said, walking off. "I had some doubts as to whether or not I should do it, but you have cleared my mind."

"Don't mention it, Itachi," Grandpa Uchiha said with a smile. "Oh yeah, and if you ever find that your power alone isn't quite enough," he said, referring to his perverted power. "Then just send me a letter or something. I'm always ready to lend you a hand! Especially when it comes to things involving _that._"

Itachi gave Grandpa Uchiha a rare smile. "Thank you, Grandfather. I'll be sure to do it, and make you proud. I'll become the most powerful in existence."

"That's the spirit, Itachi!" his grandfather told him. "Well, I'll be heading back home tomorrow. Good luck with _it_!"

"Yes, Grandfather. And I will spare Sasuke, as you said. Perhaps I'll tell him to loathe me and live in an unsightly way too," Itachi said with a bow before he walked away. Itachi was well known in the family not only for being quite possibly the best, but also because he had a strange fetish for telling people to hate him and live in an unsightly way.

"Yep," Grandpa Uchiha said with a grin. "He'll be a greater pervert than even myself. Maybe I should teach him _Panty no Jutsu _one day…"

* * *

"Hehe, I guess he wants to learn the _Panty no Jutsu _now," Grandpa Uchiha thought out loud with a chuckle. He opened the envelope and pulled out the letter. Unfortunately he had recently misplaced his glasses, and was unable to read without them. However, he was also forgetful, and not only forgot where he put his glasses, but also forgot he had bad eyesight. 

"Lessee here…"

The letter read:

_To my Grandfather Uchiha,_

_Many years ago you gave me advice to make my plunge for power, and for that I am eternally grateful. Back then you had also told me that if I ever needed help with 'that', I would be able to call on your assistance. This is one such time._

_I have recently begun working on capturing two certain individuals that I desire, as they have some things that I want. The first is Uzumaki Naruto, one who holds the demon Kyuubi's power. The other is Sabaku no Gaara, who holds the amazing Shukaku._

_Enclosed is a map pinpointing their locations. Your assistance would be most appreciated._

_Itachi_

"Hrm…" Grandpa Uchiha said, scratching his head. He squinted and read the letter over twice. "… Okay… I think I've got it. He's saying there's this chick he desires called… Uzunari Naruko? And… She's a total fox! Okay, and also… Sanaku Nokara? And… OH MY GOD SHE DOES AMAZING BUKAKKE!" he shouted in surprise. He clenched the letter in his fist, looking into the sky with tears in his eyes. "_Uoo!_ My Itachi's all grown up now! Don't worry, Itachi, I'll find your little nymphs! And I'll grab you a whole bunch of underwear while I'm at it! After all, I haven't given you any Christmas or birthday presents for years! I'll be sure to grab you a whole lot!"

He hurried ran back into his home, changing into his old ninja garb, and donning his trusty laundry basket. He stepped out of his home, looking out into the distance. He glanced at his map, taking note of the circles around Konoha and Sunagakure.

"Konoha is closer, so I'll head there first and grab Uzunari Naruko… Oh yes, and a whole lot of underwear for my perverted little great, great grandson!" he thought for a moment. "Sasuke should be at Konoha too… I should try to check on him and find out what a huge pervert he's become! After all, it's in his blood!"

He shot off into the distance, giggling like a schoolgirl, in the direction of Konoha.

* * *

**Itachi and the Akatsuki's Story**

"You have to loathe me, despise me, and live in an unsightly manner!" Itachi taunted relentlessly. "If you want to avenge the death of your family, then kill me! Live and find power! Become stronger than me!"

"Uh, Itachi…" Kisame said, somewhat nervously. "I can understand when you did that to Sasuke, but do you really have to do it to _every living creature you can? _This is like, the twelfth time I've caught you screwing around with your corny 'despise me' shtick this week!"

Itachi was caught once again by Kisame, this time holding a mouse in his hand, which looked frightened out of its wits, and numerous bodies of mice were scattered about him. He looked at Kisame with his usual dead eyes.

"Kisame, I don't ask about the fact that you have gills, so don't ask about my hobbies," he said icily. He let his eyes return to the mouse. "Prepare yourself, foolish little mouse, as I make you witness me killing your family over and over again! _Tsukuyomi!_"

"God, he's using it on a mouse now…" Kisame mumbled in frustration. "Seriously, Itachi, when I saw you use it on other ninja, it was pretty cool and evil, and that time you used it on that dog and made it scared of cats was kinda funny, but really, it's just weird now."

Itachi wasn't listening, too busy enjoying his torture session with the poor mouse. However, after a minute, he felt exhausted, his chakra feeling depleted. "K-Kisame, I grow weary. Finish it off before he can attack me. Hurry, use your sword."

Kisame stared at Itachi with furrowed eyebrows. "…Itachi, it's a mouse. I am _not _going to unwrap my sword for a puny mouse. You have _no clue_ how long it takes me to wrap this mother of a sword."

"I don't care," Itachi said with a kind of evil childishness. "Just do it. It will amuse me greatly."

"Everything amuses you greatly! Your breakfast amuses you! Hell, I think I saw you try to use your _Sharingan _on your breakfast while taunting it to despise you for eating its family!"

Itachi eyed Kisame with his dark eyes. "Kisame… Maybe it's about time I met your family."

"For the last time, Itachi, I'm _not_ letting you meet my family," Kisame said with a sigh. "You'll kill them all and tell me to loathe you and live in an unsightly way and all that."

"…No I won't," Itachi lied obviously, Kisame noticing that he was trembling with excitement. Kisame tried to get him off the subject.

"Let's just concentrate on getting the _Kyuubi _and _Shukaku. _You said you sent your grandfather to get them?"

"Yes," Itachi replied. "He told me of how he gained immense power the same way I did. I've never had the chance to see him use it, but I'm sure his power is unbeatable.

As though on cue, one of their spies happened to burst in at that point.

"I-Itachi-sama! Your Grandfather was arrested last night!"

"WHAT?" Kisame yelled in shock. "I thought your grandfather was meant to be the greatest Uchiha?"

Itachi's face didn't show it, but he was equally as shocked. "How was he captured?"

"T-There is a superninja in Konoha!" the spy told him. "He's rumored to be more powerful than all the Kages put together!"

"I-Impossible!" Kisame shouted. "How can anyone be stronger than _all_ the Kages?"

"It doesn't matter," Itachi replied. "We shall declare war on Konoha unless they give us the head of this Boxer-sama."

The spy and Kisame looked at him blankly. "Uh, Itachi…" Kisame began. "There's really only nine of us and a handful of spies. And the spies aren't that strong, most of them are around a Genin's level of ability. We can't really have a war with them. Besides, the other members are pretty lazy most of the time, and I doubt they could give a damn about your gramps." (Just finding a reason not to involve the members I don't know, aren't I?)

"… Kisame, shut up," Itachi replied monotonously. "We will declare war on them if they don't give us Boxer-sama."

"But-"

"War."

"We don't-"

"War."

"Ita-"

"War.

Kisame sighed, knowing that he could not sway Itachi's mind. "Okay, okay… We'll declare war on them if they don't get rid of Boxer-sama."

"Excellent," Itachi said, then looked over at the other spy, feeling his urges kicking in.

"…Y-Yes, sir? Is there something you need?"

"Sort of. Does your family live on the way to Konoha?"

**END CHAPTER 7.5**

**A/N: **Everyone loves poking fun at Itachi's 'hate me' shtick. Oh Itachi, you so crazy!


	11. Blood in Boxers: Bad Sign

**Chapter 8 – Blood in Boxers: **** Bad Sign**

**A/N: **First, thank you to Sammarby for the offer, but I have a beta reader at the moment, however I may need you should my current beta be busy. Hope you'll still have that offer when that time comes!

And to Kuzo: About Konoha police squad, I can't really remember much about it since I've yet to read up on Naruto, but for simplicity's sake, and to make Boxer-sama shine a bit more, let's just say they're either dead, or on vacation. I dunno. )

Anyway, thanks to everyone for the reviews and support! As usual, any ideas or thoughts or welcome!

* * *

Naruto and the others sat outside Tsunade's office building while their superiors were in a meeting to discuss what they would do about the Boxer-sama incident. Everyone was quiet in thought at the time, some of them worried, and of course some of them hopeful that Boxer-sama would finally die. 

Naruto noticed the girls sulking in worry. Even Hinata was slightly worried. It made him feel bad that he was the cause of their grief, and decided he would cheer them up.

"Hey, hey! Everyone look at me!" Naruto announced, hopping up and down. "I've just invented a new jutsu!"

Everyone looked up at Naruto, more annoyed with his racket rather than interested.

"Shut up, Naruto," Sasuke grumbled. "I'm busy praying for Boxer-sama's death."

Naruto laughed nervously. "F-Forget that for just a second, you're all going to want to see this!"

"I'm sure we do…" Neji mumbled, rolling his eyes.

"_Uoooo! _A new jutsu sounds exciting, Naruto!" Lee shouted, his eyes burning. "I will gladly take a moment from cursing Boxer-sama to an infinitely painful doom to watch you perform your youth-filled, extremely nice jutsu that is full of gusto!"

"I wouldn't mind seeing this either!" Tenten said with an encouraging smile, staring at Naruto intently.

"Pft! Tenten, are you serious?" Sakura said, waving Naruto off with her hand. "That guy couldn't possibly have any new jutsu, or at least not one worth watching."

"I… I think he deserves a chance…" Hinata said quietly, twiddling her thumbs.

Naruto smiled, giving a nice-guy pose to them. "Trust me! You'll all love it!"

Naruto began forming a bunch of incredibly complicated looking seals. Yet, unknown to the others, Naruto was clumsily making up hand signals, hoping he would somehow make up an amazing jutsu.

"Wow, he's using seals I've never seen before…" Sakura noted, amazed that Naruto knew such seals. Naruto decided he did enough, then clapped his hands together.

"_Cheer-up no Jutsu!_" he cried, unable to think of a better name. Naruto blew up in a puff of smoke, hiding him from everyone else's eyes.

Suddenly, they all heard Naruto's voice screaming in shock.

"W-WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?"

The smoke cleared, and everyone stared at him with their jaws on the floor. Naruto's body was covered in flowers, growing off his skin and through his clothes. He was like a walking bouquet of weird and wonderful flowers.

"OH GOD, SOMEONE DO SOMETHING!" he yelled in panic, running around in circles. Sasuke huffed in annoyance.

"Try deactivating it, idiot."

Naruto hurriedly tried to work out the seal to release it, his hands fluttering through numerous seals. Until he accidentally formed a self-explosion seal (I have no idea if that exists, but it does now)

Naruto blew up in flames, smoke screening his figure as he yelled in surprise. As the flames and smoke subsided, Naruto stood there, flowers and all, except now the flowers were all on fire, and Naruto's skin got a decent tan.

"OH MY BUTT-FREAKING GOD THEY'RE ON FIRE!" Naruto yelled again, running like an idiot. He saw a nearby well, and ran for it, jumping in without a second thought…

"Na-Naruto! I don't think you want to-" Sakura cautioned.

_THUMP._

…Only to hit the bottom and find out that there was no water there. Everyone heard Naruto hit the bottom hard, then they heard him struggling. Sakura had meant to tell him that that well had dried up a long time ago.

"Drop and roll! Drop and roll!" was all they heard echoing out of the well, until it finally went quiet. Naruto's head popped out, looking at them all. The flowers were peeling off him one by one as he dizzily threw himself outside, lying on the floor, covered in burns and flower petals.

Everyone stared at him quietly, then suddenly burst out in laughter. Even Shino, Neji, and Sasuke were seen to have smirks on their faces. Gaara was in fact trembling slightly, as though he was laughing, but his mouth wasn't moving. Naruto looked at them, feigning anger.

"H-Hey! That was really scary for me!" he said in mock anger, unable to hide the smile creeping into the side of his mouth. _'Everyone seems to be back to normal now. Much better!'_

"Man, Naruto, you're such an idiot!" Chouji bellowed between laughs.

"That had to be one of the most stupidest things I've ever seen," Shikamaru commented, trying to sound indifferent but failing miserably.

The girls were giggling away happily, and Naruto couldn't help but feel a bit better. Until he tried to get up, and realized that his limbs were really sore from the burns.

Naruto attempted to limp off, but found it too difficult.

"You okay, Naruto?" Sakura asked.

"Of course I'm okay!" Naruto said, painfully flexing one of his arms, a grimace on his face. "I just need to soak out a bit and I'll be as good as new!"

After watching his attempts to scamper off fail once again, Ino stepped to his side and pulled his arm over her shoulder, surprising everyone, Naruto especially.

"I-Ino?" Naruto said with a tone of surprise. "Y-You don't have to help me, you know."

"Relax, idiot," Ino said with a smirk. "Let's just say your little trick gave me an idea, and I'm just paying you back."

Ino had in fact found the selection and arrangement of Naruto's flowers to be quite elegant if you excluded Naruto from the picture, and she decided that when she got back home she would try to turn herself into a beautiful human bouquet of flowers, and throw herself on Boxer-sama in her proclamation of love.

"Gave you an idea?" Naruto repeated in confusion. "…Well, whatever. Thanks, Ino!"

Ino stumbled away with Naruto as they headed for the nearest stream, leaving the rest to wait for Tsunade and the other Jounins.

* * *

Ino and Naruto managed to find an empty, secluded lake by Konoha Mountain, and Ino let Naruto down by the water and turned around. 

"What's with you?" Naruto asked curiously. Ino didn't turn back to him, but her face was red.

"Idiot, you're going to take off your clothes, aren't you? I don't want to see you naked!"

"_Ehh?_ Not even a little bit?" Naruto teased, posing sexily as he rubbed himself. "Mmmm… My body is _so_ good, Ino!"

"Ew, you're going to make me sick!" Ino replied hotly, her voice cracking from the embarrassment. "J-Just hurry up and do what you're going to do!"

"Okay, okay!" Naruto said with a hearty laugh, removing his clothes and gear and tossing them to the ground, inches away from Ino's feet. His final piece of clothing, his heart-patterned boxers, fell on top of the pile, leaving Naruto stark naked. Once again Naruto had let his guard down, as he innocently splashed into the water, not realizing he had left his boxers visible. Luckily, Ino wanted to keep her back to him while he was naked.

Naruto splashed water over his burns, the Kyuubi's power having already faded most of it. He looked up at Ino, who seemed to be thinking deeply.

"Hey Ino, what're you thinking about?" Naruto asked curiously as he swam through the water childishly.

"Nothing much…" Ino said. She smiled thoughtfully. "Okay, so it _is_ kind of important I guess – the whole Boxer-sama thing. I mean, if we do the wrong thing, we could put the whole village in danger."

Naruto's eyes hardened for a moment. "…Then wouldn't it be safer to just let Boxer-sama die?"

Ino made a huffing sound, and Naruto guessed that she was frowning. "How can you say such a thing? Do you think it's fair to let someone die for us?"

"O-Of course not! I'm just saying…" Naruto moved to his feet, standing in the middle of the lake. "…I'm sure he doesn't mind giving his life for this village if it'll save them."

"That's not the point you idiot!" Ino scolded. "It's just… It's…"

Naruto looked at her curiously as she struggled for words.

"I don't want to have a war here in Konoha… But I don't want Boxer-sama to die…" she said sadly. "He shouldn't have to die for us…"

Naruto looked at her with a weak smile._ 'Heh, I bet if they wanted the head of 'Naruto', people would let them have it without a second thought.'_

Naruto moved over to the edge of the lake, standing behind Ino. He cupped his hands and dipped it into the water. And then…

_SPLASH!_

"BAHAHHAA, YOU DIDN'T EVEN SEE IT COMING!" Naruto taunted loudly. Ino spun around, soaked all over and incredibly pissed.

"Naruto, you jerk! I'm going to kick your ass!" she yelled in fury as she charged into the water after him, no longer caring that he was naked. She tackled him into the water, grabbing his arms in frustration and shaking him violently.

Naruto smiled broadly, his head still bobbing up and down quickly.

"Isn't… This… Kind… Of… Ino… Much… Better…?"

Ino suddenly stopped shaking him, Naruto's eyes spinning. She looked at him, her cheeks red.

"W-What did you just say?" Ino asked, thinking she misheard. Naruto looked up at her, smiling brightly.

"That's a decision you should leave to Boxer-sama! It's not like you to be so glum! Normally you're so open and uncaring! That's the Ino we know and love!" Naruto smiled and pointed at his chest. "See? Even though I'm naked you didn't care at all!"

Ino's face slowly but surely began to turn deep red. Her eyes were slowly moving down Naruto's body, reaching his neck, then his chest, his stomach, and…

"_Iyaaa!_ Pervert!" Ino screamed, punching Naruto in the face and running out of the water in a hurry. She ran back to where she was standing before, hopping over Naruto's clothes and not seeing his boxers lying on the top in her haste.

"What is it? What?" Naruto asked. He looked down and squeaked slightly. "W-Whoops… Uh… I didn't mean to! It did it by itself!"

Ino still wasn't looking at him, her face still crimson red. She could hear Naruto behind him, his comments causing her to blush even deeper.

"C-Come on! Get down, you!" She heard a slight slapping sound, followed by a yelp. "That hurt, dammit! Just go down!"

"G-God, Naruto! Just put your clothes on and let's go!" Ino said in annoyance. _'My gosh, the first one I've ever seen was Naruto's…'_ she thought to herself.

(If you don't get this joke, trust me, you're better off that way)

"Right, okay!" Naruto said with a cheeky grin. "As long as you stay the way you are."

"Anything, just put your clothes on!" Ino said angrily. But what Naruto didn't see was the smile that rose onto her face.

Naruto stepped out and began to put on his boxers, clumsily trying his best to do it while standing. This turned out to be a bad idea, as just as he managed to pull them up properly, he tripped, landing face first into Ino's surprisingly soft, petite butt. Ino yelped in surprise as the two crashed to the ground, Naruto's head still on top of Ino's buns.

"N-Naruto?" she stuttered frantically.

"Wow, what's this soft thing my head landed on?" Naruto wondered, his eyes closed wonderingly as he rubbed it with his hand. Ino moaned quietly, surprised by the sensation on her behind. Then Naruto began to pinch it curiously, causing Ino to moan slightly louder.

"Na… Naruto… S-Stop… Ah…"

"Hm? What's wrong with you, Ino?" Naruto asked, finally opening his eyes to look at her. He looked down at his hand, noticing it pinching Ino's butt-cheek tightly. He shouted in surprise, crawling away from her hurriedly. "S-Sorry, accident! I swear!"

Ino looked up at him with an embarrassed and slightly peeved face, but it changed dramatically when her eyes fell down to his shorts. She gasped, raising her hand to her mouth. Naruto looked down at his boxers, then back up at Ino, gulping in despair.

'_Crap, how do I talk my way out of this one?'_ Naruto thought to himself frantically.

"N-Naruto… Those boxers are…" Ino gasped for words, staring incredulously at Naruto. _'He couldn't be… But he's wearing the boxers! What else could it mean?'_

Naruto hurriedly jumped up and moved quick as lightning, grabbed his clothes, and pulling his pants on quickly. He jumped up and stood in front of Ino, thinking of how to explain.

"S-So? W-What'd you think of my, uh… _Make-you-think-I'm-wearing-boxers-when-I'm-not-really no Jutsu_?" Naruto blurted out, thinking of the first excuse to come to his head. "I made it up along with the _Uzumaki no Jutsu_! Yeah, that's what I did!"

"R-Really…?" Ino stuttered. She looked at him curiously. "F-For a second there, I thought you were-"

"NO!" Naruto yelled out, crossing his arms into an X. "I'm not! It was just an illusion technique!"

"Ah…" Ino took a deep breath, then looked at him with a smile. "Yeah, you're right! It'd be weird if you were!" she giggled, playfully shoving a half-naked Naruto in the chest, except it wasn't as weak as she intended, sending Naruto onto the floor. "Oops! Sorry, sorry!" Ino apologized, kneeling down beside him with her hands clapped together in apology.

Naruto looked up at her, rubbing his chest with a nervous grin. _'Well, at least she doesn't seem to suspect me anymore.'_

'_Naruto, you idiot, I know that wasn't any Jutsu,'_ Ino thought to herself, smiling slightly. _'This means that you're obviously-'_

"There you guys are!"

Sakura interrupted her thoughts, as she came bounding down to them in a hurry. Naruto and Ino looked up at her curiously.

"What's up, Sakura?"

"They made a decision!" Sakura said seriously. "You guys have to come back! Now!"

They noted her serious demeanor, and chose to do as she said. Naruto quickly threw his clothes and gear back on, and they headed back for Tsunade's.

* * *

Everyone had gathered with Tsunade and the Jounins, all looking serious and thoughtful. Naruto and the girls bounded in, panting slightly in their haste. Jiraiya looked at Naruto, a somewhat pale look on his face. 

"You guys finally arrived," Kakashi commented, looking at them with his dull eye. "Jiraiya absolutely insisted we do not hear anything until you three got back."

"R-Really?" Naruto stuttered nervously, scratching the back of his head. "W-Wonder why?"

"Anyway, everyone pay attention," Tsunade called out. "We've made a decision on what to do with the 'Boxer-sama' incident… Well, something of a decision," she mumbled at the end.

Everyone noticed the Jounins that were involved in the meeting having a somewhat distasteful face. Except for the girls, who seemed to be slightly worried.

"Everyone, what I'm about to tell you is to be kept quiet. _Very quiet._ Spies could be anywhere. If anyone tells a soul…" She lifted up one of her sleeves and flexed her arm, causing a mountain of a bicep to bulge out. "… They're going to end up in a small 'accident'."

Everyone flinched noticeably, including the Jounins.

"As you all know, Itachi's grandfather was working with the Akatsuki, and now they're pretty pissed off at Boxer-sama, and are willing to take down all of Konoha in response. They gave us the chance to give up Boxer-sama's head to them in exchange for the village's safety."

"Isn't the choice obvious then?" Shikamaru said gruffly. "Just let them have him. We have to think of the village before anything else." The boys nodded in agreement.

"No way!" Sakura, Ino, Tenten, and Temari yelled simultaneously, causing Shikamaru to draw back slightly.

"Calm down, all of you!" Tsunade instructed. "This is part of the reason I couldn't just order the death of Boxer-sama. It would effectively tear the village apart. If we don't kill him, the men will be pissed. If we do, the women will be pissed. So we've had to change plans a little bit."

"W-What kind of plans?" Naruto asked worriedly. He wasn't really sure what he wanted to hear: either he would start a war, or die. Neither sounded very good.

Tsunade sighed. "Jiraiya insisted that we give Boxer-sama a chance to make things right. I highly disagree with it, but I can't risk starting a civil dispute. So, we've made a plan."

Shizune, Kurenai, Anko, and Jiraiya stepped forward to stand by Tsunade.

"We've got a new S-rank mission that Boxer-sama is to begin as soon as possible. Spies have reported that Itachi and the other Akatsuki members have set up a small encampment nearby, obviously preparing to move against us if we don't give them Boxer-sama. Boxer-sama will have to head for the encampment and defeat the Akatsuki there."

Everyone stared at her blankly.

"WHAT?" they yelled.

"Is that even possible?" Shikamaru said strictly. "They're a group that have some of the most powerful ninjas ever! There's no way Boxer-sama could beat them!"

"He can't defeat my brother," Sasuke said, going into 'angst' mode. "Only _I _can defeat my brother."

"Yeah, yeah," Shikamaru said, waving Sasuke away. "We've heard it a hundred times. Of course you can beat him, ever after he _beat you to a brain-dead pulp _the last time you met." Shikamaru then added sarcastically "It's not like we doubt you or anything."

Sasuke remembered his complete defeat, and grumbled in annoyance, glaring daggers at Shikamaru. "Asshole."

"W-Wait!" Naruto called out, catching everyone's attention.

"What is it, Naruto?" Tsunade asked enquiringly.

Naruto looked down at the ground seriously. "Well, you're saying you want Boxer-sama to beat the Akatsuki, right? Well, I'm pretty sure he can't do it alone. Wouldn't it be easier to just let them have his head?"

Jiraiya looked at Naruto in urgency. "N-Naruto! What are you saying?"

"We could just kill Boxer-sama in private! We don't have to tell anyone!" Naruto explained quickly. "Then we can just make up an excuse, like saying Boxer-sama retired, or maybe he left the village!"

Everyone glared at Naruto incessantly.

"N-Naruto?" Ino questioned. "Why do you want to let him die so badly? And I thought… From earlier…"

"F-From earlier?" Naruto swore silently. _'Does she know?'_

"…I thought you were a fan!"

Naruto fell to the floor in surprise.

"Naruto, what the hell are you saying?" Jiraiya yelled angrily. "You saying you want 'Boxer-sama' to die?"

Naruto looked down with a stern expression. "If it's for the safety of the village… Then anything should be worth it. And I think Boxer-sama would agree."

Naruto knew that he didn't stand a chance against the Akatsuki. If he lost, they would just head for Konoha. He didn't want to take that chance.

"You know, Naruto does have a pretty decent idea there," Tsunade commented. "It would probably work out."

"No!" Jiraiya said in frustration. He glanced at Naruto. "I know Boxer-sama can beat them! Especially since I'm planning to give him _special_ training!"

"S-Special training?" Naruto repeated with surprise. The words were like music to his ears. "W-Wait, yeah! Let's let Boxer-sama fight the Akatsuki so I can get my… I mean, so_ Boxer-sama_ can get his special training!"

Tsunade glared at Naruto in confusion. "First you say one thing, then the other? What's with you, Naruto?"

Naruto grinned, shrugging. "Who knows? I guess I'm just indecisive!" Inside, Naruto's head was completely cleared of doubts and worries, only focused on one thing.

'SPECIAL TRAINING! OH YEAH!' 

"W-Well, anyway," Tsunade continued. "I guess we're going ahead with the plan then. Shizune, Anko, Kurenai, and Jiraiya all volunteered to accompany Boxer-sama and fight the Akatsuki with him. I'd send a few more ninjas, but nobody else seems to want to do it."

The Genin girls all made for Tsunade, but she raised her hand in front of them. "No, Genins are not allowed to go. It's too dangerous."

"B-But Boxer-sama!" they whined pleadingly.

"Forget it," Sasuke said to them coolly. "He's going to die there anyway. My brother will definitely kill him. Because only I can beat him, as I am…" he paused dramatically. "… An avenger!"

"Oh no, he's going to do it again…" Shikamaru grumbled.

"Oh crap, here we go…" Neji muttered under his breath.

"Look out, he's going to start again…" Sakura said with a sigh.

"I guess we should put them on," Kakashi said, taking something out of his pocket.

Everyone sighed, pulling out earplugs and sticking them in their ears. Everyone except Lee, Gaara, Kankurou, and Temari, who had no idea what was going on.

"What is it? What is he doing?" Lee asked curiously. Realizing nobody was paying attention to him, he flared out in childhood passion. "SOMEBODY EXPLAIN!"

Naruto tossed them some earplugs, sticking some into his own ears. "You'll understand, just put those on if you don't want to be talked to death by angst."

Lee, still confused, put his earplugs on, and just in time, as Sasuke was about to begin.

"He is the cause of all my problems, all my sorrows. He killed my entire family and took away everything I loved. And then after massacring my parents, he let me live. And he told me to 'hate him, despise him, and live in an unsightly manner'!"

Sasuke spoke while dishing out an assortment of angsty poses. His speech continued with all the phrases that everyone had heard numerous times. To counteract Sasuke's stupid angst speech, they had all decided to carry earplugs with them, as they knew once he started, he would keep on going until he mentioned every little thing. His habit to announce his avenger role was as bad as Itachi's habit to tell people to loathe him.

"…And so I trained every day after that, with the sole purpose of beating my brother, it's the only reason I live…"

* * *

Seven hours later 

"… And that is why my brother will definitely kill Boxer-sama," Sasuke concluded. He had his back to them the whole time, in an attempt to look angsty. So when he turned around, he was surprised to find everyone asleep on the ground. He grumbled in annoyance, shaking uncontrollably.

"Seriously, I hate you all."

* * *

After everyone woke up, it had become pretty late. Tsunade informed them that Boxer-sama was going to leave the next night, leaving Jiraiya a full day to train Boxer-sama with his 'special training'. Jiraiya didn't want to waste any time, and had grabbed Naruto and they left as soon as everyone else had gone home. Jiraiya pulled Naruto along with him, grumbling in frustration. 

"Naruto, you idiot, you have any idea how hard it was to convince Tsunade to let you fight the Akatsuki?" Jiraiya said angrily. "It was hard enough getting her to not want to kill Boxer-sama, let alone getting her to let him fight!"

"Come on, Ero-sennin, relax!" Naruto said playfully. "It'll work out in the end, right? I just said that 'cause…" he smiled weakly, shining a strange aura of wisdom "… I thought I was going to lose. But after I get your training, I can beat them, right?"

Naruto's aura returned to normal as he grinned widely at Jiraiya.

Jiraiya looked at the young blonde boy, then sighed, unable to stay angry at him. He looked away from Naruto, and smiled slightly. _'Haha, you're not the kind of person to think you'd lose, Naruto. I can see it in you: you said that to try and save the village.'_

"Hey, Ero-sennin? What's with you?" Naruto asked, squinting at the aged man. "You're spacing out."

"Nothing, Naruto, nothing!" Jiraiya laughed. "You should be more worried about my training!"

Naruto grinned from ear to ear. "I'm ready for whatever you've got for me!"

"Good. After your _Kage Bunshin_ made the news, I thought it was time for you to get some new moves. We've only got a day, so I'll have to work you dry!"

"_Yoush!_ Let's do it!"

**END CHAPTER 8 **

**  
A/N: **I felt there could've been more jokes in this chapter, but I guess I had to take a few out for the storyline. So instead, I'll add in a little bonus skit that I thought up that doesn't seem to have a spot in the fic. So for those of you looking for a final laugh, here it is. Think of it as something happening elsewhere to a lonely man who didn't have a spot on the fic… Well, not yet, anyway.

* * *

Ibiki sat cross-legged, his eyes shut in concentration. In front of him lay four small, bullet-like pieces of cotton. Suddenly, his eyes shot open, his hands reaching out and grabbing the farthest two pieces of cotton. He raised them to his ears, stuffing them in snugly. Then he picked up the remaining two, stuffing them into his nostrils. 

He took a quick look around, making sure nobody was there to see what he was about to do. Satisfied that he was alone, Ibiki took a deep, strong breath, then pursed his lips, his cheeks filling with air. He raised his hands to his head, taking off his forehead protector to reveal his hole ridden head. He raised his hands elegantly above his head, and then…

'Whoo-Wh-Wh-Whoooo-Whoo-Whooooo-Who-Whoooooooo…' 

Yes, All those days Morino Ibiki hadn't been seen, (or all those episodes/chapters) Ibiki was learning to play what must have been the most unique instrument in the world.

His head.

His strange cranial music flooded the room, leaving a strange sense of disgustingly weird harmony. That is, until he was interrupted by Iruka.

"Hey Ibiki, I was sent to call you. They need you to…" he trailed off, his mouth freezing as soon as he heard and saw what Ibiki was doing. He stared at Ibiki, with cotton coming out of his ears and nose, complete with puffed cheeks, his eyes crossing in concentration and his cheeks flushed red. Ibiki's eyes slowly crept up to Iruka, staring at him blankly..

"This… Must be a bad time…" Iruka said, slowly stepping back out of the room. "…You just… Keep on doing… Whatever it is you're doing."

"Wait, Iruka!" Ibiki yelled. "It's not what you think! I can explain!"

Iruka stopped walking for a moment, smiling nervously. "Um, I think it'd be better if you _didn't_ explain."

* * *

Well, that was lame. But hey, Ibiki's head looked like an ocarina to me. 


	12. No Simple Days

**Chapter 9 – No Simple Days**

**A/N:** Thanks for the reviews, everyone! Sorry if you think I'm taking long to update, life's been getting busier and all… But as usual, a rough weekly basis is my aim.

* * *

A full day had passed since Boxer-sama had finished training. He stood with Jiraiya at the town gates, exhausted. The evening sun was in the sky, and soon Boxer-sama's company would arrive to accompany him to take on the Akatsuki. Boxer-sama was drooling slightly, somehow managing to sleep while standing, his chin slobbered over with sticky saliva.

"It's hard to learn new techniques in just one day, Boxer-sama," Jiraiya said to him, keeping an eye out for the others, and not noticing that Boxer-sama was pretty much not listening. "But don't worry, the spies said the encampment was about two or three days away, and the Akatsuki probably won't attack right away. Use that time to practice, okay?"

Boxer-sama dozed on quietly, his mouth hanging open. The training wasn't what Boxer-sama expected. Jiraiya taught him different ways of handling chakra, branching out from the techniques he already knew. But Jiraiya refused to teach Boxer-sama any specific techniques, rather he wanted Boxer-sama to invent his own. Boxer-sama wasn't incredibly happy when he heard that.

"You need to have moves that only Boxer-sama can use. That way, they won't be able to trace him to anyone they know," Jiraiya had told him earlier.

Even though he was somewhat reluctant, Boxer-sama worked hard, and managed to create a few new techniques, but they were yet to be perfected. Jiraiya didn't tell him, but he was incredibly impressed with the moves he had created, some of them he even considered to be worth labeling as S-rank techniques. But he would never let Naruto know that.

"Wake up, tough guy, they're here," Jiraiya said with a nudge, causing Boxer-sama to jump in attention.

Tsunade, followed by Anko, Shizune, and Kurenai, arrived at the gates. The Jounins looked at Boxer-sama, greeting him warmly.

"Hey there, handsome," Anko said with a playful wave. She licked her lips, looking him up and down. "Let's work well together."

Boxer-sama gulped shyly. "Y-Yeah, let's," he replied, his red eyes looking to his side.

"I'll try to send you some extra backup later," Tsunade told them. "I think it will be very difficult for just you few to defeat the Akatsuki, impossible even. But bear in mind that it's not easy to find people willing to help Boxer-sama."

"Don't worry, Boxer-sama will be fine!" Jiraiya said encouragingly, throwing a heavy arm around him, causing him to almost collapse from the weight. "Right?"

"_U-Un_," Boxer-sama said, trying to lift Jiraiya's arm off his back.

Kurenai, Shizune, and Anko all stepped up next to Jiraiya and Boxer-sama, and turned back to Tsunade.

"We'll be leaving, Hokage-sama," Shizune said with a bow. The others followed suit, lowering their heads in respect.

"All of you be careful," she said, then glanced at Boxer-sama. "You too, I guess. Don't screw up, or you'll make me regret my decision."

Boxer-sama nodded quickly before turning to leave the village. Jiraiya and the Jounin girls followed him, waving goodbye as they jumped into the trees. Tsunade waved back, and after they disappeared from her sight, she turned to head back to her office. Requests for Boxer-sama were still pouring in, giving her little time for rest. She hurried home, not paying attention to the small band of people shrouded in nearby bushes.

"They're about to leave," a girl's voice whispered. "Let's go, Hokage-sama isn't looking."

The group scampered out the gate hurriedly, Tsunade taking no notice of them in her weariness. She also took no notice of another group of people, who were hiding in other nearby bushes on the other side of the street.

"Did you guys just see something over there?" one of them asked. "By the other bushes?"

"It was probably just a rat. Focus on the mission, fool. We've only got one shot at this. If you screw up, _I _get blamed, so listen to what I say. You're all my responsibility."

"Yeah, yeah…" he muttered back.

The second small group hopped off, heading in Boxer-sama's direction, right behind Tsunade's back. In fact, Tsunade missed a _third_ small group heading out, made up of only two people.

"I still don't see why we have to chase Bonsai-sama," one of them muttered in confusion. "Why are you chasing him, anyway?"

"…" The other one didn't reply. "They're going. Let's hurry."

"Tch, fine," the other muttered with little enthusiasm. They shot off after Boxer-sama, Tsunade once again clueless.

Tsunade yawned loudly, walking down the 'empty' street. "God, I feel like _sake_."

* * *

Boxer-sama and company had traveled until sunset, and Jiraiya decided they should rest for the night.

"The Akatsuki shouldn't be underestimated," Jiraiya said to Boxer-sama. "We'll need to be really careful around them, especially when we get closer, so we should get some rest while we can. We'll continue moving before sunrise.

Boxer-sama was dead tired, but the looks he was receiving from the flirtatious Jounins made him somewhat uncomfortable. While the girls were scouting ahead, Jiraiya and Naruto made a fire and were busy setting up the tents inside the cave. There were four tents in total, two for the girls, one for Jiraiya, and one for Boxer-sama.

"Uhh, Jiraiya?" Boxer-sama said (he was told not to call him 'Ero-sennin' when he was being Boxer-sama), taking his bagged eyes off the tent for a moment. "I… Need to ask for…" He paused, feeling strangely uncomfortable. "… Help."

Jiraiya eyed Boxer-sama mockingly. "The _great_ Boxer-sama needs help? No way!"

Boxer-sama scowled. "Shut up, Ero-sennin!" he said, scrapping Boxer-sama's voice, red eyes, and also calling Jiraiya 'Ero-sennin' once again. "I think the girls are going to try something funny with me tonight!"

Jiraiya raised an eyebrow. "Well, aren't you the happy little camper?" he said, teasing. "What's wrong? You want to know how to please four experienced nymphs at the same time?"

Boxer-sama's face glowed red under his mask. "W-What the hell, no! T-That's not it at all!" he said hurriedly, showing signs that he was obviously imagining certain 'things'. He shook them out of his head with embarrassment. "B-Besides they're much older than me! It would be… weird. I just want to know how to keep them out of my tent."

"Oh? And why do you ask me for help on this?" Jiraiya asked enquiringly.

Boxer-sama looked at him as though the answer was obvious. "Well, you seem really good at it. A lot of girls seem to hate you, especially the Old Lady," Boxer-sama responded casually, referring to Tsunade. Jiraiya looked at Boxer-sama with a cranky and embarrassed face.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean, you stupid kid?" Jiraiya yelled at him sternly, grabbing his neck and locking him under his arm, dropping the half-set-up tent. Boxer-sama struggled madly in Jiraiya's strong grasp.

"Let me go, you frog-freak!" Naruto yelled with his normal voice. His nose flicked in panic. "O-Oh man, your armpits stink! Help me, I can't breathe! My God, I'm choking!"

"You reminded of a special _Jutsu,_ Naruto!" Jiraiya said with a smirk, also forgetting to call him Boxer-sama. "You'll like this! _Armpit Bomb no Jutsu!_"

A green, thick gas began pouring out of the pores in Jiraiya's armpits, wafting into Naruto's nose. Naruto cringed, the smell making his eyeballs roll up.

"Can't breathe! Ack! W-What power!" Boxer-sama said, feeling faint.

"…Uh, boys?"

Jiraiya and Boxer-sama froze, Boxer-sama's head still in Jiraiya headlock, with his butt poking out in front of the girls, who had just returned. Shizune continued speaking.

"Jiraiya… What are you doing to Boxer-sama?" she said, somewhat disturbed when she heard him yelling '_Armpit Bomb n Jutsu'_.

"Er… Nothing, ladies!" Jiraiya said with a laugh. He leant down towards Boxer-sama, whispering to him sternly. "Naruto, change your eyes, quickly."

"R-Right," Boxer-sama replied, shifting his eyes back to crimson red.

Anko strutted up to Jiraiya and Boxer-sama, her swaying hips catching Jiraiya's full attention. This also meant he forgot to let Boxer-sama out of his grip.

"Uh, Ero-sennin? You can let me go now…" he whispered, but Jiraiya was absorbed by Anko as she approached them.

"You know, Jiraiya…" Anko purred. "I like the position you're in right now."

"Huhuhu…' Jiraiya laughed stupidly, his face looking very perverted. "I can be in this position whenever you want."

"Eh, really?" Anko said with a feigned coy look, biting her finger lightly. "That's awful nice of you… In that case, how about tonight…"

Jiraiya perked up excitedly, his grip on Boxer-sama's head tightening.

"O-Oi! You're crushing me!" Boxer-sama gurgled underneath Jiraiya's massive arm.

"Tonight…" Anko continued. "You can hold Boxer-sama down for me so I can do all kinds of things with him!"

From the look of disappointment and depression in Jiraiya's face, this wasn't exactly what he expected. He finally let go of Boxer-sama sadly, and continued to set up the tents with him while the girls sat around the fire, engrossed in conversation, that they probably should've kept quieter, as Boxer-sama's face was as red as a rose.

"Come on, girls, let me have him tonight!" Anko asked pleadingly, putting her hands together. "You girls can have him later."

Kurenai and Shizune went red as they shouted back "No way, I'm first!"

Boxer-sama tried to whistle to block out their voices. It wasn't working.

"Okay, okay, so we all want him the first night. How about…" Anko thought a minute. "Okay, Kurenai gets the top half, I get the bottom, and Shizune… I guess you can have one of his feet."

"I-I can have the top half?" Kurenai asked again happily, before she realized how perverted she sounded and blushed furiously.

"Why do I only get a foot?" Shizune exclaimed. "I want the bottom half!"

Anko giggled mischievously. "Ah, so you want him the same place I want him, huh?" she said with a grin. Shizune's face colored.

"S-So what if I do?" Shizune mumbled, looking away from her. Anko giggled again, then playfully crawled over to her and caressed her face, causing Shizune to blush even more.

"I guess I could share it with you," Anko purred, her fingers trailing down her neck. "After all, I like a little variety. Men are so hard and built, but women…"

Anko's fingers trailed down Shizune's chest towards her stomach, causing Shizune to shiver uncontrollably.

"Women are so soft! Hm, okay, we'll share the bottom half then, but only if you let me play with you too."

While Shizune showed slight signs of embarrassment and excitement, Boxer-sama was busy hyperventilating with a look of shock stuck onto his face. Jiraiya on the other hand had blood pouring out of his nose and pouring down the front of his chest, his imagination getting the better of him.

After Jiraiya and Boxer-sama somehow managed to pull it together long enough to finish setting up the tents, the girls left to take a bath at a lake they found nearby, and Jiraiya had of course left to try and get a glimpse of them, leaving Boxer-sama alone in the cave.

"Gosh, finally," Naruto's voice came out as he groaned tiredly. "I hope it isn't going to be like this the whole time. I should be more careful tonight."

Naruto took off his headgear, revealing his blonde hair and his blue eyes. "Ah! It's hard to breathe when I wear that! Ack, I'm cold…"

Naruto shuffled into his tent, rolling into his sleeping bag, and falling asleep within seconds, his headgear huddled in his arms.

* * *

"Hurry up, Kurenai!" Anko yelled out as Kurenai was going through her rucksack curiously.

"I can't find my body lotion," Kurenai told her. "I think I left it back at the cave. I'm going back!"

"Want to look your best for him, eh?"

Kurenai didn't respond, blushing slightly as she walked off.

"Well, hurry back, _ne_?" Anko told her as Kurenai disappeared into the trees.

Jiraiya, sitting behind a nearby rock and using his _Look-through-rocks-to-peep-at-girls no Jutsu_, sighed sadly.

"It's bad enough that Tsunade isn't here, her body is dynamite, but now Kurenai not here? Well, at least there's still these two…" Jiraiya said with a sigh. Then he grinned stupidly. "Anko sure does have nice curves…"

* * *

"Are you sure you saw them all leave?" a girl's voice whispered.

"Yeah, the only one in there should be Boxer-sama," another girl's voice replied.

The voices were coming from the ledge above the mouth of the cave, where a small group huddled onto the ground, looking down..

"Okay let's… Wait a minute, someone's coming!"

The group hid back in the shadows as a figure came past, heading into the cave.

"Who was that?"

"I didn't see, it's too dark."

"Nuts, we missed our chance."

* * *

Somewhere else nearby, another group noticed the figure walking into the cave. They were just about to head in as well, and jumped back in surprise, barely making it back behind the trees they were hiding behind.

"Did you predict _that_, smart guy?" a voice mocked.

"Look, shut up. Who's the one here with 200 IQ? Anyone with a 200 IQ rating, raise their hand."

The figure put his hand up, surrounded by people who kept them down. "That's what I thought. Now shut up."

"…Smart-ass," the voice grumbled back.

* * *

"It's only one person in there, you know," a voice whispered sleepily. "If you want to get to Boktai-sama that badly, then you can just kill whoever that was. Or something," he said with a yawn.

"…No," a deeper voice responded. "We wait."

However the other person wasn't listening. He had fallen asleep.

"…If you don't wake up and listen to me, I'll kill you."

The other person suddenly shot to life, all signs of sleep leaving him.

"O-Of course! We wait! Yes! Don't hurt me!"

* * *

Kurenai stepped into the cave, the fire beginning to die out. She looked around and noticed Boxer-sama and Jiraiya were nowhere in sight.

"Jiraiya-san? Boxer-sama?" she called out. She sighed, guessing they were out training or something. She went through her bags, finally finding her special body lotion. Suddenly, she heard a sound coming out of one of the tents. It was Boxer-sama's.

Kurenai's curiosity, or possibly deep, intimate urges, got the better of her as she quietly edged towards his tent, her heartbeat quickening as she gulped nervously. She stepped to the front of the tent, and slowly pulled the flap open.

"B-Boxer-sama…" she whispered, her face flushing. He had his back to her, wearing nothing but his boxer shorts. Her eyes trailed from the shorts, up his back, where his scar was still visible, and up to the back of his head.

"…B-B-Blonde hair!" she gasped suddenly, and quickly threw her hands to cover her mouth. Boxer-sama shuffled lightly, but luckily dozed on. Kurenai thought to herself.

'_He has blonde hair… Who do I know that has blonde hair?'_ She crawled halfway into the tent, her hands holding her up inside Boxer-sama's tent. _'I just have to look over his shoulder, and I'll finally know who he is…'

* * *

_

"Crap, I think she saw you!" a voice whispered urgently to her friend.

"H-How? I was certain I was hidden!"

"Well, apparently you weren't, pig! She said blonde hair, and you're the only one that fits that description!"

"Shut up, forehead-girl! What about the Sand girl?"

"I know it was you, cause you're too clumsy."

"Why you…!"

The two figures began to quarrel, their voices becoming louder and louder. The other girls tried to hold them back, but the two struggled madly, causing them all to topple over the edge, right in front of the cave entrance.

* * *

"Who's there?" Kurenai yelled, as she hurriedly jumped out of Boxer-sama's tent, taking a fighting stance. She looked outside and saw a clutter of young girls, groans of pain emanating from them. "G-Girls? What are you all doing here?"

The group was in fact (Even though you should know by now) Sakura, Ino, Tenten, Temari, and Hinata.

"We couldn't just sit by and let Boxer-sama go all alone!" Sakura explained.

"But he isn't alone," Kurenai replied, frustrated that the girls took her chance to check who he was. "…But why is Hinata here? I'm sure she told me she wasn't… er, _into_ Boxer-sama as much as you girls do."

"They… Asked me politely," Hinata said quietly. Basically, they had forced her to come with them on their romantic escapades, against her wishes to stay at Konoha.

"Nnngh… What's all that noise? Ack, my headgear… Better put it on before someone sees my face."

Kurenai turned back to the tent, hearing Boxer-sama shuffling about. She silently mouthed something that was most likely an obscenity, as she turned back to the girls.

"You must all leave, now!" she grumbled. "This is very dangerous!"

"B-But we can help you!" Ino begged. "I'm sure we can!"

Boxer-sama stepped out, headgear covering his face and hair once more, and looked up at them in surprise. "S-Sakura? And all of you?"

They ignored him for the moment, intent on convincing Kurenai to let them stay.

"Oh yeah?" Kurenai responded mockingly. "How?"

The girls thought hard. Except Hinata, who would've happily gone home.

"I know!" Tenten exclaimed. She grabbed Hinata and dragged her to the front of them. "Hinata can use her _Byakugan _to scout for any nearby enemies!"

"W-What?" Hinata said uncertainly. Tenten whispered into her ear.

"Just help us out, please?" Tenten asked nicely. Hinata sighed. She was incapable of saying 'no' to them.

"Why don't you demonstrate, Hinata?" Tenten said out loud. Hinata nodded meekly, activating her eyes.

"_Byakugan!_"

Veins popped out around her eyes, making her look somewhat scary.

"No need to demonstrate, we've already checked the area and-"

Kurenai stopped as she noticed the look on Hinata's face.

"We… We're not alone."

Boxer-sama tensed up, grabbing a kunai he kept inside his tent.

"Everyone wait here," he told them, stepping outside cautiously. Before he even had a chance to do anything, he suddenly found himself glued to the spot. "W-What the…"

"Gotcha," a familiar voice called out. Boxer-sama looked into the trees, and saw a group of boys step out, a certain one of them holding his hands together to hold his _Jutsu_.

"It's a good thing I predicted the moon's brightness tonight," Shikamaru explained cockily. "Or my technique wouldn't have worked."

"… You guys?" Boxer-sama said in surprise, as he saw Shikamaru, Sasuke, Neji, Chouji, Lee, Shino, and Kiba, his dog sitting on his head, growling.

"Time for us to kill you, you weird perverted bastard!" Kiba yelled out.

"This is for revealing to everyone that I'm related to a panty thief!" Neji roared in surprising anger. He dashed at Boxer-sama with speed, as Boxer-sama shut his eyes to brace himself for the attack.

But it didn't come.

He slowly opened his eyes, and saw that Neji had been stopped in his tracks by a wall of sand, which surrounded his body and held him in place, with the only visible part of Neji left being the head.

"Oh, this can't be as good as it looks," Naruto mumbled to himself. Gaara and Kankurou popped out of the bushes, Gaara eyeing the boys menacingly. Shikamaru let Boxer-sama go, in case he had to use his technique on their new foe.

"You can't kill him," Gaara announced, shocking everyone, even Kankurou.

"Y-You don't want them to kill him? You actually _want_ someone to stay alive?" Kankurou asked uncertainly. "…Who are you? Where's my brother gone?"

"Wow, maybe this won't be so bad…" Boxer-sama said hopefully.

"You can't kill him, because I will kill him."

"…Well, that wasn't what I expected," Boxer-sama sighed. He was getting used to it always being a bad thing.

The girls suddenly came out, and yelled in surprise when they found out who was there. Coincidentally, Anko and Shizune arrived, towels wrapped around them, dragging a carcass that may have at one point been Jiraiya. It was hard to tell with the large amount of swellings on his face. Everyone stared at everyone else in confusion.

"What are you boys doing here?"

"What're you girls doing here?"

"Kankurou, why are you here?"

"What _am _I doing here, Gaara?"

"… Hey, Anko-sensei and Shizune-sensei are practically naked!"

"_Iyaaa!_"

Boxer-sama sighed, looking into the sky sadly. "Will it ever get better? Can't I just have _one_ good day? Just _one_?"

"Our _senseis _are naked! But I won't look at them, even though my hormones are raging and my tight, green pants are becoming even tighter! MY EYES ARE ONLY FOR SAKURA-CHAN! ONLY SHE CAN TAME THE GREEN, SEXY BEAST OF KONOHA!"

"God, Lee! You're on fire! Oh, God! Now you've put _me_ on fire! Put it out! Jeez, put it out! It's goddamn bothersome! Sasuke, I order you to put me out!"

"Get away, Shikamaru, you dolt! Oh crap, now I'm on fire! Curse you, Shikamaru! I'm gonna get all 'Avenger' on your ass when I put this fire out! Come here, dog! I'll brush the flames off me with your fur!"

"You cruel bastard! You made Akamaru catch on fire! Come here, boy! I'll put it ou- OH MY GOD I'M ON FIRE! Put it out! It's FREAKING HOT! CHOUJI, HELP ME!"

"G-Get away! You'll burn my calories! My precious, precious calories! OH NO, YOU GOT ME! I'M MELTING! MELTING! NEJI, DO SOMETHING!"

"Stay away from me, you lard-tub, or I'll 'gentle-fist' you back to the Stone Age! OH NO, MY HAIR! YOU IDIOT, YOU SET MY HAIR ON FIRE! NOT MY HAIR! Shino, put it out! Quickly!"

"… It would appear you have made me caught fire… The pain is excruciating, and I'm suffering second degree burns."

Boxer-sama looked at them, as the boys other than Shino ran around madly, all on fire, the girls and Kurenai trying to put them out, Shizune trying to cover up while Anko posed sexily, and Kankurou questioning Gaara almost philosophically about why he was even there. Boxer-sama sighed again, something he felt he had been doing a lot lately.

"…Guess not."

**END CHAPTER 9**

**A/N: **People light on fire way too often in my story. I need a new joke, like freezing people or something… Anyway, reviews and such appreciated!


	13. Boxers on Backwards

**Chapter 10 – Boxers on Backwards**

"Okay… So first off, the girls are here because they want to help Boxer-sama," Shizune began. The girls nodded in confirmation. "… And the boys are here to kill Boxer-sama," she continued, and the boys nodded this time, causing Boxer-sama to laugh nervously. "… And while Gaara was probably here to kill Boxer-sama, Kankurou is basically not sure why he's here." Kankurou nodded philosophically, brushing his chin as though he had a large beard.

They were all seated in the cave around the fire after their unusual incident of the boys catching fire due to Lee's insanely dangerous 'youthful spirit'. In fact, they still had plenty of scorch marks on them, even after Shizune healed them to the best of her ability. Lee's youthful spirit was _that_ powerful.

"Please, Shizune-sensei! Let us stay and help Boxer-sama fight!" Sakura urged insistently.

"I don't know…" Shizune wondered. "Tsunade wouldn't be too happy with me if I let you all come with us."

"Pleaaaase?" they begged, getting on their knees and clutching their hands together, as though Shizune was some sort of god.

Shizune sighed in defeat. "Well, I guess it's oka-"

"No."

The girls recognized his voice, and looked over at Boxer-sama in surprise.

"B-Boxer-sama?" Temari gasped.

Boxer-sama looked up at them with his stern, red eyes. "I don't want you all to stay here."

They tried their best not to show it, but the Jounins were fairly happy he said that. Though they were also confused as to why he would refuse them.

"W-Why, Boxer-sama?" Tenten asked. "Don't you remember when we thought that panty thief together? The one that was related to Neji and Sasuke?"

Neji and Sasuke suddenly began to sulk incredibly. "…You didn't have to add that last part…" they mumbled, attracting a dark aura around them.

"Of course I remember," Boxer-sama replied, looking down. "That's why I don't want you all to be there."

"What the heck does that mean?" Temari asked, losing her temper. "Aren't we good enough to help you?"

"That's not it-"

"It is, isn't it?" Ino said, hurt. "You just don't think we can keep up with you."

"I said no. I-"

"We may not be as powerful as you, but I'm sure we can help!" Sakura exclaimed.

"Yeah! We have our own special skills too!" Tenten yelled. "Even Hinata wants to help! You shouldn't look down on us just because you're stronger than us!"

"I said that's not it!" Boxer-sama yelled, a tinge of frustration in his voice. The girls suddenly went silent. Even the boys were looking at him.

Boxer-sama's eyes narrowed as he looked down sadly. "I'm not looking down on you, I just… I don't think that I can protect all of you. And if somebody got hurt, or worse, killed, then I'd never forgive myself."

Gaara's eye twitched slightly at the sound of his comment. _'This person… He sounds like somebody I know. Somebody…'_

"All I'm saying is…" Boxer-sama stood up and walked away from them a bit, then spun around to look at everyone. "… I plan to protect Konoha to the best of my ability. As long as there's even one person of Konoha to protect…" He gave a nice-guy pose, causing Lee to light on fire in surprise and despair at the same time, seeing his favorite teacher's pose being used by the one who destroyed him. The boys knew to stay away from Lee this time.

"… I will protect Konoha with my life."

Jiraiya glared up at him, grinning madly. _'Naruto, you dog! You're becoming more like the Fourth every day!'_

The girls were looking up at him with stars in their eyes. They suddenly jumped up and crashed into him. Except for Hinata, of course, who was instead growing ever more suspicious about who Boxer-sama could be, as his personality seemed awfully familiar to her.

"_Kyaa! Boxer-sama!_" the girls squealed, latching onto Boxer-sama and hugging him tightly. Boxer-sama was struggling to breathe, with all the sets of 'girl's chest weight' mashing into his face. He even felt one or two of them poke him in the eye a few times.

Jiraiya was still staring at him, except now with tears of joy. _'Oh Naruto! You're becoming more like me too! Good job, kid! Good job!'_

"Okay, if you put it that way, then I guess we'll go…" Sakura said reluctantly after the girls had finally removed themselves from Boxer-sama, leaving him breathless and flushed.

Shizune then moved on to dealing with the boys, who were jealously staring at Boxer-sama after the girls had piled onto him so hastily.

"Well, you're all here to kill Boxer-sama," she said, with a tone of annoyance for the boy as her eyebrow twitch vehemently. She didn't like the thought of someone killing her secret desire. "So I guess the smartest thing to do would be to make you all leave."

The boys grunted stubbornly. "Fine, we don't want to be here anyway," Shikamaru said for them. He stood up to walk, and his face suddenly went pale.

"…Shikamaru?" Chouji asked, noticing the strange look on his face. Chouji stood up too, and suddenly looked just like Shikamaru. The other boys tried standing after him, and they all had strange looks on their face. Except Shino, who just looked like Shino.

"Uh… Guys? You okay?" Ino asked curiously. She got up, and walked over to Shikamaru. Curiously, she tapped him on the chest.

"YEEEEOOOOWWWW!"

Shikamaru leapt in pain, hitting both Sasuke and Neji in the process.

"ARRRRGGGHHH!"

Sasuke and Neji faltered back in agony, bumping into Chouji, Kiba, and Lee.

"GAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

All of the boys screamed in agony, then suddenly all of them fell back onto Shino.

"…The combined weight of all of you, coupled with my second degree burns, is putting me in a new hell. And the fact that all of your struggling is forcing the fabric of my clothes to rub onto the burns on my skin is not helping. In fact, it is extremely painful."

Shizune looked at them, somewhat nervous. "I guess Lee's er… 'spirit' was too much for their bodies." She sighed reluctantly. "I guess they'll just have to stay with us until they're better."

"_Eh?_" the girls exclaimed. "If the boys can stay, then we should stay too!"

"W-What?" Boxer-sama exclaimed. "B-But I just convinced you all to go, didn't I?"

"If the girls are staying, then we're going!" Shikamaru said angrily, but the moment he tried to get up, he fell down again, cringing into a ball.

"If the boys are staying, then we're staying!" Sakura repeated, and the girls planted their behinds snugly onto the ground.

"Oh God…" Shizune sighed weakly. She glanced over at Gaara and Kankurou. "Do you two intend on staying here too?"

"Do we?" Kankurou asked, becoming philosophical once again, his left eye crinkling in whimsical thought. "Is there some reason in our staying? Perhaps our decision was made before we even considered it. _Why_ am I here? What is my purpose? What is the Matri-"

Gaara, who was twitching violently while Kankurou was spouting his questions, had once again enclosed Kankurou in a prison of sand, sealing his mouth shut. "Yes, we intend to stay." After hearing Boxer-sama's speech, he knew that he had met the man behind the mask, and he was determined to find out who it was, so he could kill him for being so damn popular with everyone.

Shizune sighed once again. "Well, Boxer-sama, it looks like everyone's staying."

"No, we're not!" the boys argued, standing up and falling down over and over while yelping in pain.

"Yes, you are!" the girls yelled at them. If the boys left, then they would have to leave too, and they didn't want that.

And all the while, Kankurou was being violently flailed about by Gaara, who was getting sick of Kankurou's stupid questions. Boxer-sama sighed, suddenly feeling tired. That was when he realized.

"Uh… Guys? Not that I have much choice whether you stay or not anymore, but… We've only got four tents."

Everyone stopped fighting and looked at him. And Boxer-sama could've sworn he saw the eyes of every girl there flash evilly. Along with that, the eyes of every boy flashed with a murderous intent. Except Jiraiya, he was looking quite excited about the ordeal.

"…Oh God, I'm screwed, aren't I?"

* * *

After lots of fussing and arguing, they managed to divide the tents with relative decency. Even though the tents were meant for roughly two or three in each maximum, they decided they would have to cramp in to fit everybody, as their party had risen from five to twenty. 

With much reluctance on Jiraiya's side, one of the tents would belong to all of the arriving boys, to their dismay including Gaara, as well as Jiraiya.

"I refuse to bunk with a bunch of sunburnt boys!" Jiraiya complained maliciously.

"Face it, Ero-sennin," Boxer-sama whispered to him. "Nobody else here will ever want to bunk with you. I should know."

While Boxer-sama hadn't meant for it to imply anything other than the fact that he smelt like frogs, Jiraiya took it badly, giving Boxer-sama a good whack on the back of the head.

The second tent was to be for all the newly arrived girls, the third for the Jounins, and the final tent was to be just for Boxer-sama.

"Why the hell does that freak get his own tent?" Sasuke asked coldly.

"Well, it's important that he gets good rest for this mission," Shizune explained. "After all, he _is_ facing the Akatsuki."

"Tch, he'll lose either way, my brother-" Sasuke's 'Avenger' speech was quickly halted by Shikamaru's hand shooting for his mouth. Everybody breathed a sigh of relief.

"Good job, Shikamaru-kun," Shizune commented before continuing. "So, Boxer-sama's tent will be his own, and uh…" Shizune quickly added a final note. "Should he choose to, he can kindly let one of us stay with him in his tent if he wants to be nice and help us make room."

A shiver ran up Boxer-sama's spine as he received lustful looks from the girls. They had in fact planned this while they were sorting the tents. Using their 'women talk' (Men don't understand this…haha) they agreed to let Boxer-sama choose who would share a tent with him. That is, if Boxer-sama was actually capable of asking someone to share a tent with him.

"Anyway, it's getting late. Everybody get to their assigned tents and get some rest. Good night, everyone." Shizune then moved into the Jounins' tent, followed by Kurenai and Anko, as they tried to squeeze into the tent. Anko's head popped out for a moment after they were all in.

"Hey Boxer-sama, if you let me share your tent, I can give you a… 'special' massage," she said with a perverted wink, causing Boxer-sama to blush hotly.

The girls managed to get into their tent fairly calmly, even if they were a little uncomfortable. Boxer-sama heard light conversation happening between them before Ino's head popped out.

"Hey guys, Hinata and Tenten were wondering why Naruto doesn't seem to be with you!"

Hinata and Tenten's head popped out alongside Ino's blushing madly. "H-Hey! What are you saying, idiot?" Tenten whispered with embarrassment. Hinata just mumbled incomprehensibly.

"Calm down, I want to know why too, you know!" Ino said, her cheeks turning a light shade of pink.

Boxer-sama looked at them feeling somewhat confused. _'Why the heck would they care if I'm here or not?'_

Shikamaru shrugged. "We looked around for him, but he didn't seem to be in the village."

"Forget about that moron," Sasuke said coldly. "He wouldn't be a help anyway."

Ino, Tenten, and Hinata thought for a moment, glanced over in Boxer-sama's direction. Boxer-sama straightened his back nervously, wondering what they were thinking.

"…Nah," Ino and Tenten said quietly, Hinata just thining silently. The three girls then went back into the tent, and they seemed to have gone to bed already.

The boys began cramping themselves into the third tent. As their were ten of them, it wasn't going to be easy. Luckily for them, Gaara reminded them he didn't sleep, and left to walk around the place.

"D-Dammit, Chouji, suck your gut in! It's eating my foot!"

"Get your dog out of here, it can sleep outside!"

"Lee, turn your fire off! MY HAIR! YOU DID IT AGAIN, YOU BOWL-CUT CLOWN!"

Boxer-sama looked at the tent, an assortment of limbs kicking out of the doors. Finally, he walked up to them and announced quietly, hoping the girls wouldn't hear him.

"Hey, some of you can stay in my tent."

The boys stopped moving for a moment, then clambered out quietly.

"…You're not gay… Are you?"

Boxer-sama looked at them, his eye twitching slightly. "…No. I'm not gay."

The boys sighed in relief, before remembering that they hated the person in front of them.

"Look, there's no way we'd stay in the same tent as you. Leave us alone."

Boxer-sama sighed guiltily. He knew it was because of him everyone was cramped up, and he didn't want to stand for it.

"… Okay, how about if I'm not _in_ the tent?"

The boys looked at him suspiciously.

"You're saying you'll give us your tent?" Shikamaru asked cautiously. "… After considerable thought, I find that there's about a ninety-nine percent chance that you're tricking us."

"Yeah, well guess what, it's that leftover one percent this time. Yeah or no?"

The boys looked at each other, and realizing they didn't want to have to squeeze into the same tent with people as big as Jiraiya and Chouji.

"…Fine, if you don't intend to stay in your tent, then we'll use it…" Shikamaru struggled with his next words. "… Thanks, I guess…"

Boxer-sama smiled underneath his mask before walking out of the cave.

"Where you going?" Jiraiya asked curiously. Boxer-sama turned around and shrugged.

"I dunno, I'm not tired yet," he lied. After all, he hadn't slept for more than a day. He was exhausted. "I'm just gonna take a walk. Be back in a bit."

After Boxer-sama left, everyone decided that Chouji, Lee, Jiraiya, and Kiba, basically all of the large or potentially dangerous people, should stay in Boxer-sama's tent, leaving Neji, Sasuke, Shino, and Shikamaru in the other. While the tent that the boys were originally given became a whole lot more spacious, Boxer-sama's tent was as cramped as ever.

"This sucks," Kiba muttered, his dog Akamaru curled up above his head. "Why am I classed as one of you weirdos?"

"_Uooo!_ They think we're weird? Neji told me they think we're 'special'!"

"… Lee, you're an idiot."

Jiraiya, on the other hand, was smirking grandly. "Boys, why don't we have a little fun?"

The other boys looked at him uncertainly.

"Jiraiya-sama, you're not… Gay, are you?"

Jiraiya looked at them with an annoyed expression. "…No, I'm not. Now shut up and do what I tell you, or don't you want any _action?_"

* * *

"_Here's a little song I wrote…You might want to sing it note for note…_" 

Boxer-sama wandered about aimlessly, singing aloud casually, making it up along the way.

"_Don't worry… Be happy…_"

Naruto began undoing his headgear, tucking it under his arm. His eyes slowly returned to their ocean blue color.

"_Every night I have some trouble… But when I worry I make it double…Don't worry…"_

He sighed deeply.

"_Be happy_… Wow, I was just making stuff up, but that sounds like a pretty good song… I could call it 'Don't Worry, Be Happy', or something…"

(Disclaimer: Naruto did not write the song 'Don't Worry, Be Happy'. That was Bob Marley... Oh, and I don't own Bob Marley or his songs. It'd be awesome to own Bob Marley... Heh.) (Correction, Bobby Mcferrin. Thanks for that, fallnnconfused)

Naruto shivered brashly. He'd been wearing nothing but boxers for a long time, and the cold was really getting to him. Had he not had the power of a demon, he would probably have hypothermia by now. Or a nasty cold, at the least.

Naruto wiped at his nose with his finger, a drop of wet mucus streaming out of one of his nostrils. He sniffled, sucking it back in.

"Man, I'm cold…"

"Who's there?"

Naruto jumped at the sound of the other voice, and took cover quickly, diving by a nearby tree. He fumbled clumsily, trying to get his headgear back on.

"Come out of hiding, or I'll make you come out." Naruto realized it was Gaara.

"H-Hold on a sec!" Naruto called, hurriedly changing his eyes back to red while doing up his headgear. He hopped out, trying to look casual. "Ah, it's you, Gaara," he said with his fake, deep voice.

"… It's you," Gaara said, staring at him evilly. "Perhaps now would be a good time to kill you."

Boxer-sama gulped nervously. "Why do you want to kill me? Did I do something to you."

Gaara thought for a moment. "…No. However, I still have to kill you."

Boxer-sama sighed. From what he knew, it seemed that being male was a good enough reason for someone to kill him. Unfortunately he didn't know about his effects on the others. However, in Gaara's case, it was of course because people loved Boxer-sama, and not Gaara. And that pissed him off.

"You know, Gaara, I think I can understand why _you_ would want to kill me…"

Before Gaara could do anything other than raise his eyebrows in surprise, Boxer-sama noticed a strange scent that was picked up thanks to his fox-like senses. He hopped up the trees, a bad feeling creeping into him.

"Oh no…"

Boxer-sama stared in horror, as he saw what he smelled was smoke, and that it was coming from his home village, Konoha. Gaara soon hopped up next to him, and saw the smoke as well. The buildings were on fire, the atmosphere similar to when Orochimaru had attacked them.

"That appears to be bad," Gaara stated.

"Of course it's bad!" Boxer-sama yelled. "Come on, we're getting back to the campsite!"

* * *

"Oh, Boxer-sama…" 

"Wow, you're so amazing, Boxer-sama!"

"I don't know if you're the real Boxer-sama or the _Bunshin_, but I'm fine with it!"

Boxer-sama came back in camp to notice that his tent was a bit rowdier than when he left it. He threw open the flap, and looked inside to see the three Jounins in his tent, as well as four Boxer-samas.

"…What in the hell is going on in here?" Boxer-sama asked.

The Jounins looked at him, then looked back at the four Boxer-samas inside. The real Boxer-sama looked at one of them cautiously.

"…Jiraiya, is that you?"

The Jounins looked at the fake Boxer-sama, who quickly puffed back into Jiraiya. He then removed the illusion he had put on the others, reverting the Boxer-samas back to Lee, Chouji, and Kiba, who all looked fairly flushed. Judging from the tape wrapped around their mouths and hands, they hadn't been as eager as Jiraiya in the matter.

"OH GOD WE ALMOST SLEPT WITH THESE FOUR!" Shizune and Kurenai cried in horror.

"Now, now, it wouldn't have been _that _bad…" Anko purred.

"What do you mean, they're our students for crying out loud!" Kurenai said, blushing with embarrassment to find that she had almost scored with one of her students.

"Don't tell me you've never had a student-teacher fantasy?" Anko teased. "Why, once I had this total hunk of a man on my team and we-"

Boxer-sama called their attention, feeling somewhat icky about what they were talking about. "We don't have time for that! We gotta get to Konoha, there's something wrong! I think the Akatsuki have already attacked!"

The Jounins hurriedly tried to gather everyone, pulling the remaining boys and girls from the tents. Boxer-sama however was becoming restless, his feet unconsciously skipping..

"Come on, come on!" he said urgently. "You're all taking too long!"

When everybody had almost gathered, Shizune noticed that the boys were still facing the effects of Lee's 'spirit fire'. "The boys aren't in the best condition to fight," Shizune announced to Boxer-sama. "It would be wrong to have them fight."

"…Damn," Boxer-sama whispered. He knew that their help would've made things much easier. "…Forget it, we'll fight without them. When we get back to Konoha we can give them more treatment."

Boxer-sama hurriedly began forming seals, then bit his thumb, thrusting his blood onto the grounds outside the cave.

"_Kuchiyose no Jutsu!_"

The large frog Gamabunta appeared in a puff of smoke, looking at the one who summoned him incredulously.

"Who are you? I don't remember signing a contract with you! And what in the world are you wearing?"

Jiraiya made exaggerated signals to Gamabunta, mouthing words to him in panic. _'I'll explain later, just do what he says!'_

"Who do you think I am, Jiraiya…" Gamabunta muttered in annoyance, but sensing the urgency coming from Boxer-sama, decided that he may as well obey for now.

Sasuke looked at the frog, shaking in disbelief. _'This frog, I've seen it before! It was during the fight with Gaara. And the one who summoned it was…'_

Sasuke didn't have time to think as Jiraiya and the Jounins began picking all the injured boys up and leaping onto the frog, followed by Boxer-sama and the girls. When everybody had gotten on, Gamabunta bounded off for Konoha hurriedly.

Boxer-sama had been careless when he summoned Gamabunta, but his mind had been completely focused on getting to Konoha as soon as possible. Luckily, most of the others had their mind on this too, putting the fact that Boxer-sama had summoned a frog to the back of their minds. However, Sasuke hadn't been like the rest. Sasuke had noticed clearly what Boxer-sama had done.

"Boxer-sama… Could he be…? No way…"

**END CHAPTER 10**


	14. Time for Some Boxercise

**Chapter 11 – Time for Some Boxercise**

**A/N: **Well, what do you know? I decided to release this chapter a bit earlier this week. I probably just want to get the Akatsuki fight out of the way, it's tough doing action scenes. Anyway, I dunno if there'll be another update this weekend. Possibly next weekend? Earlier? We'll see. Anyway, hope you enjoy, and as usual, please review with your opinions or comments and tell me if you like this or not! Thanks to everyone who reads this!

* * *

"You're telling me that only a handful of ninjas are causing this?" Tsunade yelled angrily to the ANBU ninja in front of her. Outside her windows, a surprising amount of carnage was seen, buildings ablaze and the sounds of battle filling the streets.

"H-Hokage-sama! It's the Akatsuki! Those spies that told us they were encamped – they were agents working under Akatsuki! They deliberately forced Boxer-sama to leave so they could attack us!"

Tsunade bit her lip nervously. "Those cheap bastards… Bloody Boxer-sama, if it wasn't for him…"

"Hokage-sama!" another ninja had run in, one of the gate guards. "A massive frog is heading our way, fast! It could be working with the Akatsuki!" The guard was in a panic, freaking out madly. "WE'RE GONNA DIE!"

Tsunade had a pretty good idea of what he was talking about, and after quickly checking outside her window, gave the guard a light slap on the face, which ended up sending him reeling across the floor. "Get a hold of yourself, wimp! That's our reinforcements!"

* * *

Boxer-sama stood on Gamabunta's head, gazing out with a sense of urgency. "Can't you go any faster, Bunta?"

"Calm down, twerp!" Gamabunta hollered in annoyance. "We're almost there!"

Boxer-sama grunted madly. He hated being in a position where he had to watch while something bad was happening. When they were finally at the gates, Boxer-sama leapt off in a hurry, running into the village in haste. The others chased after him, fending off the occasional Akatsuki agent as they tried to catch up. Jiraiya, on the other hand, was still standing on Gamabunta's back.

"Care to explain who that stranger was, Jiraiya?" Gamabunta asked impatiently. "I feel as though you're handing my scroll of summoning around like some kind of toy."

"That," Jiraiya paused to effortlessly punch away a ninja that attempted to attack him. "That was Naruto."

"Naruto?" Gamabunta repeated before bellowing in laughter. "What a weird servant I have!"

Jiraiya chuckled with him, before Gamabunta disappeared in a puff of smoke. "Yep, Naruto's definitely not your average guy."

* * *

Boxer-sama ran through the village, stopping only momentarily to take down any Akatsuki ninjas that stood in his way. Judging from the way they appeared to swarm him almost instantaneously, Boxer-sama realized that they must have been told about the legendary superninja, and were no doubt offered a massive bounty for his head.

"Wait for us, Boxer-sama! It's dangerous!" He heard voices calling for him, but his mind was in a rage to locate and defeat the Akatsuki, and stop the madness that had fallen over Konoha. He continued moving, picking us his paces. Soon, he found himself in front of Tsunade's office building, and judging from the voices inside, the Akatsuki members were up there as well. He dashed up the steps rapidly, and soon found himself in Tsunade's office, along with all nine members of the Akatsuki. Tsunade was being paralyzed by some sort of powerful Jutsu being applied to her by one of them.

"Ah, it seems that young Boxer-sama is not the fool we played him for," Itachi said monotonously. "I was hoping he would continue to search for our 'camp' while I looked for his family here." Itachi began to shiver with excitement once more, causing Kisame to roll his eyes.

"I don't care if you guys want to kill me," Boxer-sama began, pointing at them indignantly. "But if you're going to hunt me, _hunt only for me!_"

Itachi looked into Boxer-sama's red eyes, his _Sharingan_ recognizing the flair and zest as someone he had known before. "You feel familiar…" Itachi said to him, causing Boxer-sama to flinch in surprise. Luckily, Itachi couldn't seem to put his finger on it. "Who are you?"

Boxer-sama looked at him angrily. "I'm the one that's going to _kill you!_"

Itachi looked at him with his usual bored eyes, then suddenly stepped forward. "Kisame, take the others and search for anyone who could be related to Boxer-sama in any way, and see if you can capture them for me. Kill them if you must. You, keep the Hokage where she is. _I_ want to deal with Boxer-sama."

Boxer-sama boiled with rage at Itachi's words. "Stop them! Nobody in this village is related to me!"

"Is that so?" Itachi said, then reconsidered his order. "In that case, all of you are to slaughter every ninja of Konoha. No prisoners, seeing as how none of them are related to Boxer-sama."

Before Boxer-sama could react, the Akatsuki had bounded off together, save the one that was binding Tsunade, and Itachi, moving at incredible speed, had grabbed Boxer-sama, and effortlessly tossed him out through Tsunade's window, sending glass shards flying as Boxer-sama flew through the air, crashing through the wall of a nearby pagoda-like structure. Itachi jumped off after him, landing inside the pagoda through the newly-made entrance thanks to Boxer-sama's body.

'_C-Crap, that hurt…'_ Boxer-sama thought with a grunt, trying to pull himself to his feet. He was surprisingly helped up by someone, and to his disappointment, it was Itachi. _'Aw, crap.'_

As easily as Itachi had helped him up, he had once again threw him into the ground, sending Boxer-sama through the wooden floorboards. He landed on the next floor down with a painful thud, coughing up a spurt of blood. Itachi landed softly next to him once again.

"Within these walls, there is nobody to witness our battle," Itachi began. "And nobody…" He lifted Boxer-sama by the throat, watching him flail about like a fish out of water. "… To witness your death."

He tossed Boxer-sama lightly into the air, and as he began to fall down, Itachi's knee met his stomach, sending Boxer-sama flying up once again, this time two floors up. He crashed through two sets of floorboards on the way up, headfirst. He crashed onto the floor again, his head spinning.

'_At this rate…' _he thought to himself. _'At this rate… I'm going to die.'_

Itachi had jumped up next to him again. He picked Boxer-sama up by his headgear, and smashed him face first into the pagoda wall, his face crashing through it in a flutter of wood pieces and rice paper. Itachi's hand continued to pressure his head into the wall.

"I hoped you would be more fun than this," Itachi said dully. "How did you manage to defeat my grandfather, who was the greatest Uchiha of all time?"

Boxer-sama painfully opened his eyes, and saw the streets outside. Buildings were in blazes, ninjas were fighting everywhere, and he also saw the remaining eight Akatsuki, who he noticed had engaged his previous company. And he also noticed that, due to the boys being out of commission, his previous company was harshly overpowered. Even with Jiraiya's help, they seemed to be in a tight situation. Suddenly, something in his head clicked.

'_At this rate…' _he thought once again. _'At this rate… My friends are going to die.'_

Boxer-sama remembered why he was fighting, why he had fought up to this stage in his life, and why Boxer-sama came into existence in the first place. He didn't have time to worry about his own life; he knew there was too much at stake. A whole village was at stake. A whole village that he loved more than life itself was at stake.

"I…ta…chi…" Boxer-sama's voice called. "I'll say it again… I'm… Going… To kill you!"

Boxer-sama's body burned red with chakra, which was seeping through his skin. His body began to heat up fast, quickly reaching a point at which Itachi grunted in pain as his hand was singed. He let go in an instant, backing away in surprise.

Boxer-sama charged at Itachi this time, reeling his fist back and aimed at Itachi's face. His fist connected, and sent Itachi flailing into the pagoda wall the same way Boxer-sama had.

'_Gotta finish this fast!'_ Boxer-sama thought to himself. _'So I can go help the others!'_

Itachi looked up at Boxer-sama, his expression not showing a sign of surprise. "This power, I know I've seen something like it before…"

"Oh yeah?" Boxer-sama growled. Suddenly, Boxer-sama smirked. He knew the fastest way to get Itachi out of the way. He just hoped his theory on the common male adult was correct. "I've got something I doubt you've _ever_ seen before. _Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!_"

Five Boxer-samas surrounded themselves in an arc, cornering Itachi onto the wall. They made a series of hand seals, a combination that Itachi, in all his experience, was not familiar with. Finally, Boxer-sama clapped his hands together firmly, looking up at Itachi menacingly.

"_Harem no Jutsu!"_

A flash of smoke shielded all the Boxer-samas from view, and when they returned, Itachi noticeably flinched backwards onto the wall. Where the Boxer-sama's once were, were now a handful of beautiful, bouncy young women, completely naked. Itachi squirmed lightly.

"H-Hmph," he remarked, stuttering for the first time in his life. "I don't see how this can defeat me. I am not as shallow as other people."

'_I'm not done, yet. I noticed your greatest weakness!'_ Boxer-sama thought to himself with a smirk. This time, each of the Boxer-sama's began forming different seal sets, again ones that Itachi had never seen before. That's not surprise, however, as these were special techniques that Boxer-sama had devised to use alongside the _Harem no Jutsu._ Ones that Jiraiya had been quite infatuated with, which greatly disturbed him.

"_Kazoku Harem no Jutsu!" _

Another puff of smoke appeared, and when it cleared this time, the female Boxer-samas were no longer naked, this time dressed up. One was wearing a business suit, one of them in an apron, two of them dressed as kids, and the last one dressed like Itachi.

"Hello, honey, I'm home!" the suited female Boxer-sama said to the Boxer-sama in an apron.

"Hello, dear! The children miss you deeply!" she replied, kissing the suited Boxer-sama passionately, with plenty of tongue visible for Itachi.

Itachi stared at them, then stared at the one dressed as him. He gasped uncharacteristically, realizing what Boxer-sama was doing.

"Hello, daddy!" the two Boxer-sama dressed as children squealed. "We love you very much!"

"And I love you, kids!" the suited Boxer-sama said again.

'Itachi' Boxer-sama waltzed up to them, the female trying to act grumpy like Itachi, and instead managed a kind of cute insolent look. "I'm Itachi! I'm going to kill your family!" he said to one of the Boxer-samas dressed as a kid.

"_Iya! _I'm being killed!" the apron-wearing Boxer-sama squealed, as she fell to the ground.

Itachi began to sweat, his breathing quickening as he gulped down the saliva filling in his mouth.

"Oh no! Me too!" the suited Boxer-sama said, following after the 'mother'.

He began licking his lips, his face burning red.

"Younger brother, Itachi has killed me, too!" one of the child-dressed Boxer-samas said, as she also fell to the ground.

Itachi was now rubbing his nipples unconsciously.

"Now you," the 'Itachi' Boxer-sama said to the remaining child. "You must…"

Itachi was dying to hear the words.

"Hate me…"

"Ah…" Itachi moaned.

"Loathe me…"

"Mm…"

"Despise me…"

"Ah, yes, yes…" he moaned girlishly.

"And…"

"Oh, say it… Say it…"

"LIVE IN AN UNSIGHTLY MANNER!"

That was the last thing Itachi could take. His nose blew up in a flurry of blood, sending him flying through the pagoda wall, hitting the streets with a thud. Boxer-sama had noticed Itachi's obsession with family when he heard the way he talked about it earlier. Coupled with his relations with Sasuke (as well as Sasuke's speech, which had been drilled into his head thanks to his constant repetition of it) Boxer-sama realized that Itachi had a strange murder-your-family fetish.

Near where Itachi had landed was the battle between Boxer-sama's group and the remaining Akatsuki. The girls were looking as worse off as the guys at this point. Even the Jounins were on their last legs, while the Akatsuki members looked relatively unhurt. Their confident attitudes soon changed as they saw Itachi flying through the air and crashing to the ground in a puddle of blood. Halting their battle, to the relief of the girls, the Akatsuki quickly gathered to Itachi's side.

"Itachi! What happened to you!"

Itachi's eyes rolled back and forth, his breathing deep and sharp. "S-Such power, I have never seen before… Boxer-sama is… Incredible…"

They glared at him in shock. They had never known anyone to beat one of them so badly, and Itachi was one of the strongest of them.

"HEY!"

The voice caught their ears as they swung up, staring at the pagoda, which was riddled with holes from the previous battle.

"If you bastards think you can get away with hurting my friends, you've got another thing coming!"

The remaining Akatsuki members looked up at him nervously, fear visible in their eyes. Kisame hurriedly barked out orders to his stunned comrades.

"Retreat, now!" he yelled out. "We don't stand a chance at this rate!"

Kisame hung Itachi over his shoulders, and the seven of them dashed off hurriedly. The final member of Akatsuki was coming fast from their rear – after hearing Kisame's order, he had released his seal, only to be met with Tsunade's pissed off fist. As they disappeared in the distance, Boxer-sama hopped down the buildings, hurrying to his friends' aid.

"Are you all okay?" he asked worriedly. _'If anything bad happened, it's my fault.'_

The girls looked up at him wearily. They were all covered in cuts and bruises, but thankfully, they said they were all fine.

"I'm glad… I'm so glad… You're all… o…ka…"

Boxer-sama hit the ground with a thud. The girls rushed up to him urgently, only to hear him snoring peacefully, his body curling up like a child. Jiraiya walked through the crowd and picked him up.

"Don't worry, the kid's just tired," he explained with a smile. "He hasn't slept for awhile… The little guy was running on fumes. I'll take him home, you girls should get to the hospital. I'm sure Tsunade can do something for you all."

All of Boxer-sama's group headed in the direction of the hospital, including the boys, who were busily discussing what had happened.

"H-He beat one of the Akatsuki? That badly, too?" Kiba exclaimed in surprise.

"Indeed, I'm impressed… I guess," Shikamaru replied, shrugging in annoyance.

Sasuke, however, was in a state of shock. He was frozen, jaw open, eyes bulging wide open. The others stopped walking and looked at him nervously.

"He's gonna lose it, isn't he?" Chouji whispered to Shikamaru quietly.

"Probably," Shikamaru sighed, blocking his ears with his fingers. "This won't be pretty."

'H-He beat Itachi? B-But how? Only I can beat Itachi! I lived my whole life to beat Itachi, and now Boxer-sama comes and just… What the hell!'

At that point, Sasuke's intense rage made him lose the ability to have an inner monologue. Much to everyone else's dismay.

"NOOOOOO, BOXER-SAMA YOU BASTARD! I TRAIN MY WHOLE LIFE TO BEAT ITACHI, AND HE'S DEFEATED BY SOME MORON IN UNDERWEAR!"

He glanced at Neji, who was standing next to him.

"WHY?"

Then turned over to face Lee, who was on the other side of him.

"WHY?"

Then he looked up, raising his arms to the sky dramatically.

"WHYYYYYY-ugh!"

Sasuke hit the ground, a large bump on his head. Standing behind him was Shikamaru, wielding a two by four. The others looked at him with a mix of relief and confusion.

"God, that was annoying."

* * *

Jiraiya crept in through Naruto's apartment window, shutting it behind him. He lay Boxer-sama on the bed, unwrapping his headgear.

"You did great as always, Naruto," Jiraiya congratulated the sleeping youth, who gurgled in response. Jiraiya chuckled. These were the times he felt like he was really Naruto's father.

Naruto slept peacefully, his wounds already healing steadily. Jiraiya glanced onto Naruto's back, and noticed that for some strange reason he still had the large scar crossing diagonally down his back.

"Huh? This isn't normal…" Jiraiya touched it curiously, noticing it still felt as though it was fresh. As though…

"The wound isn't healing…"

Jiraiya felt suddenly alarmed. It wasn't normal for wounds to not heal, especially in Naruto's case, when he should be healing at an accelerated rate. Jiraiya touched it again to be certain. Realizing it was really not healing, his face hardened.

"What could this mean…?"

**END CHAPTER 11

* * *

**

**A/N:** Kazoku – means 'family' in Japanese… Not sure if it's in the right context, or if I even spelt it right, but hey, that's what you get from someone who's at Beginner level Japanese. If anyone has a better suggestion, I'll change it. Wonder what'll happen next chapter?


	15. Boxers for Sale

**Chapter 12 – Boxers for Sale**

**A/N:** Okay, first off before I forget, the deal with Hinata _not_ seeing that Boxer-sama was Naruto. I was aware of how strange it would be for the _Byakugan_ eyes not to notice, but I debated with myself that Hinata just isn't as incredibly interested in who Boxer-sama is, even if she has an inkling on who it is, but also she's just too good at listening to other people's requests. For instance, she only left with the girls because they told her to – she didn't really want to go. And I imagine that even if the Byakugan can see everything, they can still only concentrate on so many things at a time, and Hinata decided that Boxer-sama wouldn't be one of them. Hope that makes sense… Anyway, if it was Neji, that would be a different story altogether.

Anyway, thanks for the feedback as always, and I hope everyone continues to enjoy it.

* * *

A day after the attack, Tsunade had instructed for all low-level ninjas and anyone who didn't have a mission to begin work on reconstructing the town. Unfortunately, the damage was much more extensive than Tsunade could have imagined, and she didn't want the cleaning up to take any longer than it had to. She was concerned that Konoha could be left behind in the ninja business. 

"Hmm…" Tsunade sat at her desk, tapping a pencil worriedly on her nose. In front of her, she had a cut-out advertisement of a well-known building company that was often trusted to work on many of the hidden ninja villages. Tsunade was hoping to hire them, as their aid would speed up the rebuilding process greatly. However, it was a costly affair to get people to work on a hidden village, what with all the possible dangers and privacy policies.

"Perhaps we could ask for donations from the villagers?" Shizune suggested, but Tsunade shook her head.

"We wouldn't be able to raise enough that way, and we can't be certain if we'll really raise enough anyway. No, we need a foolproof plan…"

As if on cue, the doors swung open as Jiraiya swayed into the room, a thinking look on his face. Tsunade looked up at him curiously.

"You're thinking about something. It must be the end of the world," she joked smugly. Seeing his expression not change made her a little more serious. "What is it, Jiraiya?"

Jiraiya looked up suddenly, as though he was asleep, and looked grimly at Tsunade. "Hm, it's nothing important," he lied. _'Of course Naruto's well-being is important, but I shouldn't worry Tsunade too much right now.'_

"Well, never mind it, we have to work out a way to get Konoha back on its feet soon," Tsunade explained, waving the advertisement in front of her. "We need money, and we need it fast. Any suggestions?"

Jiraiya thought quizzically, then suddenly smirked coyly. "Hm, well, how about you perform a show for the boys? We'll put on a little music, you'll take off your clothes slowly and sexily, and then-"

An angry foot led Jiraiya to believe that she didn't agree to the idea. However, it also gave her another idea.

"How about a fundraising event? We put on some shows… _tasteful_ shows…" she added after seeing Jiraiya's boot-marked face grin hopefully. "Perhaps some interesting acts… A play!" she exclaimed with excitement. Apparently Tsunade was a fan of plays. "That should get some cash in! We could get visitors from everywhere!"

Shizune pondered for a moment. "I doubt that a play alone will do it. It has to have something incredible; something that people would pay a lot of money for, like say…" she looked up innocently. "…A celebrity appearance?"

Tsunade grumbled in irritation. She had recently realized Shizune's feelings for Boxer-sama, and she wasn't happy about it. However, she did see that Shizune had a good point. Reluctantly, she turned to Jiraiya, hoping she wouldn't regret what she was about to say.

"Jiraiya, I have a new mission for Boxer-sama…"

* * *

Naruto shuffled uncomfortably in his bed. He shuffled right, then left, then finally right off his bed, hitting the ground with a light thud. The shock managed to wake him, and he looked up with blurry eyes and a sore behind. 

"Ow…" The first thing he realized was that he was still feeling the pain from his encounter with Itachi yesterday. The second thing he realized was that Jiraiya was standing over him, his face unclear through his crust-filled eyes.

"Naruto, how do you feel?" he asked with an uncommon tone of worry.

"Uh… I'm fine, I think…" Naruto said with a yawn.

"Stand up." Jiraiya ordered. Naruto, too tired to argue, complied, rising to his feet slowly. Jiraiya examined him carefully. "Stretch your arms up." Again Naruto complied, beginning to wonder what Jiraiya was getting at. "Hmm… Now wiggle your hips."

Naruto stood silently for a moment.

"…Ero-sennin, what the hell are you asking me to do?" Naruto finally asked. "Don't take advantage of me just 'cause I'm half asleep."

"Naruto, please, just do it," Jiraiya said, his serious tone still present. Naruto gave up wondering and did as he was told. He began to wiggle his hips randomly, as Jiraiya circled him, carefully looking at his back.

Suddenly, Naruto's door flung open, Sakura bounding in urgently. "Naruto, we've got a mission, but it's not like other missions, because we're going to…"

She trailed off, seeing Jiraiya looking closely at Naruto's behind, while Naruto was flexing his hips like a hula dancer. "… What are you two doing?"

Naruto looked up at her, then panicked, flailing his arms madly. "It's not what it looks like! I can explain!"

Sakura looked at them with a sick face. "Urr… I don't want to know. I'll just wait downstairs until you two are… 'finished'."

Sakura started down the stairs, Naruto anxiously following her, trying to explain the situation. Jiraiya, on the other hand, was still standing in the apartment, thinking.

"He seemed fine, so maybe I shouldn't be so worried…" Jiraiya's eyes hardened. "… But if he's fine… Why do I feel so uncomfortable…"

* * *

After Naruto finally managed to explain it to Sakura, who more or less agreed just to make him shut up, he found himself standing with his fellow ninjas, including Gaara and the Sand ninjas, in a hall that reminded him of the hall he found in during the Chuunin exam. Kakashi and the other Jounins were nowhere in sight, and they were instructed instead by Tsunade and Shizune. 

"Today, you all have a very special mission," Tsunade began. "And as all of our higher class ninjas are busy catching up on missions, it will be up to all of you to take care of this one."

Naruto looked up in excitement. "A special mission, huh? What're we gonna do? Invade a hidden village? Fight really powerful ninjas?"

"Naruto, stop thinking with your fists all the time," Tsunade scolded. "There are plenty of important missions that don't need violence, such as this one."

"So…" Naruto pondered loudly. "You're saying… That we're not invading a village or fighting really powerful ninjas?"

Tsunade and the others sighed dully. "Naruto, we're not invading any villages or fighting any ninjas." Ignoring Naruto's sad 'aw', she continued. "As you all know, the village is in a bad state, much worse than when we were attacked by Orochimaru. So this time, we're planning to hire some help in fixing up the village. However, we don't have the funds for such a big plan, and so we're going to need to raise money. And to do this, we've planned out a little something…"

She beckoned to Shizune, who promptly stood next to her and unfolded a large poster, showing to everyone. They looked at it curiously.

"Konoha Entertainment Show…?" Sakura read aloud curiously. "What's that?"

"_That_ is precisely your mission," Tsunade said with a grin. "You are all ordered to run the brand new Konoha Entertainment Show!"

Murmurs of confusion shuffled through the young ninjas, still thoroughly confused.

"You're all going to be hosting a play in this show," Tsunade continued. "The play in question is for all of you to decide – whatever you think you can do is fine. And as well as this, you're free to throw in whatever you like. Extra acts, maybe a piece of music…"

"We get to host a play?" Naruto asked in surprise. "Awesome! I've never been in a play before! I wanna be the star!"

While a certain few of the girls giggled at Naruto's cute reaction (as in Hinata, Tenten, Ino, and Tsunade, if you're too slow to get it), Shizune eagerly nudged Tsunade, who sighed in reluctance. "Oh yeah… and on a final note…"

Jiraiya walked in halfway during Tsunade's talk, tapping Naruto innocently. "Uh, hey Naruto, I gotta tell you something…"

"… We're going to have Boxer-sama as a special guest in the Show, and we'll be auctioning him off for a date."

Everyone stood blandly for a moment in complete silence. That is, until the girls screamed out in joy and surprise, their faces lighting up.

"Wow, can you believe it? How cool!"

"This is my big chance!"

"Oh gosh, I'm _so _gonna get him!"

The boys on the other hand had looks of outright anger and jealously. They fumed with such anger that Naruto would've been able to see the steam rising off their heads, had he not been in a state of shock himself.

"Uh, yeah, that's what I forgot to tell you," Jiraiya said, grinning stupidly. "Good for you, huh?"

Naruto couldn't hear him, his head spinning and his face scrunched into a strange combination of disbelief, embarrassment, and anticipation.

* * *

The group had been split up to begin preparing for the Konoha Entertainment Show. Shikamaru, Shino and Neji were ordered to leave with Shizune to find a suitable place to host the Show, as putting it in their hidden village would be too risky. Chouji, Kiba and Kankurou were asked to find people to supply food for the show, Naruto eagerly suggesting the Ichiraku duo. Tsunade and the girls would be in charge of preparing the play. Jiraiya was sent to 'find' Boxer-sama. The only people left to be assigned anything were Sasuke, Gaara, Lee, and Naruto. 

"You four will be advertising the show in Konoha for today," Tsunade told them, handing them bunches of flyers. Naruto read it, noticing that the Show was to be held in a week's time.

"Only a week?" Naruto asked with surprise. "Is that enough time?"

"We can't wait for too long, so we'll be working overtime," Tsunade told him. "Anyway, you four start posting those flyers up around the streets, and word should spread to the outside. Especially when they see that Boxer-sama should be there," she added with a note of annoyance.

"Whatever," Sasuke said, walking off to start his work. He stopped abruptly, turning his head to look at Naruto. "You, come with me."

Naruto looked at Sasuke curiously before bounding after him, leaving Lee and Gaara alone. The two looked at each other uncomfortably.

"I haven't forgotten what you did to beautiful leg and stunning arm," Lee said, pouting.

"Neither have I," Gaara responded coldly.

"_Uo!_ What a surprisingly hip way to respond!" Lee said, firing up. "Perhaps I can get along with you as a rival!"

Gaara looked at him in confusion, not knowing the horror he had pulled himself into. "Whatever, just stay away from me."

"_Uooo! _Another hip response! You would make a fine rival! A rival to rival the rival of my Gai-sensei! We will have a rivalry more rivalous than their rivalry!"

Gaara looked at him, his eyes twitching in irritation. "Rivalous isn't a word."

"_Uooo!_"

* * *

Naruto and Sasuke had, for the first time ever, spent a whole minute in silence next to each other. A bad omen if there ever was one. 

"…_Ne,_ Sasuke, why did you want me to go with you?" Naruto asked, busily taping up a flyer onto a streetlamp while Sasuke was posting one on a wall behind him..

"… Naruto," Sasuke began. "I hate Boxer-sama."

Naruto shivered nervously, trying to tape slower so that he wouldn't have to face him. "R-Really? Well, everyone hates Boxer-sama, don't they?"

"Do _you_ hate Boxer-sama?" Sasuke's voice asked coldly.

'_W-What is he getting at?'_ Naruto thought cautiously. "Uh… Yeah, of course I hate him! Uh… He's… He's trying to be better than me!"

Sasuke didn't reply, making Naruto all the more anxious. "Is that so…" he finally said. Naruto felt an arm on his shoulder, and was suddenly and violently twisted around to face Sasuke, who had thrown him onto the pole hard, holding him down, and staring into his blue eyes. "You know," he said, staring deeply, as though seeing right through into Naruto's soul. "They said that Boxer-sama has red eyes. So it couldn't be you, could it?"

"W-What are you saying, Sasuke?" Naruto said, trying to sound calmer that he really was. "Of course I'm not Boxer-sama! See? Blue eyes! Blue!"

Sasuke didn't back down, still staring at him. Finally, Sasuke continued. "Then if that's the case, Naruto…" he paused, looking closer into Naruto's eyes, which Naruto hoped weren't showing the panic he was feeling. "I need to ask you to do something that I can only ask of _you._"

Naruto stared back at Sasuke cautiously.

"Help me kill Boxer-sama."

* * *

Meanwhile, the girls were enthusiastically brainstorming on what kind of play to do. 

"How about a comedy act?" Ino suggested, playfully balancing a kunai on her head.

"I think we should do something with a lot of fighting!" Tenten chanted, eagerly grasping her numerous weapons.

"W-What about a love story?" Hinata suggested, getting coy looks from the girls.

"Now, now, girls," Tsunade said with a grin. "We should try to think of something that relates to Konoha as a village!"

"Hm, what about some stories of the village's history?" Sakura began. "We've had a few important events in Konoha. Maybe we could write a play on one of them?"

"Good idea, Sakura!" Tsunade said. "It would turn into a quite interesting play! But what exactly should we do…" Tsunade scratched her head in thought.

"Ah, I know!" Temari called out. "I've always heard this story about a nine-tailed fox demon attacking Konoha! Let's do a play on that!"

Tsunade froze up suddenly. "B-But Temari, that's just a story told to kids!" she lied, hoping to throw her off. "It wouldn't be _that _interesting!"

"Wait, Hokage-sama, I think it would be pretty interesting," Sakura said. The other girls made affirming nods. Even Hinata showed interest in the story.

Tsunade sighed silently. She gulped, realizing that sometimes it sucked to put the village before anything else. "…Fine, we'll do it. Let's start researching on the story so we can write up a script. And we're going to have to pick out parts for everyone, so let's get to it!"

"Yes, Hokage-sama!"

* * *

By the end of the day, everyone gathered to hear the results from the girls. Except for Shizune, Neji, and Shikamaru, who were still out of the village. The afternoon sun was shining, moments away from the horizon. 

Naruto and Sasuke were the last to arrive, Naruto looking particularly bothered. Jiraiya noticed in an instant that Naruto didn't look very happy. _'I better talk with him later, he's probably still bothered about Boxer-sama's 'date' thing…' _Jiraiya chuckled smugly. _'I'm sure he's just unsure of how to woo a girl properly – my forte!'_

Despite Naruto's look, Sasuke looked the same as always, and the discussion began regardless of Naruto's mood.

"A play has been decided," Tsunade began. "We're going to be doing a play on the '_Attack of the Kyuubi_'." She noted the particular looks of shock from both Jiraiya and Naruto, whose attention immediately diverted to her at the sound of the _Kyuubi_. She cringed, feeling remorse for what she let the girls talk her into. "The roles will be chosen tomorrow, and the script will probably be done soon after."

Tsunade stopped, looking intently at Naruto. Jiraiya was doing the same, and they both noticed one thing. For just a moment, a mere moment, Naruto's face had paled, his body had shook as though in fear, and his eyes had widened. But as fast as it had appeared, it had left, leaving the brighter, more cheerful Naruto in front of them. He smiled enthusiastically.

"Sounds like fun! I can't wait!" Naruto said, cheering happily. Tsunade relaxed a bit, feeling that Naruto was handling it better than she expected. Jiraiya, on the other hand, knew Naruto well enough to know that it was bothering him greatly.

'_It's always one thing after another for me… Jeez,'_ Naruto thought grimly, but his thoughts didn't show on his face. Not even a hint of it.

**END CHAPTER 12**

**A/N:** Yeah, this took a little longer for me to write, sorry! Anyway, I borrowed the idea from Clark Cradic, which was seconded by CursedAvenger, that is to make Boxer-sama auction himself for money. Thanks, you guys, I agree as well that it sounds like an interesting predicament.

A play on Naruto's past, Sasuke's request, and Boxer-sama's auction. Lots of things to note. Not as many jokes, but there will be in the next few chapters. I'm wetting myself just thinking about what to do with Boxer-sama's auction.

One more thing, can anyone remind me of the name of the village that Inari lived in? It's not like it'll be the village where they host the show or anything… Of course not… cough. Telling me in a review or email is fine. Thanks to anyone who bothers!

Oh, and this technically doesn't count as review replying, does it? So I'm clear, right? Hehe. At least now I can answer questions directly, which is good.

Thanks for reading, everyone! Next update in roughly a week, hopefully on time this time!


	16. Drop Your Boxers in Surprise!

**Chapter 13 – Drop Your Boxers in Surprise!**

**A/N: **Ha! I'm on time with the update! Okay, first off, Shadow Kitsune67 told me that Inari's village should be the Village of the Mist, so thanks to him and everyone else that told me it was in the country of waves, who include Ryushi-the-dutch-EroSennin, Flametongue, Achalon, and GMan, and I'll be using both names. I hope that's everyone that helped me on that…

And to Rena, I'm not stopping! Hehe, I just take about a week to update… Sorry! D

Too bad I couldn't name it myself though, I was _so_ going to call it Funkytown…

"Where we going for the show?"

"WE'RE GOING TO FUNKYTOWN!"

...Eh, well, thanks for the help everyone, I appreciate it!

* * *

After Tsunade dismissed everyone for the day, Naruto sulkily walked off, unsure of what to do. His mind was filled with many problems that pretty much hit him all at once. The problem was causing a strange sensation in his stomach.

GRRRR

… Or maybe Naruto just realized he was really hungry. "To the ramen stand I go!" he announced cheerfully, knowing that one thing that could really cheer him up would be a good bowl of noodly goodness.

He arrived at the stand within minutes, plopping onto the seat excitedly. "Hey, old man! Gimme a bowl of miso ramen, please!"

The old man looked at him grimly. "Sorry to say this, Naruto, but we're sold out for today. My daughter's just left to get supplies from another town, and she won't be back for at least a day."

"W-WHAT?" Naruto exclaimed with shock. "N-No ramen? For a day? A _whole day_?" Panic washed into Naruto's face, twitching convulsively. The Ichiraku owner nervously tried to calm him.

"C-Calm down, Naruto! She'll be back tomorrow! Why not just settle for some of your instant ones until then?" He knew about Naruto's ramen stash, seeing as how he sold it to him.

"B-But I finished it days ago!" Naruto whined. "I've got no food, no money…"

"You didn't have money?" the old man said, suddenly annoyed. Naruto immediately stopped bawling, looking up at the old man nervously.

"Uh, w-well… I was gonna pay you back…"

"Bah!" the old man hissed. "Honestly, Naruto! If you ever pay off your whole tab, I'd have enough money to turn this stall into a hidden village of its own!"

"Huh? Naruto?"

Naruto spun around to face the owner of the familiar voice. "Tenten? What are you doing here?"

Tenten smiled brightly at Naruto. "Just going to the supermarket to pick up some things for dinner. My parents are going to be out for the night, so I've gotta make food for myself, and I just happen to be a pro at Chinese cuisine!" she said with a thumbs-up.

Naruto grinned with mocked jealousy. "Eh, lucky! I wish I knew how to cook! At least then I could probably have something for dinner tonight… Ah, forget it! I don't need dinner!"

Tenten noticed that she had a brilliant opportunity in front of her to get to know Naruto better. "H-Hey, Naruto, don't say that! Dinner is an important meal! You should have a balanced diet!"

Naruto scratched his head in embarrassment. "I wish I could, but I don't really have any money. Usually that perverted hermit swipes my wallet every chance he gets."

"Well then… How about…" Tenten paused, her mouth pouting nervously. "…Joining me for dinner?"

Naruto looked up at her in surprise. "You're… You're inviting me to have dinner? R-Really? No catches?" Naruto stuttered. In his entire life, he had never actually been invited over by any of his fellow ninjas. Needless to say, Naruto was really shocked.

"Y-Yeah! Well, if you want… I mean you don't have to…" Tenten said, playing with her fingers much like Hinata. She stopped when she noticed Naruto's head exuberantly bobbing up and down.

"You bet I want to! Haha! Awesome!" Naruto yelled with a cheer, jumping up and down excitedly. Tenten grinned happily.

'_What a guy…'_ she thought, giggling quietly.

* * *

"You really don't have to…" Tenten urged to the blonde youth.

"N-No! You're making me dinner and having me over, s-so this is the least I can do!" Naruto muttered between strained breaths. "S-Still, I'm surprised that you need so m-much!"

It was quite a sight. They had just walked out of a small supermarket, and Naruto had offered to hold all the bags. Problem is, Naruto didn't realize that Tenten always bought wholesale. Meaning, in large, factory sizes. Naruto looked like a walking ball of groceries, his feet shaking from the weight.

"My mother always said it's more efficient to buy in bulk!" Tenten explained to him. "We save a lot of money, _and_ have enough food for a month!"

"T-This much lasts you a month?" Naruto exclaimed. "You all eat more than I do!"

Tenten just smiled eagerly. "That's because our food tastes _so_ good!"

Naruto grinned back happily. "Then I can't wait to try it!"

Naruto suddenly twitched, sensing something bad. He turned his head covertly down a nearby alley, and saw a group of thugs in an alley, surrounding a girl that looked to be roughly the same age as he was. He urgently looked back at Tenten, who hadn't noticed, then back at the thugs. They were armed, and she didn't have the look of a ninja.

"Hey, Tenten," Naruto whispered to her. She looked at him curiously, and he pointed at the alley with his head. "Someone needs help over there! We gotta do something."

Tenten looked at the thugs, counting them mentally. "Naruto, they outnumber us three to two! And they look dangerous…"

But Naruto had already placed the groceries on the ground, and was already walking down the alley.

"N-Naruto, wait!" she called, trying her best to pick up all the groceries.

"Such a cute girl you are…" one of the thugs said, lightly caressing her face before his hand was slapped away. His two buddies instinctively grabbed her arms, holding her down. The one that was slapped eyed her with an evil grin. "You're lively… I like that."

The girl was wearing a flowery orange full-body dress that covered everything to her feet, with long, wispy sleeves that fell just past her fingertips, and a white sash around her waist, giving her the look of a kind of ornamental doll princess. Her long, light red hair flew freely along her shoulders, and she had a sweet face that betrayed her surprisingly feisty nature. She struggled frantically in the clutches of the two men, but unsurprisingly couldn't overpower them.

"You're mine now, babe!" the thug announced with glee, reaching out to grab her clothes, his hand moments away from her collar, until…

"Hey!"

A kunai came zipping by, barely missing and slitting the man across the top of his hand, a trickle of blood appearing. The man urgently looked off to see a blonde, orange-clad ninja, staring at him intently.

"Who do you think you are, kid?"

"Me?" he said with a confident. "I'm Naruto! The one that's gonna kick your ass!"

While his two cronies secured the mysterious girl, the lead thug advanced at Naruto aggressively, reaching into his pockets to reveal two sleek knives, which he readied in his hands. He charged in menacingly at Naruto, who remained as calm and confident as he always did.

"Take this, brat!" he yelled, diving in to stab at him with both knives. They connected, pummeling deep into Naruto's stomach, and ushering out a pained groan.

Which lasted until he disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"W-What the…?" The thug glanced around urgently, looking for where he was hiding. He spun around in a three-sixty, before relaxing, feeling certain that the boy had run away.

"Think again, idiot." The man's neck stiffened as a kunai slid easily towards his throat, its cold, clean edge minutes away from his vitals. "If you want to live, drop your knives."

Naruto had managed to appear right behind him, steadying his kunai around the thug's neck. The thug hastily did as he was told, his knives clinking to the floor. Naruto slid his kunai away, and the thug bounded away from him in fear, turning around to face him.

"T-This isn't over, you!" he said, trying to sound brave. "Y-You're just lucky today!"

Naruto watched as he disappeared out into the streets before he turned to check on the mysterious girl. The two men binding her were looking at him nervously.

"B-Boss ran away…" one of them said. "W-What do we do?"

"I-I dunno!" he whimpered back. "L-Let's just get outta here!"

The two hastily released the girl, causing her to lose her balance and slip towards Naruto, who quickly caught her. As the two thugs ran off, Naruto looked down at the girl that had recently fallen into his hands. His cheeks felt hot, as he noticed she was quite attractive, filling Naruto with a kind of comfort and familiarity. The girl looked up at him curiously, a sexy mystique about herself.

"Aren't you…?"

Her sentence was halted at the sound of approaching people. Naruto looked up to see Tenten and a few Konoha Police ninja coming towards them. Naruto hurriedly helped the girl to her feet, feeling edgy at the approach of the ninja. Due to his brash nature, he had a natural dislike of them.

"Sorry, I've gotta run! Those guys'll take care of you! See ya!" Naruto gave a friendly grin before jumping off, grabbing Tenten in one hand, awkwardly grabbing the ball of groceries in the street behind her with the other, and darting away hastily. The girl looked out with a thin smile as the Police ninja approached her.

"Hm… What an interesting predicament, young one…"

* * *

"D-Do I do it like this, Tenten?"

"Y-Yeah… J-Just a little slower now…"

"H-How's this?"

"Mm, perfect! Now just twist your fingers around a bit…"

"Like this?"

"T-That's it, oh, you're doing so well, it's like you know _exactly_ how I want you to do it!"

"T-Tenten, could you uh… Let me watch you do it a bit? I've never seen someone do it before… So…"

"Sure thing… Like this…"

And so Naruto handed the cooking chopsticks to Tenten, who proceeded to demonstrate to Naruto how to mix the egg noodles into the broth. "See, you twist your fingers like this…"

"Ah, I see now!"

After the two finally finished their weird cooking lesson, they sat down at Tenten's dinner table, which was only occupied by the two of them. Tenten set down the plates of many traditional Chinese foods, surprising Naruto to no end, as well as stimulating his taste buds. From meat buns to beef with snowpeas, Tenten had the ability to make pretty much everything. At least, that's how Naruto saw it.

"W-Wow!" Naruto exclaimed, drooling excessively. "I've never had so much food in front of me for a long time! Is it really okay for me to be eating this?"

"Of course it is, silly! I made a lot anyway, and I couldn't possibly finish this on my own!" Tenten of course had gotten carried away, too excited to be spending time with Naruto. "Besides, you're going to need energy for tomorrow, when we'll have to start rehearsing."

Naruto's lips pursed for a second before he smiled back at her. "Yeah, you're right! _Itadakimasu_!"

Naruto proceeded to eat heartily, downing plate after plate in front of a bewildered Tenten, who had barely started on her plate as Naruto finished his third.

Within minutes, the two had cleaned off every plate. Or more accurately, Naruto had gobbled down every plate but Tenten's, which had a few noodles sitting on it. Naruto eyed them tantalizingly. "Do you mind?" he asked, his chopsticks moments away from it.

"Go for it," Tenten obliged, watching Naruto pick them up and slurp them down. She looked down at her plate again, then blushed. _'I bit half of that noodle… So is this… An indirect kiss?_"

While she sat there debating whether that was an indirect kiss or not, Naruto was already standing at Tenten's doorway.

"Thanks for the meal, Tenten!" he said with a grateful smile. "I've never had such amazing food in a long time! Maybe someday you'll cook for me again?" he added, with playfully hopeful eyes.

Tenten blushed with joy. "Of course! I'd love to cook for you any time!"

Naruto grinned back, before waving goodbye and disappearing out her door. Tenten cheered happily, giggling in triumph. Before she stopped, and realized something.

"Wait a minute… I didn't even get to talk with him!"

* * *

Naruto walked up with satisfaction, rubbing his stomach intently. He looked up in thought, squinting and rubbing his chin as he walked.

"Now that I think about it, Tenten didn't really pay any attention to me before… Wonder why she suddenly let me eat with her…"

As Naruto walked home, he passed an open field, and suddenly had the urge to train for awhile. He wondered if becoming Boxer-sama had made him feel he had to be stronger. What he didn't wonder was if becoming Boxer-sama had made him more responsible.

Naruto stood in silent meditation, concentrating on his red chakra. He stood in front of an old tree, his target for his practice.

His eyes shot open suddenly, as his right fist rose, and his hand struck down onto the tree. A thud reverberated around the field. And suddenly another sound reverberated.

"OWWWW!"

Naruto cringed, hopping about madly, clutching his wrist, tears streaming like waterfalls. His hand pulsated red with pain. When he finally calmed down, he felt very much annoyed.

"Huh… Usually doing something like that wouldn't hurt me so much…" He turned to the tree, saw the dent he had created on its side. "… And usually I'd have had the whole tree in pieces…"

Naruto pondered again, squinting. Suddenly his stomach erupted with after-dinner calls of nature. Naruto smirked stupidly. "I guess it was something to do with my stomach! Nothing to worry about!" he assured himself, as he walked on to head home.

And if Naruto were able to look at his own eyes, he would've seen that the whole time they had remained blue.

* * *

As Naruto approached his home, he saw, with a mixture of surprise and fear, Gaara standing in front of his apartment, apparently waiting for him. He approached Naruto, apparently intent on telling him something, or perhaps beating the crap out of him, but as he drew closer to Naruto, his eyes shifted uncomfortably, all his past thoughts leaving him for a new one.

"…You're different," Gaara began. "Why?"

Naruto gazed back in confusion, scratching his head with the expression of a monkey. "Different?" He looked himself over curiously. "Uh, well, I just ate. So maybe I look a little fatter? Don't worry, after I've taken a dump I'll be fine."

Gaara eyed him, his face twitching at the word 'dump'. Gaara didn't usually hear such colloquial terms. No surprise, seeing as how he spent his days killing people rather than talking to them.

"'Dump'? What is 'dump'?" he asked curiously. "Its proper meaning does not make sense in your sentence."

"Uh, you know, like crap."

"What is this 'crap'?"

"… L-Like 'ca-ca'."

"… Ca… Ca?"

Naruto looked at Gaara with an exasperated expression. "A 'shit', Gaara. A shit."

" 'Ashit'? What is 'ashit'?"

Naruto felt like crying. A sudden jolt in his stomach didn't help.

"Urgh… I've really gotta get home, Gaara. Can we talk later? I think I'm getting the runs."

"'Runs'? What is-"

Naruto was already dashing up his stairs, not wanting to hear Gaara finish his sentence.

* * *

"_ORAAAAA"_

Plop. Plop. Squirt. Pleeeet.

"_ORA-ORA-ORA!"_

Chick. Plonk. Whirr.

"_GRAAAAAH_" 

BUZZAAZAZAZAZZAAZZAZAZAZZAAAA.

_A smelly, brown hour later…_

"Oh, man…" Naruto mumbled as he left his toilet, leaving the window wide open. "I guess I did eat too much…"

He changed into his boxer shorts once again, his trademark hearts imprinted all over it. He slumped onto his bed, glancing tiredly at the time.

"Past Midnight already… Urgh, I'm gonna be late tomorrow I guess… Tomorrow…" Naruto thought aloud. Tomorrow they would be picking parts for the retelling of his past. Tomorrow he'd be dating one of the girls. Tomorrow Sasuke's plan to kill him would begin. Naruto groaned, stuffing a pillow into his face to block out the streams of moonlight that made it through his blinds.

Tomorrow would be a busy day.

* * *

**END CHAPTER 13**

**A/N: **I wonder if anyone worked out who the girl is? I hope not… Haha! Someone gave me the idea for this, and I thought I'd go with it. It'll be interesting that's for sure. I'll give him thanks in the next chapter, in case I accidentally reveal the mystery for people who didn't get it. Anyway, until next week, please leave feedback and any ideas! Thanks!


	17. The Boy Behind the Mask

**Chapter 14 – The Boy Behind the Mask**

**A/N: **Ugh, my Windows files got corrupted and I had to format my computer, which included all of my half-written latest chapters. I had to start this from scratch after writing a good 1500+ words. Oh well.

On a side note, since it would seem that Inari's town doesn't have a name... Ugh, I'll just call it Funkytown for this whole chapter and work it out later.

Again, sorry that updates are coming in like snails, but as I said in my profile (if you checked), I've recently become completely bogged down by important schoolwork, so my free time has lowered greatly. However, I guarantee that this story will reach its end one day. Hopefully I'll be able to get back into my regular pattern of weekly updates, but it doesn't look like it'll be that way anytime soon. Forgive me, and I hope you can enjoy this chapter.

Edit: Ah, I accidentally called Shizune, Shizuka. Oops, sorry! Changed it already. Thanks for people who noticed, and no, it wasn't the new character... Hehe.

* * *

"Hokage-sama, we really can't wait any longer," Sakura urged Tsunade urgently. "If we don't get started on the planning now, we won't have enough time!" 

Tsunade looked impatiently at the door, expecting the energetic blonde to burst in suddenly, apologizing hastily. She sighed in defeat. "You're right, Sakura. Let's begin explaining everything to the boys..."

A loud eruption from the roof was heard, followed by a piece of the roof falling to the ground in front of them, followed by a loud Naruto, yelling in surprise as he crashed onto the floor. Everyone stared at him quietly, still in a strange state of shock.

"Um, nice of you to _drop in,_ Naruto." Sakura finally said after recollecting herself. "It would've been smarter _not _to have broken the roof, however," she said with irritation. Normally, she would have hit him hard, but she was desperate to start explaining the plan to everybody.

Naruto stood up groggily, dusting himself on quickly as he joined the boys, the girls standing by Tsunade to assist her. Everyone had already showed up, and it appeared that they were only waiting on Naruto. Tsunade gathered the boys' attention.

"Okay everybody, pay attention, we've got a lot of things to get through and not enough time to get through it." Everybody responded unenthusiastically at first, but Tsunade managed to perk them up by breaking a nearby table in half with her pinky. "Now then, you all know that we're going to be reenacting the Fourth Hokage's story, and Sakura has already produced a wonderful script, which you will be receiving now."

Sakura and the girls handed out rolled-up scrolls, and the boys unwrapped them, reading curiously.

"Uh, you guys noticed that all the cast lists are blank?" Shikamaru said matter-of-factly.

"We didn't need a guy with 200 IQ to point that out, Shikamaru," Sakura scolded, rolling her eyes. "In case you guys didn't realize we haven't picked out parts yet. That's what we're going to start doing now, beginning with the most important role: the star."

All the boys around Naruto suddenly stood to attention. They all saw this as an excellent chance to score back some brownie points with the girls that were so easily taken away by the illustrious Boxer-sama.

"Well, for someone to play a part like that, they'd have to be able to remember a lot of lines," Shikamaru stated. "And frankly, I have my concerns as to whether or not anyone else here could remember them as well as i could."

"Hmph, to play a role as important as that, you would have to be of the most royal bloodlines. I would play this role well," Neji said icily, staring daggers at Shikamaru.

To everyone's surprise, Sasuke was also after the lead role. "I agree that it should be done by someone of a decent bloodline, but frankly, we all know Neji is not as good with people as i am."

Everyone stared at Sasuke with a dumbfounded expression. "What, you don't think I'm good with people?"

The dumbfounded stare continued.

"I'm good with people."

The stare continued.

"...Screw you all."

"Well, I think you need somebody that has lots of life and energy for such a part!" Lee announced enthusiastically. "Someone with stunning good looks, dashing charms, and a hip personality! But where can we find such a person?" Lee looked around dramatically, before slapping his face with a surprised look. "Wait a minute! I fit that description!"

"No!" everyone yelled suddenly. "Not Lee! Please!"

As Lee ran away vowing to kick trees down five hundred times before returning, Chouji, Kiba, and Shino were about to have a go, but from the looks from the girls, they already knew the answer.

And so everyone's eyes landed on Naruto, who was still spinning slightly after crashing through the ceiling.

"Do you girls think Naruto should have the part?" Tsunade asked them, somewhat worried. She wasn't sure of whether or not Naruto would feel comfortable being a part of a play that told his story.

The girls looked at Naruto inquisitively, including Hinata, although she was much more discreet about it.

"Well, he has the right hair for it..."

"He looks pretty similar to the Fourth Hokage I've heard about, I suppose..."

"Well, not exactly."

Everyone turned to the door, where Jiraiya had just walked in. "True, Naruto looks very much like the Fourth Hokage..."

Naruto looked at everyone curiously, his dizziness finally leaving him.

"Naruto is definitely uglier than the Fourth..."

Naruto suddenly felt like someone had just hit him on the back of the head with a rock.

"Stupider than the Fourth..."

Another rock.

"And Naruto is nowhere near as skilled as the Fourth either."

Naruto was already sprawled on the floor in depression.

"Besides," Jiraiya continued. "I'm sure Naruto has no interest in taking the part."

Naruto puffed in annoyance. "What the hell are you talking about, Ero-sennin? Of course I want this part! Let me do it!"

Jiraiya sighed silently. He was secretly trying to veer Naruto away from taking the part, fearing he would feel uncomfortable doing it. "Well, there is one thing that Naruto and the Fourth have in common..."

Naruto looked up at Jiraiya hopefully.

"They're both _extremely_ annoying!" he bellowed, laughing.

Naruto huffed in annoyance. "Stupid pervert. Fine, don't give me the part if you're all going to be like that."

During this time, the girls were busy discussing something in a huddled group. After a minute, they broke up and looked at the boys.

"Okay, we've decided who will play the Fourth Hokage."

The boys looked up hopefully.

"The Fourth will be played by... Naruto."

Everybody stood with a face of shock and disbelief, but none as disbelieving as Naruto, whose jaw was glued to the floor in surprise. At that moment, Lee came bursting in, sweating like a pig and panting heavily.

"D-Did I miss anything? Everyone? Why are you all looking like that? What happened? Am I the Fourth Hokage?"

* * *

A quick trip was made to Funkytown by Naruto and his fellow performers and stage hands, led by Jiraiya and Shizune. Tsunade reluctantly left Jiraiya in charge of preparing everything at Funkytown, and sent Shizune to fill in for her insecurity. 

"Haven't been here in awhile, don't you think, Sakura-chan?" Naruto commented, grinning at the thought of meeting his old buddy Inari again.

"We're here to do work, idiot, so try not to wander away, you've got to practice for the play." Sakura whipped her hands into a shoulder bag she was carrying and pulled out a copy of the script, handing it to Naruto. "I'm giving you one ahead of time so you can start memorising your lines as soon as possible."

Naruto lit up. "W-Wow, you're giving me such special treatment? You finally care about me! You really, really, care about-"

He was cut off as Sakura punched him in the mouth, almost knocking Naruto out completely. She sighed, rolling her eyes.

"I'm giving it to you first because you're going to have to study for longer than everyone else. Not only do you have the most lines, you also have the shortest memory span. Even a goldfish can remember more than you!"

Naruto weeped silently as the group continued to a hotel that was reserved for them. To everyone's shock, the hotel was a very low-budget one. The roof tiles were uneven and shoddy, and the walls were covered in home-made patches. Everyone looked at it uncertainly.

"Can this thing even handle the wind?" Neji commented gruffly. "It looks like it'll break from the slightest breeze."

"Can't stand living outside of your mansion, eh, pretty boy?" Shikamaru mocked smugly, receiving one of Neji's famous death stares.

"Now, now. We've gotta run on a tight budget with Konoha as it is now," Shizune explained as Jiraiya walked in to sort out their rooms. "It can't be _that _bad..."

A moment later, Jiraiya walked back outside, wearing a stupid grin on his face. His eyes scanned Shizune pervertedly, causing her to flinch and shield herself with her hands, feeling that Jiraiya could see through her clothes.

"Guess what..." he began, his smirk widening. "The rooms that we rented – it was actually just one really big room." Shizune's and the girls' eyes widened.

"That's right, ladies," Jiraiya said, licking his lips. "You're all spending the night with me and the boys. Hehehe..."

* * *

They stood in their room cautiously, the boys standing at one edge and the girls on the other. Except for Jiraiya, who was happily waltzing about like an idiot. 

"J-Jiraiya-sama, please change this!" Shizune pleaded. "Maybe we can swap this room for two smaller ones!"

"'Fraid not," he said with a giggle. "That would cost more. And we wouldn't want to overstep our budget, would we?"

Shizune replied with a pleading look, then sighed and gave up. "F-Fine... But boys stay on that side, and girls on this side!" She then pointed along the ground, dividing the room in half. Jiraiya grinned cheekily.

"Aw... Come now, Shizune-saaaan... I'm sure it'll be more fun if we take away your little line..."

"And _I'm_ sure it'll be less painful if you stay on your side." She raised her fist to emphasise her point. Unfortunately Jiraiya wasn't convinced.

He began treading towards the line cheekily, swaying his hips like a supermodel walking down the lane. His feet came nearer and nearer to the line, and just as it was about to cross...

BANG!

Jiraiya's cheeky face met Shizune's pissed-off fist, sending him flying back to the edge of the room, crashing into the other boys like a bowling ball.

"So, anyone _else_ want to cross the line?" Shizune asked menacingly, looking at the rest of the boys, who were now sprawled all over the floor. They all looked up at her fearfully, and shook her heads vigorously. "...Good."

* * *

Outside the hotel, the moon was shining in through the windows and cracks. 

The day breezed by quickly, and Naruto had spent his time reading over the script. He had originally planned to meet up with Inari as soon as he could, but the moment he started reading the script, he found that he couldn't stop. Old memories that he didn't know he had seemed to spark up. He walked aimlessly down the hotel's stuffy, scrappy corridors, his eyes glued to the script.

"We won't let you destroy this town..." he mumbled as his eyes scanned the lines. In all his concentration, he didn't see that a girl was stepping into the hallway in front of him. He suddenly crashed into her, and the two fell in a heap on the ground, Naruto falling on top of her.

"H-Huh? Sorry, I wasn't paying attention!" Naruto said, as he shook his head lightly. He suddenly noticed two soft, well-shaped lumps lying underneath his hands. He looked down to find them on top of a certain pink-haired girl's chest. He jumped up quickly, apologizing madly while shielding his head – a habit he inherited from Jiraiya.

"Na...Ru...To..." Sakura said menacingly, staring daggers into Naruto.

"R-Really, it wasn't on purpose! I was just too absorbed in the script!" he said pleadingly, his eyes shut tight. After realizing that Sakura hadn't hit him yet, he slowly and carefully moved his hands aside. "...Aren't you going to hit me?"

He looked at Sakura and saw that her face was somewhat surprised. "You were actually _reading_ the script? Amazing..." she said with a mocking tone. Naruto puffed madly.

"What's so amazing about it?" he grumbled, then suddenly remembered something. "Oh yeah, I wanted to talk to you about the script."

"Eh, really? What is it? Something you don't understand?"

"Not exactly, it's more... Uh..." Naruto scratched his head in thought. "Well, are you sure that everything happened this way?" he asked, pointing at his script. Sakura shrugged.

"We can't be sure, but this is what I worked out from what I heard... Why? You've heard otherwise?"

'Well, not heard,' Naruto thought to himself. "Uh, actually, I just think some things were different. Like, the way this part shows the Kyuubi attacking the village first – didn't some ninjas go into its home and attack it first?"

Sakura stared at him in awe. "Naruto... You studied history?"

Naruto laughed out nervously. "Um... Yeah, I guess so... Oh, and uh, this part, where they sealed the Kyuubi, they didn't seal it to a rock, they sealed it to a baby."

"A baby?" Sakura said with a confused look. "But I asked Jiraiya-sama and Tsunade-sama, and they both told that the Kyuubi was sealed into a rock."

Naruto didn't understand it, but Jiraiya and Tsunade were trying to hide the truth in order to protect Naruto's feelings. However, Naruto didn't want it to be fake, in fact, he felt that it insulted the Fourth and himself.

"I uh... Studied all about this, so how about I tell you what I know?" Naruto offered, shocking Sakura even more.

'Not just studying, but he wants to actively contribute?' she thought to herself in confusion.

"...Are you really Naruto?" she asked with a glare, looking closely at Naruto.

"Of course it's me! What kind of question is that?" he said with feigned dejection. "So you don't want to hear me out?"

"Ah! I do, I do! Come on, let's find somewhere to talk."

The two walked outside of the hotel into a nearby park. They claimed the empty swings and Naruto began his retelling of the night as he remembered it. Not that Naruto could actively remember, technically he wasn't there for all of it. But somehow, Naruto was positive:

What he remembered was definitely what happened.

**END CHAPTER 14**

**A/N**: Well, I have no idea when the next chapter will come out... That sucks. I'll try to get through my work ASAP. Anyway, this chapter had no scenes of Boxer-sama sniff. I miss the underwear-clad superhero. But don't worry, the next chapter or so should have him, especially when he gets around to selling himself for a date! Who will he end up with? Who knows?

Oh, and if anyone's curious, the main reason I stopped writing this so often was to finish writing a short story assignment for my English class (Extension 2 English, for people who use the HSC system in Australia). I might post it up on later if I need some opinions... Anyway, here's to hoping I manage to do another chapter soon!

Remember: THIS STORY WILL NEVER BE COMPLETELY DEAD! LONG LIVE BOXERS!


	18. Late Night BoxTrot

**Chapter 15 – Late Night Box-trot**

**A/N: **Aw man, you guys are really good at making me feel guilty about having other work besides this... Hehe, but that's cool, as long as I know you guys are still reading this stuff!

Ah, and I miss Boxer-sama, and I just really need to write about him beating the crap out of bad-ass ninjas. And so, expect it in this chapter! ACTION-PACKED UNDERWEAR SCENES RULE

* * *

The hours flew by as Naruto enthusiastically retold the events of his birth, his eyes aflame with passion. Sakura was taken aback at how mature Naruto became while he was talking. He swung on his swing playfully at some points, and sometimes he would stop suddenly and smile sadly. 

"...And so, that little baby boy..." Naruto continued, his eyes filled with a wise glint as he stopped swinging once again. "Was charged with holding onto the evil spirit of the Kyuubi. The Fourth Hokage told everyone, with his dying breath, to respect the kid as a hero: that he should be praised for his sacrifice... But uh... I guess they didn't really..." Naruto said, ending with a weak chuckle.

"How do you know they didn't?" Sakura asked. "You sound like you know personally..."

Naruto gaped, but quickly laughed out loud like an idiot. "Hohoho! I'm just... Making the story a little more interesting! Hohoho!"

Sakura stared at him nervously for a moment, then broke out in laughter. Naruto squinted at her curiously, before deciding to break out in nervous laughter himself, hoping that he had just made a joke.

Sakura held out her hand to him, beckoning. "Give me your script." Naruto obliged with a curious face.

"Why?"

"Why?" Sakura repeated, puffing her cheeks. "Because I've got to make some changes, and well... I thought I'd make them in yours first... Since you have to study the most lines! That's all!" she quickly added when she saw Naruto's face burn red, causing her to blush with him. She quickly changed the topic.

"Well... We should probably be getting back." Sakura smiled wistfully. Naruto had gone off into his own world as he told the story, his eyes filling with unseen wisdom and maturity. She had to fight the feeling that her cheeks had lit up as she watched him talk.

Naruto looked up into the sky curiously. "Yeah, I guess so. It must be way past midnight. I can't believe we were out here so long!" he said with a cheeky grin. "Jiraiya would be _so _pissed if he found out!"

The two laughed as they walked out of the park and back towards the shoddy hotel. Naruto reached up and grabbed the front doors handle and gave it a light turn, only to meet unexpected resistance.

"Huh?"

Naruto tugged again and again, but the door didn't budge. "Uh... I think the door's locked."

Sakura stepped next to him and tried the knob herself. Suddenly she gasped in realization. "Oh! Shizune-sensei mentioned that the hotel locked up after midnight."

"What?" Naruto exclaimed with surprise. "Well... We'll just break in then."

Naruto wound up his fist to pound down the door, but froze as a sudden wind passed by, blowing the hotel over to a fifty-degree angle. As the wind calmed down, the hotel building lurched back and forth like a metronome, settling back into the middle bit by bit. Naruto looked up at it with a scared face, looked down at his hand, then lowered it slowly, stepping away from the building.

"Uhh... Maybe we should come back in the morning..."

"I agree..."

* * *

Naruto and Sakura wandered the streets of the town, wondering where they could stay the night. The hotels had all locked up, much like their own, and the streets were deserted. A strong wind blew by, causing Sakura to grimace from the cold. Naruto noticed her in the corner of his eye. 

"Argh!" Naruto exclaimed suddenly, causing Sakura to jump back in surprise. "It's just too hot with this jacket on!" he complained, unzipping it and taking it off. Underneath, Naruto was wearing a simple white singlet, exposing his neck, arms, and shoulders to the cold as he fought his urge to shiver. He looked at Sakura with a slightly red face and embarassed scowl. "Here, wear it for me!"

Sakura awkwardly caught Naruto's orange jacket as he tossed it to her, looking at him in confusion. "Aren't you cold? It's freezing."

Naruto shoved his hands into his pockets and turned away from her. "I don't know, I just feel hot, okay? Just put it on, jeez..."

Sakura stared at the shy blonde with a blank look, before quietly smiling, her cheeks brightening, and she felt as though it wasn't really all that cold.

"Thanks..."

"I haven't done anything, silly..."

Naruto continued to look away from her as they walked, his face feeling hot. In their distraction, they hadn't noticed that they had walked past a set of graves, one with a large sword etched into the ground next to it. Sakura recognized it and tugged at Naruto's arm.

"Hey, look! Remember these?" she said, pulling Naruto with her as she walked up to them. Without noticing, they had wandered along the outskirts of the town, and by chance had passed by the graves they had build for Zabuza and Haku, two ninjas they fought what felt like a long time ago. Nearby, the sound of the streaming water of a shallow river echoed lightly throughout the area. (Okay, maybe there wasn't a river, but I think it would be better if they were buried near a river, okay?)

Naruto stared at them in bittersweet reminisence. "Too bad we had to fight them... They were good people... At heart, anyway." he said with a sad grin. "... Wow, it's really been a long time since we fought them. It sure doesn't feel that long... And nothing's really changed, don'tcha think, Sakura-chan?"

Sakura stood behind him, looking at him in thought. Her eyes went along his exposed body, his arms and neck littered with little cuts and bruises, as well as a large scar that seemed to peek out from behind Naruto's singlet, a scar which felt very familiar. "Well, I can think of one thing that's changed a lot..."

Naruto stared at her curiously. "Really? Who? You mean Sasuke? He doesn't seem all that different..."

Sakura giggled at Naruto's thickness. "Not Sasuke-kun, idiot!" she said with a smile. "_You._"

Naruto stared at her in surprise, her cheeks lighting up. "M-Me?"

Before their conversation could continue, they suddenly heard a noise nearby. Jumping to attention, the two quickly darted into nearby bushes, going in separate directions. Naruto lay prone in a patch of shrubs, while Sakura leapt up into one of the trees, hiding within the leaves.

A lone figure stepped into the clearing, fairly large, with a large, long object straddled on his shoulder. Naruto only realized who it was when he began to speak.

"It's been a long time, Traitor of Kirigakure."

"Kisame..." Naruto whispered in shock. "What's he doing here?"

Kisame stepped up to the grave, a shiny object in his hand. Kisame smirked menacingly, staring into the object in his hands.

"Well, if this does what Itachi said it would do... You won't be a traitor anymore... Well, not to the Akatsuki, anyway!"

Naruto tensed up at Kisame's comment. He didn't know exactly what Kisame meant, but felt it was somehow dangerous. Thinking fast, he began stripping his pants off, revealing his heart-patterned boxers underneath. He reached into one of his pants pockets and pulled out an old cloth. It wasn't exactly the mask he always wore, but it was all he had on him. Clad in his boxers, cloth, and singlet, he once again became Boxer-sama. He closed his eyes, opening them to once again reveal deep-red pupils.

"HEY!"

Kisame's hands were raised towards the sword, opting to put the strange object onto it. He stopped suddenly and turned to face Boxer-sama, who had jumped out of the nearby bushes. Sakura almost gasped in delight.

"I don't know what you're up to, Kisame," Boxer-sama said in his fake, deeper voice. "But I'm not going to let you do what you want!"

Kisame turned to him with an intimidated face. "B-Boxer-sama? Why are you here?"

"Why are _you _here? Stay away from Zabuza's grave! You don't deserve to get near great men like him!"

"Heh, a great man, huh?" Kisame said with a smirk. "That guy decided to run away from our village. Zabuza wasn't a great man... But he soon will be."

"W-What do you mean?" Boxer-sama asked cautiously. Kisame didn't reply, instead drawing his sword. With speed and strength that Naruto was not prepared for, Kisame dashed up to attacking distance and whacked Boxer-sama as though he was swinging a baseball bat. He yelled in pain as the razor-sharp teeth of Kisame's sword, Samehada, ripped through his singlet and abdomen, his stomach covered in blood, and went sailing through the sky, his back slamming into a tree. Suddenly, intense pain sparked from his back, along a scar that he didn't know existed.

"I guess even the mighty Boxer-sama isn't invincible." Kisame smirked and turned back to Zabuza's sword, Zanbato. "And after this, _we _are going to tear you to shreds."

Sakura leapt out of the trees, crouching beside the fallen Boxer-sama. His body was streaked with blood, and his breathing was quick. She judged that the last attack must have broken some of Boxer-sama's ribs. "Boxer-sama! Are you okay?"

Mustering his breath, Boxer-sama spoke to her. "Sakura... Go... Go get... Jiraiya... Now..."

"But you're hurt!"

"It's important! Go now!" he forced out, before flinching from his broken bones pushing on his lungs. "I'll live, this isn't too bad. But I need Jiraiya here. Go!"

Sakura reluctantly gave in, giving Boxer-sama a quick dose of her ki, which she learnt to store much like Tsunade. It was enough to mend his bones, but his body was still extremely weak, and the scar on his back seemed to pulsate with pain. She leapt away hurriedly, as Boxer-sama helped himself up with the tree behind him, and returned his gaze to Kisame, and gasped.

Right before his eyes, next to Kisame, was a face he remembered from long ago. In his hand, he held the large Zanbato, which had a strange shiny object imbedded into its hilt. He stood by Kisame, facing Boxer-sama.

"Zabuza... B-But how?" Boxer-sama stared at the figure curiously. He was certain that it was Zabuza. "That's impossible! Zabuza died!"

Kisame grinned back at Boxer-sama menacingly. "Itachi has set his sights on ridding the world of you, Boxer-sama. He knows you're powerful, so he thought we'd need all the help we could get." Kisame and Zabuza stepped towards Boxer-sama, raising their swords. "Only few ninja in the world can defeat one of the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist. _None_ can defeat two."

Boxer-sama coughed and sputtered, holding his mouth with his hand. He looked at his hand, and saw a streak of blood on it.

"Shit... This isn't good..."

"Zabuza! Attack!"

The two Swordsmen lifted their swords above their head, and charged.

* * *

"Jiraiya! Jiraiya!" Sakura screamed at the front door of the hotel. Finally giving up discretion, she gave a strong punch into the door, flinging it open and snapping the lock. Running up the stairs, she crashed through the door into their room, waking everyone up. "Jiraiya! Wake up!" 

"H-Huh? What?" Jiraiya murmured, still half-asleep. Shizune sat up in her futon, glancing at them sleepily. "What's going on?"

"Come with me! Now!" Sakura yelled at him urgently. "Kisame appeared out of nowhere, and now he's attacking Boxer-sama!"

The mentions of Boxer-sama and Kisame immediately brought Jiraiya to full alert. The girls and boys also shot up in surprise.

"Boxer-sama's in trouble?" the girls exclaimed.

"Kisame's here?" the boys yelled.

"This isn't the time for needless yelling!" Sakura groaned. "Boxer-sama needs help, now, Jiraiya-sama! He told me to get you!"

Jiraiya stood up, his face dead serious. "Sakura, you stay here. Shizune, take care of the kids and don't let any of them leave. I'm going after Boxer-sama. Sakura, where are they?"

"T-The grave of Zabuza. It's by the river a few minutes that way," she said, pointing.

Jiraiya leapt out the window hastily, worried sick about Naruto.

"Dammit, Naruto, you better be alive when I get there."

* * *

"Ugh!" Boxer-sama yelped, as he was once again crushed into a tree. His body had recieved many more cuts and slits from the two huge swords of Kisame and Zabuza. 

'Shit, it looks like Zabuza is completely under Kisame's control... How can this be happening?'

Boxer-sama threw himself to the side, avoiding a vertical chop from Zabuza's sword. But he didn't have time to dodge Kisame's attack, which came directly after Zabuza's.

"_Suiton: Suikoudan no Jutsu!_"

At point-blank range, Boxer-sama felt a mighty blow to his chest, sending him skidding along the floor from the sudden shot of water that came out of Kisame. Hopping like a skipping stone in water, Boxer-sama came to a halt halfway into the nearby stream, crouching in pain.

Kisame and Zabuza approached him menacingly. "Like I said," Kisame said, raising his blade above his head, Zabuza doing the same. "_Nobody_ can defeat two Swordsmen of the Mist. Not even the great Boxer-sama."

Boxer-sama could barely open his eyes anymore. His body was battered completely, more of his ribs broken, and blood loss dulling his reflexes. The only part of his body he could still feel was his right hand, water swishing in between his fingers. The feeling reminded him of a certain feeling. "Oh yeah..."

He knew it was a long shot, but he knew that if this didn't work, he was doomed. Before Kisame and Zabuza could come any closer, Boxer-sama yelled at the top of his lungs, ignoring the pain it caused as his bones pinched at them.

"_Tajuu Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!_"

With an incredible amount of willpower, Boxer-sama managed to summon a staggering one thousand clones, standing all about the forest. Kisame and Zabuza looked about in surprise as they were quickly surrounded.

"I'm impressed that you can even use any _Jutsus_ in your condition," Kisame said. "But at your state..." He stepped out and swept his sword out horizontally. The clones were apparently all in the same condition as the original, and were unable to avoid Kisame's attack. In one swing, Kisame had taken out six of them. "... This will be too easy."

Kisame and Zabuza set about destroying the clones, and they faded at an incredible rate. 'Damn... Do I have enough time?" Boxer-sama mumbled. The water about his right hand was torrenting madly, but was unnoticed with the splashes and crashes made by Kisame, Zabuza, and the clones, as they danced about the water in combat.

Within the minute, nearly all the clones had disappeared, with less than twenty left. Kisame and Zabuza had been too quick, and their swords made easy work of them. "Just give it up, Boxer-sama. You can't win."

Suddenly, the clones began disappearing one by one, the only one left lying in the stream, half dead. Kisame and Zabuza stepped in front of him, filled with contentment and a sense of victory.

"It's over, Boxer-sama. The only news people will be hearing about you, is the sudden appearance of your bits and pieces all over the world."

"Oh yeah?"

The Boxer-sama in front of them suddenly poofed out of existence, the voice calling from behind them, as they turned around, they saw the real Boxer-sama, standing a few feet away from them, his hand creating a vacuum. In their confidence, they hadn't noticed the intense amount of ki that Naruto had created in his palm, and the pull it made they mistook for strong wind.

"W-What the hell is that?" Kisame exclaimed. Kisame and Zabuza began to back away, but Boxer-sama didn't seem to care.

"_Odama Rasengan Vacuum!_" (Don't know the Japanese for vacuum, and how to write it in this sense, so... meh)

Boxer-sama slammed his hand in their direction, and the strength of his vacuum grew immensely. Screaming out, Boxer-sama began to focus the pull forward, creating a kind of tube of wind, and aimed it at Kisame and Zabuza. Unlike his usual _Rasengan_, Boxer-sama had somehow managed to make it pull in rather than push out. A trick he learnt during Jiraiya's 'special training'.

"I-It's so strong!" Kisame said in shock, soon losing his grip and getting sucked towards Boxer-sama, followed shortly by Zabuza. They flew quickly towards Boxer-sama, and as they neared him, the pull tightened. The extreme current sucked them right onto Boxer-sama's ball of ki, making them feel as though they were being scrunched up.

Suddenly, Boxer-sama began to yell louder. He lifted his hand up into the air, bringing Zabuza and Kisame up with it, and stepped into the river. The power of his _Rasengan_ disturbed the water's natural flow, as it began to circle around Boxer-sama like a whirlpool.

"_RASENGAN!_"

Boxer-sama's pull changed, as it began to spin faster and faster. Suddenly, it launched a blast of air into the sky, pushing away Kisame and Zabuza at mach speeds. He looked up as he saw the two of them flying away, Zabuza losing grip of his sword and watching it blow up into the air and land into the river, plunging into the ground. As for Kisame and the fake Zabuza, they disappeared into the sky, twinkling into the distance.

Boxer-sama dropped to one knee, his _Rasengan _winds slowly disappearing, leaving only the river's flow to disturb the silence once again. He glanced to his side and saw the Zanbato, splitting the river around it. Getting back on his feet, he walked over to it, and noticed the shiny object that Kisame was holding embedded into the sword's hilt.

"Huh, this must be some kind of enchanted stone or something..." he thought to himself, as he forced it out of the sword. Examining it, it looked much like a black gemstone. With a grunt, Boxer-sama slammed it to the ground, bursting it to pieces, and watching the remains float down the river.

He grabbed at Zanbato's handle with his right hand, and pulled it out of the ground. Dragging it out of the river, he trudged over to the grave, and once again imbedded it as he did before long ago.

"I'll bury you next to Haku again, Zabuza," Naruto said as he took off the cloth covering his face. Blood was trickling steadily out of his mouth, and his pupils had returned to blue, and were dilating. "... I won't let them do that to you again... Sorry, looks like I'm still too weak..."

He began to walk towards the stream, thinking of cleaning himself off. As he stepped into it, he noticed a streak of red flowing down the water. He noticed it was coming out of him.

Turning around again, he saw that there was a path of blood-filled dirt from the grave to the water. His body was bleeding like mad, with the combination of numerous small cuts from Kisame's blade, and a few large ones from Zabuza. Naruto fell to his knees, as though suddenly realizing that he felt weak. It didn't help that Naruto had not only exhausted all of his energy, but it seemed as though he had exhausted energy that didn't even exist in him. Suddenly, a stupid thought hit him that made him smile stupidly.

'If I thought of staying at Inari's place tonight... This wouldn't have happened... Haha...'

The last thing Naruto could remember was seeing a blurred world of red water in one eye, and a burly, white-haired man standing over him in the other.

What Naruto didn't see was the young, red-haired girl in an orange dress, sitting up on a tree with a grin.

"Interesting."

**END CHAPTER 15

* * *

**

**A/N: **My God, that was bloody. Perhaps I overdid it? Oh well. Wonder how Naruto will explain this? I mean, if you saw a guy you knew covered with cuts, bruises, and broken bones, and he said nothing happened, would you believe it? Hell no! Perhaps this will affect the play? Anyway, I finally brought Boxer-sama back, which was cool. Boxers kick ass. I need, like, a brief-wearing rival or something...

Here's a curious thing: if Naruto could still change his eye-colour, and he can't heal as well as he used to, what's going on? And what's with this girl who thinks everything's 'interesting'? (she said it in both of her appearances). Find out soon, if I can keep finding time like I am now. Hopefully I'll update soon! I feel like adding some good-ol' "nurse me!" scenes for Naruto while he's hospitalized, the lucky son-of-a-gun...


	19. Nurse My Boxers!

**Chapter 16 – Nurse My Boxers!**

**A/N: **Thanks for the reviews everyone! Thanks to Ryushi-the-DutchEroSennin for pointing out my error as well! Since a lot of people seemed to be taken by the idea of a little bit of nursing action, it's gonna happen! Man, this chapter's title is really questionable!

* * *

"You failed?" Itachi asked Kisame, his voice unable to show his intense anger. Kisame bowed down in embarassment.

"I seem to have..." Kisame cursed himself for what he was about to say. "... Misjudged Boxer-sama's power. He is almost invincible! Even when I thought I had him, he just got back up again... He is a monster."

Itachi pondered to himself. "Whoever is behind that mask... Must be the mightiest ninja ever born... So mighty, he even beat up a dead man. This calls for _dire _action..." He turned to Kisame, filled with unexpressed anger. "Kisame, I'm going to need wire, ten kunais, seven swords, shark-feed, and a sack full of shurikens."

"What are you going to do with that?"

"Pay your house a visit."

"Stop trying to kill my family."

Itachi's eyes innocently diverted away. "I only intend to say hello..."

"You're going to say hello to my family with wire, five kunais, seven swords, shark-feed, and a sack full of shurikens? Oh, that's okay th-WAITAMINUTE!"

* * *

Naruto's head buzzed like an alarm clock as he slowly regained consciousness. He could barely feel his body, and found it awkward just opening his eyes. Slowly but surely, he managed to open them wide enough to see nothing but white.

"...OH GOD, I'M BLIND!" he yelled in surprise, urging his body to move only to find it nearly impossible to make his muscles listen. The sudden spasm he made from unsuccessful movement did, however, cause Naruto's head to slip off his pillow and hang off his bed, as his face clumsily slammed into the nearby bedside table. He grimaced as he saw the brown desk stationed next to his bed.

"Ow... I guess I'm _not_ blind... Hehe," he chuckled stupidly, using momentum to throw his head back onto the bed. After finally managing to straighten himself out, he tried to recall what had happened. His eyes squinted in thought as he stared upwards at what he now knew was the ceiling.

"Hm... I remember fighting somebody... And then... Damn, I can't remember... Man I feel weak."

"That's not too surprising, considering how much blood you lost." Jiraiya's familiar voice appeared, along with footsteps entering his room. "How do you feel, kid?"

"Hey, Ero-Sennin! What's been happening?" Naruto said with a grin. He tried to look towards Jiraiya, but his muscles still refused to respond, leaving him to grin at the ceiling. He heard Jiraiya pull up a chair and take a seat in front of his bed.

"Well, _you've _definitely been happening a lot. You look like you were hit by a stampede of bulls. The doctor was patching you up for hours!"

"So I'm at the hospital again, huh? This is becoming pretty regular for me..." Naruto chuckled for a moment, but suddenly stopped and groaned, his chest aching from pressure.

"Calm down, you're wrapped up pretty tight. You broke a few ribs, and with all the treatment and bandaging done to your wounds, you look like a mummy." Jiraiya sighed and became more serious. "I picked you up last night, in the middle of a stream, bleeding like crazy. Sakura told me you were fighting Kisame."

Naruto's eyebrows rose in realization. "That was it... I was fighting Kisame. But there was someone else there, too. It was... Oh, Zabuza."

Naruto heard Jiraiya's chair jerk awkwardly. "Zabuza of the Seven Swordsmen? I heard rumors saying that he died recently."

"He did," Naruto told him, filling Jiraiya in on what had happened before. "Kisame did something to Zabuza's sword, he put this stone-thingy into it, and all of a sudden, Zabuza was just... _there_... But I don't think it was the_ real _Zabuza, or something..."

"Trust guys like the Akatsuki to have items like that..." Jiraiya said with a sigh.

"You know..." Naruto began, sounding slightly more serious. "Zabuza was a totally crazy, stupid, nonsensical maniac with a sword as big as his ego." He smiled, fighting the urge to laugh. "... He must've hated being made to fight like he did that night... Heh, I bet Haku would've beat me up for letting Kisame drag his precious Zabuza away from him like that!"

Jiraiya looked at him curiously. "What are you getting at, Naruto?"

Naruto closed his eyes gently, frowning quietly. "... It always feels like being Boxer-sama is causing everyone around me a lot of needless trouble. Tsunade has to do all that extra paperwork, the boys have become obsessed with beating a guy they don't even know, forcing Zabuza out of his rest..." Naruto paused for a second. "At first, I thought to myself 'it isn't my fault, it's because of what other people think of me'. But when I think again, it sounds to me like I'm just being selfish. Sure, with cases like Zabuza's, I wasn't the one that actually brought him back, or I wasn't the one that told Tsunade to do more paperwork, or tell the girls to idolize Boxer-sama... But at the _base, _ I'm like, the actual problem, aren't i?"

Jiraiya sighed loudly. "... Even if you were right, what are you going to do about it? Are you going to give up?" Jiraiya challenged him. He expected Naruto to say that he wanted to give up again, and that he didn't want to hurt anyone. He was wrong.

"Hell, no!" Naruto said with a grin. "If I've gone this far, there's no reason for me to half-ass this... Besides, I'm sure everyone would kick my ass even harder if I quit being Boxer-sama before they found out who I am. Besides," Naruto looked down, trying to look at Jiraiya as he grinned confidently. "Nothing is more important to me than becoming the best!"

"Man, you _are_ an idiot."

"What? Shut up, you senile, old fart."

He smiled proudly, feeling Naruto was becoming a stronger man. A knock at the door interrupted his moment, however. Naruto heard the door open, and a handful of footsteps moving into the room. Rolling his eyes about, he saw the girls had gathered around his bed, supervised by Shizune.

"Naruto, are you okay?" they chorused, curiously poking him.

"Ack! Ow! Quit it!" Naruto grumbled, shuffling about uncomfortably.

"What happened, Naruto?" Ino asked worriedly. "Jiraiya's message about you being in hospital only reached us awhile ago."

"As well as that, do you know if Boxer-sama is okay, Naruto?" Shizune asked with surprising urgency, before she backed off suddenly, her face turning red. "I-I mean, he hasn't been checked into the hospital, and if he's hurt, he'll need medical assistance..."

Naruto's eyes dimmed for a second before he replied with a smile. "Don't worry, Boxer-sama is fine! He handled everything!"

Shizune and the girls relaxed noticably, Naruto feeling somewhat annoyed that they still seemed more worried about Boxer-sama. Sakura walked over to Naruto's side so that he could see her.

"Naruto, what happened to you?" she asked worriedly. "When Boxer-sama told me to leave, you were nowhere in sight."

Naruto opened his mouth nervously, trying to think of an excuse. "Ah, well... What happened was... Uhh..."

'_Think, Naruto, think!'_

"Umm... I was... hit by one of Kisame's attacks! And uh... I got knocked unconscious! Yeah!" Naruto laughed stupidly. He didn't want to mention the appearance of Zabuza to her, fairly certain that she hadn't noticed him before she left.

"You got banged up this bad from only one hit? I see you're as weak as ever."

Naruto grumbled as he recognized Sasuke's voice, along with a handful of feet walking into the room.

"Shut up, Sasuke! I'd like to see _you _take him on!"

"It's too bad I couldn't, I would've mopped the floor with him."

Before Naruto could reply, he groaned through gritted teeth, pain pulsing in his head. "... My head hurts."

"Excuse me," a doctor had appeared at the doorway, his hands busy with a stack of paperwork. "The patient is not in good health. He needs time to relax."

Everyone apologized and began to file out of the room. Ino turned back for a moment, noticing Naruto's pain-stricken face, his eyes twitching every now and then.

"Hey, doctor," Ino began. "Can't you do anything for his pain?"

The doctor sighed sadly. "Unfortunately, this hospital is highly understaffed. We don't get a lot of money since people don't often become sick enough to come here. We don't have much medicine, nor any nurses at hand to take care of him."

"D-Don't worry about it!" Naruto spoke up, trying not to show the pain in his face. "Give me a few days and I'll be good as new, and ready to get in that play!"

"I highly doubt that you'll be healthy in a few days," the doctor explained. "Why, for you to recover so fast, you'd need someone with _incredible_ healing techniques, like Tsunade. Not to mention a handful of nurses to ease your pains... And where are you going to get something like that?"

"I can do it!" Ino said, volunteering herself suddenly. The girls looked at her in surprise. "... What? You wanna leave Naruto all alone like that? I don't really know any healing techniques, but I can be a nurse!"

Naruto's jaw popped open in shock. "Y-You wanna take care of me? Is that a joke?"

"I'll help too!" Tenten offered, raising her hand. "It sounds like fun!"

"I suppose I should help too," Sakura said, her face blushing lightly. "I mean, it'd be wrong for me to leave a sick person alone."

"M-Me too," Hinata mumbled, glancing at Naruto shyly.

"Hey, is this the room?" a voice said from the outside, as three more people entered.

"G-Gaara? Kankurou? And Temari?" Naruto exclaimed in surprise. "Why are you three here?"

"Well, Gaara and I were worried about you," Kankurou said, before he quickly decided to change his statement from the death-filled glare that Gaara gave him. "Uh, I mean, _I_ was worried about you, after we heard what happened. As for Temari, well..."

"Where is he?" Temari squealed in anticipation. "Boxer-sama's here, right? Where is he? SHOW ME TO MY LOVE!"

Everyone stared at her dumbfoundedly for a moment, the silence being broken by a sudden cough from Naruto. The girls hurriedly crowded around him, other than Temari, who was skipping about the hallway and peeking her head into the rooms while screaming Boxer-sama's name. She wouldn't find him, but that wouldn't stop her from disturbing a hell of a lot of patients.

The doctor stared at the girls with a shocked face, then stared at Naruto, who was giving him the same look.

"Uh... Okay then, that's fine... Nurse uniforms are kept in that cupboard over there, so get changed." The doctor bowed, then left them alone, mumbling to himself. "Damn blonde kid... Lucky with the girls... I'm so jealous..."

"Well then!" Jiraiya said with a grin. "I guess Shizune, the boys and I will leave you little ladies to take care of Naruto!" He glanced over at Naruto and winked coyly. "You girls take _good_ care of him... Hehehe..."

"Yeah, get well, soon, Naruto," Kankurou said with a thumbs-up. "Gaara and I better go find Temari before she gives someone a heart attack... Literally."

Jiraiya and Shizune ushered the boys out, leaving Naruto alone with the girls. They checked the cupboard the doctor had shown them, and began to get changed. Hinata panicked in embarassment.

"W-Why are we changing here? Won't Naruto see?"

"Don't worry, he can't move, remember?" Ino reassured her.

"Y-You're getting changed? Right here?" Naruto suddenly felt really hot, and an insatiable urge to look down at them. He shuddered wondering how much like Jiraiya he had become.

When they finally got changed, they shuffled around Naruto, wearing nurse uniforms complete with the hat decorated with a red cross.

"_Mou_, the skirts are too short, if you ask me..." Ino complained, playing with her skirt. Naruto's head instantly created the image of Ino's panties visible underneath a short skirt as she bent down to pick something up.

"And it's really tight around the bust..." Sakura said uncomfortably. Naruto suddenly saw Sakura standing next to the bent-over Ino, undoing her buttons to give her chest room to breathe.

"I think they're really cute! Whee!" Tenten exclaimed, whirling about happily. Tenten suddenly popped up along with bent-over Ino and tight-chested Sakura, eagerly modelling her cute uniform.

"M-Mine's a bit big... It keeps slipping off my shoulders... and my skirt's loose too..." Hinata said shyly. Now standing with bent-over Ino, tight-chested Sakura, and cosplay-model Tenten was the timid Hinata, her uniform hanging off one of her shoulders, as she caressed her bare skin shyly.

"D-Don't look, Naruto-kun..."

"Isn't this cute, Naruto?"

"My chest is too big for this, isn't it, Naruto?"

"Can you see my panties, Naruto?"

"Ehehe... God."

After the girls finished admiring their uniforms, they suddenly realized something. They didn't know what nurses actually did.

"Exactly what do nurses do?"

The girls looked at each other for a moment, then back at Naruto. "Well, um... Shouldn't you know, Sakura?" Ino enquired with a mock tone. "I mean, you _are_ trained as a medic, aren't you?"

"Of course I am!" she puffed back. "But I mainly had to learn things like treating wounds and the like out in the field. I'm not sure what else we're supposed to do..."

"Well..." Tenten began, scratching her chin thoughtfully. "I saw a show on television about nurses." (Did they have TV? Well, they do now.)

"So what did they do, then?" Sakura asked.

"Hmm... Well, for one thing, they checked the patient's temperature with their foreheads. I guess we could start there."

The girls blushed lightly, nodding. Their eyes drifted to Naruto's face, and landed on his forehead.

The girls shuffled over towards Naruto's face, causing him to futily struggle to move, his muscles ignoring him. "W-Woah... Y-You're all kinda... C-Close... Don't you think?" he stuttered shyly. The girls were staring at him with slightly flushed faces.

"S-So, we can't just all up and do it at the same time, right?" Ino announced slyly. "I think I should go first."

Before the girls can argue, Ino aggressively placed her face in front of Naruto's, his lip twitching in surprise. He'd never seen Ino as close as this before, and he was noticing her well-kept features more than he felt comfortable with. Ino smirked slyly as she slowly pressed her warm forehead onto Naruto's. The other girls stood around her, biting their lips or playing with their hands jealously.

"Mm... You feel a little bit cold..." Ino lied with an enticing grin. "Perhaps you need some _warming up_."

"W-W-What kind of warming up?" Naruto muttered, his hormones raging.

Ino's hands were edging towards the sheets until she was suddenly lifted into the air and carried out by the rest of the girls. To Naruto's surprise, even Hinata was pulling her up, her eyes burning scarily.

"That's too much, Ino!" Sakura exclaimed as they tossed her out. This time, Tenten moved towards the bed, causing Sakura and Hinata to be slighlty disappointed that they missed their chance.

"Well, Ino checked your temperature..." Tenten thought out aloud. "I suppose I can check your heart, then! Take off your top, Naruto!"

"M-My top? No way!" Naruto called in embarassment. Tenten smirked evilly at him.

"Eh? But you can't move much... So I guess you can't feel too bad if I take your shirt off for you..."

Tenten climbed over the top of Naruto, her legs wrapping around his hips, latched her hands onto the sides of Naruto's top, and began pulling it off him. Ignoring Naruto's pleas, she worked the shirt off him and tossed it aside. She stared at his built, rugged body shyly, noticing the creases of the bandages that emphasised his build with pink cheeks.

"W-Well, let me check your heart now..."

She bent her head down, placing her head on top his chest. Naruto gasped at the softness of her cheek on his chest, as well as the two soft lumps pressing closely to his...

"S-Something just tapped me on the stomach..." Tenten said in surprise, lifting her head and staring at Naruto's face with a blush.

Suddenly, she found herself in the air, being airlifted by Ino, Sakura, and Hinata.

"T-That's too much!" Hinata exclaimed, her entire face filled with blood as her eyes constantly shot back and forth between Naruto's lower regions and the various objects about the room. They hurriedly tossed her out, leaving Naruto half-naked with dirty thoughts.

'God, this is going to kill me...'

* * *

Temari groaned as she scampered about the park with searching eyes. Kankurou and Gaara sat on a bench, sighing in irritation.

"You're not going to find anything, Temari," Kankurou groaned. "It's not like Boxer-sama would just leave his stuff lying around here _just because_ he was fighting here, you know."

"Oh really?" Temari's voice called from the thick shrubbery, the bushes rustling about as she moved through them. "Then what do you call... this?"

Her hand shot out of the bushes, waving about a piece of clothing. "Check it out! This must belong to Boxer-sama!"

Kankurou and Gaara weren't responding to her.

"Hey, come on, boys! I can't see what it is from in here! Tell me what it is!"

They still didn't answer her.

"That's it, you two scumbags, when I get you, I'm gonna beat the..."

As Temari marched towards her brothers with a raised fist, she noticed them staring at the clothing in her hand with open jaws. Even Gaara had a look of surprise, which actually scared Temari. Nervously, she let her eyes approach the clothing.

"These are... Orange pants..."

* * *

"Okay, so this is definately one thing we can all do!" the girls said.

"Y-You don't have to do this! Really!" Naruto pleaded, but to no avail.

"Don't worry, Naruto! You haven't been washed the whole time you were asleep, so you're going to become filthy if we don't give you a sponge bath!" Ino announced, the girls all holding buckets of water and a bright yellow sponge. "Hinata, take off his pants, would you?"

"H-H-His pants!" Hinata suddenly returned to her usual nervous self, completely different from the Hinata that had thrown Tenten and Ino about earlier. "B-B-B-B-B-But..."

"Don't worry, we'll keep his underwear on!" Tenten exclaimed. "Just do it!"

Hinata's hands slowly and shakily pulled down the rest of Naruto's blanket. Her hands latched onto the side of his pants. She gulped, breathing heavily. Slowly, she pulled them down, trying not to look at Naruto too much.

"H-Hey, Hinata!" the girls squealed with red faces. "Stop making it seem like you're going to do something else!"

"S-Something else?" Naruto asked with fear. "L-Like what?"

"Y-You know, idiot!" Sakura screamed at him with embarassment. "She's acting like she's going to... Well..."

"She's keeping her face so close to your... While she pulls down your pants and..."

The girls stopped talking, steam coming out of their ears as their faces burned up. "J-Just hurry up and get those pants off, Hinata!"

When Hinata finally managed to get them off, and finally managed to stop unconsciously moving her face towards Naruto in such a questionable way, the girls dipped their sponges into their buckets.

"Okay, I'll take this arm, Hinata will take the other, and you two take his legs, okay?" Sakura said, and they all nodded in affirmation. Naruto was still unable to see them clearly, but he could definately feel it.

Since Naruto was practically paralyzed, the girls had to lift up his limbs to wash them all out. All Naruto could feel were sponges lightly washing his skin, and soft hands rubbing him down. Naruto was truly overwhelmed.

"O-Oh man... F-Feels really good..."

"A-Are you enjoying it, Naruto?" Tenten asked shyly, smiling.

"Y-Yeah... You're all making me feel real good..."

Soon, Sakura and Hinata had made it towards his chest, and Tenten and Ino were inching up his thighs, washing thouroughly and softly. Soon, there was only a few unwashed places on Naruto, and the girls stared at it with hot faces.

"W-Well... I don't like leaving jobs half done..." Ino said with a sly look.

"B-But still... That's his... That's too much... I still want to get married one day!" Sakura said with a bright face.

"W-What are you girls talking about? Get married?" Naruto had no idea what they were talking about.

"Aha! What if we just blindfold ourselves!" Tenten announced. "That way, we can finish cleaning him properly, and still get married!"

"Again, get married? What are you all talking about?"

They didn't answer him, already beginning to enthusiastically blindfold themselves, even Hinata reluctantly put on a blindfold.

"G-Girls? What are you all trying to do?"

"Okay, let's just dip our sponges and go for it!"

"Girls?"

"But we can't see!"

"Hello?"

"Don't worry! Just try and get the right area!"

"G-Girls?"

"Okay! One, two, THREE!"

The girls launched themselves at Naruto, sponges held out, crashing onto him in a heap. They scrubbed their sponges and hands about Naruto, trying to clean the last spots. None of them were actually reaching the spot, but they sure were going over Naruto like it was a game of Twister. The girls squirmed about, moaning softly in defeat as they couldn't find it.

"O-OH MY GOD."

Naruto felt their bodies sliding all over his wet, soapy body, as they crawled all over the bed and his body trying to clean him up completely. Squishy female body parts were rubbing themselves maliciously over his body, driving Naruto crazy until he could no longer take it.

"ARGGGH!"

Naruto's nose suddenly burst, blood seeping out and down his face. The girls didn't notice, too busy trying to clean him still.

"Hey, Naruto, I was wondering if-"

Jiraiya had thrown the door open, with Shizune and the rest of the boys behind him. Gaara, Kankurou, and Temari had also just arrived. Everyone glanced over Jiraiya's body, and everyone felt their jaws hit the ground.

In front of them was Naruto, his face covered in blood, his body covered in bandages and quivering. And on top of him, four blindfolded girls, eagerly washing him with sponges and their bodies, moaning softly.

Jiraiya's face suddenly swelled up, tears forming in his eyes.

"YOU MAKE ME PROUD, NARUTO! _UOOOOOOO_!"

The boys also had tears in their eyes, but for different reasons entirely.

"SCREW YOU NARUTO! WE'RE GOING TO KILL YOU ALONG WITH THAT BOXER-SAMA, DAMMIT! WHY DO YOU GET THE GIRLS TOO?"

Temari, however, wasn't reacting at all, instead staring at Naruto intently, hiding something behind her back.

Something orange.

* * *

Stuck on the front-page of newspapers around the world:

"**BOXER-SAMA DOES THE IMPOSSIBLE: ONLY NINJA EVER TO DEFEAT A DEAD NINJA – BOXER-SAMA DEFIES LOGIC!**"

* * *

**END CHAPTER 16**

**A/N**: Oh God, it's getting hard keeping this 'relatively' clean... Oh well. It could've been worse – the girls could've ended up naked for no reason whatsoever. Anyway, I know this took long, but work is still bogging me. I'm surprised I even had time to finish this chapter! Anyway, I'll try to get the next one on its way soon, so keep an eye out!


	20. Boxers are my Slave

**Chapter 17 – Boxers are my Slave**

**A/N:** Okay, somebody was asking how long this story would go for, and truthfully, I'm not sure. After the play and the date, who knows? It could reach the huge 'final-battle' thing, or maybe not…

And yeah, you guys are right about the chapter titles. Sometimes you can't even work out what they're on about... But oh well, who cares?

* * *

It took awhile, but Shizune finally managed to get the girls off Naruto and back in clothes. Unfortunately, she couldn't do anything for the dazed trance Naruto was now stuck in.

"Hey, hey, Naruto," Jiraiya said rhythmically, clicking his fingers in front of Naruto's drooling face. "Wake up, buddy!"

"Ehh…" Naruto mumbled stupidly. "B-Bodies… S-So many bodies… Ehh…"

Jiraiya decided that it was a serious situation, and that he would have to take extreme measures. He pulled a small piece of paper out of his pocket and waved it above Naruto.

"Oh, gee! Isn't this one of those rare 'Free-Ramen-4-Ever' cards that the Ichiraku stand have been advertising recently?"

Naruto's body stiffened, his neck jerking up slowly and his eyes landing on the paper with a look of awe. He could see light shining off it like it was a God.

"Come an' get it, boy! Come on!" Jiraiya urged playfully, as Naruto reached up for it with a big grin, panting like an excited dog. The others watching could practically picture ears and a tail on him, the tail wagging enthusiastically.

"Okay, boy! Here you go!" he said as he let the paper go and it fell right into Naruto's hands. Naruto clutched it to his chest with tears, sniffling in joy. That is, until he raised the paper and looked at it.

'10 off the next weekly 'Kunoichi's Gone Wild'!'

His face went down as he groaned in sadness. Jiraiya almost felt sorry for him. But he didn't, he thought it was funny. And it did what he wanted it to do – it broke him out of his erotic trance.

"Hey, wait a minute…" Sakura said, looking at Naruto with a suspicious look. "I thought that you said you couldn't move at all?"

Naruto's head shot up again as he realized that he had been able to move. He slowly checked his arms and legs, and found that he could move them again. In fact, he felt completely fine.

"That's weird… I couldn't even budge a second ago…"

He looked up to see the girls looking at him with somewhat sour looks.

"Could it be…" Sakura muttered with an irritated face. "That you faked all that just to get us to take care of you?"

"W-What? I wasn't faking!" Naruto yelled back in defense. "There's no way I'd trick you girls like that, and I really did appreciate you all taking care of me, I'd never felt so happy in my life!"

He paused for a second and realized that he let that last part come out. He blushed heavily, looking down at the ground again. The girls were also blushing, taken aback by Naruto's proclamation.

"Naruto."

It was Temari's voice, and she was staring at Naruto with a serious face.

"I have to talk to you. It's about Boxer-sama."

"R-Really?" Naruto replied, chuckling nervously. "W-What of it?"

"You were at the park, right? When he was there?"

"Yeah…"

"Now we all know that Boxer-sama only ever wears his boxers. So let's say when he's in disguise, and he has to become Boxer-sama, he'd have to take off his clothes, correct?"

Naruto began to feel cold sweat building on his neck. He shrugged, trying to look innocent. He hoped it was working.

"So… Finding a piece of his clothing would be an easy way to guess who Boxer-sama really is… Like say, _his pants_…"

"A-Ah… W-Well, that could have easily been someone else that stupidly left their pants there…"

Naruto's eyes suddenly widened, as he saw something brush past just behind Temari. It was quick, human eyes wouldn't have picked it up. But Naruto saw it – a quick, orange blur that slipped right behind Temari and continued down the hall. Naruto jumped to his feet, although still a bit sore, and quickly jumped past everyone into the hallway. He just caught a glimpse of it as it headed down the stairs.

"What in the world… Temari, we'll have to talk later, okay?" he yelled as he started running out after the strange blur. Temari called out, reaching out as if to grab him and stop him.

"Damn, and I was about to show him thi-… Huh?"

Temari moved her hands in front of her, and looked at them in confusion.

Her hands were empty.

* * *

Naruto dashed out the hospital's front door, scaring the crap out of waiting patients. He could make out the blur hopping on top of the buildings, and quickly jumped to keep up. His body was still disoriented and sore, causing Naruto to cringe as he chased after it.

"Stop, damn you! Ow! Dammit!"

He saw the shadow dive into a small hut, which Naruto recognized as one of the emergency huts made to house the villagers when there was an attack. He ran inside, glancing around cautiously.

"Where are you…"

"Behind you."

Naruto yelled out in surprise, as he jumped away and turned to see that the blur was in fact a red-haired girl, dressed in an orange full-body dress. He yelled, pointing at her in realization.

"It's you again!"

"It's rude to point, young one."

Naruto frowned at her, his eyebrow twitching. "Stop calling me young, dammit. You don't look all that much older than me anyway."

The stranger smiled, and threw something at Naruto, which he caught instinctively. "These belong to you, do they not?"

"M-My pants?" Naruto exclaimed, blinking in disbelief. "These are the pants I had on just before I fought Kisame and Zabuza…" He trailed off, then shakily looked up at the girl, who was smirking sexily. "Uh… I can explain… See, my pants, they… They were in the park because… They caught on fire! Yeah… And then…"

"You don't have to make excuses, young one," she interrupted, walking towards him, cat-like. "I knew all along who you were…" She slid her finger down his cheek, causing him to shiver. "Boxer-sama…"

Naruto jumped back, clapping his hands together and bowing his head. "Please don't tell anyone about this! I'd be in lots of trouble is everyone knew!"

"One of your cute little girlfriends was about to accuse you of being Boxer-sama… You're lucky that I managed to stop her just in time."

"So that's what it was at the hospital?" Naruto asked. "Hmm… Then Temari found them? Crap, how am I going to explain that… Well… My pants caught on fire and-"

"You're surprisingly bad at making excuses for someone who is always in trouble, young one."

Naruto looked at her in embarrassment. "Shut up. And stop calling me young. Who are you, anyway? I keep bumping into you and I don't even know your name."

She poked her soft cheek with her finger, looking up in thought. "My name, is it? Well… You can call me Kyuu for now, young one."

"Kyuu? Weird name…" Naruto muttered under his breath as he put his pants back on. "So anyway… You're not going to tell anyone about this right? I mean… My pants, and uh… You know… My boxers."

"Well, I know something you don't want other people to know… And I also happen to need some help in a matter…" she replied, staring at Naruto expectantly. He looked back at her with narrow eyes for a few seconds trying to work out what she meant.

"You're… Blackmailing me?"

"You are very slow, young one. You _will_ help me, won't you?" she asked, grabbing Naruto's hands and looking into his eyes innocently. Her look caused Naruto to blush furiously.

"…I-If I help, you keep my secret, right?"

"Correct."

"…What do I have to do?"

* * *

"Huuh, I'm so old… I'm such an old man… Huuh…"

The old man sat in his room, his verandah door open, as he sipped his warm prune juice.

"Ah… This prune juice… Sure reminds me… That I'm really old… Huuh, how depressing."

"I don't think you're that old…"

The old man turned in surprise, and saw a beautiful red-haired girl standing in his yard. She walked towards him, hips swaying, as she sat opposite the old man. She rested her head on her hands, leaning forward so that her cleavage was clearly in the old man's view.

"W-Wow… I'm starting to feel young again…" he said, as he leant forward, staring at her chest with lecherous eyes.

CLICK.

Suddenly, a flash caught the old man's eyes, and he realized that somebody was standing in his yard, with a camera, taking a picture of him, his lust-filled face clearly in view.

"Bye-bye, old man!" the red-haired girl said as she leapt out and disappeared with the orange-haired cameraman.

"But… But…" the old man raised his hand, as though trying to reach out to her, but his hand dropped in vain.

"Huuh… I'm so old…"

* * *

"Seriously, explain this to me! You've made me go around to at least one hundred old guys' places and take pictures of them being horny old geezers! Why?"

Still dressed in his hospital garb and orange pants, Naruto sulked, yelling at his red-haired blackmailer. Kyuu was barely listening, happily taping the pictures onto the town bulletin board. Night was setting in, so nobody else was around at the time.

"Hey, listen to me when I talk!"

"I heard you, young one," she replied, taping up the final photo and stepping back to look at her work. "Huhu, this will do nicely."

Naruto stared at the bulletin board, which was completely covered by pictures of old men lusting over Kyuu, then back at Kyuu. "So are you going to explain now, or what?"

Kyuu turned away from him, glancing up at the moon, which was still rising. "All of these men did something terrible a long time ago… Something unforgivable. I wanted to pay them back. But death would be dropping to their level, so I wanted to do something that wasn't as wrong."

"What did they do?" Naruto asked curiously. Kyuu turned to him, smiling sadly.

"You should know better than anyone else, Naruto."

Naruto gasped as the moonlight bounced across her hair, and he noticed a transparent pair of ears and a tail, made visible by the way the moonlight bounced off them.

"K-Kyuu… You are… But how?"

"You haven't noticed, but slowly my spirit was being unbound to yours. Perhaps the strength of the Fourth is fading. Regardless, my powers are slowly returning to me. It took me quite a while to gain a physical body, and soon I'll have command over my original body, when your seal has been completely nullified. The only reason you managed to heal so quickly at the hospital was because I chose to heal you so that you would follow me."

Naruto, showing clear hesitation, took a combat pose. "You're regaining your power… T-Then it looks like I have to stop you…"

"Naruto… You know what really happened… I know you know. I was watching when you told your pink-haired friend, Sakura."

Naruto's body shook as he tried to decide what was the right thing to do. He knew that the Demon Fox was not at fault, and yet to let her reach her full power would be going against the wishes of the village that he loved.

His fists went limp as he lowered his hands, staring at the ground in thought.

"There is something else you should know, Naruto." Kyuu looked down at the ground as well. "I am aware you have been using my powers. Even unintentionally when you were injured. There's a possibility your body has become over-reliant on my abilities."

"What are you trying to say?"

"When my powers have completely returned, there is a possibility that your body will not be used to working without my powers. Your body might become really fragile, and your ability to fight could be much less than what it was before."

Naruto's hand twitched in realization. "And I've also been relying on your powers to become Boxer-sama… When your powers leave me… I won't be able to become Boxer-sama either."

"That is also true."

Naruto lifted up the hospital robe, and noticed that the seal on his stomach had missing lines, which looked as though they faded over time. Suddenly, Naruto remembered something.

"Wait a minute… I remember there was a time when I was talking to you… You were this big… Evil thing. How come you're like this, but you're also _that_?"

Kyuu stared at him in confusion. "I don't know what you're talking about. When I was completely under the seal, I didn't have any consciousness."

"W-What!" Naruto stepped back in surprise. "T-Then… What was that thing I was talking to...?"

Kyuu stared at him with a knowing smile. "Perhaps there is more inside you than a demon fox."

Kyuu turned away and walked off, not saying a word to Naruto, who was still trembling in a mix of confusion and fear.

"Something else inside me…?"

"Dammit Naruto, no more running off! I don't know how you managed to heal yourself so quickly, but now that you're better, we've got until tomorrow night to practice!"

"O-Okay, Sakura! I get it!" Naruto said back nervously.

"Oh, you're going to get it, alright! We're all going to practice until you can say it in your sleep!"

"Oh, God…"

"Okay, everyone! Take your places! And… Action!"

**END CHAPTER 17**

**A/N:** So next chapter I'll probably (finally) get to the play, and then of course the much awaited date! And let's not forget that Sasuke is supposed to have something planned out with Naruto to do something to Boxer-sama. What's Naruto going to do? Who's he going to go out with? How is he going to protect his identity from Sasuke?

Feedback is appreciated as always, and thanks to Ryushi's beta GGLucas for pointing out my errors. If anyone has any good ideas, I'd also like to hear 'em! But uh... Next update might take awhile... Urghh...


	21. Play With Boxers

**Chapter 18 – Play With Boxers**

**A/N:** Heh, yeah, I realize that it wasn't all that funny last chapter, but I had to get through that. From here, it'll be the play, and I'm hoping it won't disappoint you too much. I have to get through it to get to the date auction, after all.

* * *

"… So please, think of this child as a hero… The hero of the Hidden Leaf… Ughh…" 

"I told you, Naruto, we don't need that dying noise!" Sakura screamed for the umpteenth time.

"I'm doing it because I'm tired! You've had me reciting forever! How come everyone else is getting sleep but me? The show's on in a few hours, and I'm dying!"

"It's because everyone else can memorize! You fall asleep, and when you wake up, I'm certain you won't remember a thing!"

"Tch, I'm not _that_ stupid! Besides, this is one thing I can't forget anyway…" he trailed off, and yelled stupidly when he realized what he said. "Uh, because… it's as if I tattooed it across your forehead."

"Are you making fun of my forehead, Naruto…?" Sakura whispered menacingly, her eyes flashing with murderous intent.

"What? No! Not at all! You have a beautiful, wide forehead! No wait, I mean just wide! No, crap, I meant just beautiful!" Naruto saw her massaging her bicep and gulped. "… You're gonna hurt me, aren't you?"

"I'm going to hit you so hard, we'll go back in time twenty-four hours, and I'll make you rehearse even more!"

Before Sakura could do anything, Shizune entered the hall, with the rest of the gang behind her. "Sakura, Naruto, we don't have any more time for rehearsing now! It's time to set up the stage. Some people have already begun crowding outside!"

Naruto breathed a sigh of relief as Sakura reluctantly walked away to help with the set. He stiffened again as he felt somebody tap him on the shoulder. He turned around to see Sasuke's hard face looking back at him.

"I hope you haven't forgotten our plan, Naruto," Sasuke said, Naruto nodding his head quickly. "Good, because if you don't do what I said, I'm going to be angry. See this? This is my happy face."

"But your face always looks like that."

"It's because I'm always happy."

"… You're frowning, and you look scary."

"… Shut up. All I'm saying is: you don't want to see my angry face."

'How come I think it looks exactly like his happy face…' Naruto thought to himself with a nervous grin.

"Hey, you two, get to work already! Sasuke, make out with Naruto in your own time!"

"Dammit, I'm not gay! I'm just picky, okay! PICKY!"

"Whatever you say… coughgaycough"

"… I hope you all die."

* * *

A few hours later, the stage had been set, and people had already begun to fill out the stadium. Naruto, garbed in the Fourth's childhood clothes, stared out at the audience, gulping nervously.

"S-Sure are a lot of people…"

"But of course!" Naruto almost yelled as the all-too-familiar voice of Rock Lee came behind him. "Many people have gathered to witness the retelling of the awesome youthfulness of the one and only Fourth Hokage! He was truly a flaming pillar of passion!" he screamed, tears streaming from his eyes as he posed dramatically.

"Uh… Yeah." Naruto's attention was diverted from Lee, however, as the lights dimmed, and Naruto quickly scooted off to his place. The audience settled as Jiraiya's voice came out of the speakers. He had been assigned as the narrator of the play.

"Many years ago, in Village of the Hidden Leaf, a boy was born with a great destiny ahead of him. This is his story… This is the story of the Yellow Flash of Konoha."

The curtains opened, revealing an open training field, and two kids, played by Neji and Sasuke, were trying to take away a young girl's toy, the girl being played by Hinata. Naruto dashed on stage, meaning to pose and announce that he would save her. Instead, he tripped on his feet and landed face first on the ground, the audience trying to stifle their laughter.

"Er… Of course, when the Fourth was younger, he wasn't the most graceful ninja, but uh… He had his heart in the right place." Jiraiya grumbled quiet curses as he improvised Naruto's fall. "The Fourth Hokage was always a person with a good heart, and always helped the innocent."

Naruto hurriedly climbed to his feet, pointing at Neji and Sasuke dramatically. "You two evil kids better be ready to get punished!"

"This is totally unacceptable," Neji mumbled quietly to Sasuke and Naruto. "Why the hell am I, one of such a respectable family, playing the role of the bad guy!"

"I agree," Sasuke grumbled. "And why does Naruto, a nobody, get to be the star…"

They both stared at Naruto with pissed-off stares, causing him to flinch slightly. "Come on, guys, don't be like that. Nobody else can look as evil as you two can."

Neji sighed and continued with the play. "Hah, who do you think you are, kid? Some kind of superhero that'll become the greatest Hokage ever?" The audience chuckled as Naruto continued.

"It doesn't matter who I am, or what my name is. All that matters is that I'm going to beat you guys up!"

A mock fight ensued, where Neji and Sasuke, with incredible reluctance, feigned defeat against Naruto. Too annoyed to continue acting beat-up as they were supposed to, the two grouchily marched off stage, continuing their lines with obvious aggression. "We'll get you next time, blondie." Naruto shuddered, wondering if they were acting, or if they really would get him back later.

"Are you okay?" Naruto asked, as he grabbed Hinata's hand and picked her up, causing her to blush heavily. Naruto waited for her to say her lines, but Hinata was still caught up with Naruto's hand. "Uh… Should I take your silence as a yes?"

The audience laughed again as Hinata continued to space out.

Naruto, glancing around nervously, covered his mouth, and spoke in a funny-sounding, high-pitched voice, trying to sound like a girl. "Oh yeah, I'm fine! Thanks a lot!"

"Okay then! I'll be going!" Naruto finished, running off stage as fast as he can to get away from the audience, which was now laughing hysterically. The curtains closed as the scene ended, and Jiraiya hastily continued narrating.

"Uh… A-And so, the young boy grew, and was trained by the ever-so-talented, sexy, number-one ladies man, the life of the party, the-" A pause ensued as people heard a hard whacking noise, followed by a groan. Everything was quiet for a minute until the narration continued, replaced with Shizune's voice. "… And was trained by Jiraiya of the Sannin."

The audience was laughing madly, and they applauded happily.

Sakura, behind the curtains, was busily grinding her teeth and clenching her fists so tight that her knuckles were cracking.

"This is supposed to be dramatic, not a freaking comedy!"

* * *

"Naruto, what the hell!" Sakura screamed quietly into Naruto's face. "We rehearsed for _hours_ and you still screwed up!"

"I was nervous, okay!" Naruto quietly yelled back, pulling on his 'teenage Fourth' costume: an ANBU uniform. "There are a _lot_ of people out there!" Sakura groaned, clutching her forehead in irritation.

"… And so, on the day of the ANBU final exam, the young hero was determined to show everyone that he was one of the best, regardless of his young age."

"Dammit, Naruto, get out there! I'll yell at you more later!"

Naruto hurriedly obliged, however in his haste, he hadn't noticed that his pants weren't pulled up all the way. As he made a break for the stage, his pants began to ride down, grabbing him by the knees. His momentum forced him to continue plummeting forwards, only managing to hold himself up by hopping… all the way onto the stage.

"So, little blondie, are you ready for the exa…" Shikamaru was playing the ANBU tester, and he trailed off as he saw Naruto hopping towards him in a panic, his pants down revealing (he wasn't wearing his boxers) his white underwear. "Uh… I see you're ready for the 'hopping' test!" Shikamaru quickly improvised, feeling himself sweat rapidly as the audience broke out in laughter for the umpteenth time. However, when he thought the worst was through, he noticed Naruto was still off-balanced, and he heading _straight for him_. "Woah, Naruto, stop! Hey! Stop! ARGGH!"

Naruto hopped straight into Shikamaru, throwing the both of them into the curtain. The audience was laughing frantically, slapping their knees and clutching their stomachs. While they were obviously enjoying themselves, the cast obviously was not.

"Naruto, what are you doing?" Shikamaru scolded, trying to fight his way through the curtains. As he emerged, he made to walk off, but turned to see Naruto still having trouble with his pants. "Oh, for the love of…" He hurriedly walked back, and from the audience's point of view, he put his hands back into the curtain, and the audience followed his silhouette as it reached Naruto's. His hands latched onto Naruto's waist region, and the audience went hysterical. As Shikamaru bounced up and down with Naruto to pull the pants up, some of the audience members began to fall off their seats.

Not that anybody could see it, but behind the curtains, Sakura was busy hyperventilating into a paper bag while flames singed out of her.

"Naruto, I'm going to kill you!"

* * *

Through some miracle, Naruto managed to make it to the last scene with the story hanging on by threads. By now, nobody could tell whether this was a drama or a comedy. Naruto was on the stage, dressed in the Fourth's trademark coat, and everyone else had come in to play the parts of the extras. Except for Sakura, who was now believed to be dead somewhere from stress.

The stage was a large cave, behind which was Jiraiya, preparing a handful of seals he had been practicing to create an illusion of the Kyuubi. Shizune's voice was heard as she announced the Kyuubi's arrival. Naruto thought about the script, remembering that Sakura suggested not changing the play to make the Kyuubi out to be the victim.

"It wouldn't sell as well…" Sakura told Naruto, feeling somewhat bad to see Naruto's second-long sadness. Naruto quickly smiled at the time, saying he didn't really care anyway.

Standing on stage, Naruto had decided that he would at least get the rest of the play from here on out right. However, his concentration was greatly affected as he remembered Sasuke, and the promise he made to him.

'Prove that you aren't Boxer-sama. Help me kill him.'

Standing nearby Naruto was Temari, dressed as one of the ninjas in the battle. She discreetly nudged him, bringing him back to reality.

"Hey, Naruto, pay attention!" she whispered hastily. Naruto grinned stupidly, and reluctantly pushed his anxieties to the back of his head.

Naruto pointed into the cave of the Kyuubi heroically. "In there is a monster of incredible destruction!" he began, trying to hide his reluctance to speak the lines. "It has wronged the people of Konoha for the last time! Tonight, we shall destroy it!"

* * *

"… Tell me again why we're interrupting a play done by _kids_?" Kisame asked with a groan, looking down at the play from a skylight. Itachi didn't even bother looking up at him.

"Boxer-sama is supposed to be here. We shall lure him out by attacking these children."

"Man, you really _are_ pure evil, aren't you?" Kisame muttered, rolling his eyes. "And how exactly are you going to deal with the likes of Jiraiya?"

"He is of no importance," Itachi replied as he began to form seals. "We will not be fighting them personally."

"… I told you, my family will _not_ do your bidding, dammit."

"I didn't mean your family…" Itachi protested dully.

"Really? Well… Good."

"… Not today, anyway."

"Screw you, Itachi."

* * *

As Jiraiya finished his seals, he looked at his Kyuubi copy proudly.

"That's a good-looking fox, Jiraiya!" he congratulated himself. "You totally kick ass Jiraiya! Yeah, go Jiraiya!" He seemed to be overdoing it. He stopped suddenly though, as he noticed a strange red light covering the Kyuubi, and he bit his lip as he realized what was happening.

"This isn't good…"

On the stage, Naruto and the others were anxiously awaiting the Kyuubi's entrance.

"Pst! Hey, where is it?" Chouji asked, growing impatient, or more probably hungry.

"I'm sure Jiraiya wouldn't take this long…" Ino replied. She glanced over to Sakura at the side of the stage, who responded with a shrug.

Just as Naruto was about to complain as well, he heard the Kyuubi finally coming out.

"Finally! Hm… Wait a minute…" Naruto listened more closely, hearing a sudden yell and a crash. "That sounded like Jiraiya…"

Temari, standing closest to him, peered into the cave with squinted eyes. "Uh, hey, Naruto… Was the Kyuubi meant to be glowing red?"

"Uh… No… Why?" Naruto squinted into the tunnel with Temari, and saw it as well. "Huh, that's weird. It's not like Jiraiya to make such an obvious mistake…"

Before Naruto could continue, the hall was filled with an ear-shattering howl, sending most of the actors to the ground covering their ears, Naruto especially, whose hearing was slightly more sensitive than a common boy. As he dropped to one knee shielding his ears, he looked into the cave again and saw the red Kyuubi charging out, directly into the direction of Temari and himself.

"Temari, look out!" Naruto instinctively pushed Temari aside just in time. However, this left Naruto in an undefended posture, and he felt the full force of the Kyuubi, sending him hurtling off the stage and onto the floor, startling the audience. Naruto ached, but his mind was racing.

'I've gotta keep the audience calm somehow…' he thought. He took a deep breath, and tried to act calm. "The Kyuubi is very powerful!" he began. "This looks like a job for the Yellow Flash!"

The audience bought it, and began clapping and cheering. Naruto hurriedly pulled himself onto his feet, staring up at the massive red Kyuubi, sweating erratically. 'Time to fight back!'

"_Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!_"

Around twenty Narutos appeared in a puff of smoke. As seventeen of them charged at the Kyuubi, three of them stayed back to prepare a Rasengan.

Temari stared at Naruto from the side, blushing with wide eyes. "Naruto… Saved me?" she pondered, and suddenly felt very embarrassed. The rest of the actors were about to jump in, but Naruto told them to stand back.

"The Yellow Flash can handle it!" Naruto said to them with a grin as he concentrated on his Rasengan.

The Kyuubi was proving more powerful than the Naruto squad, as it began to easily swat them down one after the other. Just as it defeated the last one, it looked down to the ground to finish off the remaining ones.

Naruto wasn't there.

The red Kyuubi glanced about suspiciously, trying to find its prey.

"Up here!"

The Kyuubi glanced up, and its face met up with Naruto's Rasengan. Everyone watched in amazement as the Kyuubi clone began to turn into a strange kind of mush, rotating as it faded away into nothingness in a haze of smoke. In the cover of the smokescreen, Naruto hurriedly signaled to Sakura, who quickly tossed him a fake baby doll. As the smoke cleared, Naruto stood at the center of the stage, holding the fake child.

"This child now bears the spirit of the Kyuubi," he began, staring at the doll with a face of nostalgia and depression. "I urge everyone not to see this child as a burden to the town, but rather a savior… So please, think of this child as a hero… The hero of the Hidden Leaf… Ugh..."

Naruto fell to one knee, acting as though he was dying. The others crowded around him, the lights dimmed, and the curtains closed. Following this was a monstrously loud standing ovation.

The play was a success.

* * *

"'Boxer-sama will come', you say. 'We'll lure him out', you say. All we managed to do was ruin a stupid play!"

"Is that really all we did?" Itachi said philosophically, as he stood up and walked away. Kisame pondered this for a moment, then suddenly realized.

"What the hell, that _is_ all we managed to do! Stop trying to throw me off with your philosophical tone! Dammit, stop walking away and listen to me!"

* * *

After the curtains closed, Jiraiya had dragged Naruto away, forcing him to take off his shirt as he examined him.

"Hm…" Jiraiya was feeling around Naruto's left arm. "There's a lot of swelling here. I think you might've fractured something. Does it hurt?"

He didn't bother waiting for an answer after seeing Naruto's tear-filled face. "I guess it does hurt."

Not far off, Sasuke was busy looking for Naruto. As he spotted him, he marched over hastily. "Naruto, we have work to do."

Naruto suddenly had an idea. He smiled apologetically. "S-Sorry, Sasuke! I don't think I'll be able to join you in the plan. I kinda hurt my arm."

Sasuke stared at him with irritation. "That's awful… _convenient_, isn't it, Naruto?"

"W-What? No!" Naruto said quickly. "I uh… _So_ wanted to take Boxer-sama down! But um, I guess you'll have to do it alone! Go Sasuke!" he cheered stupidly, causing Sasuke to frown at him.

"Idiot."

"Screw you!"

After Sasuke finally gave up and left, Temari approached him, playing with her fingers nervously. "Hey, Temari!" Naruto greeted. "Um, sorry about pushing you while we were on stage so suddenly… It was just uh… you know…"

"You don't have to apologize!" Temari said with a blush. "I should be apologizing! Because of me, you got hurt!"

"Oh this? This is nothing! Forget about it, I'm just glad you're not hurt."

Temari blushed furiously, turning her head to the ground to hide it. 'Gosh, I've never blushed this much in my whole life! It's not like me to blush!' she thought shyly.

"Well, Naruto," Jiraiya said with a nudge. "I think it's about time I _take you to the hospital_, you know what I mean?"

Shizune's voice boomed through the speakers. "After a short intermission, we will begin the Boxer-sama date auction! Please look forward to it!"

"Oh, right! The hospital!" Naruto said, laughing hysterically. "We'd uh… Better go! Like, _right now_!"

Jiraiya and Naruto dashed off, leaving a red, bewildered Temari behind. Boxer-sama had to be ready soon. Naruto unconsciously rubbed his arm, his eye twitching as he felt the sting.

"We'll have to take care of it properly later," Jiraiya began. "We can't even dress it properly or else people will start to get suspicious. Luckily it doesn't look too bruised. You'll just have to bear with it."

"I'm fine! Don't worry, old man!" Naruto said confidently. "I'm more worried about what's going to happen to me out there!"

Jiraiya grinned maliciously. "About that… I've got a present for ya… a good-luck charm, in a way."

"Really? What?"

Jiraiya handed Naruto a plastic bag, and Naruto dug his hand into it enthusiastically, producing a black, leather whip.

"Uh, exactly what do you want me to do with this?"

"Oh, _you'll know_, Naruto! Heehehehehhehe!" Jiraiya laughed insanely, throwing his head back like an evil scientist.

"O-kay…"

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	22. The Cost of Boxers

**Chapter 19 – The Cost of Boxers**

**A/N:** I'm in exam heat right now, so it's a miracle that I'd even be able to finish this chapter at the moment. I'll probably need a fortnight or so from now to get into the next chapter, but I'll try to get it done as soon as I can. Anyway, on with it

* * *

After the play had ended, the audience was told that the auction for a date with Boxer-sama would soon begin. Hearing this, practically all the men took this as the time to go home. It took them more effort than they imagined, however, as their wives put up a good fight, clawing onto the floors and doorframes like their life depended on it, all the while chanting "Boxer-sama! Must have Boxer-sama!" 

When they had finally all left, leaving a number of nasty scratch marks all over the exit, the remaining group of females was alive with excitement, counting their money and hoping to win a date with the illustrious hero Boxer-sama. Obviously they were thrilled with the notion.

Boxer-sama was not.

'Uhu… There's a lot of girls out there…' Boxer-sama thought, gulping nervously. He hid quietly in a dark corner backstage, watching Jiraiya as he ushered the girls off the stage.

"Boxer-sama's gonna be waiting up here," he told them. "And you're going to have to be down there to buy him, won't you?"

The girls nodded with vibrant optimism, rushing off to join the other young girls at the bottom of the stage. Hinata was not as excited, but was caught in the tidal wave that was Sakura, Ino, Tenten, and Temari. Boxer-sama looked at her in pity, watching her panicked face as they dragged her away.

"Hey, uh, Jiraiya, maybe this isn't such a good idea…" Boxer-sama said nervously as he stepped out of hiding. Jiraiya suddenly whipped his hands out and latched onto Naruto's shoulders, his eyes alight with passion.

"Are you a fool, Naruto? Think of the possibilities! First you're going to pick her up, and she'll be dressed in the sexiest dress she could find, posing cutely to grab your eyes… Then when you go to a restaurant, she'll try to feed you, opening her mouth and saying 'ahh…' And after that, maybe you'll go to a dance party, and the two of you start dirty dancing, rubbing each other legs and caressing each others' bodies… And then the two of you are feeling sweaty and lively, so you decide to book a hotel room… And she's trying to make for the shower, and you pull her away, throwing her onto the bed! You start ripping her clothes to pieces, watching her wail in anticipation! And then… And then!"

Jiraiya began drooling, staring upwards pervertedly, causing Boxer-sama to pull away with a hidden pink face. "I-I'm not like you!" Boxer-sama said with embarrassment. "I wouldn't do such a thing! Besides, some of them are my friends! That'd just be…"

He accidentally began to imagine Sakura, Ino, Tenten, Hinata, Temari, and even Kyuu, lying on a hotel room bed, their clothes half-torn off, teasingly hiding their private spots.

"Haha! You really _are _like me! You're drool's rolling out of your mask! Hahaha!" Jiraiya pointed and laughed as Boxer-sama wiped his mouth shamefully.

"Dammit, you Ero-sennin! I'm not like that! Look, you can see how serious I am in my eyes!" Boxer-sama yelled, pointing at his eyes. Jiraiya chuckled as he looked at Boxer-sama, then slowly came to a stop. "…W-What? You finally realize that I'm serious?"

Jiraiya looked around the room cautiously to make sure he was alone, then whispered into Boxer-sama's ear, surprising him by using his real name. "Naruto, why aren't you using the Kyuubi? Your eyes are still blue."

Boxer-sama quickly remembered that he'd been having problems using the Kyuubi's power, and the meeting he had with Kyuu explaining it to him. Before the conversation could continue, however, Shizune's voice was heard, calling for Boxer-sama to come on stage. Boxer-sama hurriedly waved at Jiraiya, signaling 'we'll talk later', as he headed on stage, clapping and cheering filling the room.

'_Good timing,'_ he thought to himself. _'I don't think I should tell Ero-sennin about Kyuu yet… He'll probably worry and fuss over it anyway.'_

"Well then, girls," said Shizune, who was standing on stage with Boxer-sama. He looked at her in surprise, seeing that she had a somewhat depressed face.

'_Uuu…'_ Shizune thought to herself. _'… Why can't somebody else announce so I can bid too?"_

Boxer-sama worriedly tapped Shizune on the shoulder, standing close to her. "You okay, Shizune-san?" he asked with a worried voice. Shizune began shaking, then suddenly squealed happily.

'_Ohhh! Boxer-sama's too kind to me! With this I can do the announcement and die happy!'_ Shizune thought, tears of joy coming out of her eyes, leaving Boxer-sama bewildered.

"A-Anyway! Tonight we're going to be auctioning a date with the great Boxer-sama to produce funds for Konoha! Is everybody ready to begin?"

"YYYYEEEEAAAAHHHH!

A powerful roar from the girls answered her, and in Boxer-sama's eyes, the crowd looked like a horde of ferocious lions that would tear him to pieces. He gulped fearfully.

"I'm going to die."

"Allow me to explain how this is going to work! Similar to a normal auction, you will be bidding money, and the highest bidder will be given the date with Boxer-sama! However, we've added some extra rules to make it more interesting!" Boxer-sama stared at her with a 'what-the-hell-do-you-mean-extra-rules?' look. "Because of how high in demand Boxer-sama is, you will be given the option of pooling together with other girls in order to increase the amount that you will bid! That's right girls, if you don't mind sharing, your chances of winning would greatly increase!"

An excited murmur in the crowd was heard, causing Boxer-sama to become even more afraid.

'_I-I might have to deal with more than one!'_

"Now that everyone is ready, let's have the first bid! Everybody use the numbered flags you've been provided to bid, and call out how much you're bidding, please!"

Without hesitation, the flags began to rise rapidly. Within seconds, the bidding had gone over to the hundreds. Within minutes, they were in the high thousands. Boxer-sama looked around in disbelief, seeing the many girls raise their flags like it was exercise. Even the girls he knew were going at it like crazy. Except for Hinata, who only raised her flag once, and that was because somebody pushed her in the excitement.

'_What the hell is with these girls! Are they rich or something?'_

"One hundred thousand!"

The bids were speedily increasing, and Sakura, Ino, Tenten, and Temari found that they didn't have enough money to continue bidding.

"T-This can't be!" Tenten moaned, counting her money over and over.

"I _must_ have more money somewhere…" Sakura mumbled, searching her pockets.

"That's it, girls!" Ino said with fired-up eyes. "We came here for Boxer-sama, and we damn well are going to get Boxer-sama! Let's pool our cash!"

The three girls looked at her, and suddenly smiled. "That's right," Temari said with a smirk. "If we combine our money, no doubt we'll be able to bid a whole lot more!"

"How about I join you all too?"

A mysterious voice suddenly appeared seemingly out of nowhere, and the girls turned to see a beautiful young girl with red hair. It was Kyuu.

"Who are you?" they asked, wondering why they didn't notice her there before.

"I'm actually an acquaintance of Naruto's," she explained, causing a noticeable reaction in Hinata. "He told me they'd be auctioning Boxer-sama off, and what can I say?" she said with a sexy shrug.

The girls agreed to it wholeheartedly, welcoming any help in winning their beloved Boxer-sama. They happily pooled their money, even going as far as forcing Hinata to join in with them. After they finished counting, they hurriedly raised their flags, yelling out in believed victory.

"Two hundred fifty thousand!"

The room was silenced for a mere moment, before an overly girly voice popped up from the back to break the silence.

"Five hundred thousand!"

The crowd gasped and turned around to see whom it was. Standing there was a person dressed in a white, frilly dress, with shoulder-length black hair, and a white sunhat covering her face. The girls looked at the mystery person, uncertain of who it was, but Sakura and Ino were staring with dumbfounded faces.

"Oh God, no way…" Ino said as her mouth gaped, tugging at Sakura's arm. Sakura didn't look back, her eyes glued on the strange newcomer with a bland face.

"Five hundred thousand!" Shizune repeated in excitement. "An incredible bid! Can anybody top it?"

The crowd went into a moment of stunned murmurs as the remaining bidders contemplated banding together, but out of nowhere a new bid was made by another person in coincidentally the same white, frilly dress as the first strange girl.

"One million!" the girl yelled, yet her voice showed no signs of femininity. Instead, it was most certainly male. And this time, the first white, frilly-dressed girl was the one staring with a dumbfounded face.

"D-Dammit, Itachi, what the hell are you doing here?"

The first frilly-dressed girl ripped her dress off to reveal that the stranger was in fact Sasuke, much to everybody's surprise and disgust. Of course, it wasn't quite as disgusting as what he had underneath that, as Sakura blatantly pointed out to him.

"Sasuke, you're naked!"

Following the traditional ways of girls seeing a naked guy, the sea of estrogen-pumped females promptly barraged Sasuke as they screamed, kicked, scratched, and punched Sasuke, Itachi mercilessly getting thrown in with him. Boxer-sama watched blankly as Sasuke and Itachi were thrown outside into the sky with ease.

As he flew through the air, Itachi's brow crinkled in thought on his usual dead face. "Hmm, I knew I needed more make-up."

"This wasn't how it was supposed to be!" Sasuke yelled as he flew through the air. "NARUTOOO!"

Boxer-sama gulped loudly, dumbly scratching his head. 'Yep, Sasuke's gonna kill me.'

* * *

**FLASHBACK**

"Okay, Naruto, here's what we're going to do," Sasuke began. "Intricate Plan no Jutsu!" he yelled, causing a large document to appear in a puff of smoke. Noticing Naruto's surprised face, he smirked intelligently. "It's academy stuff."

"The hell it is! I don't remember anything like that!"

"Just shut it and listen. This is the floor plans for the hall, where we're going to be having our play and the auction. We're going to get Boxer-sama with the help of that auction." He pointed at the front door. "First, we're going to get out from backstage after the play and get changed into our disguises, and head in through here."

"Disguises? What disguises?"

"We're going to be bidding on Boxer-sama. We're going to win him, and then I'll destroy him!"

Naruto nodded his head as though he knew what he meant. "Yeah, of course… Hey, wait a minute… Then our disguises are…"

Sasuke lifted up two frilly white dresses, hanging on coat hangers. Naruto stared at them, then back at Sasuke.

"Where'd you get those?"

"From my collection, duh."

Naruto squinted at Sasuke mildly. "… You know, for a gay guy, you sure have bad taste in clothes. And why the hell did you need an entire document and blueprint just to explain that?"

"You know what, Naruto? Here's an idea – shut up and go die somewhere. Ass."

**END FLASHBACK **

* * *

"Er… I guess those last two bids are obsolete now…" Shizune said, scratching her head. "… Meaning the leading bid belongs to the five girls with two hundred fifty thousand! Any higher bids?" 

The room was in hysterics, as girls tried to join money with one another, but through arguments on how many hours they get Boxer-sama, they would reject each other and resort to scratching each other to pieces. Within minutes, the only girls left in one piece were the six girls that held the bid. Boxer-sama stared at them, twitching.

'W-Why am I having a _very _bad feeling about this?' he thought, shivering with anxiety. Shizune proceeded to smack her hammer to announce the winner.

"So it's settled! The winners of Boxer-sama's date are those six girls for two hundred fifty thousand! Congratulations! The date day starts at the first hour tomorrow, so be sure to use _every hour_ wisely, because for that whole day, Boxer-sama will do _whatever you want him to_!"

As the girls jumped up and down with glee, Boxer-sama stood as stiff as a pole, his neck creaking as it turned to Jiraiya, who was standing behind the curtains.

"That wasn't part of the deal!" he mouthed in panic.

Rather than answering, Jiraiya gave him a hearty two thumbs-up, picking up the whip he had given Boxer-sama and whipping it on the ground with a perverted face. Somehow, Boxer-sama didn't like that.

Night was approaching, and the halls were now barren and empty. Naruto and the others were now in charge of cleaning the place up. Except for Sasuke, as his location was still unknown. Naruto's arm was now properly bandaged, yet he insisted on helping them clean up. He wanted to find a way to get his mind off the anxiety of the coming day.

"What's the matter, Naruto?" It was Ino, who was sweeping nearby and noticed Naruto's pale face.

"N-Nothing, I'm just ah…" Naruto looked at her for a moment, before blushing heavily and looking away. 'God, I'm going on a date with her and the others. It's somehow become hard to look at her.'

"What's with your face, Naruto? Are you blushing?" she asked with a grin, bending around him to catch a glimpse of his shy, red face. Naruto kept darting his face away in embarrassment, trying to rub the red off his cheeks.

"I-I'm not blushing, dammit!" Naruto said gruffly. "Why the hell would I blush at you?"

Ino grinned seductively, grabbing a hold of him and getting him in a headlock. Naruto shivered as he felt something soft and squishy patting him on the cheek. "I know why you're blushing," she whispered into his ear. "You're jealous that we're going on a date with Boxer-sama, huh?"

Naruto didn't reply. His eyes, however, were darting back and forth, staring at Ino's chest for a moment, before he realized how 'Jiraiya' that would be and turning away.

"Hey Ino! Get over here, we're planning out tomorrow!" Tenten yelled out, catching Ino's attention. Before letting Naruto go, she bent down next to his ear one more time, whispering.

"Looks like I'm going to let you go… _for now_."

Naruto felt a mind-numbing sensation before Ino finally broke free and hopped off to join the circle of the girls. Naruto shakily felt his ear, his face beet red.

"Did… Did Ino just lick my ear?"

"Hey, Naruto! Get over here!" Naruto turned to see Shikamaru motioning for him to come, surrounded by the other guys. He plodded over, still holding onto his ear with a muffled grin. "We've been discussing something special, Naruto."

"Really?" he said wistfully, his mind imagining Ino's tongue. "And what's that?"

"We know the girls are going to be going out with Boxer-sama tomorrow, and let's face it – we all don't want that. So we're not going to sit back and watch it happen, we're going to take the initiative!"

The other guys nodded vigorously.

"We're going to sabotage their date!"

Naruto's mind was still wandering aimlessly, so he didn't actually notice what they were talking about. When he finally began to realize that Shikamaru was speaking, he only caught the last little bit.

"… And that's how we're going to sabotage Boxer-sama's date!"

Naruto's jaw quickly hit the ground. Shikamaru glared at him regretfully, putting his hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Naruto. I'm sure you'd have loved to help us out. But your injury would make you more of a hindrance, according to my calculations. Don't worry, we will take down Boxer-sama on your behalf!"

The other guys patted the stunned Naruto on the shoulder as well.

"Now…" Shikamaru said, pondering. "If only we knew where the heck Sasuke was…"

* * *

"Urgh…" 

Sasuke's eyes opened groggily, looking up at a dark, cave ceiling. He sat up, rubbing his head. "D-Damn that Boxer-sama…"

"Damn him indeed, little brother."

Sasuke shot up, getting to his feet and taking a fighting stance as he saw Itachi and Kisame standing before him. "You're finally awake, little brother."

"Itachi!" Sasuke yelled dramatically, clenching his fists. "Finally, I have my chance to destroy you! Finally I can end all my suffering, my-"

Itachi swiftly backhanded him in the face, stopping his usual speech. "Now is not the time for dramatic speeches of sibling destruction, little brother. Believe me, I myself am fighting that undefeatable urge. For now, I believe that we have a more pressing matter to deal with."

Sasuke rubbed his cheek with a furrowed brow. "Boxer-sama."

"Precisely. It has come to my realization that Boxer-sama is a being of incredible power. Power that even exceeds my own. For us to defeat this super-ninja, I think we shall have to combine forces."

Sasuke looked up at him, contemplating his offer. "Say we team up – how do we beat him?"

Itachi smiled slightly. "I have the perfect plan. It's quite simple, really. We shall all dress in briefs and become the three-man team destined to destroy Boxer-sama."

Kisame stepped away from him quickly. "Whoa, whoa! There is no way in hell you're getting me to streak with you two freaks to kill some other freak! First, that's completely illogical, and second, we'd look like a bunch of morons!"

"That's a perfect idea!" Sasuke yelled out, causing Kisame to look at him with disbelief. "It's a completely logical way to beat him! And the three of us in briefs would definitely improve our chances!"

"For the last time, I _am not_ doing this 'brief-wearing' thing! It's just stupid!"

Itachi clasped his hand on Kisame's shoulder. "Now, now, Kisame. Have patience. We shall obtain our stylish briefs soon."

"I said I don't want any part in this, you sadistic freak!"

"Now is not the time for compliments, Kisame."

"… You know what? You suck. You both suck."

"Thank you, Kisame," Itachi said. "That touched me. However, now we must move on and find the nearest underwear retailer. Come, Sasuke, let us hop on Kisame's back. He shall carry us to the nearest village."

"What the hell am I, a horse?"

"_Our_ horse," Itachi corrected him.

Kisame sighed heavily, hanging his head in regret. "'Go into law', they told me. 'Get a degree', they told me. But did I listen? Nooo, I just had to join the Swordsmen and Itachi…"

**END CHAPTER 19**

**A/N:** Yes, by popular demand, a squad of brief-wearing guys has begun the super team to defeat Boxer-sama. That's somehow disturbing… Anyway, hopefully the next chapter will be up soon. Thanks for still reading, guys!


	23. Dirty Boxers!

**Chapter 20 – Dirty Boxers!  
**

**A/N: **Sorry this took awhile again, but yeah you get the idea. Try to bear with the update rate, I'm doing my best. Anyway, hope you enjoy the chapter! This chapter is a little catch-up for Tsunade, Kurenai, Shizune, and Anko!

* * *

After cleaning up the hall, the group said their goodbyes to the villagers and returned to Konoha with enough money to bring the village back on their feet. After arrival, Shizune and Jiraiya had dismissed them all. The boys left to plot evil, devious schemes, and the girls left to plan out their twenty-four hour date with Boxer-sama. As for Naruto, he was told to get home and get some rest. 

It was 10:00 P.M, and Naruto was still awake, fidgeting restlessly on his bed. Finally giving up on sleep, he sat up at the edge of the bed, resting his head on his hands.

"A date, huh…"

Naruto's eyes squinted foxily as he thought to himself. He didn't really hate any of the girls, yet wasn't certain if he had any specific feelings for one of them. He liked Ino's confident personality, Tenten's friendliness, Hinata's humble nature, and Sakura's determination. Of course recently, he began to notice that they were also quite attractive in their own ways, yet he wasn't sure whether or not it was love.

Naruto cautiously tapped his bandaged arm, biting his lip softly as he felt a surge of pain. "Hasn't healed yet, huh." Getting up for a stretch, Naruto decided that he would try going for a walk to relax. Throwing on his orange suit over his heart-patterned boxers, he stepped out of his door and walked into the quiet streets.

* * *

Without even noticing, Naruto had wandered around for almost an hour. And rather than feeling relaxed, he found himself becoming much more tense. 

In an hour's time, he was expected to meet with the girls.

In an hour's time, he was going to be sabotaged by the boys.

In an hour's time, Jiraiya was expecting him to use that whip.

Mentally crossing off the last part, Naruto chose to worry more about the first two. "The problem with the girls is that I've never actually gone on a date before, so I don't actually know what they want from me… And as for the boys…" Naruto scratched his chin as he walked. He knew that if Shikamaru were the one plotting against him that he'd have to be prepared for the worst.

"Naruto?"

Naruto suddenly snapped back to reality, and found Tsunade standing before him. "What are you doing out here, Tsunade?" Naruto asked casually with a grin.

'W-What a coincidence, running into Naruto at this time of night!' Tsunade thought with a smile. "I was just taking a walk to relax, Naruto," she replied.

"Wow, same here!" he said as he scratched his head. "I couldn't sleep, so I thought a walk would help."

"Is something bothering you?"

"Well…" Naruto looked down, playing with his fingers. "… Lately, I've been wondering… Tsunade-sama," Naruto asked, with surprising manners. "… How do you properly have a date?"

Tsunade looked at Naruto with a surprised face. 'Is he asking me out?' Tsunade had misunderstood, and was blushing madly. "W-Well, Naruto, the best way to learn how to have a date is to go on one! A real one!"

"A real date? But who'd want to practice with me? And I kinda… Have to practice, like, right now."

'_How cute! He's trying to make an excuse because he's too shy! I better take the lead!_'

"How about practicing with me, then, Naruto?" Tsunade said, trying to sound casual. Naruto's eyes lit up.

"Really? Awesome! Thanks, Tsunade!" he yelled happily. 'All right!' he thought with relief. '_This way, I can be ready for the girls when I'm Boxer-sama!_'

* * *

After being led to one of the classier restaurants in Konoha, Naruto sat in a small booth, with Tsunade on the other end. A waiter delicately placed two menus in front of them as Tsunade began instructing him on how to date. 

"Well Naruto, when you're on a date, it's important to realize that the night is not just for _your_ enjoyment, but for your date's as well. It's up to you to make sure she enjoys the date, and she'll make sure that _you _enjoy it."

Naruto rubbed his chin as he thought. "Okay… So I make you enjoy, and you make me enjoy…" Naruto looked up at Tsunade with serious eyes, causing her to flinch in surprise. "Tsunade-sama… What can I do to make you enjoy yourself?"

Tsunade's face grew bright red as an endless stream of ideas ran through her head, with the majority being dirty and naughty. She hurriedly shook her head and tried to put away her animal desires.

"W-Well, Naruto! To make a girl happy, you have to ask her about herself, and communicate with her!"

"Communicate, huh? Okay…" Naruto cleared his throat. "So, Tsunade-sama… Uh… Eaten anything good lately?"

Tsunade stared at Naruto in a moment of silence. Naruto could've sworn the entire restaurant went quiet, and felt eyes staring at him with a look that could only be described as 'Huh?'

"Naruto… Er, perhaps you could ask a more… _open_ question. Like what I've been doing lately, or what interests me."

"Oh, okay…" Naruto scratched his head. "Well then, uh… What have you been eating lately, or what eats you?"

The silence suddenly returned, except the stares had changed from 'Huh?' to 'What in the hell are you saying?'

"… You're hungry, aren't you, Naruto?"

"… Yeah."

Tsunade suddenly had a very dirty idea. And this time, she couldn't help herself.

"Say, Naruto…" she said with a red face. "If you _really_ want to make a girl happy, whenever you're hungry, you've got to move your face really close to theirs, and tell them with a husky, slow voice. And you've got to breathe on their necks when you do it, and look up at their eyes with a serious face and an edgy smile!"

Naruto took in what she said, and for a moment, Tsunade thought he was thinking of her as a pervert. As she was about to take it back, she was interrupted, as Naruto suddenly stood up and leaned over the table.

"_Hey,__Tsunade-sama_…" he began with a very husky voice. "_I'm feeling really, really… Hungry._" He put strong emphasis on the word 'hungry'.

Tsunade felt like she was melting to the floor in passion and lust.

"Is that what you meant, Tsunade-sama? Tsunade-sama? Old lady? Hello?" Naruto looked curiously at Tsunade, who had a dumbstruck smile and was drooping onto her seat.

"There you are, Tsunade-sama!"

It was Kurenai's voice. She walked over to their booth, politely bowing to Tsunade, who was still out of it.

"Tsunade-sama, you're needed back at your office."

Tsunade suddenly pulled herself back together, looking at Kurenai with a destroyed look. "B-But I've gotta be here! Naruto needs me!"

Kurenai looked over at Naruto. "What's wrong, Naruto? Anything I can help with?"

Naruto fidgeted around in embarrassment, but decided that if Tsunade was going to leave, he'd still need some help.

"Actually, Kurenai-sensei… Can you teach me how to date?"

Kurenai looked at him with a surprised look. "Um… Well, I _am_ free…"

"Please?" Naruto asked politely, surprising Kurenai even more. She had never seen a polite Naruto before.

"O-Okay, I'll help!" she asked with an almost frightened voice. "But first, Tsunade-sama, you must get back to your office."

Tsunade opened her mouth to fight, but knew that there was no way for her to get out of it. She sighed sadly, and then turned back to Naruto with defeated eyes. "Well, sorry our date had to end, Naruto…" she said solemnly. She then stood up and walked out with a dejected disposition.

'_Why is she calling it a date? I thought it was just practice…_'

Putting the thought aside, Kurenai took Tsunade's place, and looked at Naruto. "Well, for starters, why don't we order food? If you're on a date with a girl, you should ask them what they want first."

"Uh… Is there a specific way you want me to ask you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like… What kind of voice do I use? And how do I look at you?"

"Uh… Well, do it how you think you should do it."

Naruto decided to play it safe, and ask the way Tsunade had taught him. This time, he leaned forward again, looking at Kurenai with piercing blue eyes that made her quiver.

"_Hey, Kurenai-sensei…What do you want to have tonight?_"

Kurenai's face burnt red as she leaned back shyly. "W-W-Well, I think I'll have… C-Chicken?"

"_Mm… I love white meat… But how do you feel about red meat? Do you like having red meat in you?_" Naruto thought he was really clever, combining what Tsunade had taught him with Kurenai's lesson. Kurenai, on the other hand, was thinking something different.

"Y-Yeah… R-Red meat is nice too… Maybe I'll have red meat…" Kurenai felt her eyes edge down Naruto's body, down to his chest, his stomach, his…

"Hey, Kurenai!"

She jumped with a yelp, forcing Naruto to fall back onto his seat, as Shizune passed by, stopping at Kurenai's table.

"S-Shizune! W-What's up? I wasn't doing anything bad!" Kurenai replied quickly, her face red and sweaty.

"Tsunade-sama sent me to tell you that you were needed at the office too."

* * *

Meanwhile, at Tsunade's office… 

"I won't let you stay with Naruto, Kurenai! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

* * *

"S-Sorry, Naruto, it looks like I'll have to go… B-But remember what I taught you… It was nice having this little date with you…" 

"Yeah! Thanks, Kurenai-sensei!" he said with a friendly wave as Kurenai shakily left the restaurant.

"What's going on, Naruto?" Shizune asked. Deciding he would ask her for help this time, he explained his situation.

"… So please… Shizune-sensei?"

"Well… I've got nothing else to do… Sure, why not?"

Shizune took Kurenai and Tsunade's previous seat. The waiter put down a plate of chicken breast and a plate of beef steak.

"Well Naruto, seeing as there is food here, why don't we start with eating etiquette? It's important to remember that even while eating, you need to give your date the same attention you did even when you weren't eating. So try to do the same things you did before. I'm sure Kurenai told you a thing or two? Try doing those while eating."

"Wow, that sounds kinda tough. Well, alright…"

Naruto cut off a piece of chicken, lifting it to his lips while staring into Shizune's eyes. "_Don't you love the taste of this chicken?_" Because of Naruto's distracted mind, he didn't realize he was seductively licking the chicken. "_This white meat is so good… Perhaps, if you're still hungry, I'll give you some of my meat. Would you like having my meat in you?_"

Shizune's face lit up, wondering whether Naruto meant it to sound so sexual.

Naruto suddenly remembered a scene he saw on a television show in the same situation, and he decided to try it out. Surprising Shizune, he reached over and cut a piece of the beef steak off. He reached over, putting it in front of her mouth.

"_Open your mouth, and let me put my beef in there._"

"I-I dunno… I've never done this before…"

"_Don't worry, just open your mouth._"

Shizune shyly shut her eyes, her mouth twitching open, wrapping her lips around the piece of beef steak.

"_Wow, you must love red meat._"

"I-It's good…"

Before they could continue any more sexual innuendo, Anko suddenly appeared, tapping Shizune on the shoulder.

"I thought you disagreed with teacher-student relationships!" she teased, poking Shizune in the cheek.

"I-It's not like that! Naruto was asking me to help him learn what it's like to have a date!"

"Really?" Anko asked. "Well then, why don't I take over from here? You're needed back at the office."

"W-Well…" Shizune looked longingly at the piece of meat she had half-eaten on Naruto's fork, and watched in embarrassment as Naruto ate the other half. "I-I guess I have to go… Sorry to cut our date short, Naruto."

'_Why is she calling it a date too?'

* * *

_

Meanwhile, at Tsunade's office…

"DAMMIT SHIZUNE I KNOW YOU'RE THERE WITH HIM! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

* * *

As Shizune left, Anko fell onto Tsunade, Kurenai, and Shizune's seat, and looked up at Naruto with a grin. "So Naruto, show me what you've learned!" 

Naruto obliged, doing everything he had done before, and Anko watched eagerly. After a moment, she got up, and sat on Naruto's side of the table with him.

"Naruto, if there ever was a person ready for a date, it would be you. Just do everything you just did in front of me, and without fail, you'll have a great date!"

She caressed Naruto's chest playfully. "It was real nice having this date with you, Naruto!"

"Y-Yeah, thanks, Anko-sensei!" Naruto said, wondering again why she called it a date. "Hey, do you know what the time is."

"It's just past midnight. Why?"

"Uh oh…"

Naruto suddenly jumped out of the restaurant, rushing back to his home.

"I've gotta become Boxer-sama and meet up with the girls!"

And so, carrying his newfound dating knowledge, he confidently jumped away to meet the girls and show them his incredible techniques.

**END CHAPTER 20**


	24. Removing Your Boxers

**Chapter 21 – Removing Your Boxers**

**A/N: **First off, at the end of the last chapter, I meant for it to be that Naruto was saying what he said after leaving Anko and was jumping around the place on his own. Haha, I guess it didn't quite turn out that way, sorry about that!

Moving on, since I was planning on going on a month-long hiatus, and I've also received plenty of requests, I toiled away for hours on end to totally finish this chapter. It's in fact the longest chapter to date, I think. While not funny all over, I think you'll all be satisfied with what I've led it to, if not incredibly frustrated when you realize I won't be writing for another month because of exams (check my profile for the full story). So I hope you guys are still willing to wait on me, and I hope I won't disappoint you! Anyway, enjoy!

* * *

Naruto had quickly changed into Boxer-sama in some shrubbery, which included using colored contact lenses that Jiraiya had given him to be on the safe side. The meeting place was a fairly well known inn in Konoha. As he stepped into the lobby, he saw that the girls had already arrived, and were looking incredibly anxious. Their faces showed signs of relief as they saw Boxer-sama jog over to them, panting softly. 

"Sorry about being late, I lost track of time…"

"We're just glad you made it, Boxer-sama!" the girls replied as they greeted him enthusiastically. Boxer-sama noticed Hinata behind them, obviously reluctant to be a part in the large date. He guessed that she was forced into it.

"Ah, you're here, Boxer-sama." Tsunade was making her way down the inn stairs with an irritated face. "I can't believe I have to do this… It's too early for this annoying stuff… I could be with Naruto just having fun but instead…" she mumbled. "Okay, Boxer-sama. Time for you to take these girls out for a date."

"R-Right!" Boxer-sama said nervously. "Um… How does this work?"

"We decided the best thing to do would be to split up the times for all the girls so they could each have an equal amount of time with you. Do you need to be introduced to them?"

"N-No, I know their names already."

"Good, then this won't take as long, then. Okay, it's just past midnight, and the entire day is going to be used for these girls. That's twenty-four hours, okay?"

'Ugh, this is going to be tough…'

"And we have six girls here. That's four hours each, and they're allowed to use these four hours in any way they want – that is, they don't have to spend the whole four hours right away."

"O-Okay."

"And don't forget what the deal was, Boxer-sama. You have to do _whatever they ask_. No exceptions, got it?"

Boxer-sama gulped at the sound of 'whatever they ask'. "Uh… O-Of course."

Tsunade sighed deeply, then turned to the girls. "Okay, who wants to go first?"

* * *

"Where the hell are those two?" Shikamaru was tapping his foot impatiently, dark bags under his eyes from lack of sleep. The boys, including Chouji, Shino, Neji, Kiba, Lee, and Shikamaru, were anxiously waiting for Naruto and Sasuke. Gaara had refused them, saying that it was a waste of his time. 

"It doesn't appear as though they are coming, Shikamaru-kun," Neji said bluntly. "And in Sasuke's case, we haven't had the chance to tell him to meet us yet."

"We shouldn't have to tell them! They should feel the FIRE BURNING IN THIS SPOT and come RUNNING WITH PASSION!"

Lee's spontaneous outburst woke up the sleeping Chouji, who mumbled incoherently before drooping back to sleep.

"… It'd be good to get all the help we can…" Shikamaru's eyes narrowed. "It matters not. Boxer-sama _will_ be OWNED by ME!"

The others looked at him in confusion.

"…Owned?"

* * *

Boxer-sama and Temari were alone, walking through the midnight streets of Konoha. Temari had managed to gain first dibs on Boxer-sama, and was hoping that by impressing Boxer-sama, he would decide to spend the day only with her. 

"S-So Temari…" Boxer-sama stuttered nervously. "What should we do?" It was late, and Boxer-sama assumed that no places would be open just yet.

Without warning, Temari eased herself onto Boxer-sama's side, rubbing her cheek against his playfully. "Anywhere is fine, Boxer-sama!"

"What the hell are you-?"

Boxer-sama and Temari turned around with dumbfounded looks, wondering where the sound had come from. "Did you… just hear someone screaming?" Boxer-sama asked.

"I'm not sure… I heard something… Oh well, forget it!" she replied, leaning onto him once more.

In some nearby bushes, Tenten and Ino were restraining Sakura, shuffling about as she struggled relentlessly. "Calm down Sakura! We're not even meant to be following them like this, remember?" Tenten hurriedly warned.

"Buh dey're ge-in chu crose!" "But they're getting too close!" Sakura complained through Ino's hand.

"Look, just calm down! None of us want to see her get close to him either!" Ino said. She looked up again at where Boxer-sama and Temari were. "Ah _mou_! We're going to lose them!"

Kyuu was observing Boxer-sama quietly with the girls, a knowing smile on her lips as she licked them playfully. "I wonder…" she pondered to herself. "… What would these girls say if they knew… Huhu…"

"Knew what?"

Hinata, who wasn't as distracted as the others were, had overheard Kyuu. "What would we say if we knew what?"

Kyuu looked at Hinata, and smiled.

"You already know. How observant of you… Yet you're so unsure… How cute!"

"…K-Know what?"

Kyuu didn't reply. She nodded behind Hinata towards the other girls. "We should continue, or we'll be left behind."

Hinata turned to see the others moving on, and with one final uncertain glance at Kyuu, continued to follow the others.

* * *

"They seem to have stopped here in the park…" 

Shikamaru and the boys were sitting on tree branches, observing Boxer-sama and Temari below, who were sitting on a bench in a park. They had been spending their time wandering around the moonlit village, and the boys had tailed them, patiently waiting for the chance to strike.

"Are you sure you're happy just doing this?" Boxer-sama asked again.

"It's really fine!" Temari replied heartily. "Just being with you brings me a lot of happiness!" Boxer-sama blushed madly underneath his disguise, playing with his fingers.

Again without warning, Temari lay her head on Boxer-sama's shoulder, startling him. "Let's just stay like this for awhile…"

'OhGodOhGodOhGodOhGodOhGodOhGod…' Boxer-sama repeated in his head, looking away in embarrassment. Temari would occasionally cuddle against him, causing Boxer-sama to shiver in surprise.

'Okay, now I just keep up this cute act, and he'll fall for me before he sees the other girls! Temari, you dog!' Temari giggled as she thought this, cuddling against Boxer-sama even more.

Shikamaru observed with an annoyed face, taking a deep breath. "Okay everyone, time to initiate Plan A. Everybody remember the jutsu I showed you?"

Everyone nodded, raising their hands to ready the seals.

"Okay… Time to utilize _Take-Control-Of-One-Body-Part no Jutsu!_"

All the boys began forming seals, and as they finished, they aimed their hands in the direction of Boxer-sama.

"Huh?" Boxer-sama felt his body tense, and it began to move on its own.

"B-Boxer-sama!" Temari found herself lying on the bench, Boxer-sama crawling on top of her with a firm grip on her wrist. "T-This is so sudden!"

"I want to have you." Boxer-sama found his mouth moving against his will, forming words without his consent. "Tell me you want me to have you."

"B-Boxer-sama…" Temari looked up at him with an almost frightened look.

"Heheh…" Shikamaru chuckled evilly. "Now Temari will see what a jerk Boxer-sama is, and tell all the girls to hate him! Yes, I'm so clever!"

"Are you sure this'll work, Shikamaru?" Neji asked uncertainly.

"My research on the girls tells me there's nothing they hate more than a pervert. So with this, Victory is ensured!"

"Say it." Boxer-sama's head moved close to Temari's neck, blowing on her ear lightly, causing her to moan softly.

'Victory is mine, Boxer-sama…' Shikamaru thought to himself with a grin.

"… Have me, Boxer-sama!" she exclaimed passionately, throwing her arms around him. "I'm all yours! Just be gentle with me!"

"…" Boxer-sama said nothing, only gaping at her with a defeated look.

"…" Shikamaru said nothing, only gaping at her with a defeated look.

Boxer-sama felt his movements suddenly freed, the distraught boys losing their focus and releasing him. He quickly threw himself off her, his heart pounding out of his chest.

"B-Boxer-sama?"

"T-Temari… I… Uh… That was…"

Before he could continue, the other girls had run onto the scene, their faces flushed from watching Boxer-sama and Temari almost get intimate.

"I-It's time to switch!"

* * *

The boys now sat on a rooftop, thinking of their next move. 

"What do we do now, Shikamaru?" Neji asked in frustration.

"It's not over yet!" Shikamaru said, watching as Boxer-sama was led by Tenten's excited hand outside the village gates. "I've still got a good plan, and this time, Boxer-sama will not be so lucky!"

"Hey, Shikamaru…" Chouji was tugging on Shikamaru's sleeve, and he pointed towards another rooftop, where three people were crouched down suspiciously, much like they were.

"What the…? Who are those people? Quick, guys! Hide! They could be with Boxer-sama!"

As they hurriedly ran off, Shikamaru clicked his tongue impatiently. "Dammit, I guess we'll have to delay our plans on Boxer-sama for now," he whispered to himself. "But we still have until midnight… I _will_ destroy that perverted freak!"

* * *

"Where exactly are you taking me, Tenten?" Boxer-sama called out, as Tenten haphazardly dragged him behind her through the trees and bushes. 

"There's a place I want to show you!" she said excitedly with a grin. "It's a special place that only I know about!"

As Tenten relentlessly dragged him, Boxer-sama found himself whipped by every branch along the way. And running around wearing nothing but boxers led to numerous painful cuts and such all over his body.

'Man, if I knew that this costume would be used so often, I should have gone for something warmer… Hmm… Pants-and-jumper-sama?'

After a good hour of unpredicted S&M, Tenten finally began to slow down, finally letting go of a beaten-up Boxer-sama. "S-So…" Boxer-sama said, panting as he gripped his knees. "W-What was it… You wanted to show me, Tenten?"

"This! Look!"

Boxer-sama looked up, and gasped. In front of him was a beautiful beach, complete with palm trees and the everlasting view of the ocean. In the horizon, the morning sun was beginning to rise, burning a strong orange hue.

"I purposely picked this time slot so I could show you this place, Boxer-sama!" she said with a grin. "I used to play here as a kid. I've never shown this place to anyone yet!"

"Wow… It's a great view, isn't it?"

Tenten looked at Boxer-sama, then scratched her cheek with an unsure look. "Is something wrong, Tenten?"

"Hehe… Actually, it'll sound kind of silly, since we're sort of on a date and all, but actually…"

"You don't have to hold back. Today, I can only do whatever you say, remember?"

"Well… If this were happening a few weeks ago, I'd be incredibly excited… Not that I'm not excited now! It's just… There's somebody else I actually wanted to show this place to… And to tell the truth, I began to realize you kind of reminded me of him."

"Really? You must mean Neji, right?"

"… No, it's someone else… Do you know a person called Na-"

"BOXER-SAMA!"

Boxer-sama jumped, and turned around to see three ninjas, posing in a strange Power Ranger-esque manner, all wearing cloths to disguise their faces. But that wasn't what surprised Boxer-sama the most, and when he noticed this, he hurriedly covered Tenten's eyes before she could see. The first of them was tall, with gills lining his chest and neck, and wearing nothing but what seemed to be an uncomfortably tight G-string. He was grabbing at his crotch with a look of shame and defeat, obviously not happy to be there. The second was about Boxer-sama's height, wearing nothing but trunks style briefs, and was staring at Boxer-sama harshly. The third was the one that completely caught Boxer-sama off guard. He was…

"YOU'RE NAKED!" Boxer-sama yelled in disgust, pointing at the third stranger.

"Correct, Boxer-sama. Allow me to introduce us to you. This here in the stylish G-string for males, suited to people who enjoy the security and the freedom of the gluts, is G Ranger. Here, wearing the knit, form-fitting briefs for security and thigh warmth is B Ranger. And I, 'going commando', preferred to by nudists and people who enjoy the swinging effect, am N Ranger. And together!"

"We!" B Ranger yelled, switching to a new pose.

"…Are…" G Ranger followed reluctantly, only striking the pose after receiving two death stares from the other two.

"TEAM GBN!"

"… Team Gibun?" (They're not really saying the letters, the three Rangers are actually saying it as a word.)

"No, it's GBN!"

"… Geebin? Jeez, whatever! What do you want, team Gibbin?"

"We are here for ONE reason, and ONE reason alone! TO DEFEAT BOXER-SAMA! And we'll take your boxers as proof of our victory!"

"Damn perverts! As if I'll let you take my underwear!" Boxer-sama tried to get into a combat stance, but remembered he was still shielding Tenten's eyes. "Uh… Crap! Can't you just put _something _on? Please!"

"Never! N Ranger is a true commando!"

"B-But…! It's… It's just… Hanging…" Boxer-sama looked down accidentally, and felt like he was gonna barf. "Oh God! Couldn't you be like P Ranger instead and put some pants on or something?"

"Boxer-sama, what's going on?" Tenten hadn't really been paying attention due to the surprise grip on her eyes from Boxer-sama. "Who are the other people here? Why won't you let me see?"

"Because… Because… Oh, crap!"

Boxer-sama, not knowing what else to do, grabbed Tenten, still covering her eyes with one hand, and tried to escape.

"You won't get away! After him, Team GBN!"

"Stop calling us that, dammit! And for God's sake, let's all get some damn pants on! This is so illogical!"

"You have a lot of spirit, Kisame. I like that." N Ranger replied.

"Somebody, anybody, just kill me now. Please."

* * *

"_Mou_, how could we lose Boxer-sama like that!" Temari complained loudly. The girls found themselves in the village outskirts, having lost Tenten's track. 

"Well, I guess we can't do much now but wait until their time's up," Sakura said with a sigh.

Hinata was much quieter than usual (if that's even a possible thing). What Kyuu had said to her was still inkling in her head.

"Is something wrong, Hinata?" Ino, sitting next to her, put her hand on her shoulder. "You look like something's bothering you."

The other girls looked at her curiously, except for Kyuu, who was sitting on a tree branch with a knowing smirk.

"Well… I've been wondering… About Boxer-sama's true identity."

"Eh? So Hinata, who normally acts like she doesn't like Boxer-sama, is actually a big fan?" Ino said teasingly, nudging her ribs.

"N-No, it's not that… I don't really like Boxer-sama that much, but he seems like a good person… But that's what bothers me…"

"Well, since we're just going to be sitting around here for awhile, how about we try working out who Boxer-sama is, then?" Sakura suggested. "I'm sure if we pool our information and ideas we can work out who he really is!"

"You're right, Sakura. You could easily find out who it is." Kyuu looked down at them from her branch with a smile. "But the question remains: do you really want to know who it is?"

The other girls looked at her in confusion. "Well, of course we want to know who it is! It's obviously someone strong, brave, and very handsome!" Temari replied confidently.

"How do you know he's handsome?" Hinata asked curiously.

"Because he's Boxer-sama!"

"O-Oh…" Hinata replied with a weak smile.

"Well, anyway, here's what I know…" Sakura began, scratching her chin as she recalled her previous meetings with him. "Well, from his body, we can assume he's around our age. His eyes are red, and he also knows all of our names. Which is weird, since I don't really know any ninjas in Konoha that have red eyes…"

"His voice is really deep and rugged, too…" Ino added. "And I can't think of anyone our age with a voice like that."

"Well, I know he makes a good pillow!" Temari said, reminiscing about her life-sized Boxer-sama pillow.

"What do you know about Boxer-sama, Hinata?"

"W-Well… Whenever I saw him, I had the strongest feeling that I knew him… No, I'm certain… Whoever Boxer-sama is, it's somebody that is always with us."

"Hmm… Well, if Hinata's right, then we just have to think about the boys who are always with us, right?"

"So that would be… Neji, Shikamaru, Chouji, Sasuke, Lee, Shino… Should we include Gaara?"

"Um, excuse me…" Hinata said quietly.

"I guess we could, but none of them seem to match the description…" Sakura said with a shrug.

"Y-You forgot about… Naru…"

"Well, it's possible one of them is using a Jutsu to change their eyes, isn't it? I'm sure there's a Jutsu for that…" Temari added.

"You're forgetting-"

"You guys forgot to add Naruto to that list!"

To Hinata's surprise, Ino had spoken up, informing them that they hadn't mentioned Naruto.

"Oh yeah! Naruto should be on that list too, I suppose…" Sakura thought back to their midnight practice sessions before the play, and smiled shyly.

"Naruto? Ugh, he's the _last_ person I'd expect to be Boxer-sama," Temari said with a huff.

"He is, isn't he?" Kyuu said to herself with a giggle, playing with a fruit she picked off her tree.

"But it could still be him, couldn't it?" Ino said with a grin. "Besides, if you really think about it, there are a couple of similarities. For example, Boxer-sama uses _Kage Bunshin_, much like Naruto can."

"W-Well, I guess that's true…" Temari said. "But we all know that Naruto's just not _that_ strong… Is he?"

"Well, I wouldn't call him a genius, that's for sure…" Ino and Sakura said simultaneously.

"But he has won some tough battles now and then," Sakura commented.

"Okay… So in other words… we gathered all our information, and the closest guess we can come up with is…"

Before their conversation could continue, they heard something heading towards them fast. It was a loud yelling, which they saw to be coming from Boxer-sama, cradling Tenten in one arm while shielding her eyes.

"Boxer-sama?"

"Everyone! Run back to the village, now! And don't any of you dare look back! Move!"

As he sounded so serious, they quickly did as they were told, dashing towards the village. Boxer-sama turned around cautiously, and saw that the three scantily clad men were still behind him, pursuing relentlessly.

"Dammit, can't you perverts leave me alone!"

"We're going to destroy you, Boxer-sama! And your boxers will be a sign of our victory!"

"Stop trying to take my boxers, freaks!"

* * *

The boys were sitting anxiously in a park in Konoha, sulking for having lost Boxer-sama. Gaara happened to be walking by, and stopped by them. 

"Do you see why I chose not to go with you, yet?"

"Shut up… I'll beat him. I just lost him for now…" Shikamaru said, kicking a stone in frustration.

"No you won't. If you can't even deduce who he is, you'll never win."

"Oh, and you know who it is?" Neji asked in anger.

"Of course."

The boys looked at Gaara in surprise. They hurriedly scuttled to their feet, surrounding Gaara in hope.

"Tell us who he is!"

"… No." Gaara was firm in his decision.

"Why not! Don't you hate him too? He's taking over everything with his perverted boxers!"

"… He is a… Friend."

The boys, disappointed, sulked to the ground once again. Apart from Shikamaru, who was too busy calculating in his head.

"A friend of Gaara's, huh… Well, there can only be so many people who fill in that role, and if I reduce it to the people that know him here in Konoha, there's only really two people who can fill… that…" Shikamaru stopped in shock. "It's… It's either Sasuke… Or…"

Before they could continue, they heard something heading their way. They looked to see all the girls, running past them hastily.

"W-What's going on!" they yelled to them, but the girls just kept on running. Behind them, they saw Boxer-sama, who had let Tenten run on her own as long as she didn't turn around.

"B-Boxer-sama! Wait! We have to kill you, stop!" Boxer-sama ignored them, just running like crazy, zipping past them in a hurry. "Dammit, after him, everyone!"

The boys stood up, dashing after Boxer-sama, failing to notice the three underdressed people behind them, tailing Boxer-sama like missiles.

"WE WILL HAVE YOUR BOXERS, BOXER-SAMA!" Team GBN yelled out.

"WE WILL KILL BOXER-SAMA!" the boys cried.

"WE STILL HAVEN'T HAD ALL OUR DATES YET BOXER-SAMA!" the girls screamed.

"Oh God, somebody save me…" Boxer-sama whined, tears forming in his eyes. "It couldn't possibly get worse…"

At the mention of his unlucky saying, Boxer-sama looked ahead, and truly regretted saying what he did. There in front of him, led by many male teachers that he recognized, were probably all the males of Konoha, armed with whatever they could get, along with banners that read 'Stop Boxer-sama from ruining our lives!'

"There he is! STOP RUINING OUR LIVES, BOXER-SAMA!"

Boxer-sama felt the tears increase. "Okay, _now_ it definitely can't get worse!"

Or so he thought, as he heard rumbling coming from either side of him. Turning to the left and right, he saw what were probably all the females of Konoha, led by many female teachers he recognized, all screaming like fan-girls as they saw Boxer-sama, holding banners that read 'We (heart) Boxer-sama!'

"There he is! WE HEART YOU, BOXER-SAMA!"

Boxer-sama was surrounded. In front of him were a group of girls that desperately wanted a date with him. Further more in front was every male that desperately wanted to rip him to shreds. To his sides was every woman that wanted to get into his boxers. Behind him was a group of boys intent on killing him. And further behind were the three underdressed freaks that wanted to strip his underwear off him.

"Now, definitely I know, IT CAN'T GET WORSE THAN THIS!"

* * *

"Please, Tsunade! You've gotta stop them! Boxer-sama's gonna end up dead in that riot!" 

Jiraiya was hastily trying to get Tsunade to stop the village's outburst, but Tsunade wasn't particularly willing to help Boxer-sama.

"That's fine by me! If he's out of the picture, I won't have so much damn work piling up all the time!"

"But you don't understand, Tsunade! You can't do this!"

"Oh? And why not?"

Jiraiya frowned. There wasn't much he could say to stop her. He knew that there was only one thing he could do.

"Tsunade… You can't do this… Because of who Boxer-sama is."

Tsunade turned to face him in surprise.

"Then… Who is Boxer-sama?"

"Boxer-sama is…"

**END CHAPTER 21**

**A/N:** Well now, could everyone be coming to the same conclusion? Maybe. Does this mean that WTHAUOF will end soon? Who knows? Will Naruto ever get the chance to use his special restaurant-dating mode? I hope so. You'll just have to wait for a month and see. Oh yeah, and for people who didn't want to see Ita... 'N Ranger' naked... Sorry. :)


	25. With the Heart and Underwear of Fire

**Chapter 22 – With the Heart and Underwear of Fire**

**A/N:** Well, I'm back. Exams are over, and I'm finally free to get on with everything. This is one epic chapter, so I hope you all enjoy it. Oh yeah, some of you didn't realize that Sasuke was in fact B Ranger. Lol. Sorry this took much longer than I expected, everyone!

* * *

"Boxer-sama!"

"_Boxer-sama!_"

"**Boxer-sama!**"

"**BOXER-SAMA!**"

His name rang in every direction: he was surrounded. Boxer-sama was either going to get beaten to a pulp by every male in Konoha, smothered to death by every female in Konoha, or have his boxers ripped off him by Team GBN. Needless to say, Boxer-sama did not find any of his outcomes desirable.

'I guess this is really it…' he thought to himself with a sigh. 'I wonder what heaven will be like… Endless supplies of ramen…? It couldn't be that bad!'

Just as Boxer-sama was accepting his imminent death, a loud explosion was heard as one of Konoha's walls was breached. Everyone turned to the destruction to see a gigantic, purple snake had rammed through the wall, hissing loudly. Riding on his head, was the infamous criminal from Konoha of the Sannin. Orochimaru had arrived. And behind him, an army of ninjas poured into Konoha, weapons readied as they surrounded the town's walls.

"I have come for the body of the most powerful ninja!" he announced. "A body of youth, of strength, of attractiveness!"

"You must be talking about me!" B Ranger said out aloud, stepping forward and facing Orochimaru.

"Ah! It's you! How I've longed for your body! I've desired it ever since I heard of your existence! Give me your body…"

"Never!"

"… Boxer-sama!"

An awkward silence ensued between B Ranger and Orochimaru. Slowly, steam could be seen erupting from B Ranger's head as he shook violently.

"D-Did you just call me…"

"Yes, Boxer-sama! Come to me!"

"Y-You did… You called me…" B Ranger removed his mask, revealing that he was in fact, Sasuke. Boxer-sama yelled out in stunned surprise.

"S-Sasuke!?! What the hell are you doing dressed like that!?!" Boxer-sama exclaimed, pointing at him.

Orochimaru, however, was wincing his eyes at Sasuke, thinking quietly. "Ah, hold on a moment! That's just Sasuke, my old, desired body." He rose his voice once again. "Sasuke-kun! I'm no longer interested in you! I want Boxer-sama! You're of no importance! So sorry about the mix-up!"

"B-Boxer-sama again…" Sasuke muttered as his fists clenched. "BOXER-SAMA AGAIN! IT'S ALWAYS BOXER-SAMA! DAMMIT, I'M OUT FOR REVENGE, I'M DAMN COOL, AND I'M STRONG AS HELL! AND HE JUST WANTS FREAKING NOODLES! HOW IS THIS RIGHT? HOW IS THIS FAIR? HOW?! HOW!?! HOW!?!?!??!?! HO- oof!"

Before Sasuke could continue his incessant wailing, he found himself K.O'd to the floor, Shikamaru standing behind him with a nostalgic two-by-four.

"Good call, Shikamaru," Chouji mentioned. However, Neji wasn't taking it well.

"DAMMIT, SASUKE'S GOT A POINT! WE SUPERIOR BEINGS WITH BLOODLINE LIMITS DESERVE THIS ATTENTION! THIS GUY RUNS AROUND IN BOXERS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! THIS IS SO- oof!"

Neji was sent to the ground alongside Sasuke, with Shikamaru clutching his trusty piece of wood maliciously, panting in annoyance.

"Anyone ELSE want to bitch and moan? No? I didn't think so. Damn, you two are annoying…"

"AHEM!" Orochimaru coughed with obvious volume, returning attention to him. "As I was saying, I want your body, Boxer-sama!"

Boxer-sama looked up at Orochimaru sourly, who was dramatically stroking his hair, before dramatically reaching out to Boxer-sama as though he was going to pull him towards him, even though they were far, far away from one another.

"Give you my body? Hell no, you pedophilic freak!"

"Yes, struggle, Boxer-sama! I like it when my young prey struggles!"

Resisting the urge to vomit underneath his disguise, Boxer-sama looked around uncertainly. He was glad that the townspeople had taken their attention away from him, but now he was being chased by a pedophile with a huge, purple snake. (Excuse the very, very bad pun)

'Dammit, staying here will put everyone in danger… I better run!'

As he saw Orochimaru and his army prepare to charge in, he dashed away, bursting through the town gates, stopping to get Orochimaru's attention. He bared his behind at Orochimaru and his men, slapping it in mock seduction.

"Hey! If you want me, you're gonna have to catch me first!"

And with that, Boxer-sama leapt off into the forests, followed by the overwhelming troops of Orochimaru.

"Oh, I like them when they play hard-to-get. Ah, my big, purple snake! Are you getting as excited as I am? Or course you are!" he squealed, rubbing his wrinkled cheeks on his snake's head as they slithered after Boxer-sama.

"Where? Where is he?" The voice belonged to Tsunade, who had just arrived at the scene with Jiraiya as Orochimaru and his men disappeared into the forests. "Where the hell is Boxer-sama!? Somebody answer me now!"

"He went into the forest, Hokage-sama!" one of the townswomen explained. "Orochimaru and his ninjas showed up, and he said something about wanting Boxer-sama's body, the dirty old man!"

"He can't have it!" the women chorused. "It belongs to me!"

"No, it belongs to me!"

"Fools! He's mine!"

"Mine!"

As the women fought amongst each other, Jiraiya became suddenly very interested. As his hands began to join together to form a certain seal, Tsunade's hand reached out and firmly grabbed at Jiraiya's collar, pulling his face in front of hers.

"If you even _think_ of using that mud-making _jutsu_ on those women, I will personally send you to Hell," she whispered aggressively, cracking the knuckles of her free hand.

"… That sounds kinda hot…" Jiraiya said with a perverted smirk, which was promptly wiped off his face with Tsunade's fist.

"This is not the time for this! If Orochimaru and his followers are tailing Boxer-sama, and Boxer-sama's is _really_ who you say he is, he's in serious danger!"

* * *

Boxer-sama dashed through the forest as fast as he could, but he could tell that Orochimaru and his men were easily keeping up, and were gaining fast. He bit his lip in anxiety.

"Dammit, Jiraiya! You said being Boxer-sama would be good for me! Explain how this is good, dammit!" he yelled in frustration. In his loss of concentration, his foot got caught in a rogue root, tripping him to the ground with a thud. He lay still for a moment, feeling the vibrations being made by the vast army on his trail. He sighed melancholically.

"… Who was I kidding anyway? Me? Recognized? Ha. All I've managed to do was attract all kinds of problems… Rabid fangirls… Bloodthirsty men…"

The vibrations were growing stronger.

"… And now it's a weird-looking pedophile that has a massive snake and a large-ass army. Just great."

Punching the dirt, he pushed himself up on his fists, climbing to his feet and dusting his shoulder.

"Dammit, I may not have the _Kyuubi_ in me to help me out this time, but I'm not running anymore!"

Boxer-sama turned around and could already make out Orochimaru and his army. He stared at them, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.

"You want my body? You'll have to kill me first!"

And as his eyes shot open, he grinned, his red eyes gleaming with determination.

* * *

"It sounds like there's fighting going on ahead of us!" Tsunade said as she and Jiraiya were dashing through the forest floor. "Could we be too late?"

Jiraiya, his face still red from Tsunade's previous attack, clicked his tongue in thought. "It probably depends on your definition on 'too late'. He's still alive from the sound of it. But even if we get there, not even the two of us together could beat an army that size. It looks like Orochimaru took Boxer-sama's prestige seriously."

A sound was heard, and the two stopped, bracing themselves for an enemy, but instead saw Gaara.

"Gaara? What are you doing out here?" Tsunade asked, hoping that Gaara wouldn't suddenly go mental and attack them. With Gaara, that was always a possibility.

"I've come… to help Boxer-sama. Nothing more." He added the last part as though he had read Tsunade's mind. "You two alone don't stand a chance."

"What's been happening at the village since we left? Have the villagers calmed down yet?" Jiraiya asked, lustfully remembering the young women tearing at each other's clothes.

Gaara looked at him with his stoic face.

"They are in panic," Gaara replied.

"Because of Boxer-sama?"

"… Among other things."

* * *

"What is wrong with you all? Can you not understand a man's need for freedom?"

N Ranger chased after the villagers while waving his arms frantically, preaching his love for unconstrained loins.

"Somebody make him stop running and flailing his arms!" one of them cried in despair. "This is _so_ bad for the children! Think of the _children_!"

"Nothing can stop the breeze from refreshing me! Children must know now! They must realize how to achieve _true power_!"

"That's not true power! That's just _wrong_! PUT IT AWAY!"

* * *

As Jiraiya, Tsunade, and Gaara reached Boxer-sama, they were taken aback to see a massive battle between Orochimaru's troops and at least one hundred boxer-clad ninjas. And to Jiraiya's amazement, he was doing pretty well considering he no longer held the power of the _Kyuubi_, but he was still being overpowered.

'This doesn't make sense… He doesn't have the _Kyuubi_… But why can I feel so much power? It's similar to the _Kyuubi_ too…'

"So how exactly can we stop all of Orochimaru's men?" Tsunade asked out loud. Gaara simply stepped forward, sand beginning to envelop around him.

"We attack."

* * *

Slowly but surely, Boxer-sama's clones were disappearing one after the other. Within moments, Boxer-sama was once again just one being, beaten and bruised and backed into a corner. However, just as his enemies were about to attack, a tidal wave of sand swept by, taking out many of the ninjas in one swoop.

"G-Gaara?!"

Gaara calmly walked over to Boxer-sama, standing between him and Orochimaru's army. Following him were Jiraiya and Tsunade, who had joined the line between Boxer-sama and Orochimaru.

"Boxer-sama… I know who you are, now." It was Tsunade. Hearing her say this made Boxer-sama gasp in surprise.

"W-What? How?"

"We'll leave the explanations to later. Let's finish things up here, first."

"Boxer-sama, you should stay back for awhile, you're hurt. We'll hold them off as much as we can, and you make a break for it as soon as there's an opening." After Jiraiya had explained the plan to him, the three of them attacked Orochimaru's men. Gaara began manipulating more waves of sand, and Jiraiya and Tsunade had summoned their trademark frog and slug to tackle Orochimaru himself.

"Run away, huh…" Boxer-sama said, gripping his injured arm tightly. "Sorry, old man. But I never run away."

Forcing his remaining energy into focus, he managed to barely create one more clone of himself. But he only needed one to use what he planned to use.

"It's time for everyone to see the new, super-awesome move I taught myself when the stupid hermit was supposed to be teaching me!"

And with that, Boxer-sama began strike his hand in quick succession at his clone, who was busy concentrating his chakra into a ball around itself.

* * *

As the battle raged on, Jiraiya, Tsunade, and Gaara were getting fatigued, and the outcome of the battle was becoming clear to them.

"Hey, Tsunade…" Jiraiya said, as the two stood on their summoned creatures. "Did I ever tell you you're totally hot?"

"J-Jiraiya," she panted. "This isn't the time for this!" She launched another attack at Orochimaru, but her slug's tackle was dodged easily.

"It could be…" Jiraiya whispered to himself, as he sent Gamabunta for a follow-up attack that also failed to make its mark.

"Too slow, you two!" Orochimaru mocked, licking his lips calmly. "Perhaps all that sitting around in your peaceful village is the reason for your sluggishness, eh, Tsunade?"

"Damn slug jokes…" she muttered. "Why the hell is it always the slug?! Nobody says anything about Jiraiya's damn ugly frog!"

"Frogs are cool," Jiraiya said with a weak grin.

As for Gaara, his sand shields were cracking, and his movements were growing slower as fatigue wore into him.

"Hey, Gaara, could you move out of the way a bit? Or more accurately, a lot."

Gaara meant only to pivot his head for a second to see what Naruto was on about, yet as he saw what Boxer-sama was holding, he felt his jaw drop.

Two Boxer-samas were standing behind him. However, what surprised Gaara was that one of them was encased in a large, blue sphere that was swishing violently like a rough day at sea.

"How do you like my new awesome move: the _Rasen_MAN!" Boxer-sama exclaimed proudly as his clone disappeared, his sphere still steadily glued around him. "All that training on my own wasn't for nothing! Now then…"

Boxer-sama rolled forward, his sphere destroying the dirt around him as it touched it.

"Let me show you what this baby can do!"

In Gaara's eyes, it had looked as though Boxer-sama had become static, his image flickering. He realized it was because he had already begun moving, with such speed that his eyes couldn't follow. A sound similar to an explosion past his ear, and he shielded his face as dust and dirt was kicked up, along with a dozen ninjas. Boxer-sama was moving so quick that they couldn't react. As he felt Boxer-sama's energy, he realized the absence of the Kyuubi.

"How… Can you still possess so much power?"

Orochimaru soon had Tsunade and Jiraiya backed into a corner, their summoned creatures already defeated.

"Any last words before I destroy you?" Orochimaru asked menacingly.

"Yeah," Jiraiya said, looking up at him rebelliously. "Boobs. No wait… Tsunade's boobs."

Tsunade glared at him evilly.

"Don't make me kill you myself, frog-boy."

As Orochimaru was about to move in for the kill, Boxer-sama's explosive attack had reached him, and he barely saw the blue bullet as it rammed right into him, sending him flying off into the sky.

"You might've beaten me now, Boxer-sama! But I _will_ have your body!"

As Boxer-sama came to a stop, his glowing ball slowly fading, he gave the flying Orochimaru his middle finger. "Stay away from me, freak!"

Jiraiya and Tsunade stood up, and turned to see the path of destruction left by Boxer-sama. Amongst the broken dirt and shattered trees were no less than one hundred bodies of K.O'd ninjas.

"That's… A good job there, Boxer-sama," Jiraiya said, before breaking out in laughter of relief. He tilted his head back and looked at the sky. "You did good, kid…" he whispered to himself. "Maybe I should've watched you train after all…"

Gaara arrived at their position shortly, and the four stood for a moment, frankly surprised they took care of everything on their own.

"So, Boxer-sama, I believe you owe us thanks…" Tsunade said to him impatiently. Boxer-sama just stood there, motionless. "… Hey, I said thank us, idiot!"

Gaara looked at Boxer-sama closely. "He… Is unconscious." As though to prove his point, he gave Boxer-sama a prod, and he slumped to the ground like a sack or rice.

"…Ah."

* * *

"Nngh… Where… What…"

As Boxer-sama slurred to consciousness, he felt his arms wrapped around two people, and his legs were dragging along the dirt. As he looked up, he saw that they had just reached Konoha gates.

"You're finally awake, eh?" Jiraiya's voice came from his right. He turned to his left to see Tsunade, noting both of them were pretty beat up. Gaara could be heard walking behind him, as unsocial as ever.

"… Did you see my new move, Jiraiya?" he said with a chuckle.

"Yeah, I saw it, alright," he replied. "I'm pretty amazed you pulled that off."

"Actually, so am I. I've only tried it once before, and uh… Let's just say I was unconscious for three days and forgot my name for a week."

"… You are such an idiot, kid."

As they entered Konoha, Boxer-sama saw that everyone in the village was there to greet them. He also noticed Sasuke and Neji knocked out on the floor, which perplexed him.

"Boxer-sama, did you beat the bad guys?"

"Is Orochimaru gone?"

Jiraiya answered their question.

"People, the legendary Boxer-sama has indeed defeated Orochimaru!"

Jiraiya wanted to continue, but Tsunade was eager to stop him.

"I actually have something more important than that right now, and that is… The identity of Boxer-sama."

Boxer-sama looked up at her, then at Jiraiya, pleading for him to do something.

"Boxer-sama has caused this village a lot of chaos, and I think it's time for this farce to end. I have actually been tipped off to Boxer-samas real identity. I intend to reveal it so that we can minimize any more disturbances within Konoha."

'I guess this is it…' Boxer-sama thought to himself. 'They probably won't like the truth though…'

"Boxer-sama is…"

The crowd gathered anxiously, moving closer.

'Here we go…'

"Umino Iruka."

Many 'EH's and "WOH's were heard from the crowd, but none were as loud as Boxer-sama's. He looked at Jiraiya again, who simply winked back at him.

"Could that be true?" someone in the crowd asked.

"Well, it would explain why Iruka-sensei isn't around right now… So that must be him! Everyone else in the village is here, so it's obvious!"

* * *

Meanwhile, in Jiraiya's hut…

"Dammit, Jiraiya, this isn't funny!" Iruka yelled, struggling to free himself from Jiraiya's expert 'bondage knots'.

"Get me out of here! It smells like an old man!"

* * *

Sakura and the other girls discussed their thoughts quietly.

"Well, I was kind of thinking of someone else… But now that I think about it, it couldn't possibly be who I though it would be!"

The girls all came to the same conclusion: that he couldn't possibly be who they thought he was.

"But wow, I mean, for Iruka-sensei to make his body smaller like that is pretty amazing," Ino said, rubbing her chin.

"And the red eyes, too," Tenten added.

"…" Hinata was quietly pondering to herself.

"I didn't know there was such a strong teacher here…" Temari contemplated. "And somehow… Boxer-sama isn't quite as attractive anymore… Boohoo…"

While the crowds were acknowledging Boxer-sama as Iruka, Gaara was quietly watching from atop a tree, feeling too cramped near the crowds. Someone had leapt onto the branch after him, and he turned to see Kyuu, who stood next to him with her smiling face.

"You are curious, aren't you?"

"…" Gaara didn't reply, his eyes only glancing at her.

"Naruto is a silly little boy that tries to have faith in himself, yet at the same time believes he is weak. I truly hated this boy, not just because he was my container, but also because of the frustration I was put through just watching him. When he tried looking for power, his first thought was that I, the Kyuubi, could give him power."

The crowds below were loudly cheering and clapping for Boxer-sama's success.

"I didn't really give him any power. He merely tapped into his own power. The red eyes, the fox-like features; they were all his own doing. He thought the power belonged to me, and so his power manifested in that way."

Gaara finally turned to face her.

"Naruto has a gift, and that gift is not me. He is merely strong in every meaning of the word. It's that simple."

Gaara turned away from her, looking back at Boxer-sama.

"Huuh…" Kyuu purred teasingly. "You're scheming something, aren't you?"

"… I do not agree with this outcome of events."

He was referring to Naruto's identity remaining secret.

* * *

"So it's agreed: Iruka-sensei's identity is not to leave this village!" Jiraiya had created a little deal that would allow Naruto to continue using his Boxer-sama identity.

'Well, I guess I'm still going to be Boxer-sama…' he thought to himself with a smile. 'Still, I wonder what would've happened if they found out the truth… Hahaha. I guess Boxer-sama's gonna be around for awhile!'

Or so he thought, until a sharp arrow of sand slashed past his face, ripping his mask to pieces. And as the shards of fabric floated to the ground, the face of Boxer-sama was revealed.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Um… Surprise?"

"EHHHH!?!??!?"

**THE END**

**A/N: **I intended for you guys not to realize this would be the end, so I hope you were all surprised by this sudden ending. It pretty much happened because while writing this chapter I was wondering whether or not to continue the story. Frankly, I don't want to end up writing more only to wreck the plot I originally came up with, that is, the boxer shorts thing, and I don't know if I can top some of my other jokes anymore. So this is pretty much the end of the main story. Perhaps I should write something like an omake or something... Maybe if I can find something funny to write about.

Moving on, I hope you guys enjoyed reading this story as much as I did writing it. It's actually gone for a pretty long time to me... Or maybe that's just because I'd take too long to update... Thanks to everybody who read and reviewed me. I really enjoyed recieving any comments, as they always made my day. If you guys are going to review, feel free to throw some ideas for omakes at me, and I'll see if I can compile a final chapter with some little stories or something, or perhaps if there is a part of the plot that I should explain, just in case there's a plot hole somewhere... Anyway, thanks everyone!

-Diamond Avatar


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